@afraid-of-woodpeckers posted that the Pope should move the Vatican to Chicago a while back and like an asshole I put a poll on their post instead of making my own, but it was such a fun post and I saw so many people curious about some of the options that I decided I'd do another one. I'm removing a few of the previous options -- Trump Tower because the seething hatred of it gave it an unfair advantage, the Bean because it's so well known, and Soldier Field as the least-high-scoring from last time. I'm adding in a few I saw in comments, BUT ALSO.
I thought I'd offer context! So if you're not familiar with Chicago, before you vote, scroll down to below the poll and peep under the readmore, where I have provided photos and semi-humorous descriptions of the various Chicago landmarks. Come to Chicago! We have Architecture! And a Pope! Kind of.
Where should the Pope move the Vatican to in Chicago?
Merchandise Mart
Goth Target
University of Chicago
Navy Pier
Oak Park But Keeps Claiming It's In Chicago
Union Station
The Old Post Office
Harold Washington Library
Let's Rename It The Holy See-Ars Tower
Museum Campus
Marina City
Nuance / Ken Griffin will just put his name on it eventually
Voting ended onJun 19, 2025
Look down here for more information!
Merchandise Mart: The world's largest building when it was built in 1930, it holds so many offices it has its own zip code. A lot of it is wholesale, so there's not much reason for most people to go into it, but it's so highly visible that you definitely know it's there. Also known for the Creepy Row Of Heads.
Goth Target: A decorative former department store built in the early 20th century; after standing empty for several years in the early 2000s, Target moved in and created one of the greatest brand visuals ever. Inside it is a regular-degular Target; before the boycott I shopped there for groceries a couple of times a month. I've bought shoes there.
University of Chicago: known as the school where Fun Goes To Die, University of Chicago used to be compared to Hogwarts before JK Rowling ruined everything. They have produced numerous Nobel prize winners and several war criminals, so the church should feel right at home.
Navy Pier: A tourist attraction built on an old military pier jutting into the lake, impossible to tolerate in the summer when it's brimming with people. It houses tall ships, two theatres, a large food court, retail shops, a convention center, a children's museum, an IMAX cinema, and a ferris wheel. It's got a lot going on.
Oak Park but keeps claiming it's in Chicago: Oak Park is a suburb of Chicago, known for many Frank Lloyd Wright designed buildings and for people who live there claiming to be from Chicago, which can be extremely irritating to those of us who actually are.
Union Station: A grand old train station which is also at this point such a fucking labyrinth that it has at least one escalator which, at certain times of the day, reverses directions. If you've seen The Untouchables, the baby carriage scene was filmed there.
The Old Post Office: A truly imposing edifice built over a major downtown roadway; it's known mostly for having stood empty with numerous broken windows for a decade due to some kind of ownership/zoning issue. It is now an office building with retail after Rahm Emanuel threatened to take possession of it using Eminent Domain.
Harold Washington Library: The main downtown library, adorned with owls on the corners and full of joy. You aren't allowed to vote for this one because it's my library and I don't want to fistfight the pope for it but I will. I'm not afraid to hit a priest.
Let's Rename It The Holy See-ars Tower: Fomerly the Sears Tower and then the Willis Tower, it looks kinda like a robot. When built it was the tallest building in the world; it is now the sixteenth-tallest. I just really liked that pun.
Museum Campus: A jut of land on the lake, housing the Shedd Aquarium, Adler Planetarium, and Field Museum, just north of Soldier Field. It's also apparently impossible to photograph well. (I got suggestions for all three museums but I was running out of poll options.)
Marina City: Known locally as "The Corncobs", Marina City has the most hideously awful floorplans of any apartment building I've ever been in. But they do look cool as shit.
Nuance / Ken Griffin will just put his name on it eventually: Ken Griffin is a billionaire hedge fund manager who likes to pay ungodly amounts of money to be allowed to put his name on things like museums and libraries.
Commissioned to be the "most beautiful building in the world", stood proud as a landmark and news station for a century, is covered in countless intricate details and sculptures (including bricks from many of the world's most important buildings)
And so most importantly: he'll feel right at home (x, x)
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