◘ ― a dance by caged birds ― ◘
━ haeyijin 、if only we knew who we would be right now .
2 YEARS PRIOR, WITH LADY @dalruihan
When his sister would read to him poems of freedom and liberty, was this what the sensation felt like? It’s a sensation that Jin could come to grow accustomed to, but he knew he could not, and would not. The title bestowed upon him six years ago prevented that, and would only shrink his cage more and more as time went on. He’d grow confined, and restricted, locked away from danger to only be trapped in the midsts of danger. He knew, after all, that the greatests risks were not from the outside. No, the greatests risks would be from the greed that so heavily filled the hearts of those within, driving men to desperately scheme for power and riches.
It was a little despicable, really. They were like pigs racing to a trough, pushing to secure the best scraps.
But, in the world, he was discovering that there was still forms of innocence, and naivety. An initial encounter, under the cover of an unassuming yangban male, with a young lady had piqued curiosity that had long thought to be dead, a curiosity learned to be stifled for the sake of responsibilties. The gaze from her eyes showed him a pure soul, but also one that was similar to that of a parrot.
The words she spoke were a repeat, her perspectives and beliefs placed into her instead of cultivated and grown.
For Jin, he could release a side of his personality that was otherwise constantly hidden, his title of Crown Prince no longer attached to him in her presence. And her interactions with him were not dictated by the usual strict formalities and walls that hid true thoughts and opinions. It was … refreshing, and he found himself enjoying simply being a form of himself once again.
“Ah … Is it still a coincidence after our footsteps guide us to the same place thrice, my fair Lady? Or would one call it intentional by then?” he queried lightly upon reaching her side, dressed in yangban clothing, his hands clasped behind his back.
perhaps, she is a shell of a person. her interior hidden from the world -- the flaws, the hurt, the emotions she has are for no one to see ; the thoughts she wishes to express for no one to hear. while the exterior exists, modeled from birth into a girl who’s no different than a slab of porcelain along one of her mother’s many famed vases. much too delicate, but boring, flawless. a pretty girl with a pretty smile and no words to complete the thoughts.
this is who she is to become, her mother says -- with pride, with certainty as this birthright was something to be honored. that it was honorable to be nothing more than a body filled with dust and wilting flowers.
it’s who she is, to this day -- even when the reigns of control lessen and the days at home are freed. but not who she wants to become, ruihan thinks ( to herself, of course ) ; as such scandalous thought would be forbidden by the matriarch and even her maids feared listening to ruihan’s woes would cost them their ears.
it is why, when the days lessen and the maids come and take her away for the afternoon, ruihan revels in the freedom, unhinged from claws that wish to keep her locked up. and where words can finally meet conclusion in a way that they were meant to -- not holed up in a case like some prized possession.
it is also why she comes to seek in eagerness when she sees deokhwa, one of the few -- dare she say friends -- she was able to make outside of the fortress that her mother had turned their home. even if their meetings have been few, in the weeks she had met him, the feelings have blossomed: a sense of appreciation and independence she thought would never come.
it had become an itch ; the want to speak, the desire to say what would otherwise be scorned by others. because in his presence, there wasn’t a fear, it had become the one of the only times that she would feel her wings loosen.
“is it silly to think that it’s fate that leads us day by day, my lord?” a hum reverberates through her ; laughter at the tip of her tongue as thoughts are about ready to bumble about. “but, i do dare say, that i was hoping to see you today so perhaps, fate meant to grant my wish.”
