Summary: There are many things Hiyori wants to tell Yato, but she knows the best way is to not say them at all.
Genre: Fluff, cute, light, happy fic, lots of fluff and emotional happiness T^T Also strong Hiyori *Q*
Notes: Another fic of mine that’s been on FF and AO3 for a long while but here again, I’m posting it on Tumblr cuz I wanted the few who read this to share the same happiness I felt while writing this T^T I’m honestly kinda proud of this one. Read on Ao3!
Please like/reblog if you like it, it would make me very happy! **Q**
“You’ve been staring at me for 15 minutes, it’s freaking me out.”
“Just hurry up and come to bed with me.”
Hiyori’s face flushed deep red. She didn’t understand how Yato could be so nonchalant about saying things like that. Did he not know how the whole sentence could be misinterpreted? He probably didn’t. Yato was way too clueless. Hiyori glanced at him out of the corner of her eyes. He was still gazing at her from where he lay on her bed, one elbow propping his head up, his eyes deep and dark and as intense as always, lost in thought as he studied Hiyori. When he saw her glancing at him, his lips curved upwards into a small smirk and his eyebrows shot up, questioningly.
Then again, he probably knew, the sly bastard.
Hiyori scoffed at nothing in particular and averted her gaze to her notebook – math problems piling up like a mountain on the white sheet. She didn’t want to do this now but she had to. If she didn’t, she’d lose those grades. And she desperately needed those grades, what with her falling asleep so much in class and missing out on much that she needed to pay attention to. But then Hiyori’s lips relaxed and she allowed herself a small moment of happiness away from the stress – she liked being her half-phantom self and following Yato and Yukine around. Delivering super jungle savate kicks made her feel really good.
But then, there was also Yato. Hiyori’s cheeks colored a little and she hoped Yato wouldn’t notice since the only light in the room was the table lamp in front of her. She placed both hands on her cheeks and leaned forward on the table. As much as Yato was an idiot, he also had a side Hiyori didn’t know very well. No, he had many sides Hiyori hadn’t yet seen very well. There was a kind side when Yato always made sure Yukine had the slightly larger half of the manjuu, a sad side when Yato was sometimes in his own world and faked laughter to seem okay, a cold side when he pushed away Hiyori’s questions about his time as a God of Calamity. There was even a dangerous side to Yato when his eyes lost their life and glowed with nothing but anger. Hiyori had seen them all but she wasn’t satisfied with just seeing. She wanted to know. She wanted to decode Yato, all the way from the top to the very bottom, turn him inside out, look deep into his hidden pockets, shake him out of dreams that he denied were unpleasant. She wanted to pull him close, soothe him, pat his head, run her fingers through his hair, breathe into his ear and make him fall into a deep, relaxing sleep in her arms as he dreamed of nothing but space, vacuum, stars and planets.
But it was easier said than done, Hiyori sighed and shivered. At this point, she knew what all these feelings were. What she thought was the tip of the iceberg at first; she now knew was the giant mountain at the bottom.
No, she knew exactly what was happening.
She was in love with him.
She looked at the clock on the table. 11:21pm. There was no way she was going to get this homework done – not with her rambling thoughts about Yato. And there was no way she could NOT think about Yato right now. How could she, when his smell was the only thing she could breathe?
She stole another glance at him. Yes, the blue eyed god was still staring at her – but whether he was aware of it or not anymore was beyond Hiyori’s understanding - his fingers pulling idly at a thread that had been pulled out of the old quilt that was underneath him. This time, she didn’t avert her eyes, she looked at him properly. His eyes were unreadable, his face relaxed, his hair in a loose ponytail and his limbs free and limp. The moonlight fell on his face, and Hiyori couldn’t place her finger on how his features were so soft and delicate and yet strong and sharp at the same time. He truly was god-like. She bit her lip in embarrassment. All those times when he had doubted his worth and his ability to be a god of fortune instead of a god of calamity like he had been told all his life – she wanted to erase those bad memories and moments by showing him how he looked, what his face looked like now, how he exuded peace and radiated a kind of strength.
She blew out her cheeks at her own inability and stood, scraping her chair back. Yato seemed to come out of his reverie and blinked widely.
“I can’t concentrate, I’ll do it tomorrow.” She sighed and had to bite her tongue to refrain from adding in 'because of YOU’.
“I can do it for you for five yen!” Yato chirped and Hiyori ignored him, rolling her eyes and brushing her teeth. She felt upset immediately afterwards, looking at his reflection in the mirror in front of her. He wasn’t supposed to do meager jobs like this. He didn’t deserve it. Hiyori knew his good points and she was upset he wasn’t getting the attention and reward that he properly deserved. She finished her routine, brushed her hair and considered changing her clothes – should she? But Yato was there… however this wasn’t the first time he’d come over. And it was just the both of them since Yukine wasn’t over today, he was back at Kofuku’s since he and Yato had gotten into a fight. More like a squabble, Hiyori chuckled.
She changed in the bathroom. It was only Yato. She blushed. Yato wouldn’t do anything. Hiyori was more worried of how she’d feel with her usual nightgown on, rather than how Yato would.
“Move.” She stood over his splayed out figure on the bed and tugged on the quilt under his butt. Yato met her gaze and pouted playfully and shook his head.
“Yato. Move.” Hiyori huffed and considered climbing up and stepping all over him when he grinned and held out his hand.
“No. C'mon, you can have this half of the bed.” Yato’s eyes twinkled in amusement and Hiyori bit her lips from breaking out into a smile. He looked so at home here. In her bed. Oh. She blushed again.
“Ugh, you’re hopeless.” She grunted and sat down on the edge of the mattress, completely surprising the god behind her. Truthfully, she was embarrassed but this wasn’t the first time they had slept on the same bed. It had happened before, once… twice… each time she wondered if she was the only one who was super self-conscious and hyper-aware of every movement and ended up being wide-awake the whole night.
“Eh? Hiyori? Are you okay? Why aren’t you kicking me out like you always do?” Yato’s tone was brimming with shock and surprise and Hiyori hid her grin as she lay down and pulled the quilt over her. She turned on her side, her back facing him. The self-consciousness and hyper-awareness washed over her like a wave and she could almost see Yato leaning over her from behind, craning his neck to see her face.
“Go to sleep Yato.” Came her muffled reply and Yato, puzzled as he was, obeyed and settled beside her on his side facing her. Comfortable silence filled the air around them and Hiyori listened to how Yato’s breathing steadied and slowed down. She wondered what face he was making behind but didn’t dare shift from her position.
Her thoughts drifted on to other things but the center of their universe didn’t shift from Yato. There were probably many things that Yato would never tell her. Probably the things he would tell her, if at all he did, would render her lifetime being unable to cover it. There were probably too many things – and mostly sad and joyless at that, Hiyori guessed, that Yato had been through. The unhappiness she felt whenever she thought of this wasn’t pity for her god. It was more like a sadness that he had to live through so much without anybody trustworthy next to him. This, was as Kofuku had said one evening, a first for Yato – to have a shinki that had vowed to be 'his light’ as Yukine had put it and a human being who remembered him and cared for him enough to build a shrine, however small.
She smiled at the thought of Yato for the first time, truly in happiness. From the memories she had accidentally witnessed one evening at Kofuku’s, this was indeed, what could be called as happier times for Yato. Happiest, if possible. Hiyori twisted a strand of her hair quietly and smelled it. It no longer smelled of shampoo but of Yato. She wondered what Yato felt like. When he met her, did he think she would just be another human girl? Or did he, like she did, feel a certain zap, a certain connection, a certain 'string of fate’ as Hiyori liked to imagine it? What did Yato feel when he took in Yukine? When Yukine was blighted and Yato fought for both their lives, did he think that one day, Yukine would grow to trust him enough and shield him from Bishamon to become his first ever hafuri?
Or did he not, and when the truth came showering down on him like the first rain of monsoon; when he realized he had someone to pray to his small shrine for his own safety – his safety, mind you – was he rendered speechless with happiness and overwhelming emotions?
Did he have sleepless nights? Did Yato still have nightmares?
Was Yato happier now that his dark, murky and unhappy past seemed less dark, less murky and less to be bothered by?
Did he perhaps, know that she loved him? Was he aware?
Hiyori was so curious. Rather than to quench her thirst for some, no, a bit of personal satisfaction, like what Yato thought of her, she wanted to know more of him because she wanted to be the first person to. The first human. Was this selfishness? A competition with herself to see if she could beat her expectations? To gloat? Hiyori felt more down than ever, now.
She glanced at the clock which was bathed in soft moonshine. 12:30am. Surely he was asleep by now but she wasn’t.
“… You aren’t asleep yet?”
More silence as each listened to the other breathe. After a while, Yato shifted slowly and threw an arm over Hiyori’s waist. A casual move that chilled Hiyori in a good way. She wondered if he had done this before, during any of the times they had shared the same bed. If he had, then it must have been after she’d fallen asleep since she couldn’t remember.
“Is anything worrying you?” Yato’s breath fanned Hiyori’s earlobe and the hairs on the back of her neck rose in needless anticipation. His voice was so low, so… soft. He was almost murmuring to her. Such a small change but it sent Hiyori’s head reeling. She found it strange how the change in his voice could flip her stomach upside down. Unknowingly, she shifted and pushed slightly backwards until her back was against Yato’s chest. He wasn’t wearing his jersey tonight. Just a white t-shirt and a pair of knee length pants. Her slight shift didn’t go unnoticed by Yato but he said nothing.
“Why do you think that?” Her own voice came out soft, albeit not on purpose. She supposed the atmosphere resulted in the change.
“Well,” Now that he was closer, his voice spoke right into her ear. “Usually you’d be asleep faster than this. So, I thought something was bothering you.”
“Maybe.” An idea suddenly planted itself into her brain and Hiyori gulped. It was not something she usually ever did, not with Yato, so she was highly unsure about whether she wanted to carry it out.
“What is it?” Yato’s voice was laced very slightly with concern. Hiyori could hear the small waver in his voice. Perhaps it was because they were so close to each other. Or perhaps she had always listened to his voice well enough to decode it.
Maybe, she realized, as a small seed of hope grew in the pits of her stomach, if she kept at it, she would be able to decode him fully one day. And then, Yato would no longer have to carry the weight of all his lonely and sad memories alone. She could share them. Maybe Yukine would join in too, but if Hiyori wanted to be honest, she wanted it to be just her.
To heck with her uncertainty, she was going to do it.
She turned to her other side and met Yato’s mildly surprised face and got a small shock. They were much closer than she expected. If she had a ruler, she was sure the distance between his nose and hers was less than 3 inches.
“Are you okay?” Yato whispered. He seemed unaware of their proximity. Or maybe he was but tried to pretend he wasnt because Hiyori’s small problems were always more important than the small blush that was beginning to dust the apples of his cheeks.
“I’m okay.” Hiyori whispered back, her sensors going off the second she realized their breaths were mingling. But she was too busy to heed those sensors because she had gotten lost in his gaze and his face. He was slightly above her, his lips at par with her nose. She had to look up to meet his eyes. Hiyori still couldn’t understand how he could exude a sort of silent strength and yet she knew, she just knew that there was a lot that weakened him on the inside.
“You’re staring at me. Am I too attractive?” Yato goaded softly and chuckled. Raising a hand, his long fingers tucked a strand of hair behind Hiyori’s ear. His lips curved upwards into a soft smile and Hiyori’s eyes lowered to his lips and teeth. She wanted to touch them. She wanted a sigh of relief blow itself softly out of those lips as she cradled his head and lulled him to sleep.
And so, that was exactly what Hiyori did. She wound her arms around Yato’s neck and pulled him down, cradling his head below hers, winding her fingers into his hair and blowing into his ear.
“H-Hiyori?"Yato’s tone of surprise came out muffled and low. He tried to pull away but Hiyori’s grip was both gentle and yet strong. He gave up after a while and lay limp with his head in the crook of her neck. His breath was hot against her bare skin and she pulled the quilt over both of them. Yato sighed into her chest and slowly wrapped his arms around her waist, pulling her close.
After a long while of nothing but the sounds of breathing, Hiyori broke the silence.
"Yato, I…” She stopped, taking a deep breath of air. Yato said nothing but let her know he was listening by drawing patterns with his fingers on the small of her back. “I’m very insignificant. I can’t really do much for you. I have no power to. But I…” She began to feel so nervous about saying something like this and tugged on his hair absent-mindedly. “I really… no, you’re really important to me. I know you’re strong, but I also know you’re weak. And I know you like being alone at those times but I don’t. I don’t because-”
Hiyori paused as she felt Yato smile against her collarbone. It gave her courage to press on. Her other hand moved to stroke his shoulder blades. “I don’t because I want to share your weakness. I want your weakness to ebb away and be replaced by strength.” He pulled her closer to him and Hiyori’s breath hitched.
Yato pressed a kiss on her collarbone. Arms winding around her waist squeezed slightly, urging her to go on.
“Yato I can’t do much for you but I want you to rely on me as much as you want.” Hiyori’s heart rate was erratic and she realized Yato could very well listen to it. Her voice came out in a whisper against his hair. “And I promise you that I’ll be your home.”
She wanted to be his strength when he needed it. When he was weak and vulnerable, she wanted to hold him, rock him softly and soothe his racing heart. If he was a raging hurricane, she wanted to be the eye of the calm. If he was a still pond, she wanted to be the school of koi fish that created vibrant ripples in it. If Yato went into a soundless vacuum, she wanted to be the satellite echoing a signal.
“I have no power Yato but… I’ll be your home.” Words didn’t need to be said. Hiyori knew Yato could decode her heart. All her thousand and one questions that blinked like stars in the night sky, he would see. Her eyelids drooped and her senses detached themselves from her surroundings. In another two minutes, she had fallen asleep. Yato had not, however and he listened to the steady thrum of her heartbeat.
“You’re wrong really,” He nuzzled his face against her and held her tight, his legs totally tangled with hers.
“You have all the power in the world Hiyori. All the power over me.”
As the moon changed its positions that night, Yato and Hiyori fell through space, their fingers clasped; and it was indeed Yato’s first time dreaming of nothing but space, vacuum, stars and planets.
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