* LEEROY JENKINS !

canon divergent & headcanon heavy roleplay blog for wade wilson from MCU. Please read guidelines & about pages before any interactions. written by ronnie wade !

[dammitwade]

nyxtms·:

“No , trying to kill you would be a waste of time but…getting her into this world for a little bit does not so. I owe her one so…” She shrugged a little. “ Sperm donation…very strange to me…” She then looked over to him. “ You’re a lucky guy , she’d blackmail a goddess to be able to see you for a day…”

   It was probably pathetic that one of the only women who had never betrayed him and accepted him for who he was was the fucking grim reaper. If she touched him he died for real, which didn’t seem like a bad gig to Wade but she wouldn’t do it.  “I still don’t understand what’s going on.”

[luciferbelmont]

                           and i  g r i n n e d  at you SOFTLY                                     ‘cause i’m a FUCKING                                                  WILDCARD!!

[stars-in-my-eyes-for-you]

what if i like,,,rode your thigh,,,and you uhh,,,called me your baby,,,and kissed me,,,and maybe even,,,,,,,,,,choked me a little bit?

only joking haha,,,,,,,,,,,,unless?

[radiantresource]

          ✧ *:･ 𝟔 𝐔𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐍𝐃 𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐌𝐄𝐌𝐄𝐒. ･:*✧

❛ so we’re all going to die? ❜ ❛ everybody’s got someone, or something to lose, man. even you. ❜ ❛ fuck the government. i’m going to do this myself. ❜ ❛ do you mind? i can feel the tip. ❜ ❛ jesus, who raised you, the mob? ❜ ❛ that was a glorious clusterfuck. ❜ ❛ why are you covered in blood ? ❜ ❛ in art, our most fervent hopes come true. heroes always win. it’s bullshit. ❜ ❛ i’m soooo mad at everyone right now. ❜ ❛ are you crying? ❜ ❛ good things can erase the bad ones, right? ❜ ❛ no more getting arrested by the pigs just for being naked, or just usual stuff. you know, being naked, getting drunk. casual stuff. ❜ ❛ i’ll fucking knock you out in front of my mother. ❜ ❛ god, that’s so bad. you’re definitely going to die. ❜ ❛ fuck you, high blood pressure. i’ll eat whatever the fuck I want. thank you very much. ❜ ❛ sometimes you have to put the bad guys on a throne. ❜ ❛ i want you to meet my mother. ❜ ❛ honestly, i didn’t think we’d make it this far. ❜ ❛ oh, darling, you could be on fire and still have that creepy, blank expression on your face. no offense. ❜ ❛ remind me, where the fuck is here? ❜ ❛ you’re a danger to yourself. ❜ ❛ do i look like a ghost to you? ❜ ❛ nobody watches nick at nite? ❜ ❛ maybe later we can coochie coochie woochie woochie coochie… ❜ ❛ hey, chatty cathy. do you know what over and out means? ❜ ❛ don’t you give me attitude, okay? ❜ ❛ i would love to meet your mother. ❜ ❛ shit’s about to get crazy. ❜ ❛ who’s this honey badger? ❜ ❛ you gave me fucking goosebumps. ❜ ❛ i’m the judge of what’s a shit ton. ❜ ❛ we’re all going to die. may as well do it while we’re alive, right? ❜ ❛ you’re such a pussy. ❜ ❛ ooh, big guns! oo la la. ❜ ❛ oh god, you did not just say that. ❜ ❛ you dumb motherfucker! ❜ ❛ no, fuck YOU! ❜ ❛ does it ever bother you, bro? to mean nothing to anyone? ❜ ❛ hey, papi. ❜ ❛ nobody is going to save the world. but, we can make it a little less shitty, you know? ❜ ❛ god, this is all so fuckin’ dangerous. ❜ ❛ i’m feeling fucking carsick. ❜ ❛ i’m a grown man. i can handle my shit. ❜ ❛ don’t handle your shit, flush it down the toilet like a grown-ass man. ❜ ❛ i don’t HAVE ANYMORE BULLETS! ❜ ❛ i am the danger. ❜ ❛ ohoh, you’re gonna be a pirate. ❜ ❛ fucking millennials. ❜ ❛ are you guys fucking or making love? ❜ ❛ we’re fucking. ❜ ❛ i’m gonna kill him. ❜ ❛ i feel like a jedi. ❜ ❛ i didn’t think we’d get this far. ❜ ❛ you know, laughter is life. just kidding. i stole that from my old dentist’s office. ❜ ❛ if you’re going to shit your pants, there’s a bathroom in the back. ❜ ❛ this is so stressful. ❜ ❛ where are you running to? ❜ ❛ that’s fucking disgusting. ❜ ❛ jesus. what did you do? you goddamn animals. ❜ ❛ you’re SICK. ❜ ❛ next time, can we just knock off a fucking casino? ❜

[dammitwade]

nyxtms·:

“You were Born in Canada right?” She asked curiously. “ Well a certain lady that works very closely with my son told me…..you see she goes by many names but you probably just know her as Death.”

  “Y-Yes, according to my birth certificate. My birth certificate also lists Thomas Wilson as my father, but really it should just say ‘sperm donor’.” He turned to face her, only looking at her for a few seconds then glancing down at his hands. He smiled tenderly at the mention of Death, “I know her as the Mrs. Are you going to try and kill me? Because that might take a while. Hope you don’t have plans for the next hundred years.”

[dammitwade]

WANTED SHIPS*:

*a mix of romance and broships - Wade x Harley Quinn (R) this one is a huge need ngl - Wade x Peter Parker (PG-13, depending on which Peter) - Wade x Tank Girl (R) i feel like this is a long shot - Wade x Logan (R or PG-13 I don’t mind!) - Wade x Nate (R or PG-13, again I’m not fussy) - Wade x Richie Tozier (Either bros or gaybros pls) - Wade x any Avenger (For bros? For sexy times? GIMME THREADS IDC) - Wade x Klaus Hargreeves (again, not fussy, i just feel like they could help)

[dammitwade]

i am eternally depressed. i feel invisible.

[dammitwade]

A COMPLETE INTERVIEW OF MY MUSE

Name? “Wade Winston Wilson.” Are you single? “I’m in an open relationship with Death.” Are you happy? “Not really but the story has already been ruined by one movie studio and patched up again by an incredibly handsome Canadian actor, along with his career after the last superhero movie he starred in made 149,167 fanboys cry into their mint condition Hal Jordan action figures, so let’s not get into that.” Are you angry? “Probably.” Are your parents still married? “I hope not.”

NINE FACTS –

Birth Place? “Saskatchewan. That’s right, your fave’s a Canadian.” Hair Color? “Brown? Kinda greying but that’s okay.” Eye Color? “Brown maybe?” Birth Day? "April fools day, 1977. You can imagine the puns.” Mood? “Hungry.” Gender? “No thank you.” Summer or winter? “Summer, I guess. Both are gross.” Morning or afternoon? “Depends what for. For a nap? afternoon, for a murder? also probably afternoon. What time is lunch? I like that time.”

EIGHT THINGS ABOUT YOUR LOVE LIFE ? –

Are you in love? “Ehhhhhhhhhhh.” Do you believe in love at first sight? "Absolutely not.”   Who ended your last relationship? “Me. She died and it was my fault. Thanks for bringing it up!” Have you ever broken someone’s heart? “Literally or..?” Are you afraid of commitment? “Oh, definitely not.” Have you hugged someone within the last week? “I don’t think so. Do dogs count?” Have you ever had a secret admirer? “They would be terrible secret admirers if I knew about them, wouldn’t they?” Have you ever broken your own heart? “See my answer to ‘Who ended your last relationship’.”

SIX CHOICES –

Love or lust? “Love.” Lemonade or iced tea? “Lemonade. Beyonce is queen.” Cats or dogs? “Dogs. Dogs all the way.” A few best friends or many regular friends? “A few best friends.” A wild night out or romantic night in? “Wild night out. I can make it pretty wild.” Day or night? “Night.”

FIVE HAVE YOU EVERS –

Been caught sneaking out? “Yeah, good times.” Fallen down/up the stairs? “I’ve been thrown down them, does that count?” Wanted something/someone so badly it hurt? “Hugh Jackman.” Wanted to disappear? “Every day.”

FOUR PREFERENCES –

Smile or eyes? “Eyes.” Shorter or taller? “Taller.” Intelligence or attraction? “Intelligence.” Hook-up or relationship? “I feel attacked by this question. Relationship. Yeah.”

FAMILY –

Do you and your family get along? ”My family are dead. I mean I’m pretty sure my Uncle Eddie is still alive but I wouldn’t say he was family.” Would you say you have a “messed up life”? “Yes. Yes, I do.” Have you ever run away from home? “I did.” Have you ever gotten kicked out? “Did you meet my dad? If you met my dad you’d understand what a dumb fuckin’ question that is..”

FRIENDS –

Do you secretly hate one of your friends? “No but I’m pretty sure they secretly hate me. Looking at you, Wolvie.” Do you consider all of your friends to be good friends? “Nope.” Who is your best friend? “Weasel, I guess?” Who knows everything about you? “Althea. Sort of. Or Weasel again, most likely.”

[dammitwade]

nyxtms·:

“You sure? I could swear that you’d at least have memory going that far back.” Sigh and then a shake of her head. “ She told me about the place you were born in…You’re lucky i owe her one or else i wouldn’t be doing this.” 

    “No, my memory is very unreliable, don’t ever ask me to remember shit.” He blinked and looked out of the window, “Who told you? What place? Canada?”

[dammitwade]

thread ideas: wade gives your muse a lapdance to ‘dude looks like a lady’

[dammitwade]

Yes you are

    “Sounds fake but okay.”

[dammitwade]

You're sexy Wade.

  “What?!”

[dammitwade]

    {Where are we going?} [I don’t know, I thought you knew.] {I don’t know. Maybe he knows.} [He definitely doesn’t know.] {Oh well, I hope it’s nice when we get there!}      “Where are we going? I don’t recognise anything.”

[paralysedbeaver]

[wadey-wilson]

[dammitwade]

@pumpcursed​ sent  m.m 8 ( x - accepting )

   Wade let out a breathy moan as he started to rock against the other, the full feeling of having another man inside him was enough to make him forget for a few moments of the pain he lived in. He was in control, for now, but it didn’t mean there was a small pang of anxiety brought on by past trauma that it could go wrong at any minute.     When Jack’s hands moved up to his collar, Wade grabbed his wrists and pulled them away, slipping them down his sides to he could rest them on his hips instead, “We’re not there yet, big fella.”

[randomlyrj]