Shane is not entirely aware of how much Yuna Hollander treasures him. The reason for the disconnect, however, is not because Yuna doesn't love him enough. Yuna simply does not show that love to her son enough because she operates under the assumption that Shane is aware of this. And honestly he might have been, if it weren't for his queerness, or even his love for Ilya.
The aftermath of Shane and Ilya’s relationship reveal to his parents is so goddamn significant. That “please forgive me” conversation is so important because I believe it’s the first time that Shane has the realisation that. Damn, my mom does love me and treasure me before anything else. He knows it on an intellectual level, but it never quite rings true because he believes that once he doesn’t fit into Yuna’s “ideal golden boy”, that will go down the drain. The key issue, with Shane and his perspective of his mother, is not that he thinks she is homophobic, it’s that he believes she will see Shane being gay as an issue because it doesn’t fit into the plans he thinks she has for him. Shane’s queerness would not be something he sees as issue for his parents eyes, if he wasn’t Shane Hollander.
He is Shane, he is Hollander, but he is also Shane Hollander. Shane Hollander is as much him, as it is a persona, a brand, an image, an identity Shane takes on. Shane Hollander is polite, and talented, and kind, and gentle, the epitome of a Canadian good boy. He doesn’t fight, and he rises above racism. He is a strong leader and an inspiration to young East Asian children everywhere. He is perfect and controlled and he doesn’t slip up. He is spectacularly media trained and he is the face of hockey because he is skilled and smart and he is palatable to everybody (here lies an issue because nobody real is ever palatable to everybody-) because he doesn’t cause scandals and he does not cause drama. Shane Hollander is respectable, admirable. Shane Hollander is crucially, not queer.
Shane Hollander cannot be gay. Because that makes him controversial, that makes him no longer unflawed. That makes him less than perfection to everybody. Shane is so, very, aware of this. He takes SH on and off like a cloak, a mask that he dons to please the masses. To please the league and the public. To please Montreal, his city and his team. To please Yuna. SH is a mold, a box he contorts himself into for the sake of others, but also his own perceived and actual safety (e.g. his parents VS the Metro's locker room).
Yuna is also aware of this, maybe moreso than Shane. But she has security in knowing how to navigate it, and knowing exactly where she stands in all of it. In her mind, she believes she is getting it right™. She is not forcing Shane to come out to them. She is building his image and teaching him how to not fall victim to those lying in wait, waiting for the Asian kid to slip up, to be too weak, to fall short. She believes she has simply equipped him with what he needs to walk into the fight, and come out on top no matter who he is against. And she has. She also has, unfortunately, made it so that Shane believes this is the priority, and not him.
In Shane's mind, Yuna has worked hard on SH and so Shane needs to fit into that to earn the love and time that Yuna has spent curating his identity. In Yuna's head, her priority is Shane and that is why SH is necessary, to protect Shane. This is the disconnect.
In canon, David walking in on Shane and Ilya probably saved the Hollanders. Shane and Yuna needed to have that conversation, because Shane needed to realise that Yuna loved him. Not his public image or his fame. Seeing Yuna take his sexuality and the Ilya of it all in stride, hearing a genuine apology from his mother, seeing Yuna immediately start to make new plans (even if I find that iffy, I think after freaking out Shane probably found comfort in the fact that Yuna started crafting new plans the same way she would have before, that nothing much ha changed except he understood that was her way of trying care for him, for them), Shane probably actually felt like he and Yuna were on the same side for once. That Yuna was always walking into the fight with him, as a coach, as backup, she intended to be there no matter what.
Obviously I do not think that Yuna and Shane magically became perfect after this, but there is an understanding between them after this, a way to bridge their disconnect.
That is why I think this saved the Hollanders, because I am of the opinion that Shane would not have been able to bring himself to talk to them before the relationship got worse or splintered more. They could have found out in another way, and possibly had the same outcome. But I think that if there was no catalyst for Yuna and Shane's conversation their relationship would have fractured eventually.
And Yuna is not the only one at fault. If anything I would argue that David’s more passive chracterisation in canon and fanon does more harm than Yuna’s pressure. I think David is actual such an interesting character even if I relate to Yuna and Shane’s relationship somewhat. I think the moment that has intrigued me the most about him in canon is his line, “And there were no nice men in Montreal?” Like to me, that rubs me the wrong way, as I am extremely defensive of Ilya considering how much I relate to his character, but that’s just me. I’ve seen a few different takes on the lines trying to justify it, which I perfectly understand (e.g. he was chirping since he used to be a hockey player too, he meant no nice men in Montreal rather than that Ilya was not a nice man), but I still honestly think he meant it in a somewhat passive aggressive way. His question about Ilya being a bit of a manwhore(/affectionate) is what really makes me think that.
David here has no reason to know who Ilya, he only knows Rozanov. And so while David isn’t rude or outright antagonistic I genuinely feel he has a right to be defensive and a bit suspicious of Ilya FOR THAT INITIAL SHORT WHILE. David also is friendly and warm to Ilya after the initial conversation. You can see a change in attitude so I don’t hold it gains him even if I feel defensive of Ilya. I’m getting off track, but I think this line and these scenes give more nuance to David. Like I see him as the happy go lucky sweet gentle dad a lot and LOVE THAT FOR HIM, but also I like to think that David is actually a very protective person and he can and will fight for those he loves.
I think this is actually the reason for any passivity when it comes to Yuna and Shane possibly clashing. Like those are his two babies. His beloved and his pride and joy. He adores Yuna, and he loves Shane with all his heart. He has protective instincts for them both. He cannot choose between them because he wants to fight for them both, not against either of them. He takes a backseat between them because he never wants to have to choose between his most important people. Yuna I think would know this, because Yuna and David are fairly couple goals to me, and they communicate and have had YEARS to know the ins and outs of each other minds and hearts. Shane probably does not. I think that Shane would most likely assume that David is always on Yuna’s side because he does t really hear anything else. Our anxiety overthinking spiralling champion over here would absolutely take David’s attempts at neutrality to be his dad not wanting to hurt him by ganging up with Yuna on him. The scene where they’re talking about a Swedish princess, that’s another hint of David’s character to me. He does not reproach Yuna till Shane is out of earshot. They’re partners so they are a team, but Shane probably sees it as a him vs them situation sometimes. I think honestly this would hurt Shane more in the long run.
Yuna is outrightly pushy in a way that definitely stresses Shane the fuck out, but he knows he’s quite similar to his mom, and he can rationalise it as her worry even if he disagrees. But David being silent in most cases probably makes him feel like he is the one being unreasonable. I’ve experienced this before and it sucks. David definitely does not realise this, but Shane probably interprets David as against him but it’s worse because he isn’t up front about it like Yuna (again this is Shane’s perception of his parent imo, not what they actually think or are trying to do). The lack of upfrontness (I do not think that is a word but fuck it we ball ig) is probably worse because Shane can never be sure what David is thinking like he believes he is sure about Yuna. That uncertainty is really quite awful because you feel like it’s in your head and then something will happen and reinforce it before something else happens and you feel like you are just being dramatic.
There is a reliability in how Shane thinks Yuna would react, and an even worse unreliability in what the hell David is gonna do when he finds out about Shane both being gay and loving Ilya. Again, Shane’s perception of his parents has probably been warped in canon. He probably has expectations for what will happen and no idea if he’s right. His love for Ilya is so important to him, it’s an intrinsic part of his being by this time, but his parents have zero goddamn clue. It’s such a huge part of him he does not know how to express it and yet his parents do not know about so how could they really know him? They love the version of him that they think they know and how would that change if they knew who he really was (the “I think we know you pretty well, Shane.” is also really important because how could they if they don’t know the man who has helped shape Shane’s heart and love and identity?).
This disconnect between parents and child is so significant because of who Shane loves and how much he has to keep from them. Being gay is one thing, with Yuna, loving Ilya is another, with David. They know half of him so well and yet the other half is cut off and unseen to them until David walks in. They get to see this entire side of Shane they never have before, and Shane gets to finally feel safe in the knowledge that wow his parents finally know all of him— his love, his heart— and they still love him and care about him and are prioritising him. They are truly on his side.
janainaart
stormborns
yousharknotpass
turnnoffyourmind
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