Characters: Luis Serra Nevarro, Anabel GarcĂa Escudero (head researcher)
Content warning for mild vulgarity and mentions of death and parasites
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Guilt ate him alive at night, gnawing like some sick parasite deep in his gut. Every time he closed his eyes he remembered everything. What he had run from, what heâd done. He hated it, hated it as much as his morbid fascination. He wanted to help, thatâs all he wanted, really⊠but he could hear it clear as a tolling bell.
You knew. You knew what they were doing. You always knew.
He tried to dismiss that thought, but he knew his âhelpâ one could call it, made everything worse. Another loss made it more difficult to think highly of what he was trying to accomplish⊠He tried to be the white knight everyone had hoped for, but in the end, it all blew up in his face time after, time after, time!Â
But⊠what he needed was some timeâ more time, actually.
Luis absent-mindedly flicked his lighter between his fingers, whilst resting against a doorframe. He could leave and have a smoke, it was really what he needed right now, but heâd at least have the decency to smoke outside after the stunt he pulled today. He didnât want to see anyone⊠and that wouldnât be very likely given it was an unholy time of night.
Funny, unholy was a perfect was to describe what they were researching no matter how many times he heard it preached to be the opposite. He couldnât deny there was something remarkable about these findings, and what he wouldnât do to find a cure; a way to reverse the damage and heal the wound. He wished he had known this sooner, if that were so, he couldâve savedâ
Suddenly, a click sounded from the far corner of the room.Â
Someone was opening the door.
âMeirda.â He cursed under his breath as he stumbled out of the doorway.Â
The last thing he needed was someone to catch him brooding, no one was supposed to be up! Nor in this wing! At this hour! Ugh. He really shouldâve stayed in his lab tonight. He watched the door open, a soft light warming everything behind it with a firelit glow. As it got closer, long, finger-like shadows crept over the lab reachingâ no âgrasping for him. The moment was short-lived since the lantern (he guessed it was a lantern) was lifted to get a better look at who else was in the room.
Luis shielded his eyes and blinked a few times to get used to the sudden change in brightness. It wasnât too much given it indeed was a lantern, butâ
âAh, I thought it was you, Don Quixote.â
He recognized that voice. He better recover quickly then.
âIf it isnât the head researcher in the flesh! I thought you valued your beauty rest, eh, Anabel?â He responded with a mischievous smirk. âNot that you need it, but still. â
The head researcher, Anabel, scoffed, âStill as wily at night, I see.â
âWily is one word you could use⊠I prefer âactiveâ.â He lilted before letting out a soft sigh, âBut yes⊠I guess Iâll have to agree on my restless tendencies.âÂ
âIâm afraid that makes two of us.â Anabel responded, rubbing her face softly, she did look tired, even in the firelight.
âAbout being active or restless?â He raised a brow, curious.
Anabel sighed, âI donât think it matters at this hour, everything blurs together.â
Luis shrugged and shook his head, âWell, I guess that could be why you grabbed a lantern instead of a flashlight, hm?â
âYou could say that. The firelight, itâ er, helps with my⊠headaches.â She admitted hesitantly.
Luisâ facetious expression immediately softened, her headaches were still bothering her? She claimed she wasnât sick, but she showed symptoms, so clearly something was wrong. He had his suspicions, and it never hurt to checkâŠ
â... And the bloodâŠ?â He asked quietly, âYou still coughing it up?â
âLuis, please. It only happened onceâ I had bronchitis, remember?â Anabel put down the lantern on one of the tables and pulled out a chair. She sat down with a little huff, even in the dim light she was smiling softly, âYou worry too much.â
âHm.â He looked at the lamp closely, âMaybe you worry too little.â
Anabel made an effort to roll her eyes. âIâm fine. Itâs only these headaches, nothing more.â
Luis knew better than to argue over her health. He leaned back against the doorway and looked outside, watching the moonlight drape its gentle, sweet light over the mountainside. He knew there was something she wasnât telling him⊠though maybe she didnât trust him enough to say so in the first place. That thought hurt him a little more than it shouldâve.
âIâll take your word for it, Señora Escudero. If itâs just headaches, who am I to say otherwise,â He playfully pulled out a pack of cigarettes from his coat pocket and slid one out to place between his lips. âIf that is the case, Iâm certain you wouldnât mind enjoying a smoke or two then, hm?â
Anabel laughed and shook her head, âAnd here I thought you said you were getting better about your habits.âÂ
She stood up and grabbed her lantern walking towards him to take him up on his offer. She bumped Luisâ shoulder with her fist in a lighthearted manner as she walked past him, signaling that she would be waiting for him outside. She was always picky about smoking around the lab.
âÂĄOyĂ©! Donât start talking to me about bad habits.â He protested, following after her, âThatâs funny coming from you, always laughing during interviews or never telling me anythingâ those are habits that need to be better.â
Anabel gave Luis a look over her shoulder.
âOkay, okay, that was rude of me, I apologise⊠but this isnât about loose lips, Anabel.â He countered politely, âIâm a man of my word, truly.â
He lifted one of his hands to his chest and the other above his head, his cigarette still hanging from the corner of his mouth. His performance prompted another small laugh to sound from Anabel who was resting her forearms on the railing, lantern idly swinging in her hands.Â
âIâd like to say you are a man of many words, Luis.â She teased, but he knew she did mean it in a serious way, too. He couldnât deny her that truth.
âI have a lot to say, thatâs all.â He dismissed with an equally teasing tone.
He took a moment to look her over, she looked far too tense tonight, so maybe it was a good thing they met at a time where no one could see them. Maybe they could talk about what was happening withâ no, who was he kidding, she wouldnât do that. With him? Never.
Yet another thought that shouldnât have made his guilty gut churn more than it already was. He was good at hiding how he felt, but Anabel wasnât. She was bright, curious, and driven⊠but wore her emotions as if they were an accessory. He admired it really, she was a lot like him in some ways, but both of them knew they had secrets. Dark ones.
Maybe tonight was where they brought them to light.Â
âI can think of a few words to say to you right now.â He walked up next to her and offered his pack to her, pushing a cigarette towards the woman with his thumb, âBut there is one word I want to hear you say before I do.â
The pair shared another small laugh as Anabel accepted the cigarette he had offered, but before she could pull it towards herself⊠it wouldnât budge! Luis had pressed his thumb lightly down on it so she couldnât take it out of the box yet.
âLet go! You already have one!â
âAh, ah, ah, Anabel, about that word.â He chastised, his tone far from serious.
âWhat word?â She frowned, giving him another look.
âHow tragic!! Donât tell me youâve forgotten about proper etiquette!â
Anabel was quiet for a moment, letting out another huff. She let go of the smoke.
â...Por favor, Luis. I would like to take this cigarette from you before you squash it.â She said, not really in a polite tone, but at least she said it in a somewhat âmannerlyâ fashion.
âSee, was that so hard, Señora?â He handed her the smoke but didnât let go, âNow, there is another word that usually tails behind it⊠think of it as a certain squireâŠâ He hinted, his eyes glinting with puckish delight.
âYou and your metaphorsââÂ
âIâm still not hearing it!â He sang, tugging the cigarette gently back.
âYouâre impossible, Luis.â She shook her head with yet another laugh, âGracias, for offering and allowing me to have a good smoke.â
He was a little caught up in the game to realize that he did, maybe, sort of, probablyâŠÂ  squish the cigarette more than he expected. Luisâ smile dropped, he couldnât give her this! It was trash!! No lady should be given that!
âThis one was no good anyway,â he quickly pocketed the ruined smoke and slid another one out for Anabel, âThis should be better, best in the box!â
Anabel thanked him silently and took the smoke and put it to her own lips.
âI needed this, and I donât mean this in a âmannersâ way, but thank you.â
âEh, no pasa nada.â He dismissed.
âNo, really. Thank you.â She insisted.
âWhatever forâŠ?â Luis questioned.
âItâs⊠how do I put this⊠been a while since Iâve laughed or felt this carefree⊠I always wonder how you do it. You make it look so, soâŠâ She trailed off, looking at her cigarette between her fingers of her free hand.Â
âSoâŠâ He encouraged, the twinkle in his eyes still present.
âWhat happened to your many words, Quixote?âÂ
âThey are still here, I just want to listen to your many words for a moment. Itâd do you some goodâ ah, the tobacco too. Say, do you need a light?â He lifted his lighter, the metal catching the firelight along its grooves.
âNo, no, I have my lantern. Iâll save you the trouble.â She lifted up the light source and opened the panel. She then brushed her cigarette up to the small flame, the edges singeing and curling back.
âIntuitive,â He praised, âI shouldnât have expected any less from you.â
Anabel sighed in a way that felt fond to Luis, he knew he had a way with words and a lot of people knew that, including his colleagues. Anabel was no stranger to them either. So, he was confident that her sigh was, in fact, dreamy. He was doing good!
The woman placed her lantern down on the railing and brought the cigarette to her mouth. She inhaled slowly, and exhaled just the same. Her shoulders relaxed almost immediately.Â
âHas anyone told you that youâre a terribly talented sweet talker?â She didn't look at him as she spoke. It seemed like she wanted to change the subject from earlier, but Anabel also had this habit of cycling back to unfinished subjects. Luis knew sheâd get back to what she was saying at some point in time.
âNot the âterribleâ part, I think if you got to know me youâd find that Iâm quite the opposite.â He responded, hoping that his charm would pay off in his favor.
She laughed again, this time it was much harder than the others. Luisâ even got her to snort with that comment. That was surprising.
âIâm a regular old comedian too, I assure you, Señora. Perhaps I will practice my new routine during waking hoursâŠ?â He smirked, watching her dissolve into more laughter.
âAy! We⊠have work to-to do!â She said breathlessly, âN-not in the lab!â
He rolled his eyes playfully and lit his own smoke, taking a slow drag. He let her laugh for a little while longer, allowing her some time to collect herself and speak without gasping for air or snorting. He let his eyes wander towards the horizon⊠He knew what she was referring to earlier when she almost saidâ
âHm?â He looked over at her, smoke trailing upwards in loose coils.Â
âEasy. I meant to say that before. You make it look so easyâŠÂ feelâŠÂ easy.â
Luis stood up and looked stone-faced.
âAnabel, I am far from easy.â He said in a flat voice.
âN-no, I meant thatâ that youâ not that you areâ itâs not anything like that!â
Luis kept his face still for a moment but he couldnât help the smile from creeping up on his lips. He couldnât help but tease her here too, she did walk right into it after all, and he also wanted to give her the idea that he really was this carefree at times. It would be better for everyone if they thought that way. That was the thing though, he did care, he cared deeply, fathomlessly, but what use was it when wasnât valued.
âCĂĄlmate, cĂĄlmate, no te preocupes, Anabel.â He assured, snickering , âI know what you mean.â (*Calm down, calm down, it is nothing/no worries)
âDo you?â She snipped in return, âI meanâ you⊠ugh.âÂ
Anabel turned her head away from him and sighed out slow wispy coils of smoke from her nostrils. âHow many times must I say that you are wily, Luis.â
âI did say that âactiveâ was more preferable, but I wonât correct you if you see that adjective describes me well enough. Although, Iâd much rather you keep calling me by that little nickname.â
âI am not calling you that right now.â She retorted right after he finished talking.
âOne can hope, no?â He chuckled, leaning back against the railing. âYou have called me by my name a few times now, so I guess Iâll have to wait. I am very patient, Iâll have you know.â
âAnd you think I am not aware of this fact?â Anabel asked.
âI would hope so, but you seem to be a little,â He made a loose hand movement, âVacant this eveningâ or morning, whatever time it is.â
âWell, IâmâŠâ She looked at her cigarette, as if she was turning to the smoke for a sign. âNot certain.â
âNot certain?â Luis echoed restraining the concern from sounding in his voice. â⊠About being âvacantâ?âÂ
âAnabel, I mean it, if your headaches areââ
âDr. Serra,â She turned to face him, her voice far from harsh, âI hate bringing formalities into this, but I told you to cease this line of questioning before. I donât want to make this an order.â
He stood there for a moment, mulling through what his next response would be. He knew this was more serious than she led on and Anabel very clearly didnât want him to talk about it. The severity behind this issue had to be addressed, but she didnât want to stay on that topic anymore, nor bring it up⊠which was terrible in every sense of the word. Maybe Anabel was right about the âterriblyâ adjective she gave, because that was undoubtedly the best way to describe how he was feeling right now.
âAh, I see I have⊠overstepped.â He raised his hands again to show he was backing off. âBut, do know Iâm not asking as a colleague⊠but a friend, Anabel.â
He paused for a moment and placed his hands back on the railing, looking away from her.
âIt never hurts to know that people think about you.â
He hoped that âpeopleâ got across clear enough to her, he was âpeopleâ and he knew it wasnât just him when he said it. There were so many other researchers here, all of them doing the same thing they were. Some of them⊠he didnât want to think much about, but for now, his thoughts and, if she let him, prayers were set on Anabel. He couldnât stand watching something slip through his fingers when he could do something about itâ something he knew he could do. That he was capable of doing.
He glanced sideways, trying not to come off as desperate, but all he needed was a look at her face just to know what expression she was wearing.Â
He was right, she looked uncannily vacant, like she was struggling to find wordsâ of all the thingsâ to say. It wasnât like her, she could say so much with just a look or a laugh and it scared him. The fact that she was so authentic and nobody seemed to think she was pretending, or that she had anything to hide. But she came to him, here, now, smoking on a balcony overlooking this eyesore of an island with him at some forsaken hour. He didnât know if this was a cry for help, or a far cry from it.Â
Anabel lifted the cigarette to her mouth and took another consistent inhale and exhale, just as before.
âIt doesn't. In this field of work, I wonder if that even mattersâŠâ She didnât look at him as she spoke, he didnât know how to feel about that.
Well, he did know, he was hurt. Again. What was he doing wrong? How could he fix it? Was there anythingâ no. He wasnât going there. She made up her mind even if it was a pain to the both of them.
âSure it matters. Human connection, lived experiences! Itâs what makes life beautiful, no?â
âThis isnât about that, Luis. You know that.â
He did. He just didnât want to hear it.
âBut it can beâŠâ He looked over at her again, âIf you let it.â
Anabel hid her face in her free hand and let out a shaky breath.
âDamn it, Luis.â She pressed the heel of her hand to her forehead, âI canât keep anything from you.â
Oh? That was a good sign, maybe she would talk to him. Perhaps he had judged her too quickly before.Â
âHey, hey, who said I was trying to get something out of you?â
Anabel gave Luis another one of her stern looks. He raised his hands and backed off smirking, the cigarette lifting with his lips. It was fun to mess with her, but he knew she was trying to take the situation seriously, and he simply was trying to lighten the mood. After all, they were smoking, it wasnât often they were able to do that. Relaxation was very rare to come by so taking advantage of the situation wouldn't come as too much as a surprise to either of them. Anabel cleared her throat to get the back on topic.
âLook, I know you think Iâm exhibiting symptoms, but really, this is nothing to be losing sleep overâ donât you dare, Luis, I see that look on your face, say nothing, no quips right now.â She took a deep breath and tapped her cigarette, âI have been overworking myself, I will admit.â
Luis did want to slide in another clever comment but he didnât want to test his colleague more than he already had, but he already did it once and that was one times to many. Instead of saying anything else, he simply nodded and leaned his elbows and his back over the railing, looking over his shoulder towards her. He would give her space to talk.
âNothing?â She raised a brow, âI can talk without you butting in with some⊠some⊠half-assed comment?â
Luis knew that was most DEFINETLY bait and he wouldnât be taking it. Anabel had the stage now and he wasnât going to say anything about her little jab. So, in response, he gave her a pouty face and blinked his eyes a few times as if he was trying to stop himself from crying. How dare she say his comments are half-assed! If anything, they were full-assed! Like Sancho's ass (to be clear, it means donkey in this context, after all, he is a genius in both wit and practicality), reliable and consistent!
Anabel seemed unamused at his attempt to appeal to her softer side.
âYou are incredibly lucky my hands are full.âÂ
A bit of an understatment, she could place the lantern on the ground and nudge him with her elbow, kick him, shoulder him, you know⊠the usual dismissively aggressive actions. But... she didnât do any of that because Luis kept quiet. Well-- he did chuckle, so, as quiet as that could be.Â
Anabel glanced sideways at him again and focused on her finished smoke. She flicked snuffed it on the balcony and flicked the butt from between her fingers. She shook her head and let out another light laugh, it was difficult to keep her composure around he colleague like this.Â
âFine, fine, Iâll talk.â Her smile faded, just as her softer tone, âI guess⊠Iâm tired of losing people⊠itâs like you think you can do somethingâ anything to help them, but they just⊠justââ
âEscape your grasp.â Luis said for her.
âYes, that⊠Iâve tried talking to the other researchers but none of them quite understand the gravity of the situation! These are peopleâ HUMANSââ She caught herself and lowered her voice, âSorry, sorry, I just couldnât help but get carried away, Iâm trying my best not to say the wrong thing to someone and have it reach someone lose and then everything will be for nothing because they trust me and I can betray that but I canât help but feelââ
Luis pressed his finger to her lips and looked around, âDo you see anyone else here?â
âThen speak your mind. Iâll listen, you might be surprised to find that youâre not be alone in these⊠sentiments.â He turned and reached for her lantern. âLike I said, it can be about life if you let it, Anabel. I promise you can trust me with this, with all of it.â
Anabel looked closely at Luis, mirroring his expression. Her eyes flicked to the lantern and then back to him. It barely took her a second of thought to hand it over, her once steady hands shaking with uncertainty. To Luis, her hesitance wasn't weakness, especially when she allowed him to carry her flame. Their hands touched for the briefest of moments before Anabel pulled back and looked at him expectantly. Luis smiled softly, a silent assurance that she would be alright.
âItâs just us right now, the only pair in sight.â He pulled his smoke from his mouth, "What do we have to lose?"
