Mom takes Christian purity seriously. She was only ever with one man before me, my father. They married the day she turned 18, fearing that they would fall into sexual sin if they waited a moment longer. I was conceived that very night. After dad passed away, mom never remarried. She briefly tried dating, but the men always bailed when she informed them that she would be waiting for marriage.
In my teens, mom caught me masturbating to porn and cried because she was so sad to see me "taken by sin." I apologized, but informed her that I if I went a week without it, I'd cum in my sleep and make a horrible mess. After a few days, mom came to me with a solution. She said that porn was sinful because I was lusting after woman I did not love, but because we love each other, I could jerk off to her and it would just be family helping family. It was weird at first, but mom was sexy enough to override the awkwardness of the situation. I couldn't help but notice her biting her lip as she watched me. A few weeks into our new nightly ritual, mom began fingering herself while I stroked to her.
Things were steady for a while until I got a girlfriend. I admitted to having kissed her, but promised to wait for marriage before doing anything sexual. Mom was clearly worried I would break that promise, knowing how horny I was all the time. When I confided during one of our sessions that my girlfriend wasn't Christian and kept pushing me to have sex with her, mom knew she had to take drastic action.
"You're 18 now," she told me. "Old enough to get married. Sex out of wedlock is a grave sin. This girlfriend of yours isn't Christian. She doesn't want to marry you. She doesn't love you. There is nothing loving about leading you to Hell." Mom's face contorted with concern, then burst into a smile as she had some sort of epiphany. "I love you. Do you love me?"
"Of course I love you, mom!"
"Then we can get married. It's the only way to save you from sin. Sex is meant to occur within a marriage between a man and a woman who love each other, and of course God commands us to be fruitful and multiply. Having only had you, I thought I'd failed in that regard, but now I realize that everything that has happened was God's plan to lead me to marry you. Yes, that's definitely it! We should have a little private ceremony this weekend. Just the two of us before God. Is that enough time for you to write your vows? And of course, you'll be breaking up with that nasty girlfriend, won't you?"
"Uh, yeah. I mean, I love you mom but would that even be legal?"
"No, it wouldn't be legal, but what matters is being right in the eyes of God, not the law. Our circumstances are unusual. No one can know. I can't wear a white wedding dress since I'm not a virgin, but I think this red lingerie would suffice. Honestly, forget waiting for this weekend. I'm ovulating right now. I conceived you on my first wedding night. Now, if you'll vow to take me as your wife, I'll take that penis that I've been dreaming of for months and let it flood my fertile womb! Please say yes, baby."
"Yes, mom. Oh God yes, mom! Forgive me if I used the Lord's name in vain. I think you are right. This must be God's plan, or he wouldn't have made you the perfect woman for me. I don't have vows prepared, but I can vow to always love and cherish you, to take on the duties of the man of the house, to become the best man that I can be, for you and for our future children. Before God as my witness, I am yours until death do us part."
"Oh, sweetheart, that's wonderful! I vow to always love you also. I vow to cherish you. I vow to obey your every command as leader of this household. I vow to care for all of your needs, especially your sexual ones, so that I may protect your soul from sin. I vow to be the greatest wife and mother that I can be, and to have as many children as the Lord is willing to bless us with. Before God as my witness, I am yours until death do us part... Now come kiss your bride!"
Most wouldn't consider a woman who wears nothing but red lingerie on her wedding day, has a ceremony with no pastor, and proceeds to immediately go right to sweaty animalistic sex to be a conservative Christian woman. Thankfully, they don't know about all that.
Mom and I moved to a new town. We share the same last name and introduced ourself as husband and wife. In our estimation, that isn't a lie. It's true in spirit, if not law. God blessed us with a child conceived on our wedding night, sure to be the first of many.