If You’re Reading This You’ve Come Too Far

I’m Angel Here for a good time AND a long time @rest-in-bees meme blog

[runawaymarbles]

I do think it's kind of funny when plot summaries are like "character A encounters the last person they expected...their ex." Idk about you guys I'd be less surprised if my new coworker/roommate/random dance partner was my ex than I would if it was, like, Megawati Sukarnoputri the first woman president of Indonesia.

[runawaymarbles]

Any of my exes could plausibly attend the same conference as me. But I'd be really surprised to encounter former US Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice

[shakibone]

Which of these would surprise you more to find on the doorstep?

Your ex

Megawati Sukarnoputri, the first woman president of Indonesia

Voting ended onApr 28

[sqbr]

This poll is ambiguous if you (a) Don't have an ex or (b) Are Egyptian diplomat Hassan Gamal Ahmad Hassan, whose marriage to Megawati Sukarnoputri was anulled in 1972.

[nnebuchadnezzar]

in class and we were told to pull up chatgpt on our laptops to experiment with and the guy in front of me pulled up a deli menu and started looking at sandwiches

[please-let-me-be-horny-for-real]

Just fyi, all the shirts and hoodies you're stealing? I'm gonna fuck you in all of them.

[lilyblisslys]

jeez these gap employees are hardcore

[furryprovocateur]

they should allow you to report posts for being gauche or passé

[girlswater]

[patronsaintofmistakenidentity]

"cigarette" implies the existence of a much larger "cigar"

[patronsaintofmistakenidentity]

i recovered by the time i hit post but when i first had this thought i had genuinely forgotten cigars exist

[thelilnan]

the cucks have unionized

[thelilnan]

they want nicer chairs

[moniquill]

[should-be-sleeping]

In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole live and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.

[should-be-sleeping]

I kept it in a terrarium and it became a normal 🐸 despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died, so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

[justprettygay]

[should-be-sleeping]

This is funnier than anything I have ever said.

[should-be-sleeping]

This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation.

[should-be-sleeping]

I see it’s *looks at smudged writing on hand* Lent again.

[televisionenjoyer]

Nooo never kill yourself baby. Star Trek enters the public domain in 2062.

[thisusernameisunique]

One year before the Vulcans arrive?

[rudywiser]

Well yeah, otherwise they'd be under copyright

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

A droning, A24 soundtrack slowly builds to a crescendo. The camera blurs then refocuses. Ronald McDonald sits alone, in the vast space of the limousine he's always wanted. He looks through the tinted glass and sees a beaten-up old jalopy driving by, absolutely stuffed to the brim with clowns. We focus on his face, and its reflection in a window stabbed through by neon traffic lights. The expression is inscrutable.

[dark-magician-girl-meets-world]

Abrupt cut to credits. Frank Sinatra sings "Send in the Clowns"

[lgbtwingsofficial]

[afloweroutofstone]

This is the first time in my life when it's actually fair to criticize the President for gas prices. I've spent so many years explaining to people that Presidents have pretty limited influence over the price of oil and that they do not have a magical lower-gas-prices button on their desk, I almost forgot that the President does actually have a raise-gas-prices button on their desk called "start a war with Iran for no reason"

[dogpuppy]

[json-derulo]

earlier I was coming back up from skating and one of the starstruck little kids from across the hall asked me, “how are you allowed to drive on the inside?” (referring to the fact that I carefully skate in the hallway and elevator, because swapping shoes on and off for the one-block commute to and from the park is a massive pain in the ass), and I swear to god the dialogue options that flashed up on my heads-up display were

[] Nothing in the lease explicitly says I can’t, and all uncodified rules are merely suggestions

[] I’m probably not, but the only people in this building who are fast enough to actually stop me are the maintenance guys who are all charmed by my kind green eyes and adorable dog

[x] I ate all my vegetables and did my homework so my mom said I’m allowed to do whatever I want

[parkchanwoohoo]

When my cousin's then-boyfriend texted her that he would be coming home late because he would be stopping by the department store on his way home from work, she, knowing full well that he hates going there, never buys clothes there if he can help it, and generally asks to stay home whenever she goes, knew instantly that he could only be going for one reason: To buy an engagement ring.

Practical-minded, she responded: Don't forget the coupon we got in the mail, there's a discount on rings. Ever helpful, she sent him a photo of the coupon code.

He left her on read. When he came home, he was cagey and grumbling, and when she was like "Did you remember to use the coupon" he was like, "I don't know what you're talking about, why would I be buying jewelry, etc.," not meeting her eye.

Few weeks later he took her out to dinner at a fancy restaurant, spent the entire night grumbling under his breath and shaking his head in disbelief, before going "아이씨" and pulling the ring box out of his pocket and slamming it down on the table. "How the hell did you know," he said, begrudgingly impressed.

She was like, "It's really not hard" and then was like "Did you use the coupon" and he was like "Yes I used the coupon"

And to me, this is romance

[yankeeblue]

[deeranddog]

Mamdani Shuts Down NYC's Disastrous AI Chatbot

New York City's new mayor is unplugging a disastrous government chatbot that encouraged small business owners to break the law.

And the funniest part?

[crazy-pages]

Mamdani Forces Delivery Apps to Pay Back $4.6 Million Cheated From Drivers

New York City's new mayor, Zohran Mamdani, has already scored a major win for deliveristas working for three delivery giants.

Turns out they could have done this one at any time in the previous mayorship and just didn't.

[sugar-petals]

being the random white guy in a kpop music video must be both fun and confusing as hell for an actor. you just sit there and mafia ATEEZ just ripped you off or something

[stuffaboutminneapolis]

The standoff with agents happened on Jan. 8, one day after an ICE agent shot and killed Renee Good in south Minneapolis. Wooten’s refusal to comply with ICE was captured on video and posted to Facebook. 

The agents tried everything to intimidate the guard.

 “You can’t come back here, bro,” Wooten can be heard in the video saying to an agent wearing a mask and sunglasses. “I’m talking to your manager,” the agent said. Wooten responded: “No, you’re talking to security, I’m in charge.”

ICE left empty-handed. Wooten said he just stood his ground, “10 toes down.”

“I was doing my job like I’m supposed to,’’ Wooten said. “If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything. I just want to make my family safe because I’ve been here three years.”