Friend, threesome, and bears? I... I have questions.

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@curiositywillbethedeathofme
Friend, threesome, and bears? I... I have questions.
I GOT A FUCKING RAISE THE POTATO WORKED WTF
This potato works. Every. Fucking. Time.
Then bring me luck
the day after I posted this last time I was notified that I was selected for a really cool mentorship gig and got an unrelated glowing review at work
I have a job interview tomorrow. I can't risk it.
I can't let this pass without reblogging it. I'm so sorry.
Does 'not ignoring' it require a reblog?
Me getting up in the morning like
Hittin’ the keyboard like
Friends comin’ online like
DID YOu SEE tHE THINGg MY GOD
Reflections Master List
Master List / Real People Master List
Summary: (Mia MacAlsdair x Au Tom Hiddleston)
Mia lost everything in a blink of time. Her fiancé, her home, and much of her dignity. With a dead end job, no money and nowhere to live, salvation comes in the surprising form of a gift left to her by grandparents she never knew existed. With one annoying Norse God of Mischief on her side, she packs everything left and leaves for Scotland.
Tom Hiddleston had it all until the sudden death of his parents proved things were not what they seemed. Giving up his career to move home and save the family estate, he watches as his brother rises in his place to a shining star on the Hollywood stage. He's happy for Kip, but the reality of his daily toil is starting to wear on him.
Until Mia, a Canadian transplant and new owner of Ashwood Farms, walks into his life and knocks him firmly on his arse.
Warnings: This story contains adult themes including smut, abuse, and violence. Minors under 18 do not interact. You are responsible for your own reading.
A/N: I apologize in advance should my Scottish/English interpretations be incorrect. I am Canadian playing in a world of my own making. Do not @ me.
1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11 - on going
**I do not tag. **To be notified of updates and new works, subscribe to me or the story on AO3 for email notification, or follow the library blog @tilltheendwilliwrite-library with notifications turned on so you’re not missing out. An account is required to access my work on AO3. For more information on how to get your FREE AO3 account, see this post.
RB to read later
instagram | darcys_dahlias
F@ladyoftheteaandblood
Absolutely beautiful
ladies, your 4th, 10th, and last most recent emojis describe your character's only personality traits in a movie written by a man
❤️🥹💌 Oh. What a sad sack. 😂
🖤🤷🏼♀️🥳
💖😈🐚 is the conch a euphemism?
Elio Abou Fayssal | Narjess
Custom Monica Ivena
Dave Rapoza
Kongsberg | itseriksen
I can't let this cross my dash without bringing in the picture that @rustythechainsaw was inspired to draw when he first heard about this.
[Image description: brightly-colored cartoonish illustration of several mermaids perched on a rock in the middle of the ocean. In the background, a volcano is erupting. The mermaids are blaring alarm noises (e.g. "EEEEooooEEEEoooo") and one is waving semaphore flags.]
Cover You In Oil, Part 1
WordCount: 8496 (I promise this is the only chapter that insanely long. I swear. The other ones average around 3500 words) Tags: @outside-the-government, @yourtropegirl @to-pick-ourselves-up-7 (please let me know if you want to be tagged) Author’s Note: I started writing this fic in July of 2015, shortly after my Mum was diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. The idea came to me one day as I was driving to work, so clearly… I knew I had to write it. I love the soulmate trope. As usual - since this isn’t a Star Trek fic and this is a Star Trek blog, let me know if you want to continue to see it or not. Description: Sally Manners has spent her life avoiding the man whose name is etched on the inside of her thigh. Until suddenly she can’t. Tony Stark x OFC, Soulmate AU.
Her mother’s soulmark was a beautiful scratchy line of her dad’s script along the side of her foot. It said “You look lost”. A beautiful opening line. Sally’s dad’s soulmark was slightly less romantic, “Not hard to be, in ButtFuck Nowhere”, etched in the large loopy letters of her mom’s hand, just above his collarbone. The romantic notion of the soulmark was not quite so romantic in its gritty reality. This became all the more evident when Sally’s soulmark rose on her skin. It had always been there, a dark, snake-like smudge starting on the outside of her thigh and twisting around her leg before ending just above the inside of her knee. As she got older, and the words finally became visible, Sally realized she would be better hiding out in ‘ButtFuck Nowhere’ with her grandparents, working at the Piggly-Wiggly than ever trying to pursue her passion for anything that might bring her in contact with him. The problem was, her summers spent with Nan and Pops sparked a passion for classic car restoration. And she was damn good at it. It was like it was written in the stars that she was going to eventually meet the man whose actual name was seared on her skin.
Sally had never heard or met anyone whose soulmark actually identified their soulmate. It reeked of arrogance and conceit. It would have been one thing if the damn name had been something common, like John Smith. But even in the days before Wikipedia and Google, Sally had heard of him.
“I’m Iron Man, but I don’t mind if you scream Tony motherfucking Stark when my face is buried between your thighs.” The letters were precise, perfect block letters that almost looked unreal. The first time she’d managed to read all the words, she couldn’t figure out what it meant, but after her first clumsy foray into sexual experimentation, she knew exactly what it meant. And every time she saw it, her cheeks flushed. She never wanted to meet him. She never wanted to hear those words. She never wanted to know what horrified response she would give.
Pops bought the Mustang when she was sixteen, and taught her how to do a complete teardown on it. She rebuilt it from the ground up. The ’65 Shelby Mustang had been rust, congealed oil and regret when Pops towed it into the backyard. Sally had thrown herself into it wholeheartedly, saving up every penny from every summer job she could manage to buy original parts to help restore the car.
“What colour will you paint it, Sal?” Pops asked as her nodded in approval.
“The only colour you can paint it, Pops. Red.” Sally could already see it in her mind’s eye. It took her a whole summer to save for the paint job. On her 18th birthday, Pops handed the pink slip to her, and a photo album documenting the entire job.
“Consider it your resume. You’ll never have a problem getting a job if you drive this car and show off that photo album,” Pops promised.
Keep reading
R/b to read again (and again) later. 💖
Help this made me cackle
Just ate an entire pear that was so good and so juicy i started gnawing on it with both hands like an animal and the face my supervisor made when he passed by my desk while I was absolutely consumed by my pear fueled bacchanal was Something i have never seen someone look so tired and also so upset and also also so envious
Had another pear today it was even JUICIER than the pear I had yesterday and had to eat over my trashcan so I didn't get juice all over myself and while I was hunched over lost in the sauce I heard the deepest sigh and when I looked up my supervisor was standing over me like
Called out in the company group chat
Why is this so funny?!
One day my freshman year of college I receive a lunatic care package from my mother. It contains no note, a steak knife wrapped in paper towel and Scotch tape - clearly my brothers work - and an explosively juicy mango. I held the mango and the knife near one another in my dorm room and the mess produced was enough to send me sprinting for the women's bathroom. Cut to 10 minutes later I'm orange up to my elbows nose to chin covered in pulp hunched over the sink like a feral thing. The door opens, a young woman walks in to use the toilet, and I have to explain to her with mango running down my chin that I am not a murderer.
🫣👀🔍
Connection, men, purpose. Said this to hubby and his answer "Hey maybe you are going to start working as a lady of the night" and my daughter said if I did she'd support my choices. @nuggsmum @ms-cellanies @ourladybinxthings @inkededucatednnerdy @angreav @middleagedandoutoftouch
Gratitude, health, miracle. I WILL TAKE IT.
Also, I just adore your daughter so much @ladyoftheteaandblood 🖤
Change, family, miracles. Okay, cool. Seems unlikely, but you know I'll see what comes.
It will forever haunt me that I cannot share this joke with everyone I meet
I will be reblogging this every time it comes on my home page, thank you.