Deus ex Machina

Maria // twenty six

[cyph-rx]

Jesus Christ. The hardest part of recovery is the occasional relapse into bad habits.

[cyph-rx]

If I can pinpoint the start of my journey to better my mental health, it was a year ago today. The best realization I’ve had thus far was that I found a piece of my soul sitting within my best friend and from that moment on, it was like the fog lifted and everything fell into place. Platonic love is so genuine and full of life; I hope that everyone realizes that there’s more than just romantic love - that your soulmate can be your best friend.

[cyph-rx]

Pulling people closer is the weirdest, most uncomfortable thing I can do to myself, but I need the support so I’m just gonna force myself do this.

[cyph-rx]

My will to go forward has been so thin lately like wow.

[cyph-rx]

My like aura or energy or WHATEVER these past couple of weeks has been so confusing. I’m just confused as to how I’m existing right now. I leave for vacation in a few hours so hopefully I’ll be less confused when I come back.

[onlinecounsellingcollege]

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

— Ernest Hemingway

[cyph-rx]

Made one of the hardest decisions of my life this morning and I am so utterly exhausted and indifferent and confused and honestly nothing positive is coming out of me, but I know this will give me peace at the end.

[sunlian-deactivated20180906]

characters who crave affection but at the same time have no idea how to respond to actually receiving it due to the fact theyve rarely ever experienced it are my absolute favourite

[brunettebelle-deactivated202008]

characters? bitch this is me 

[cyph-rx]

The amount of love my best friend has shown me the past few months makes my heart do somersaults.

[designbby]

[stfeyes]

https://www.instagram.com/stfeyes/

[closedforgoodbyelol]

[cyph-rx]

I think, at the core of it, I don’t know who I am anymore without people around me, and maybe that’s why I need help now.

[usbdongle-deactivated20200531]

having parents that were really angry and petty and abusive when you were young is weird, because it makes part of you grow up to want to be kind, to generate good things, to be a source of peace and wellbeing for others; but it makes another part of you grow up to be quick, and sharp, and spiteful, and that’s always the part that shows itself first in a hard situation, so it’s a struggle between your hateful gut reactions and your wish to not add any more misery to the world. it’s a hard balance, and the people who really, really know me - i know they see that anger flash in my eyes before i quiet it, if i quiet it…i want to overcome years of conditioning, and with gentle, constant force, i know i’ll mellow it. it just takes time.

[melancholymango]

I did the being edgy and self-deprecating thing, it gets old. I wanna be soft and lovely and easily impressed. I wanna appreciate all the little things that make me happy the same way I’ve dwelled on every single thing that upsets me.

[cyph-rx]

I used to really not show appreciation and affection to people, but now I am at random times, and it’s really eye opening how people react to affection. It’s like the world truly doesn’t give people enough of it and it’s so sad.

[cyph-rx]

I put myself out there and it feels WEIRD. Someone tell me to go back INSIDE and HIDE.