I will admit to shamefully stealing this and editing it to match my situation. I wish I remember who I stole it from. I apologize who every you are. Feel free to smack me upside the head.
Since I cannot give credit where credit is due, please don't reblog.
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I have been crossdressing since I was about 8 years old, and as my 68th approaches, that puts it at about 60 years, on and off. I think if we could convert the history of every crossdresser into a road map, and put each individual map on top of one another, they would mostly turn out to be the same. Thousands and thousands of roads would be eerily superimposed clearly upon the other, with thousands more deviating occasionally, but not a whole lot. Each of our colorings would stay fairly well inside the lines. There isn’t a need to rehash this; every crossdresser eventually will come to a similar conclusion.
I did mention that I am almost 68. That has brought with it a certain heightened level of examination and evaluation of my life that I think most people go through as they age. The looking back and reexamination of our past, seeing if you “made a difference” to anyone, if you accomplished anything of note, what your personal “legacy” will be, and whether or not you’ll have regrets (that’s the biggie for me).
I heard it said once that the worst thing they could imagine is to not like who you are. I agree. I think my therapist could fill in dome details here.
In my retrospective musing, I can say with brutal honesty that crossdressing has had a very negative impact on certain aspects of my life. Sometimes to the point where I feel that worn out phrase “my life is ruined” running through my head. So yes, I have regrets.
As bad as I have made this sound, let me express the Joy. I no longer purge and haven’t done so for many years. Danielle is still very much in the closet, but at least the lock is gone and the closet opens every once in a while.
In spite of all my complaining, self-doubt, and occasional discontent with my lot in life, I do love being a crossdresser. I love being able to talk about it.
Maybe someone will read this and relate. Crossdressing for me has been a joy and a curse. The curse came first and then the joy. Despite it all, it’s possible that you too can arrive at a place where your inner-gurl is at peace with your outer-man.
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