thoughts/my life

Trigger Warning! this blog discusses trauma and abuse in detail. verbal abuse, emotional abuse, abusive parents, sexual abuse, ptsd, depression, anxiety, mental health, recovery

[baraphalloplastyclinic]

I actually do think we should discourage women from becoming housewives. Do not become financially dependent on a man. That's how a lot of women ended up dead over the years. A man gets violent suddenly and you have to choose between homelessness or potentially dying at his hand because you have an enormous gap in your resume and no degrees or certifications or anything that will help you pursue a career that will allow you to be financially independent. He owns your bank account. His name is probably the one on the car. Try and leave and he can report it stolen. Where will you go then?

Don't become a housewife.

[ladyfoxfire]

And if you do become a housewife, take steps to protect yourself. Make sure you’re legally married, for starters; stay-at-home girlfriends have very little legal recourse to claim their partner’s assets in a breakup. Make sure your name is on the house deed/rental agreement, and have your car in your name, even if your spouse is paying for it. Have your spouse transfer money every month into an account solely in your name, so you can buy yourself things without needing permission, but also so you can save up to leave if needed.

If your spouse fights you on any of this, then don’t quit your job. The tradwife to poverty pipeline is real, and so is financial abuse.

[dressedupliketheking]

also, many women/people experience controlling behaviour and domestic violence from their partner for the first time during pregnancy. don’t risk thinking “he’s just stressed, it’ll get better when the baby comes” because it won’t. neither you and your child will ever be safe with that man. get out as early and safely as you can

[strawberry-crocodile]

ultimately the best way to prevent abuse is to organize society in such a way that everyone's needs are met wothout having to rely on a parent or employer or boyfriend or any one individual. obviously wont stop, like, manipulation or so on, but the ability to dangle basic needs over someone's head is one of the most powerful and consistant tools of abuse out there. if someone is able to just leave, and know that they will have access to food and shelter and clean water and education, that will enable so, so mamy victims of abuse to do just that.

[strawberry-crocodile]

really funny how like 10% of the comments are people going "nuh uh" and the remaining 90% are people going "this is literally whats happening to me/my mom/etc Right Now"

[capacity2]

I feel so bad for the annoying women at work. Like I actually feel sick when we’re interacting and I feel the annoyance occurring in my brain like she really doesn’t mean to be this way and she just doesn’t want to feel alone or rejected. you can tell she’s experienced being an outsider everywhere she goes it’s only a matter of time. And it’s not cool chic or edgy but in the ugliest most desperate and dehumanizing way. They always start hopeful. they want to connect and they go searching for someone receptive to her so she can find her people but everyone turns away from her slowly and u hear it in her voice. It’s happening again. she starts hesitating to speak and when she does you hear a shaky child ending every sentence like it’s a question. Testing the waters to know if she’s wrong for even trying. And then I realize I took her smile for granted now that it’s gone.. I have to make it up to her I can’t let something like this continue. Life is so hard for people everywhere, so building a tolerance for being irritated is nothing in comparison especially if the reward is less pain and loneliness in the world I will always be the bestie you have my word

[cyberbaptism]

People who flinch at this or jump to hating on OP have never been completely honest with themselves and it shows. Like, you know this person. You've met this person. The under socialized outcast who everyone thinks is kinda annoying and weird, including you. People think that acknowledging their own annoyance towards someone who's essentially harmless is the same as killing someone and being ontologically bad. Like, as long as you don't shun that person you're good. Actually, that's exactly what OP is fucking talking about. They acknowledge and see that this woman is the way she is and also express sympathy, but because there's no over the top performative moralizing everyone thinks it's mean when it's just a true assessment of the situation. Like, two things can be true at once—yes, this person is annoying and they make me cringe and yes, I'm not gonna be an asshole about it because I know that's not right. I have a sneaking suspicion that the reason everyone got so fired up about this is because they're scared that they might've been the annoying coworker in someone else's story. And guess what you probably were. Yeah. Sit with that. Did you die? Did the discomfort kill you?

[capacity2]

The hysterics was giving 2015 tumblr fr. We’ve all been that hoe nobody likes before

[havingrevelations-deactivated20]

shaking six year old me by the shoulders YOU WERE RIGHT. YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT LOVE AND ABOUT FAIRNESS AND ABOUT SHARING IS CARING. YOU WERE RIGHT. THE ADULTS DON’T KNOW ANY MORE ABOUT TRUTH THAN YOU DO. KEEP BELIEVING IN THE FAIRIES AT THE BOTTOM OF THE GARDEN. NOTHING IS “JUST THE WAY IT IS”. I AM SORRY THEY EVER CONVINCED YOU TO FEEL SHAME. YOU ARE REAL AND A PART OF THIS WORLD. YOU WERE RIGHT.

[neuronary]

"the only difference between a cult and a religion is the scale"

NO. NO IT ISN'T. THIS IS WHAT THE CULTS WANT YOU TO THINK IT IS NOT TRUE. THERE ARE RELIGIONS THAT ARE NOT CULTS AND CULTS THAT ARE NOT RELIGIOUS AND YOU MUST LEARN THE DIFFERENCE

[blackwoolncrown]

This is how a lot of people end up in cults that are not religious — thinking that “cults” are small weird “religious” groups.

[lolthsword]

how do i speak up

[furiousgoldfish]

"We didn't know any better!"

you knew to hide it from the neighbours

you knew to threaten me not to say anything

you knew to train me to 'act normal' in front of company

you knew to pretend our relationships was different in front of guests/relatives

you knew to tell me to stop screaming so 'people won't think you're killing me'

you knew to put injuries where they would be hidden by clothing

you knew to forbid me to wear short clothing outside

you knew to convince me that god and entire population would be on your side yet to hide it from all of them

you knew whenever any of it was happening to you that it was bad

you knew to tell me it's my fault you're doing this to me

you knew to sabotage development of any knowledge or survival skills that would help me leave

you knew you kept me in conditions any alive person would want to escape

you knew if I escaped it would reflect poorly on you

you knew to convince me I was unlovable and would die without you, so I wouldn't look for support elsewhere

you knew to make sure I never had enough money to leave

you knew to crush every crumb of confidence to make sure I felt hopeless

you knew to convince me I didn't deserve anything better and was meant to live only as long as I'm useful to you

you knew to convince me my memories were wrong

you knew to persuade me I'm crazy for remembering what you did

you knew to punish me for showing trauma symptoms

you knew to manipulate other people to convince me you were right.

You knew better. You knew exactly what you were doing. Every step of the way. You did what you intended to do, and then some to keep it hushed up. These are not actions of a confused person. This is calculated. And now you're counting on my compassion and suspension of disbelief to take you didn't know. And if I do believe you? You get to do it all over again.

[furiousgoldfish]

abusive parents: we just don't know any better 🥺

science, education and their own kids: you can learn! Here's what you're doing wrong, here's what damage it does, here are some resources to study from, here's devastating consequences of abuse on children's lives

abusive parents: Fuck Off we Said we Don't Know Any Better!!!!

[furiousgoldfish]

abusive parents if they weren't lying: I'm doing this for your own bad

[furiousgoldfish]

literally. we all have the same set of parents

[furiousgoldfish]

Abusive parents teach you that the only way to show someone you love them is through absolute obedience and servitude. And if you make a mistake, or say no, or annoy or displease them in any way, they can retalliate in hatred and violence and that is your fault, and it's still love. Control is love, abuse is love, crushing your boundaries and neglecting your needs is sold as love.

I spent so long thinking this is just what it takes to be loved; a life of servitude, guilt and pain. Sending a child into the world believing this sets them up for domestic abuse for their whole life.

And the only reason they claim all this is to get away with abuse, to convince you they have the right to do this to you, for your own good, and you're just too stupid to see it's love. That isn't love. Love doesn't leave you deprived of attention, care, understanding, compassion, acknowledgement and support. Love doesn't make you wish you were dead from how worthless and hopeless you're made to feel. It doesn't make you feel like something is deeply wrong with you and you can't be loved or appreciated as you are. That's what hatred and isolation does.

[shamebats]

[dragondroid]

One very important thing to keep in mind is that Christians have a fundamentally different definition of "love" than healthy people do.

In Christianity, you hear a lot about god's love for people, and how everything that happens to you is out of his love- including disasters, death, pain, and even eternal torture. Similarly, a lot of Christian abusers justify their abuse as being out of love for the victim.

This is because they view love as one-sided. They see it as something you do to someone, not a healthy bond of mutual consent and respect that you form with someone. When Christians call themselves a "religion of love" while abusing gay people or forcing non-Christians to conform to them, they're not being hypocritical in their eyes- to them, controlling or even harming someone because you think it's best for them is what love is.

[vexheart]

This

[findyoump3]

is it ok to add this image

[furiousgoldfish]

abusive families are like, No the problem here is not all of the agressive and violent members of the family, nor the adults throwing tantrums and threats, or the family treating you like worthless piece of dirt. It is not the local pedophile nobody protects you from and it is not the sibling who tried to kill you several times.

The problem is that you sometimes say words we don't like and have an unpleasant face expression. And you show emotion of being hurt which how dare you. In fact all of the adult people's behaviour is the direct consequence of your actions, we all know adults behaviour is controlled by one scared child who sometimes dares to stand up to them. Be ashamed of making everyone act this way with your evil child powers!

[furiousgoldfish]

abuser: spends years meticulously isolating, grooming, trapping and sabotaging victim to the point where they don't know they're abused, blame themselves, think abuse is just normal, feel no confidence about any of their skills, have no one and no way of survival if they escape, and they're aware their lives are threatened if they try

society: well why didn't the victim just leave if they didn't like it :/

[furiousgoldfish]

Why can't you just let things go! Why are you such a grudge-bearer!

Oh I'm so sorry you have to deal with my toxic traits of 'retaining memories' and 'wanting to talk about past events', I bet this has nothing to do with you refusing to take responsibility for your actions to the point of requiring people to only selectively retain their memories of you.

[thuktunflishithy]

The GDT movie plays a lot with the novel’s characters and plot but I knew that in its heart it was true to Shelley’s intent as soon as I saw the scene with Victor shaving the Creature and getting increasingly resentful of his creation like a stressed out single mom. Guillermo del Toro might as well have screamed into my ear that Victor wanted to become his mother but postpartum depression turned him into his father, and it was beautiful.