DadStreet

[dadstreet-blog]

Have You Heard of @eBay Giving Works?

  As I continue my journey of self-reflection and development, the topic of giving keeps coming up. I'm learning that real fulfillment in life doesn't come from what we receive but rather what we give. Consider the act of giving to be the basis for a healthy karma. When we take care of others, the universe can only respond with nothing but pure care for ourselves. I understand this might sound hokey to some. However, if you're not the "giving type" and I wasn't for most of my life, I encourage you to do it just once and see how energized you feel.

Whether you've been giving to others your entire life or have always wanted to but didn't know where to start, I have something for you! As you may know by now, I've been on the eBay Parent Panel for the last year. My time on the eBay Parent Panel has been fruitful and my year long commitment is now coming to an end. I can't think of a better post to finish off my time with them than to bring to you a wonderful opportunity like this.

eBay Giving Works is a program designed to allow you to contribute some or all of the proceeds of an item you sell to a non-profit charity. Sometimes we don't have the extra cash lying around to donate to others. However, most of us have old gifts or unused items around the house, in the shed, or up in the attic collecting dust. Some of those items might even still be in their original packaging. You know what things I'm talking about! Well, you can easily sell those items on eBay and help to support a wonderful cause with just a few extra steps! Didn't think you'd hear the words eBay and Karma did you? Well, I didn't know this was an option until recently either and encourage you to check it out.

If you're someone who regularly gives and is looking for a creative way to give more or if you've ever wanted to start turning your Karma around here's how!

First, check out the eBay Giving Works home page!

Then, you may want to browse through their step-by-step instructions for how to get started!

If you'd prefer to watch a video about it you can do that as well!

I am a member of the eBay Parent Panel which is a paid sponsorship between eBay and DadStreet. The views and opinions expressed on this site are mine and cannot be bought. However, I may want to buy yours if I run out of my own.

[dadstreet-blog]

Buy Anything With No Return Policy

[caption id="attachment_1811" align="aligncenter" width="414"] Image courtesy of www.planetreceipt.com[/caption]

I just realized, after typing the title, that I sound like some kind of crazy advertisement for some new store or online shopping tool! Truth is I'm probably more like your "typical" male shopper. Mostly I don't enjoy long hours of shopping although oddly enough I do like going to Shopping Centers/Malls, etc. I think what I like is being with my family out for the day on an exploration for what will fit in our trunk, that we don't need to have, and we can't afford. You know how that goes...

It's the bit about walking around the same clothing store for an hour looking at everything hanging on the rack that challenges my patience. There are some stores, of course, I could stay in for awhile. I love the Apple Store, Williams-Sonoma, and I find myself at Whole Foods almost daily. I suppose that pretty much sums up 70% of my interests...techie gadgets, food, and wine.

I also happen to be one of those shoppers that has a love-hate relationship with receipts. My wife always keeps receipts and asks that I do as well. Of course, the only way for me to really express how right I think she is, is to actually show her. The only way to do that is to throw out my receipts, then find we need them, only for me to say, "You were right." Okay, so perhaps that isn't the exact truth but it's not often I keep receipts as they just get thrown in the trash. Whenever I have an option to get a receipt in email I always do that. However, beyond keeping a receipt many companies have a limited return policy. Of course, I don't get around to actually returning an item until it's too late and whether or not I have the receipt is of no consequence.

The end result?

I wind up with stuff around the house that goes unused. Fortunately, most of the items this happens with are of less value but they add up over time and it's just not a good way to live. If you've been reading my blog over the last year you know that I'm a member of the eBay Parent Panel. What's been so great is that in looking for ideas to write about I've been given an opportunity to find ways in which we can all benefit. Of course we all know about eBay but many of us, myself included until recently, don't realize how it can greatly benefit us.

This all leads me back to the title of the post. eBay has made it so easy to sell whether it's from your desktop/laptop or you mobile device. eBay doesn't care when you bought your product or whether or not you threw out your receipt. As long as you have access to a shipping service (heck, you could even restrict it to local pick up) and an honest description about your product you can "return" anything. In some instances you may even be able to get more for your product than what you purchased it for.

So the next time you realize you threw out that receipt and/or waited too long to return that item, check out eBay. You won't be forced to pay those restocking fees. You won't hear that you'll have to accept the current sale price which is $1.99 since you don't have a receipt. Most importantly you'll have money in your pocket that's otherwise sitting in your closet collecting dust.

I am a member of the eBay Parent Panel which is a paid sponsorship between eBay and DadStreet. The views and opinions expressed on this site are mine and cannot be bought. However, I may want to buy yours if I run out of my own.

[dadstreet-blog]

Filling The Bucket of Children's Self-Esteem

There is something to be said for the huge responsibility weighing on our shoulders as parents. What's even more straining is being in a position to help a child's self-esteem flourish all while knowing you may have your own challenges with esteem. It's not surprising that so many of us have issues with our own sense of self. After all, our parents weren't given tools to help "fill our buckets".

Perhaps if we're going to really take on this mission of "filling buckets" we need to start with filling our own. Of course, that's much easier said than done. However, just being aware that becoming more fulfilled personally brings a flow of fulfillment to others could be enough.

So while we consider the best approaches (and by the way, there's no one-best way to approach this) consider giving yourself some loving tender in the process. We may have the added responsibility of nurturing our children but we can't forget the story of The Goose That Laid The Golden Eggs. If all of our energy is spent caring for those little eggs (our children) we're going to run out of steam and perhaps self-esteem.

Be well to your children, Be well to yourself!

[dadstreet-blog]

<h5>What Can Men Learn From Boys?</h5>

As little boys we're like sponges just soaking up the world around us. With the guidance of our loving parents we traverse life's obstacles and learn to find a place in our own bodies. Little boys in particular are very resistant to change and are pretty sure, most of the time, that what they know is right. Of course, parents have that responsibility to teach their children the rights and wrongs of life.

Which leads me to my next point. Perhaps many parents, in their very best effort to "do right", actually wind up assisting their children in unlearning what is actually true. This belief rests on the principle that we are born with all the inherent qualities we have as humans. The inherent qualities I speak of include compassion, lovability, thoughtfulness, sensitivity, vulnerability, creativity, and many others. I believe one of two things happen as young children. Either we are reminded about what is already true about us (the inherent qualities) or we unlearn what is true and are taught the opposite. The opposite being not lovable, not good enough, not worthy, etc.

My wife had her phone on her and asked my son Jake (he's two) if there was anything he wanted to say to his best friend "Connor" (who is also two). Without prompt this sweet little boy told his best friend that he loved him. My wife sent the video to Connor's mom and he too wanted to send Jake a message back. Of course, his message was just as touching as I think you'd agree.

Jake and Connor were both born loving, lovable, tender, sweet, thoughtful, sensitive, vulnerable, creative, and sensitive. These qualities are clearly present in the video. Yet for the average "Jake" and "Connor" at 18 or 28 or 48 for that matter they would not be described that way. Men aren't typically described as sweet, tender, vulnerable, sensitive or loving. So where does this get lost?

For now, I think it's best that we're all reminded what's true about these two boys and every other boy. No matter what they unlearn down the road they're all sweet, loving, lovable, tender,and sensitive among hundreds of qualities. They don't have to win anything, do anything better, faster, or harder. They're already everything they should be. So if you're a parent reading this I invite you to consider that perhaps as, if not more, important than what our children have to learn is what they need to be reminded of. Those same things are what we can remind ourselves about. After all, we may not be children anymore but we still have all of those qualities we see in these two little boys.

What are some of your favorite ways to remind your son or daughter what's true about them? How about yourself?

[dadstreet-blog]

What Can Children Remind Us?

It's amazing what our children can teach us. We spend so much effort in helping them to understand the world around them. Sometimes, the most important things we learn are simply reminders...even those from our children.

[dadstreet-blog]

<h5>What Do You Want To Be When You Grow Up?</h5>

This past Sunday  morning O and I were at the table where she was drawing me a great picture for Father's Day. As she was drawing each little picture she'd describe for me what she was drawing.

This is a sweetheart for me and dad.

This is wife Jake.

This is wife Dad.

This is a house party for Mina (imaginary friend)...and so on...

What an imagination this little being of sweetness is! It was hard to make out exactly what this 4-year old was drawing but she had descriptions and she certainly knew what it was. So I would remember, I wrote down (with an arrow pointing) next to each little picture what the drawing was. I knew in a year, heck even a week, I'd forget that the swirly line she drew was supposed to be a cup drinker fire band, and no, I don't have a clue what that is!

What an imagination this little princess has!

Then she asked me a question, "Daddy, What do you want to be when you grow up?". At first I just thought this was a cute and sweet question that a little 4-year old asks. Then I sat with it for a moment and thought about exactly who I am in my life. Completely out of habit I thought about what I do for a living. Then I realized the question was about who I want to be, who I am.

Most of my life I defined who I was by things I did or things that existed outside of Josh. I quickly reminded myself that whether or not I like work, whether or not I'm athletic, whether or not I fall under any external label that identifies performance driven roles I am who I am. I've spent the last year of my life in deep reflection and personal growth.

That question posed while at first sweet, innocent, and cute was a reminder that we don't have to do things to become who we are. Being who we are is nothing more than an awareness of what's been there our whole lives. No, not outside of us, inside of us.

It was also a reminder from this little creative genius that it's never too late to become aware of "who we want to be" when we grow up. Unlike obtaining a PhD, a Law Degree or the title of Vice President, becoming the unique, worthy, lovable, good enough people is as simple as turning on the lights.

Everything you ever wanted to be, everything you ever wanted to see in your children is a matter of awareness.

What do you want to be when you grow up?

[dadstreet-blog]

A Grateful Father's Day

This morning while laying in bed...What? Wait!! I was laying in bed! Thanks to my beautiful wife, even though the kids were up at their usual 6'ish (Yes, as in 6am on the weekend!) she let me sleep in.

So we were laying there and she reminded me that this was my 4th Father's Day! I sat there for a moment recalling the last 3 of them and just noticing how grateful I felt. Having experienced 4 years of infertility we both only dreamed about celebrating Mother's and Father's Day. It's almost like a second birthday for sure!

I haven't really spoken about being grateful much in the past and thought now would be a perfect time. Just recently I made a conscious decision to be mindfully grateful.

What is Mindfully Grateful?

Basically my definition of this is that you are very intentional to be aware of what you're grateful for. There are different ways of doing this. For me, I actually use an app on my iPhone called Gratitude Journal to write down specifically what I'm grateful for.

I can't go any further without telling the whole truth...I got the idea of writing down things I'm grateful for from Oprah.

Okay, now that we got that out of the way I thought it'd be best for me to use an app. I'm a little geeky that way and I like the idea of having my list on me throughout the day. I need to do a better job of my consistency but basically right before I go to bed I'll write out 5 quick things I am grateful for. Most of them are relevant to the the day I just had. Normally they are things that are very simple such as a glass of wine, the sun, a hug, etc. The point is in appreciating what I do have and what is in my life. Giving attention to what I have not only keeps me mindful of the positive things in my life but keeps me in the present (the now). I'm not thinking about the future and I'm not really thinking about the past. Everything I'm grateful for is happening right now and I do my best to live in the right now. So you can see how something so simple that takes literally minutes a day can have such an impact on your life and self awareness.

Below is a screenshot from the list I made tonight. I put my wife first on the list because I very literally wouldn't be a Father without her. She was amazing through all of our Infertility and I owe all of this to her.

  I had an amazing day filled with plenty of time with the wife and kids, even a little "me time". It was so nice to hear from so many friends and family today as well. Special days like this make it easy to find so many things I'm grateful for. What's even more special is that I know tomorrow night before I go to bed I'll have my list and I'll be celebrating all over again.

Are you mindfully grateful? Do you keep a list or take mental note on a regular basis?

[dadstreet-blog]

2...4...6...8...Who Do You Appreciate?

  When our children are first born we look at them in awe. We'll sit and stare at them, falling deep into their eyes. For many of us it's hard to put these moments into words. Often times we don't know what we see but we know it's the best feeling in the world. As our children grow up there are less opportunities for that type of lengthy gazing. Heck my kids won't sit still long enough to eat some food let alone for me to ponder their souls. However, that same feeling we had when we were able to sit and stare is still there.

While in those moments we were seeing with our eyes we were actually aware on a much deeper level. That awareness allowed us to see their inherent qualities and all that is good and true about them. Some of the inherent qualities I talk about are lovable, valuable, worthy, precious, creative, beautiful, and many others. These qualities look familiar to us because even though sometimes we question their validity they are all true about us as well. Inherent qualities may be dismissed or denied but they are with us at birth and never leave.

As our children get older there are plenty of reminders about what is “wrong” with them or how they need to perform or do things beyond just being themselves to gain attention, affection, acceptance, and appreciation. This sets the stage for them as they get older to go find ways to feel loved, lovable, etc. Perhaps if we appreciated those inherent qualities in them a little more often they would know that they don’t need to search past themselves to find love. Just maybe when they received messages from others like they’re stupid, or ugly, or unworthy, etc. they would question them instead of learning to accept them.

In the very least, I can’t think of many better ways to honor your child and help them to establish a sense of self than giving them appreciations. Appreciations can be kept very simple and would probably work best when they are not in the middle of “doing something”. I advocate this approach only because you may not want to associate them having to do something (ie; painting, cleaning, performing) in order to be appreciated for who they are. This is a time for them to be reminded of what’s true about them regardless of what they do. Again, this deeper level of awareness is a reflection of their “being” not their “doing”. Just before they go to bed at night would be a great time to let them know that you appreciate how creative, loving, lovable, valuable, precious, curious, and smart they are. These are just a few examples of what you might appreciate about them. When they are old enough you might want to write a few out and have them read them to themselves. Hearing themselves remind them can resonate even deeper.

In a world where we can guarantee we’ll be hearing a lot of false things about ourselves isn’t it nice to know that a simple reminder of what is true can go a long way? What are some ways you've found to remind your children what's true about them?

[dadstreet-blog]

Get Rid Of Your Junk In 3 Simple Steps!

Several months ago I bought an R/C helicopter for the kids myself to play with around the house. What I didn't realize was how easy it is to break those little blades. It didn't take long before I was online searching for replacement blades after one too many crashes. Unfortunately, the blades that I received were the wrong ones. Of course, the proper thing to have done at this point would have been to return them, right? Well, you're talking to Mr. Procrastinator. Being the diligent procrastinator that I am I waited until it was too late to return them. Had I returned them within the eligible window I would have received my money back but wouldn't be a good procrastinator. See how this works?

Anyway, I was about to just toss the suckers (they were under $10) but realized I can do one better. So, I grabbed my iPhone opened up my eBay app and in 3 simple steps I had the blades listed while sitting on the couch.

Step 1

 

                    

When you first launch the app you're asked if you want to view the tutorial. There is a text tutorial that is really great. It even shows you how to search for items like yours which helps expedite the entire process! If you want to watch a video tutorial instead you can do that as well.

So your first step is going to be searching for the item you're selling. You can either enter in the keyword of the item you're selling or scan the barcode using the camera on the phone. I typed in the model number of the blades and it quickly showed other blades for sale. I tapped on one in the list and clicked on the "Sell one like this" button. The beauty of this is that it enters all the pertinent data into fields you'd otherwise have to fill out manually.

  Step 2

Now that we've searched for the item we're going to sell, we're ready to create our posting. The following screen shots show how detailed you can be with your listing. Most fields are already filled out as a result of clicking that "Sell one like this" button in the previous step. However, you can go in and change any field you'd like simply by tapping on it. The layout is super simple and very intuitive.

                    

         

Step 3

The third and final step is to submit your post! Once you do, you'll be presented with the fees your posting will incur and that's it! In literally minutes you can post anything you want to sell right from your phone!

                    

I am a member of the eBay Parent Panel which is a paid sponsorship between eBay and DadStreet. The views and opinions expressed on this site are mine and cannot be bought. However, I may want to buy yours if I run out of my own.

[dadstreet-blog]

It's About @Time To Stop The Shaming! Moms You Are Enough!

Unless you've been completely offline today you've surely heard and/or seen the controversial cover on Time Magazine. There's been plenty of talk about how old the child in this picture is - he's 3 - and whether or not women should be breastfeeding a child this age. It seems all the controversy online today (Facebook, Twitter, etc.) has been around the topic of breastfeeding. Of course, this is an important topic and one that will be debated for years to come. I am very much in support of breastfeeding. Having said that, this post is actually going to talk about something much more important. It's going to cover a topic that I'm not hearing anyone talk about and yet is, in many ways, killing millions of women and men alike.

Shame.

The cover of this photo states, "Are You Mom Enough?" Has our society become so used to being shamed, put down, questioned that we don't even see shame when it's staring us in the face? We wonder why so many of us have self-esteem issues and yet we don't see some of the causes. One of the most common questions I hear women asking is (in one variation or another) "Am I enough?". Whether it's in the form of weight, beauty, intelligence, career, financial, caregiving...and the list goes on and on.

The bottom line is that every women who is blessed to have a baby is ENOUGH from the moment she gives birth to that beautiful child. No woman can ever be MORE THAN or LESS THAN enough of a Mom.

There is no judgement in truth.

"More than" and "Less than" statements are judgements and there's only one truth. All Moms are enough all the time!

Why must our society/media put into question something as basic as this? Why must they keep our Moms doubting themselves? As if there isn't enough things to call into question about our performance and even our inherent nature. The sad truth is that this is so common. What's even more sad is that so many Women and Men alike don't even recognize that this is abuse and it's called, Shame.

Someone(s) at Time Magazine has a warped sense of what's "Real". Don't let them fool you into thinking you ever have to meet some condition as a women and a mother in order to be enough. This is a complete fallacy and says much more about the owners and content creators at Time Magazine than it ever does about our Mothers.

On this Mother's Day I want you to remember one thing Moms. You were, are, and will always be enough.

[dadstreet-blog]

Mother's Day @eBay!

With May already upon us it's not hard to remember that Mom is on our mind! There are so many resources out there for us to turn to and I wanted to remind you about my friends at eBay. You might not think that eBay would have anything to do with your upcoming Mother's Day but I'm going to invite you to see what they have in store.

Since we're all on some form of Social Media on a daily basis I thought I'd share about how they're contributing. They are hosting a number of Social Media Giveaways including a Twitter Party for Moms on May 1st (from 12 - 2 PST) as well as compiling a gift guide of items that the Mother's in your life might like.

Check out these different eBay channels to celebrate the Mom in your life and win some great prizes while you're at it.

• Memorable Moments - Facebook photo Sweepstakes with daily winners. Check out the site!

• Keep an eye for giveaways on Twitter (#ebaymom) and Pinterest.

• Fashion Vault – The Watchery – Mother’s day luxury watches up to 70% off – 4/30 to 5/7. View the sale here!

• eBay Flowers Promotion – Buy ProFlowers through eBay and get $10 to spend on eBay running until 5/12. Check it out here!

I am a member of the eBay Parent Panel which is a paid sponsorship between eBay and DadStreet. The views and opinions expressed on this site are mine and cannot be bought. However, I may want to buy yours if I run out of my own.

[dadstreet-blog]

Ain't Nobody Stupid Here

I can recall, not too long ago, a time when each and every word out of my daughter's mouth was met with huge celebration. When she started talking it was such an amazing thing to watch. In the beginning we weren't too concerned with what she was saying only so much that she was just speaking. Not too long after that she was starting to repeat words. We had to be really careful about what we would say around her or what would be on TV.

Our daughter, O, will be 4 years old in just under two weeks. She's got a great vocabulary and I know we've done a great job ensuring she's not exposed to words we'd likely use around other adults. However, she's now in Pre-School and of course have no control over what other children are going to say. Recently she's been picking up some words and one in particular.

About a week ago, O came home and completely out of nowhere says, "Daddy, we don't say stupid.". I was shocked at first as I'd never heard her use that word. Apparently, one of the other girls she plays with picked it up. So I replied, "That's right honey, no one is stupid and we don't use that word.". That was the last I heard of it until the next day.

The conversation went like this:

O: "Daddy, we don't say Stupid." Me: "That's right honey, we don't say that word." O: "Stupid is a bad word." Me: "That's right honey and we don't say it, good job!" O: "Right, we don't say Stupid." Me: "Right..."

This exact same conversation has occurred every day this week. I'm beginning to notice a pattern and am quickly catching on to this little genius 3 year old. She's found a way to say Stupid all the while confirming that she shouldn't say it!

Darn her!!!! LOL This is her at 3?? I am in so much trouble!

[dadstreet-blog]

Simple Tips For First Time eBay Sellers

Before becoming a member of the eBay Parent Panel I hadn't had much experience buying and/or selling on eBay. Since partnering with eBay I have definitely had some success selling nearly $800 worth of product. Not bad for things that were literally sitting around the house, right?

Selling on eBay can be a great experience and it's relatively easy. However, there are some things you want to make sure you're aware of before you start your selling experience. Today I'm going to cover two mistakes I made that would have yielded me more money and I wound up learning the hard way. Looking back what I'm about to talk about might seem like common sense but I got wrapped up in the excitement of selling.

Confirm Your Shipping Fees!

Now this isn't really such a big deal with smaller items since you're going to have minimal variance (generally speaking) with lighter/smaller items. However, when you're shipping larger items things can have quite a bit more variance. I was selling my stroller with accessories. This was a relatively large item and with all the accessories certainly weighed a bit. To be honest I suppose I just felt lazy at the time so I used the tools eBay has to estimate shipping costs. Now you can use the tools they have online to calculate costs but like I said, larger items deserve more research. After I sold my stroller I took it down to my local UPS store to ship it out. I was expecting some slight variance perhaps. When all was said and done I was a good $60 off though! Yikes! It would have taken 30 minutes out of my day to have taken the stroller down to UPS FIRST! Had I done that, I would have saved quite a bit of money and frustration. To make matters worse, I actually left a vital part of the stroller in my car and had to ship that separately! That added another $20 loss to my shipping saga.

So, if you're shipping a large item on eBay go to your local shipping company FIRST. Also, take the time to make sure you have ALL the parts of the item you're selling together before shipping. Again, these things seem like common sense and in a way they are. However, sometimes you just want to get rid of whatever you have and/or you're just wanting to get that extra cash in your pocket. Take a few more minutes to make sure you have solid ship numbers and I guarantee you'll end the transaction with the most money in your pocket.

Test Before You Sell!

This was another lesson I had to learn the hard way. I was selling an older Wii System I had. I hadn't used it in over a year and thought I could use the money instead of something else to collect dust. I placed the Wii for sale with all the accessories and someone won the bid. Just before I sent it out I decided to make sure everything worked. Everything worked the last time I used it but that was a year ago. As it turns out my kids (2 and 3) had gotten into some of the game disks and they were scratched beyond operation. I also found out that one of the controllers didn't work. It turns out that the batteries that were in there leaked after being in there so long and destroyed it. I felt so horrible that I had already sold what was advertised as a perfectly working Wii only to find these problems. I emailed the winner and explained what I found. She was pretty disappointed and I actually wound up giving her back $50.00 as a gesture on my part to make amends.

So, even if you "know" something works make sure you test it out BEFORE you post your item for bid. My other advice has to do with accessories like the games I included. I would offer those for free in your listing. If an accessory doesn't work great or is not in great condition it's much easier to deal with it if it's advertised as free. Had I advertised my games as free it would have been easier to claim that a refund wouldn't be in the works. Of course, your integrity is the most important thing and going back to my original point as long as you've honestly tested everything and advertised the item as it is you're in a good place. I made the mistake of not testing first and I was honest at the end and then made amends. Unfortunately, my amends cost me $50.00 extra bucks I would have kept had I done my due diligence.

Selling on eBay is fun and can yield you some great extra cash for items that might be just sitting around your house. However, as easy as it is to sell online it's also easy to make costly mistakes. You may feel anxious to get the show on the road and get that product sold. That's completely understandable and taking just a few extra minutes before and during the transaction will certainly pay off.

Happy Selling!

I am a member of the eBay Parent Panel which is a paid sponsorship between eBay and DadStreet. The views and opinions expressed on this site are mine and cannot be bought. However, I may want to buy yours if I run out of my own.

[dadstreet-blog]

Meet My Newest Baby @TinyChunks!

As you’ve probably been aware from some of my more recent posts I’ve been doing quite a bit of “self discovery” work. In fact, I’ve been working through a very formal program over the last 8+ months in which I’ve logged well in excess of 200 hours. My time has been spent in both group and individual settings in which I’ve worked through so many old hurts.

In fact, I would say before I started my work I was an extreme co-dependent. I couldn’t identify very well with “who I was”, I had no boundaries, plenty of false beliefs about who I was and who I wasn’t and for the most part was just not “aware”.

Since then I’m very confident in who I am. I have great use, understanding, and awareness of my boundaries. I affirm myself daily and no longer hold false beliefs of not being good enough as well as others. I’ve rid myself (not all but a good majority) of old hurts, fears, and bad feelings. I now know how to identify with feelings and welcome all of them. I’m a much better husband, father, friend, and employee. In many ways I’m a completely different person. The last 8 months were certainly the hardest (in terms of self work) I’ve ever done. It would be akin to extreme dieting with mega workouts. I went places I never wanted to go (emotionally) and saw things I only wished prior would’ve stayed buried. I’ve learned that to get to the other side you have to go through hell first.

I would describe my journey as having been driven down the wrong road most of my life. Now, I’m on the right road. It’s a long road and one that will only end when I pass on. I will continue to learn and grow as I travel down this new road. The gift I have now though is the unlimited ability to not only love myself but everyone else around me. I’m so much more free now than I’ve ever been and plan to give more than I ever knew I was capable of.

With all this said, I’ve started another site called, www.TinyChunks.com. Don’t ask where I got the name. Have you tried searching the web for an available name that doesn’t sound completely horrible? Yeah, well that’s where I was left. The tag line as it reads today is “of Love” so I suppose “Tiny Chunks of Love” is a little more palatable and hopefully relatable to the content. So what is the content? Well I gave myself a challenge a week ago. I have a list of all the qualities of our inherent nature. All the qualities that you and I (everyone) are born with. I decided to take on the challenge of putting these single words into short sayings that could easily and quickly be read. It allows me to remind myself that I have these qualities and as important it’s a great reminder for all of you as well. It’s something that will ring true for you, your parents, your children, and everyone else around you. I’m hoping to put a little bit of a creative spin on them so they’re as interesting to read as they are to be aware of. Right now I’m planning to post one a day during the week. Of course, at some point I’ll run out and I’m not sure what will happen then. I’m also thinking of other things I might be able to do with the site as well. By all means if you have any recommendations I would love to hear them! 

Lastly, I want to mention that although I’ve been away a bit from DadStreet it’s still a site I have every intention on maintaining and posting on. I found myself talking more about "well being" as it relates to adults and DadStreet has always been about parenting. So in the future when I speak about “well being” I’ll do so in the context of parenting and our children.

I hope you check out www.TinyChunks.com and share whatever resonates with you. Of course, I also hope you continue to come back to DadStreet as I ramp up postings in the near future.

Much love to you all and thank you so much for your support!

[dadstreet-blog]

Parents Are Not Helpless And Powerless. Hello Feelings!

As a parent of 2 and 3 year old children I often find myself in situations where I just want to scream! Ever have that happen to you? How about wanting to pull your hair out? What about those times when you just want to throw something across the room, preferably not your child?

 If you can identify with any of these scenarios, as I do, it’s likely that you’re feeling helpless and/or powerless. For me, most of the times I feel this way involves some sort of situation where I’m trying to get one of the kids to do something and CAN’T! Allow me to list some times and you can let me know if any of these ring a bell:

Getting them to take a bath

Getting them to get dressed

Getting them to get undressed

Getting them to brush their teeth

Getting them to eat

Getting them go to sleep

Getting them to wake up

Getting them to respond to you

Getting them to stop hitting

Getting them to stop running away

And the list goes on…

There’s two things that are in common every single time any of these situations occur for me. First, I can easily get a charge in which I am PISSED! The second, is that if I really sit down and think about what’s going on the following thought occurs. I cannot get my children to do what I want them to do.

Hello Helpless and Powerless!

Many of us don’t want to think of ourselves as “being” helpless and powerless because that’s what you would identify someone as weak possessing or perhaps very old or even very young, like our children. Well here’s the good news! Helpless and Powerless are not states of being (they are not who we are) they are just feelings!

When we identify with helpless and powerless as feelings we can treat them as such and not become victims of them. When we find ourselves in the situations I mentioned above and turn to anger, isolation, etc. it means the feelings of “helpless and powerless” are now bigger than us and we’ve just become our own victim.

Just this morning my wife was running late for work. Jake (who is 2) just finished “going potty” and wanted to dress himself. Of course, he had all the time in the world and at the rate he was going it would’ve been Friday by the time he was done. I went to assist him in getting dressed. I sensed my wife’s distress around being late for work and wanted to help. Jake told me he didn’t want my help and the feelings came on! I started to feel really frustrated and pissed! I knew I couldn’t let these feelings mess up my whole day including my families so I removed myself from the situation.

I later thought about what happened and realized a couple of things took place. First of all, to some degree I did take on my wife’s distress. She was late (not me) and she was feeling stressed (not me) yet to some extent I took on her feelings. Obviously, I didn’t make good use of my boundaries as I could have respected her feelings and appreciated where she was but not let myself get worked up. In turn, when Jake wouldn’t let me help him I had feelings of helpless and powerless. Here my wife needed help and I couldn’t do anything (short of physically forcing him to get dressed, etc.).

So here’s the good news! All Parents FEEL Helpless and Powerless at some point. All parents respond (at some point) in a way that they’re not happy about.

AND…

Because we’re not actually helpless and powerless we can choose to accept this as a feeling and deal with it as such. So the next time your little one isn’t getting dressed when you’re running late consider the following:

BREATHE!

Acknowledge your feeling! Hello Helpless and Powerless!

Acknowledge that you’re an adult and you’re not helpless and powerless, you just feel that way.

Choose to respond in your adult reality which is in a calm, loving, respectful way not as a victim to your feelings in anger.

Remember, life is about progress not perfection. The very fact that you even consider this next time, EVEN IF you still get pissed off, is a great step in the right direction. Spending time loving ourselves is the ONLY way we’re going to be able to have a place to love our children.

[dadstreet-blog]

My Son Has Found His Penis, Now What?

I can remember the first thing I said outloud as the Dr. pulled Jake from my wife the day he was born.

BALLS!

I was so excited to have a son! I would have bet anything we were going to have a second girl. From that moment on it’s been such an amazing experience watching him throughout the last two and a half years of his precious life. Watching him grow and seeing the differences between his personality and his big sister (who’s only 16 months older) has been amazing.

But now?

Now, he’s found his penis. As in, “I’m going to touch this thing until it stands as tall as a toy soldier and tell you I have an itch”.

So now what?

Penis’ have a horrible rap in our society. Here’s what I mean:

Someone cuts you off in traffic and they’ve transformed into a Penis because they’re now a “Prick”. Maybe that guy took your parking space at the mall and he’s now transformed into a “Dick head”. Things like oral sex which are pleasurable have now turned into outright insults like calling someone a “C0#&sucker”!

Not only have we confused the penis with what we call our worst enemies but now it’s used to determine our manhood. I mean afterall when we’re not “Man Enough” we must have a small penis too! It’s a never ending horrible cycle of hate for the penis and it starts when we’re just boys.

Jake is starting to touch himself now, in a very innocent way mind you, and he has no idea the penis is this horrible thing. So I have a choice at this very impressionable point in his life. I can tell him to stop touching his penis because that’s gross, and we shouldn’t touch ourselves and everything else that goes along with reminding a 2 year old that there’s something wrong with him OR I can help nurture, love, and accept him for who he is. He is a boy with a penis and he’s finding out that touching it probably tickles or feels good in some capacity. His penis isn’t this horrible thing that we’ve convinced ourselves it is. It’s a part of the male body and is a body part not too dissimilar from many others. Do I want Jake growing up learning that it’s okay to sit in school at 13 years old “playing with himself”? Of course I don’t but that’s not my point here. Of course there is a time and place to “explore” your body. At this point, now that he’s out of diapers, he’s only touching himself when his pants are off or when he’s butt naked which isn’t the majority of the day. I also don’t encourage him to touch himself. In fact, I don’t make much of a deal about it. My wife and I will ask him if he has to go “pee pee” and that’s about it. When the time is right and if it came to the point where we needed to say something we would certainly encourage him to touch himself when he’s alone or at home. However, we’re far from that point in his young life.

For my 2 year old son the last thing I want to pass along is that there is some part of his body that’s not good or that there’s something “wrong with him”. It’s easy for parents to feel some shame when their children touch themselves, especially in a public setting. Unfortunately, we wind up passing that shame on to our own children. We do everything in our power to get them “to stop”! Normally, it’s in a hurried, loud fashion because “others are looking” and we want them to stop now! The problem is now we’ve given our own shame over to our impressionable children and they’re now left to carry on with that.

It’s about time we stop passing on all that shame around little boys and their penis’. Children have no boundaries and just want to be loved. Loving starts with us parents and the best thing we can do is affirm, accept, and appreciate our little boys even if they happen to discover there’s something between their legs.

[dadstreet-blog]

Why Men Get So Pissed Off When Our Teams Lose!

Yesterday afternoon, men all across the country (I’m sure the world) were engulfed with the very thing so many of us have trouble explaining…feelings.

I know I speak from experience when I say that I was so anxious, scared, happy, pissed off, shocked, and disappointed as I watched “My Baltimore Ravens” GIVE the game away. In fairness, even if we made that very routine field goal in the end it wasn’t a guaranteed win but damn, did we play an amazing game!

Something occurred to me this morning though. I thought about all those emotions that go along with supporting our favorite sports teams. There are some guys that can watch a game, come out feeling happy or slightly disappointed (depending on the outcome of the game), and then an hour later act as though nothing happened. Of course, the reality and what’s much more common is mass emotions. If their team wins they are elated, the world around them is the most amazingly beautiful place and everyone is treated with love and kindness.

What happens if his team loses?

Watch out! Weeding out those guys that will actually get physical with someone you’re still left with your average dude. The average dude is going to be pissed if his team loses. Not just pissed for a few minutes either but for a while, maybe even days. He may take it out on his wife, his kids, his co-workers but he’s going to be pissed.

This morning I wondered why many men, myself included (in the past), take these things so personally and just get so upset! Many men are performance driven. We’re praised on the things we accomplish and criticized for the things we underperform in. What’s worse, many of us live under a false belief that we’re not good enough.

In the beginning of this post I intentionally referred to “My Ravens” and “we” when talking about the Ravens. I was born and raised in Baltimore so of course I support the Ravens. However, it’s more than that. The Ravens have somehow now become me. “We lost”, “We won”, “If only we…”, “How could we…”, and a myriad of other things we tell ourselves about “our” team. Some how the success or failure of the teams we support become personalized and we define ourselves by their actions. What happens is that the false belief of “I’m not good enough” gets reinforced. It’s not just that the Ravens lost. It becomes, “we lost”, “we suck”, “we’re not good enough”….

Of course, we don’t go around actually saying, “we’re not good enough” but that’s exactly what we tell ourselves inside. Afterall, what would explain acting out like a small child, screaming, pissed off, and overall sour over game?

We’re not going to be able to resolve these not good enough feelings in this post but the next time the guy in your life ruins the rest of his day, your day, and everyone else’s day around him remember the following:

He’s not this mad that the (Insert favorite sports team here) lost the game. He’s this mad because he’s been lying to himself about who he is and he was just reminded about that lie. Validate his feelings and let him know it’s perfectly okay to be pissed. More importantly let him know how much he’s loved and how important he is. Any opportunity you have to remind him that he is good enough will go a long way to ensuring that he doesn’t have to wait for his team to win to feel like a winner. He’s already a winner, he just doesn’t know it yet.