I’m currently going through some medication changes for my BPD. Unfortunately so far the new medication has given me very severe restless body syndrome. My legs take the brunt of it but my arms and neck kind of do their own thing too. I was up till 3 in the morning before I decided to take a hot bath and lotion/massage my legs and feet to no prevail.
I had to call out of work today out of pure exhaustion, and I feel like such a piece of shit. I know that I need to take care of myself, but it’s also my job to take care of others. When I can’t do that, I feel so insufficient.
My mom came to pick up Owen to take him shopping and out to eat so I can catch up on sleep, but now that he’s gone, I miss him so much I feel WIRED. I’m just sitting on my couch missing a piece of myself and counting down the minutes till he comes home. I haven’t experienced such bad separation anxiety since before I got help for PPD, BPD and my anxiety disorder.
I’m sure it’s just a side effect from my medication but shit, I did NOT miss feeling this way. He was so happy to leave he wouldn’t even hug me goodbye, so I’m glad that he is having a good time and feel selfish for wanting him here with me. So many feels. So many thoughts.
I’m gonna take a little puff puff while I have the chance and pray that I can take this time to relax and clear my mind. Knowing me, I’ll just end up cleaning my house like a maniac to kill time. Ugh.
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