Random ass post but I need to get this out.
You see I can’t really talk about religion to the people in my life as they aren’t really open minded, they think it’s just a silly thing. And part of me doesn’t blame them because they must’ve never felt the need turn to faith, like they’ve always felt that stability— as for me I’ve felt like my life has been so so low, I’ve turned to God and faith in order for me to cope. Just hoping that all of this suffering I’ve had is for a cause.
But also, what made me turn away from the Church and God is my life itself. Because I don’t understand why I’m more tested and tormented than others. I don’t believe that putting someone through horrific pain is an all-loving way to get someone to believe in you.
I’ll never not believe though, I don’t understand how beliefs can just change. And my views on religion itself aren’t very traditional and organised. But I believe that religion is personal, absolutely zero flesh and blood can take me away from God and I don’t let any other believer or non believer police that. Hence why I don’t exactly look like I am a religious person. And even so, I’m very leaniant with my faith. Because I don’t let it consume every waking moment of my life because I don’t like or want to live in fear.
I believe that God and Faith is such a beautiful thing BECAUSE it’s personal. That’s why I don’t partake in religious communities or follow the ‘rules‘, I’m not giving up my bodily autonomy for my faith, that’s not beautiful or comforting to me.
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