So, what's your input on the bootyful fanfictions about Kyle & Stan? (since you won't answer in-character)
Okay, lemme just- it’s the tropes. The goddamn tropes. I’ll make a list of a few then tear them apart in a massive rant.
I’m about to spam your dashboards.
Perpetual bottom-top dynamics
»> Shota-shorty Kyle- There are too few people in the South Park fandom that believe in a tall Kyle. I am one of them. Here’s why: Matt and Trey loosely based Stan and Kyle’s friendship off their own, and by extension, they based the characters loosely off themselves. Matt’s a tall guy (6’2) with tall hair. In comparison, Trey is 6’ even. If he’s based off Matt, there’s no reason why Kyle has to be so fucking short in every picture ever. The only way it makes sense for him to be shorter than Stan is if someone tries to excuse it with genetics, saying he’s shorter because his mother’s shorter than Sharon Marsh. But, even that’s not a viable excuse because his father is at least the same height as Randy and a lot of people grow to be taller than their parents.
I’m just really sick of Kyle being excessively short and Stan being some kind of giant.
»> Ultra-Wimpy-Nerd Kyle- While it was said in the ‘Elementary School Musical’ episode that Kyle enjoys studying, and from the first ‘Mysterion’ episode- Kenny does think Kyle is the smartest kid in their class, nothing in the show makes Kyle out to be a stereotypical nerd.
In reality, there are two classifications for ‘smart kids’- Kyle is often depicted as the quiet bookworm type (the ‘nerd’) in the fandom, but from what we see in the show canon, he’s actually the outgoing top-of-the-class type (the ‘overachiever’). The difference is in what a kid does outside of class. A ‘nerd’ generally doesn’t do many clubs and what they do is always academic related, they almost never do sports because they’d rather sit on the sidelines and read a book (which Kyle always fucking does in bad fanfiction- he fucking sits at Stan’s games and reads a goddamn book), and they’re usually physically weak because they care more about intellect than strength. Meanwhile, an ‘overachiever’ will make good grades but also play sports and join competitive clubs. They’re those assholes that everyone hates because they can juggle a crazy-hard course load as well as a fuckton of extracurriculars.
In the show Kyle is shown playing nearly a dozen different sports, and he’s been a leader among the kids several times (TSOT and Free Willyz to name a few). He’s constantly depicted as tough when it comes to the boys rough-housing (we’ve seen him beat the shit out of Cartman who’s twice his size wide, in the Ice Man episode he fights Stan and is generally the one on top as they wrestle, not to mention that in TSOT he’s one of the strongest kids to fight without taking any zombie potion). Also, he’s never described as bookish- the only time he reads for fun on the show is on the ‘Toothfairy Tats’ episode when he’s trying to understand reality and the universe. In the episode where they write Grody McBoogerBalls, he makes fun of Catcher in the Rye just like the other boys.
So, we can conclude that Kyle does like knowledge because he does pay attention in school, but he’s not an introverted bookworm, he’s just a smart guy who likes to be informed.
It seems like people just want their jock/nerd trope. And, when people knock Stan’s intelligence down a couple notches to make Kyle seem smarter so they can fit this trope, it makes me want to kick puppies.
»> Ginger Freckles Kyle- Ginger Kids episode S9E11
Kyle: ”That’s not true, fatass! I have red hair, and I don’t have to avoid the sun!”Eric: I was getting to that, if you will let me. Some people have red hair, but not light skin and freckles. These people are called “daywalkers.” [shows picture of Kyle, with “daywalkers” written underneath]
It’s fine that people give Kyle freckles sometimes, but he’s technically described as not having them and it really peeves me when people describe him as a ‘ginger’.
»> Super-Sensitive Kyle- Fanon Kyle is easily insulted and often insecure and overly-emotional. I think this might be some people’s way of trying to translate his short-temper into their own words, or they’re trying really hard to project their own feelings onto him, but it’s gross and I want it to stop.
Kyle is no more sensitive to insults than the other boys- in fact, he seems to have tough skin because he puts up with a lot of shit for being Cartman’s favorite target. In ‘Here Comes the Neighborhood’, he cooly explains to Token that everyone has something they get picked on for and no one should be a pussy about it (I’m guessing he means that the proper response is anger- typical nine year old). He does show some insecurity in a few episodes- like when he thought he was voted ugliest kid in the class, but rather than shutting down and getting depressed about it, in his typical fashion, he gets angry (and tries to burn the school down).
Kyle generally isn’t emotional. Stan’s the sensitive one in that meaning. It’s safer to say that Kyle is a little emotionally-distant. He can sympathize with someone once they’ve explained to him what’s wrong, and he’s gone out of his way to help people who’re having tough times (Free Willyz, Night of the Living Homeless, Crack Babies, etc), but he seems to have trouble noticing when there’s an emotional problem (Assburgers episode), and he can’t comprehend letting tough times get in the way of living life (Rasins- goth!Stan episode). So, while Kyle has the capacity to be understanding, he does lack some empathy.
When it comes to sensitivity as far as how Kyle treats people, the fandom makes him way too kind. He’s not the perfect gentleman. While he almost always fights for just causes, he can be just as ruthless with his insults as Cartman and like I said, he doesn’t always practice sympathy. He’s caught between the influences of Cartman’s manipulative cunning and Stan’s loyalty to helping people. But, we see in the Crack Babies episode, he likes to look to Stan for a moral compass because he knows Stan is better with empathy and he wants to be good to people.
I think the Style fandom is really missing out on some lovely clueless Kyle looking to Stan to keep him on the right path.
»> Super-Jock-Cock Stan- There are about a billion episodes of South Park that have the boys playing sports, but in every one- all the boys play that sport together. Even Cartman in most cases. The only episode that has Stan playing a sport that none of the other boys are playing is ‘Stanley’s Cup’- and he’s not even playing hockey, he’s coaching- kinda…not really.
I’m not sure where this troupe that Stan would grow up to be the big South Park Cows football-star came from, but I don’t understand it. There’s literally one episode where the boys play actual football (not Sarcastaball) and it’s way back in season one, “Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boat Ride’, and in the episode, Stan is the quarterback for the Elementary School team and he can throw really well and the town is hailing him as their star quarterback, but he cares more about the fact that his dog is gay than he does about playing football. Kyle is the one that Chef picks to fill in as quarterback when Stan ditches on his gay adventure. Kyle is the one constantly pestering the guys to go to practice. Kyle is the one that Stan immediately throws to, and Kyle is the one that runs the ball for the touchdown.
It would make so much more sense for Kyle to at least be on the team, but the fandom always puts Stan on first and ignores the fact that Kyle actually liked playing football.
»> Mr Man Stan- Stan is constantly depicted as the ‘man’ in the relationship which- first of all isn’t how gay couples work, second of all is sexist as hell, and third- isn’t how Stan behaves. He’s strong-willed and badass, but he’s not an alpha-male personality type (and Kyle is anything but submissive). While Stan is usually the calmer more level-headed of the two, there are countless instances where Kyle is the one that takes initiative or leads the way.
The only way we see Kyle being submissive to Stan is that he allows himself to rely on Stan to back him up (TSOT), and he gets upset when Stan doesn’t (Queer-Eye for the Straight Guy, Assburgers, Guitar Queer-O). But really, none of those things make Kyle submissive- that’s just friendship.
I think this trope rises up from the fact that Stan’s come to save Kyle several times- (Indian Hair Tampons, Smug Alert, Ginger Cow, etc). But, what people don’t consider is that Stan’s need to protect Kyle arises from his emotional dependance on him which we he admits to in ‘Assburgers’ and ‘Guitar Queer-O’. Stan needs Kyle in his life- maybe to maintain some kind of balance, I dunno, it’s just what he said- my point is that it’s true.
When Kyle’s supposed to be there for Stan, he shows less drive to attempt the impossible (Imaginationland, Assburgers). Kyle’s naturally just a little more self-absorbed than Stan is, that doesn’t make him the ‘girl’ in the relationship. I’ve already established that he’s not short, weak, and nerdy- and that Stan’s not a macho jock. Quit assigning fucked up gender roles to this ship.
»> Gaylord Kyle- Okay, this one’s difficult because it’s headcannon and it’s based around a lot of factors that I tried to explain above. But, there’s this thing within the Style fandom where Kyle is immediately the one that’s gay and he knows he’s head over heals for Stan but Stan’s totally clueless. And, for the reasons I outlined in the last explanation, that doesn’t make sense to me. So, lemme see if I can explain why I think Stan would come out first before Kyle would begin to see himself as anything but ramrod straight.
Other than the fact that he’s emotionally distant, Kyle is somewhat out-of-touch with love. He has four episodes wherein he acts in a childishly romantic way. First is the Clubhouses episode where Bebe wants to date and kiss him and he’s grossed out (he’s eight). Second is the Monkey-phonics episode where he thinks he’s in love with Rebecca (because she’s pretty and she showed him up at spelling), but his version of love is very…eighties romcom- he’s romanticized and oversimplified love and he jumps at it because she’s just as clueless as he is. Then in Bebe’s Boobs, he thinks he likes her because of her boobs- just like all the other boys. Then, in ‘Cartman Finds Love’, he gets interested in a girl as soon as he thinks she likes him. Each time he has to have some kind of push before he thinks about dating- an opportunity comes to him.
In ‘Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boatride’, Kyle couldn’t give a shit if Stan’s dog is gay. When Mr. Garrison comes out- still couldn’t give a shit. Kyle notoriously doesn’t give a shit where people wanna put their junk- he barely gives a shit where he wants to put his own so long as somebody likes him first. It’s probably because he’s nine years old. But, in comparison to Stan and Kenny, Kyle seems slow to consider the idea of being with somebody- male or female.
Meanwhile, Stan has liked Wendy since the first season. Their relationship is a little naive because they’re both so young, but Stan actively pursued Wendy because he knew he liked her. At a very young age, Stan has some idea about how relationships are supposed to work whereas Kyle doesn’t even know how to fall for someone yet. Kenny’s been talking smut about girls since he was eight, and even Cartman had a crush on Patty Nelson, but Kyle hasn’t had any active crushes because he doesn’t think about romance until it’s shoved in his face.
Trey Parker’s even said that Stan would be the most likely to realize he’s gay because he’s the most in touch with his feelings. So, I think to say Kyle would realize he’s gay without prompting is a stretch. To say he’d realize before Stan is stupidity.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think Kyle would try and fight it if he started to realize he likes boys. He’d be perfectly cool about it like- okay, I like dick too, that’s fine. I just don’t think he’d really consider it until someone gave him a reason to.
»> Ultra-Hetero Stan- This goes hand-in-hand with ‘gaylord Kyle’. So, it’s mostly already explained. It just bugs me that, if he’s going to be described as gay or bi in fanfiction, Stan’s often really in denial about his sexuality. Stan was broken of any homophobia in ‘Big Gay Al’s Big Gay Boatride’. Throughout the show he’s described as very accepting, so why would anyone think he wouldn’t be able to accept himself? And, like I said, he has a better understanding of love than any of the boys. I don’t think he’d have too much internal turmoil if he thought boys were hot.
Now, that doesn’t mean he wouldn’t keep it secret to avoid making things awkward- especially if he liked Kyle who’s often pretty dense with those things, I could see him wanting to hide that.
»> Perpetual Top-Bottom Dynamics- You’d think we’re all a bunch of diehard yaoi fangirls with how often we fuck Kyle’s ass dry. The poor guy is susceptible to hemorrhoids, but for some reason, Stan never gives him a break…that or Kyle just loves it up the ass so much he never takes care of Stan instead. Which, I dunno, maybe he could prefer to bottom- maybe it’s one of those things where people who like to be in control also like to give it up to someone they trust. I’ve got no proof for or against who we put on top or on bottom. I just don’t understand why Stan like always tops.
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