Crime Without The E

A personal blog laden with dumb things, miscellaneous fandoms, and lots of cats. Crim's Transformers blog is Pseudonym-Synonym. Adult-adult, mtf ace/panrom

[verycharismaticdragon]

okay so since nobody else jumped to make this, here we go

(there's a 'see results' option for those who did read svsss at the end of the poll btw!)

If you haven't read Scum Villain's Self-Saving System: which of these is FALSE?

character's dad is a fan of a famous porn ballad starring his son and son-in-law

a succubus fortune teller told MC at least 5 men are in love with him

MC told ML that if he was his mom, he would never abort him

having extremely bad sex was instrumental for saving the world

straight harem novel protagonist experienced a gay awakening

character played hot potato with his own half-naked corpse

character told his love interest to call him ‘daddy’. not for kinky reasons

3 different demons made one character drink their blood on 5 separate occasions

character who thinks ‘beat them up 3 times a day’ is flirting got his man

i have read scum villain / see results

Voting ended onJul 5, 2023

(also i ask humbly to reblog if this poll caught your fancy. because most of my followers are from danmei fandoms and likely have read svsss)

[garlicbunny]

“ok lets do warm up sketch”

“oh..”

[glitchclock]

'Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan were dating pre transmigration' is funny as hell, but I raise you "Shang Qinghua and Shen Yuan are DIVORCED'

You heard me right; DIVORCED.

So much angst, dynamics and hilarity it could add. Even better, the other speakers lords and Qing Jing disciple would have no idea what's going on.

Shang Qinghua, at quarterly meeting: And that's the budget for this year! As long as we stick to it and don't buy any more Miku figurines-

Shen Yuan, slamming his hand on the table: Oh, honestly, Qinghua, if you had spent half as much time focusing on our marriage than you did on those dammed figurines maybe I wouldn't have taken A-Bing in the divorce

Shang Qinghua, sniffing: That's a pretty fucked up thing to say to me. Meeting adjourned.

Yue Qingyuan, staring into his teacup and contemplating his existence: DID XIAO-JIU GET MARRIED, ADOPT A CHILD AND GET DIVORCED WITHOUT ME??

(A-Bing was their goldfish)

I don't see them as bitter, hateful exes, honestly I think they'd still be friends, but I still think it would be investing to have a layer of depth to their dynamic. Like, of all the people you had to stick me with in a strange, hostile world you chose HIM??

[evilminji]

Oh the LAYERS to this~ just? Mobei-jun! Better man... or demonic home wrecker?! You decide! And? Is THIS what caused the Qi-deviation? Maybe! Which one of them decided to keep the marriage secret? Is THIS why Qingqui went to brothels? Was he trying to force his husband to speak up? Come get his man?? Publicly SAY something? Instead of hiding their relationship like a dirty secret?!?!

What? Is the Lord of Qing Jing peak not GOOD enough to spend the night on your peak, Shang-shibo?! D:<

(Because obviously Shen Jiu is the wife.) (What? No! Shang Qinghua is the wife! Why wasn't he seen on Qing Jing!? CLEARLY-!) (WHAT ARE YOU? BLIND?!)

The books, man. The highly dramatic Secret Marriage AU, Tragic Exs, who still totally bang, BOOKS! The fairies are gonna be going FERAL. Demons, other peak Lords, OTHER SECT LEADERS! rougish Roaming Cultivators! No one is safe!

[flowercrownedcalamity]

Shen twins au where the transmigration goes badly and instead of inhabiting Shen Qingqiu's body, Shen Yuan ends up in an identical body instead, and Shen Jiu just decides they're twins now - no discussion necessary.

They both have a system (SY is tasked with saving SJ, & SJ is tasked with character development, or something like that).

They both decide to troll the peaks by seeing how long it takes for anyone to notice there are two of them. Eventually it's found out and they further mess with everyone by claiming it's literally always been this way. (When asked, Yue Qingyuan confirms this with a straight face and then goes to the peak to get the true story.)

But, now that everyone knows they are twins, people begin to notice the differences and decide they like Shen Yuan better. He's so nice and Shen Jiu is such an asshole.

Except, someone makes the mistake of insulting Shen Jiu to Shen Yuan's face - and SY, born a hater died a hater, instantly unleashes the most caustic pissy vitriol, naming every character flaw and buried skeleton in their closet, and just absolutely destroys their reputation and self esteem in a rant that leaves everyone's ears ringing.

And people decide maybe they like Shen Jiu a little better. At least with him you know what you're getting. He might be an asshole but he's a straight forward asshole. Shen Yuan might be nice, but he's gathering your dark secrets and judging your character behind that sweet smile.

[flowercrownedcalamity]

Shen twins au where the transmigration goes badly and instead of inhabiting Shen Qingqiu's body, Shen Yuan ends up in an identical body instead, and Shen Jiu just decides they're twins now - no discussion necessary.

They both have a system (SY is tasked with saving SJ, & SJ is tasked with character development, or something like that).

They both decide to troll the peaks by seeing how long it takes for anyone to notice there are two of them. Eventually it's found out and they further mess with everyone by claiming it's literally always been this way. (When asked, Yue Qingyuan confirms this with a straight face and then goes to the peak to get the true story.)

But, now that everyone knows they are twins, people begin to notice the differences and decide they like Shen Yuan better. He's so nice and Shen Jiu is such an asshole.

Except, someone makes the mistake of insulting Shen Jiu to Shen Yuan's face - and SY, born a hater died a hater, instantly unleashes the most caustic pissy vitriol, naming every character flaw and buried skeleton in their closet, and just absolutely destroys their reputation and self esteem in a rant that leaves everyone's ears ringing.

And people decide maybe they like Shen Jiu a little better. At least with him you know what you're getting. He might be an asshole but he's a straight forward asshole. Shen Yuan might be nice, but he's gathering your dark secrets and judging your character behind that sweet smile.

[jumpinginmuddypuddles]

i really need a svsss au where shen yuan transmigrates as a wandering cultivator and he becomes so well known as being the embodiment of Local Florida Man

he dwells on the outskirts of Cang Qiong so the Sect recieves a bunch of alarmed notices from local citizens about a man who is— not a danger to anyone aside from himself.

“Local Wandering Cultivator attacked by squirrel demon after trying to draw the pattern on its horns”

“Local Wandering Cultivator seen wrestling swivelling crocodile hellborns, lives to tell the tale”

“Local Wandering Cultivayor argues he’s done nothing wrong after accidentally setting a flock of dual-headed rabbit snarls on local village”

the sect are VERY concerned, they keep sending first disciples then peak lords down the mountain to deal with shen yuan, who could not give less of a shit until they send shen qingqiu to try and scare him into compliance and he realises exactly just where he is

[murieltheawful]

"Local Wandering Cultivator tries to bitch-slap local Peak Lord/Scum Villain, ends up locked in a competition of wits for three days and three nights, poisoning the soil with sarcasm and vitriol, and continues spitting venom until local Sect Master comes to drag the cultivator and the Lord away from each other"

[piosplayhouse]

"'Stop being difficult. Let me see your wound.'

Still Luo Binghe refused to release his hand. Shen Qingqiu's left hand was clutching an assortment of medicinal pills, and he'd long since lost his patience. At this moment, he decided to just cram them all into Luo Binghe's mouth." (16)

[mikkeneko]

Do you ever think that Shen Qingqiu wakes up in a cold sweat in the middle of the night thinking about how he was within arms reach of Demon Emperor Luo Bingge, the man who was conqueror of empires and merger of the three realms, the man who tortured another version of him to death and who ripped his arm off the last time they came face to face, the man he spent something like six years running around in a panic trying to avoid and whose shadow he spent five more years jumping at, and he pilled that man like a fucking dog

[elanorpam]

i hope to god bingmei sees it happening in a dream once and feels rightly smug about it. "haha look at this loser-ass hetcomp doppelganger get fucking pilled. when shizun offers you a pill you gently nibble it off his fingertips or ELSE"

shizun seems to think it's scary but bingmei often sees that memory in dreams and it was so badass, you only wish you could see it too.

bing-ge also sees it in dreams but the dreams are different and very alluring

[mikkeneko]

#losing my mind at the thought of bingge lying in bed staring at the ceiling with an incredibly serious expression on his face#as he (involuntarily) (as a theoretical exercise) (not for real) (he doesn't care) imagines more scenarios where Nice Shizun pills him - via @nyoomerr

[nebulations]

[ID: A Wikihow illustration of someone holding a dog by the snout to give it a pill. End ID]

[allpiesforourown]

Man can you imagine being one of those annoying tiktok influencers who go up to people on the street and say "for this much money would you ____"

And you're going up to dudes hanging out with their friends and saying "would you kiss your guy friend for money?" And most dudes say wtf nah. Occasionally you'll have two guys who are comfortable enough in their friendship that they'll laugh nervously before pressing their lips together for a second and then say hell yeah we got a free meal!

Then along comes this duo (shen yuan and Luo binghe) and you ask them if they'd kiss for money. The short man says no immediately and the taller buff guy gives him puppy dog eyes and says but gege! It's free money! I could get so many groceries with that!

And shen yuan finally blushes and says "fine, but you-" and before he can even finish, his friend is sliding one arm around his waist to pull them chest to chest and using his other hand to hold shen yuans face.

Unlike everyone else, they don't kiss give a peck and then laugh it off. Shen Yuan's hands are fisted in Binghes shirt and he's moaning softly. Binghe tilts shen yuans head back to slide in his tongue. They're straight up making out for 4 minutes before shen yuan pulls back because he has trouble breathing.

You give them the money and decide you're going to stop doing this and get a real job just to make sure you never see something like that again

[sunderwight]

Love the idea of Luo Binghe being like, yeah Shang Qinghua's relationship with Shen Qingqiu is weirdly intimate at times but no way is Shang Qinghua actually on the list of possible romantic rivals. For one thing, Shang Qinghua has Mobei Jun. For another thing, he's the least impressive peak lord, and even if he actually has some of the most useful skills they're not sexy skills. He isn't as objectively hot as Liu Qingge or Yue Qingyuan, and he is also very often deeply pathetic and weird.

Then one night he sits up in a cold sweat with memories of overheard conversations between Shizun and Shang Qinghua about how weird monogamy is, and he's suddenly remembered that Shang Qinghua gave him the advice about acting pathetic and weird to win over Shen Qingqiu, and it worked, and Shang Qinghua is one of the most competent cultivators alive and while cool sword moves and six pack abs are sexy, Luo Binghe knows his husband has -- specifically -- a thing for competency above all else, and oh god. Oh fuck.

This is what Mobei Jun means when he says that Shang Qinghua sneaks up on his targets in plain sight, isn't it?

[red-garden]

AITAH for trying to ruin my son’s relationship?

I (652M) have a son (idk maybe 80? 14?M) who has major hots for his milf teacher (milf age M). Teacher is just insanely slutty, absolutely built to take dick. My son isn’t even 100 yet (I think), he would have no idea what to do with all that. Meanwhile, me and me nephew (187M) are older and know how to treat a lady (gender neutral). Ideally I would like to marry my nephew to teacher after having my way with him, but teacher is very attached to son. Son is also rather volatile- teacher pushed him into the abyss at some point and he recently climbed out. He’s nothing I can’t handle, but he keeps threatening to destroy my rpf collection if I keep trying to fuck his little crush.

I decided that soft power was probably the best way to go, so I started writing rpf about teacher and son getting a messy divorce. I gift them to teacher, which he always graciously accepts. Currently I’m working on a harem drama AU where teacher leaves son for nephew after a life changing night in my bed.

Son attacked me unprompted and accused me of trying to ruin his relationship. Which I am, but it’s in everyone’s best interest! Nephew has never had a partner before- not even during his heats- and he could really use an older man to take care of him. Clearly he needs teacher more than son. So am I the asshole?

[red-garden]

(Tag via @voidpersonthing )

No AI could conceive of half the shit the scum villain fandom makes.

[allpiesforourown]

My hot take is shen yuan is weirder than binghe. Yeah binghe is insane, but his craziness is a result of child abuse, loss, and a literal evil sword messing up his brain. Shen Yuan grew up with a rich and loving family and he still does out of pocket shit like fake his suicide and say he wouldn't abort you after you have sex. That is raw, primal freak

[liveindirt]

#svsss#the fun thing is that shen yuan has definitely also been through numerous traumatic experiences#even just dying and getting abducted to another world to live in some other dude's body is pretty horrifying#and that's like the first thing that happens to him in the story and not even the worst thing that happens to him in the story#however#none of that is the reason he's weird#bro arrived on the scene of his personal cosmic horror story already too strange to be ruffled by it

[chongoblog]

Seeing a Cybertruck in the wild inflicts you with a debuff called “urge to do some property damage”

[rnismatch]

womb tattoo on forehead because mind pregnate with ideas

[curioscurio]

^^ Zeus 25 minutes before Athena c-sections herself outta the back of his skull spinnin like a beyblade

[ekary]

😳😳😳 You've accepted this idea so warmly, it's unexpected! Then let's go back to the time of their first meeting.

And to the first little problem...

Hope you like that's arts too🥰

[depeshemode]

at Jimmy Buffet’s Margaritaville rn and i’m wondering why more musicians don’t have their own restaurants. i would eat at Trent Reznor’s Tavern of Terror

[myfriendgoo94]

I wanna feed you like an animal

I wanna serve you lots of french fries

[ectoodle]

Two times, Luo Binghe?

[latchkei]

Fuck this slaps! I'm so obsessed with Original Luo Binghe. We got such a tiny crumb of him and then not even a peep afterwards. I love how unstable the music is, it really fits our boy well.

[officialspec]

walkable cities also means sittable cities send tweet

[officialspec]

some people are responding to this like its a joke and im going to assume u are the type of people to say "its only a 3 minute walk" when i tell them the nearest bench is too far away

[officialspec]

also anyone who thinks "3 minutes isnt THAT bad" you will be old one day. and you will wish the bench was closer