I think a helpful perspective shift is to remember that trans people as a group either genuinely see themselves as, and/or are constantly seeking reinforcement that they are, the gender they identify as. That's how "transfeminism" came up, when "trans women are women in every way, trans men are men in every way" are taken as unquestionable statements of fact, transfeminism is the logical extreme point. None of their behaviors are allowed to be analyzed as AGAB-patterned, if there's a pattern of behavior or bigotry against them you must find one that matches their gender identity, no matter how convoluted.
Most of the insults or criticisms you could give them or their behavior thus don't land to a transfeminist, because in their minds they will twist it into being secretly sexist insults against their gender identity.
"You are being entitled and invasive" -> calling a woman a whiny little bitch for standing up for her rights
"You are being a sex pest" -> shaming a woman for her sexual habits
"You still look like a man" -> holding women to an impossible beauty standard and therefore objectifying/defeminizing them (also: possibly racist?)
This also goes vice versa to mentally justify any and all behavior among MTFs
an MTF is volatile and socially repulsive to women -> marginalized mentally ill woman lashing out from constant hatred
MTFs aren't included in something by/for women -> this is exclusion of marginalized women comparable to not including women of color. we need to center MTFs always and base our feminism around them, as the most marginalized kind of woman
an MTF has taboo fetishes and posts about them constantly, refusing to filter them -> woman reclaiming her sexuality after trauma, there is actually probably a wholesome or innocent reason behind this. Actually if you talk about this you are doing sexual harassment
MTFs bullying, harassing, and viciously mocking trans men -> men oppress women so this is acceptable
an MTF commits abuse -> this is probably DARVO and the woman was actually the abused one. All the people recording and talking about this are stalkers. Just ignore it completely and listen to the woman's side instead
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