Just Another Blog @cutis-et-ossa - Tumblr Blog

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I think it’s really unfair that I (a person who needs to feel loved all the time) am so incredibly hard to love.

I know the relapse is real when I end up back on tumblr

If you ever reached out for help and it went badly, I want you to know that was ENTIRELY a reflection on the people you reached out to and not on you. You deserved help. You deserved support. You deserved to heal. It may still hurt if you were not treated with that level of love and compassion and you are entirely allowed to feel that way, but do not let it reflect on how you feel about yourself and the support you deserve.

We’re firmly in winter now which means it’s now time to play ‘am I cold because it’s cold or because I’m severely malnourished?’ All day every day

Manifesting looking like this again but make it ✨thinner✨

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Triggering yourself by watching "to the bone" is lifestyle.

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Self harm doesn’t always happen when a blade touches skin.

It’s skipping meals because you don’t feel like you deserve to eat today. It’s having sex because you want to be used or abused or defiled. It’s drinking recklessly because you might have the ‘courage’ do something stupid. It’s smoking - not because you need the nicotine - because you know it’s bad for you. It’s banging your head against a wall when you’re angry. It’s crossing the road without looking because you lowkey hope a car might hit you. It’s thinking about all the ways you could break a bone and make it look like an accident. It’s not taking painkillers because you want to suffer. It’s taking painkillers in excess because you know it’s dangerous. It’s walking home the more dangerous way because you’re kind of half hoping you’ll get attacked or raped or stabbed. It’s going for long walks at night and getting chilled to the bone and hoping that you get lost so that you can’t find your way back. It’s seeking out triggering material. It’s all the stupid little ways you punish yourself for existing.

Sometimes self harm happens when you put effort into depriving yourself of things you like or need, and sometimes it happens when you don’t put any effort into doing the things you like or need.

It’s a pattern of self-destructive behaviour, and it doesn’t only happen in one way.

This sort of behavior is classified as “para-suicidal” It’s putting yourself in a situation of danger or destruction with the intention of risking your safety rather than a direct attempt on your life. Kind of, leaving it all to chance? Also doing things to harm yourself or your self worth because you feel you deserve to feel the outcome of those actions.