Crow-Atlas

23| They/them | Enbyflux/agender | Aroace | This is my personal blog/dump site. Things you might find here include DID content, LGBTQ+ stuff or sometimes even art.

[crow-atlas]

Why are my (non-DID) personality changes different to yours (DID)?

It can be rather difficult to try and explain how covert DID differs from natural trait variation. After all it has been shown that personality is stable yet malleable and it changes throughout the lifespan in response to major and common life events (Bleidorn et al., 2021; Bühler et al., 2024).

Sue, is a 24 year old straight cis woman. Sue took a big five personality test continuously over a year, this is what her trait profile is based on. The squares represent the median value while the blue represents the trait results range. As personality is stable but malleable there is a trait range that she falls within. When Sue goes to work she tends to be more agreeable, open, and conscientious. When she spends time with her family and friends her traits will shift along this range depending on who she is interacting with. All of these states are interconnected, her sense of self, her values, beliefs and memories remain the same regardless of which trait profile she present with.

Certain life events have shaped who Sue is. She can look back to certain life events and acknowledge how these events have shaped her personality.

As alters tend to front in certain situations, or have traits to make them better suited to managing certain tasks, their trait profiles can look distinctive to each other [or the can look the same, due to traits falling within the same ranges.]

Here is an example of a personality range for two different alters.

While the overall system personality profile might look more like this.

From an outsiders view things might look more like the figure below, this looks so similar to the personality profile of someone without DID that many people may say that DID doesn't exist, it's normal trait variation.

For the most part, your friends and family can't see the above transparent figure they instead see the figure below.

Major and minor life events can influence your personality, we hold these events as memories in our bodies, so what happens when you remove these memories?

The answer to this, there is possible personality trait presentation changes.

A non-scientific explanation to explain things to friends. This is basically just what I think, please keep that in mind, and research things if you want to claim something as fact.

References

Bleidorn, W., Hopwood, C. J., Back, M. D., Denissen, J. J. A., Hennecke, M., Hill, P. L., Jokela, M., Kandler, C., Lucas, R. E., Luhmann, M., Orth, U., Roberts, B. W., Wagner, J., Wrzus, C., & Zimmermann, J. (2021). Personality trait stability and change. Personality Science, 2(1), e6009. https://doi.org/10.5964/ps.6009 Bühler, J. L., Orth, U., Bleidorn, W., Weber, E., Kretzschmar, A., Scheling, L., & Hopwood, C. J. (2024). Life events and personality change: A systematic review and meta-analysis. European Journal of Personality, 38(3), 544–568. https://doi.org/10.1177/08902070231190219

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An egyptain vulture holder a ranbow flag and an enbyflux flag.

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I hate how the internet changes the meaning of things

Enbyflux

Enbyflux is a gender in which one is genderflux with a non-binary gender. One may fluctuate between feeling strongly gendered (a gender that

It kinda upsets me how people just changed the definition for the term I coined. I made a term for DID systems and then time and the internet just removed how I defined the term and redefined things.

Boo to whoever changed how things were defined to fall more inline with whatever they wanted the term to mean.

[littlest-bugz]

How it feels when your system is trying to make any important decision

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:)

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I rather desperately wish to be human because so much of who I am makes me lesser, psychosis makes you evil and dangerous, DID makes you a lier who pretends to have forgotten things, or it makes you crazy and dangerous.

Love and lust are core human traits so you end up being something wrong, evil and not human. It's easy to get desperate to prove you're human.

[schizononagesimus]

also hey can we talk about violent psychosis for a sec. cause i really appreciate all the talk surrounding psychosis positivity and stuff but a lot of it is "we're not all violent! sometimes hallucinations can be positive!" like sorry mine are not. im scary psychotic.

im "cant have anything that even remotely could be used as a weapon in the house" psychotic. im "if i miss my meds one day i have to go to the hospital for homicidal and suicidal thoughts that literally aren't my own thoughts but theyre controlling my actions" psychotic. im "im seeing horrors you cant even imagine to the point where i dont exist in the same world as you anymore" psychotic.

im not going to hurt you, i just need help. when im rocking in the corner talking to myself at 3am, remember that i am in a state of terror. im afraid for my life. i either genuinely believe everything is trying to kill me, and i only know one way to deal with it; or something is telling me to be violent or else it will kill me; or i have dissociated so hard that i autopilot myself to violence to try and wake myself up.

some of us are violent, and that's okay, because it has to be, because it's the truth. just get us help.

[crow-atlas]

If you always decide to pull away from people during a mental health crisis because you're scared and you simply say things like "you need help, I hope you get the help you need" you're simply abandoning a friend when they need you most.

There's nothing wrong with stepping away from a friendship because it's too much but if no one steps up to do things like making 1 phone call to the local crisis mental team how do you expect someone who is currently psychotic to get help?

Do you expect people to have a moment of clarity where they can get help for themself before slipping back into psychosis?

Do you think it's fine because someone else will make the call?

Or has your friend's mental health crisis turned them into a scary evil abuser, whose actions are a true reflection of themself and if you don't run and hide they'll kill you.

Don't let psychosis define how you view your friend. Get your friends access to crisis mental health services when they need it. One day you might just save a life by making a single phone call.

[221bluescarf]

You think you know what a person in psychosis looks like, but you probably don't. It's not confined to someone walking down the street screaming at hallucinations or ranting to everyone about the FBI implants. And it's not an axe murderer. It can be someone quietly sitting alone. It can be someone having an anxiety attack. It can be someone who's disoriented and dissociated. It can look like anything.

I've had psychotic episodes where I simply come across as depressed and a little confused. I've had them where I'm anxious and rocking and crying but I'm not loudly proclaiming my delusion.

I've had psychotic episodes where I thought my family was being stalked and I had to harm myself to appease the beings stalking us but nobody knew. My injuries were hidden and I simply stayed inside the house.

I've had voices make me feel terrible so I just cry and talk about what an awful person I am but that just looks like low self-esteem.

It can be right under your nose.

Stop acting like you know exactly what psychosis looks like - especially if you assume people who have it are violent and out of control. If someone tells you they have psychosis or schizophrenia, don't treat them like a ticking time-bombs waiting to kill someone.

[crow-atlas]

I don't think there's anything quite as painful as needed just one person to call the emergency mental health line because you've been stuck psychotic for months and you can't properly care for yourself but because things look 'too normal' despite clearly acting out of character you are instead simply "crazy, controlling, manipulative" or other such words but you just want your friends and family to be safe, and the danger is real to you.

Once you can function again, there is no consideration to your reality, I always state my actions are my own and I'll do my best to mend what I can but your reality is not mine and treating me like I needed to get help all by myself, to be able to see that my delusion were delusions is just a cruel denial of what psychosis is.

[a-thousand-skies]

[crow-atlas]

it is 3am and sleep evades me.

[dreamdropdollop]

FR LOL

[eldrytchcryptid]

[disabirbity]

One of the main problems around people with personality disorders (particularly cluster B), psychotic disorders, OSDD/DID/other CDDs or other stigmatised mental conditions is, well... Everything we do gets put back onto our disorder. Every fault, every misstep, every mistake is used as proof to say that the stigma of us all being horrible people is right.

We can say "not everyone with x disorder harms people, and in fact we're more likely to BE harmed and abused than we are to hurt others" as much as we like--and of course, that's a true statement. But the moment someone with a stigmatised mental illness does something wrong, it's "of course you'd do xyz, you're a narcissist" or "checks out with the psychosis".

Someone with ASPD could cut someone off for any valid reason, but anyone else could spin it into "yeah, that's sociopaths for you". Someone with psychosis could wrongfully accuse someone of something and without being given a chance to apologise, suddenly it's "this is why we don't trust delusional people like you" and you're discredited from here on out. Someone with DID could genuinely forget that their alter had an argument with someone and be trying to sort it out, but no one wants to hear that something was forgotten in the amnesia, so and all they get is "see, people with DID just blame everything on their alters".

People with stigmatised disorders are just like anyone else. They're not evil or uniquely capable of harm, but that also means they're not incapable of making mistakes. Everyone is entitled to their own limits but I think people need to be more aware that disabled people can make genuine mistakes and one slip up or argument doesn't mean that pwNPD is secretly manipulating you. Sometimes people are manipulative and you need to be able to tell the difference--just like neurotypicals, disabled people can be abusive. But blaming mistakes or even genuine malice on someone's disorder does nothing but harm a marginalised group of people. If you wouldn't say "of course you would, you're neurotypical" to someone abusing someone else or if that wouldn't make sense to you, why would you do it to disabled people?

[221bluescarf]

You think you know what a person in psychosis looks like, but you probably don't. It's not confined to someone walking down the street screaming at hallucinations or ranting to everyone about the FBI implants. And it's not an axe murderer. It can be someone quietly sitting alone. It can be someone having an anxiety attack. It can be someone who's disoriented and dissociated. It can look like anything.

I've had psychotic episodes where I simply come across as depressed and a little confused. I've had them where I'm anxious and rocking and crying but I'm not loudly proclaiming my delusion.

I've had psychotic episodes where I thought my family was being stalked and I had to harm myself to appease the beings stalking us but nobody knew. My injuries were hidden and I simply stayed inside the house.

I've had voices make me feel terrible so I just cry and talk about what an awful person I am but that just looks like low self-esteem.

It can be right under your nose.

Stop acting like you know exactly what psychosis looks like - especially if you assume people who have it are violent and out of control. If someone tells you they have psychosis or schizophrenia, don't treat them like a ticking time-bombs waiting to kill someone.

[alteredpanel]

spoiler: it was more

[changelingcoded]

[crow-atlas]

The ominous lurker is obviously the British.

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Sometimes the whole gender situations makes me big sad, big cry because the trans community can be very mean and hostile.

DID and gender is a shitty time. You could label me as genderfluid but I'm very much not, I know my gender and mine alone. All the genders in the system are so separate.

Genders can be gained and they can be lost, it is not an innate born state for me, and I can't control that.

[antiarasaka]

[beyond-mogai-pride-flags]

Enbyflux Pride Flag

Enbyflux: a non-binary gender identity, that is fluid in expression but is never the binary genders.

Created by: Zatruc-Neigea of deviantART

-Fy

[crow-atlas]

I unfortunately noticed that the meaning of this label got lost with time due to the closure of my DA and tumblr accounts when I coined this term.

First little note is the strips are meant to be even, I quite simply failed at doing so when I made that image.

Grey: Much like when you mix together many colors and you end up with a color that no longer resembles the original colors, this color represents how a collection of many genders can become neutral, or how it can feel like an absence of gender.

White: You might not feel like your gender is fluid. When you’re a demiboy you’re a demiboy and that’s the only gender you’ve ever been. Even though you might switch between demiboy and nonbinary there is a complete separation between the genders you switch between.

Purple: a connection to feminine genders that exist outside of the binary.

Pink: a connection to masculine genders that exist outside of the binary.

Yellow: A connection to genders that fall under the nonbinary umbrella. These genders may be neutral, feminine, masculine or they may be these things mixed together. You could have multiple neutral genders mixed together etc. This also includes xenogenders.

It’s also important to mention that that this gender term with this flag is meant to represent genderfluidity through a system lens. This means that enbyflux may be used to say your identity as an agender individual is completely separated from your identity as a demiboy. However this term and its flag aren’t exclusive to systems. It’s simply important to note that this flag represents a fluid gender that can involve a mixture of genders or a complete separation.

Furthermore, if you identify as cisgender or as a binary trans person this can still fall under “existing outside of the gender binary” because of your DID and how your experience gender.

Coining date is: June 19th of 2018, beyond-mogai-pride-flags, is someone who you could give your flag and its meaning to and they’d upload your stuff.

[bloomshroomz-deactivated2026041]

So, this version of enbyflux was less like a nonbinary equivalent to girlflux/boyflux (as in, “nonbinary, but fluctuating in intensity”), but instead more like a cross between genderflor(en) and systemfluid?

[crow-atlas]

Nonbinaryflux was coined before my term and I'm pretty sure it used to be defined as the nonbinary verison of girlflux/boyflux. I'd say it's rather similar to Genderfloren, if you're not a system using the term than it's pretty much the same definition. Unlike systemfluid, this term isn't made to be exclusive.

Enbyflux is meant to explain the experience of gender separation and gender mixture.

"Existing outside of the gender binary" is used instead of "Any gender that is not a binary man or a binary woman." When you are a system an alter may identify as a binary man or as a binary woman while also feeling like their experiences as a binary gender is something outside of gender binary because of their experiences with gender mixture and separation. This can sound a lot like genderfluid but what needs to be highlighted is that you're experiencing genders that you don't identify with being mixed or separated.

When you are genderfluid, girlflux/boyflux/nonbinaryflux the genders you switch between are your genders, they are a part of your sense of self.

When you are an alter in a system, your gender is your gender. The gender's of other alters aren't your genders.

Here's an example;

Alex: "I identify as nonbinary, I have no memories or emotions surrounding identifying as other genders. I don't like being told that my gender changes from nonbinary as it's static and it never changes for me." Sam: "I identify as genderfluid. I'm fluid between demiboy and demigirl. I'm the only one in my system who identifies as genderfluid, demiboy and demigirl. I don't like when people tell me I also identify as nonbinary and a woman because those aren't genders I experience. " Jam: "I identify as a cis woman. I find it distressing when people tell me I'm transgender and I can't be cisgender because other alters in my system are trans. I don't like people implying I'm not always a woman. "

Another example would be with names;

Alex: "My name is Alex." Friend: "But it's also sometimes Sam and Jam right?" Alex: "No, those aren't my names, I only ever use Alex." VS Genderfluid person: "My name is currently Alex." Friend: "but it's also sometimes Sam and Jam right?" Genderfluid person: "Yip, when I identify as nonbinary I use the name Alex, when I identify as genderfluid I use Sam and when I identify as a woman I use Jam."