Chaos incarnate @cyber-space-bug - Tumblr Blog

Dextronaut in Cherry Menthol Ocean

I wish there was a way that this could turn out where neither of us is hurt but it doesn't really feel like that's possible. My experience is being denied. Your experience is being denied. Everything has gotten so convoluted that I can't even tell what's true anymore. It feels like the best outcome is for us to start from scratch and I can't do that yet. I don't know if you'll be there when I can. I don't know if you'll even want to be by then. I want to be here for you but I need to listen to my feelings instead of ignoring them. I've felt abandoned for over a year now. Whether it's true or not, I feel disregarded. I feel misled. I feel discarded. I feel like ive been shrouded in ambiguity for a long time. I feel like you were careless with my feelings and didnt take them seriously from the beginning. We talked about a life together once. You told me you had feelings for me. You told me you didnt know what it was you wanted. You told me you could see a future where we were together. I don't want to have to justify my emotions. You shouldn't have to either. It's valid that you only see us as friends but acting like that's all there ever was is simply untrue and denying me the room to mourn that isn't fair. Acting like I dont deserve the space to process everything that has happened is unfair. You deserve to be happy with your situation. I've always wanted your happiness. That won't ever change but I need to figure out how I'm supposed to treat you if we aren't romantic in some way. How im supposed to expect to be treated. I need a new baseline and that requires me to reset. I want things between us to be healthier than they have been. Calling this a cycle doesn't adequately encompass the situation because the way youve expressed how you felt to me has been unclear until that last talk we had. I never got to move past this. When you made up your mind and conveyed that to me it sparked a process of healing that I never got to experience until now. Please don't rush me through it. Please don't push me out for good. I fully intend to come back when I've processed, and if you need me you can tell me that and I'll be here. For now though, I cant be what you want from me. I want to share in your happiness again, but for now all it reminds me of is that my best wasnt good enough for you. I'm glad you've found people that fit for you. I do want to hear about them some day when I'm not jaded about how everything happened. Your friendship means so much to me I really can't convey it properly. I need time to feel my feelings. It has nothing to do with whether or not you're worth being my friend. You're the best friend I've ever had. I really hope you can understand where I'm coming from.

#vent #mine

spiny-ant

This is what bug haters look like

fia-fiasco

okay i love bugs but wasps specifically are pure evil

wyverewings

Wasps specifically are pure evil? As in all 75,000 species are pure evil with no variation in behavior?

Parasitoid wasps that keep insect populations in check?

Solitary wasps which only sting if provoked?

Social wasps who care for their young and will risk their lives to defend their hive?

Wasps which are both scavengers and pollinators?

Wasps that fly around humans to investigate them and interpret swatting as aggression?

Wasps that recognize human faces and can be befriended?

Wasps which cladistically include bees and ants?

All wasps are pure evil?

Kill ur landlords and kiss ur friends!

#fuck landlords #kiss your friends #me #mine #makeup #156/silence #vctms #lilith's demise #in gloom #conduitfl

Going to a 156/silence concert!

#156/silence #mine #me #makeup #queer #nonbinary #lgbtqia

There is no point in my life that I can look back on and determine that nothing bad had happened to me yet in my memory. I'm pretty certain that there was never a point where my life wasn't tainted by trauma. I don't know how to process that, I just know it leaves a pit in my stomach.

#vent #actually cptsd #just cptsd things #mine

wiingdings

on colors and being different and not being enough for yourself

(please reblog instead of liking)

I miss all of the people that used to be in my life. Now that I'm limiting my social media interaction, I'm feeling so empty and lonely. I wish that things between me and all of the people who used to be around didn't have to end how it all did. I'm so bad at picking the right people. It scares the crap out of me how bad.

#vent #mine

I already miss all my Facebook friends 🥹💔