'sorry' is a free action, bitch.

she/they, 30ish. join your union. Witcher sideblog at bounceacoin.

[hawkpartys]

it must feel good as fuck to walk on the surface tension of water as a bug

[i-enact-postvore]

You ever think about many peices of media have zero women and thats just perfectly normal but if a peice of media has an all female cast people get... like that? Women should be allowed to kill over this btw

[loveshoplifter]

same but it's black people

[i-enact-postvore]

That's right

[sacred-portal]

[mevil]

[showerthoughtsofficial]

People often say they hope their deceased pet dog is chasing squirrels in doggy heaven… what did all of those squirrels do to deserve an afterlife of torment?

[doggy-puppy-indulgence]

Dog heaven is also squirrel hell it’s a very efficient system.

[ubercharge]

i can’t stop fucking laughing at the thought of squirrels sinning so much in the mortal plane that they have to be sent to squirrel hell to atone

[sapphireswimming]

They know that the bird feeder isn’t meant for them

[exhuastedpigeon]

The first rule of fandom is have fun. The second rule of fandom is find an enabler and become an enabler. Yes you should write that fic. What if it was even hornier? What if it was angstier? What if you wrote it just for me?

[timefortigers]

problem i have is whenever i read write say or hear "sugar baby" my brain is like oh yeah, i know what that is! pretty sure we can reliably derive meaning for this term based on other definitions that precede it in our internal lexicon, like "sugar glider" and "bush baby". we are definitely talking about some kind of small arboreal marsupial with large eyes. it's probably not ethical for this wealthy patron to be keeping one as a pet

[yiddishfisting]

howling

[ostolero]

young old person tip for you all. go get some photos printed (pauses so someone can say bogos binted) and fill out a physical album

[sayaratyriea]

and annotate them with who is in the photos and when and where the photos were taken!!! your extended family 50 years from now will be grateful, and so will you if you end up forgetting any details

[mortimermcmirestinks]

(sprints into room late, looking harried and frantic as fuck) bogos binted. did I miss it

[dracoj]

what they dont tell you about adulthood is that it’s startlingly easy to go long periods of time without having any fun at all not even a little bit. btw this causes ur brain to try to kill you with knives and hammers.

[xueyangapologist]

[lifeafterpsychiatry]

In my opinion it's a lot more healthy to be able to own that you dislike someone for petty reasons than to do all kinds of mental gymnastics to make everyone you don't really vibe with out to be a bad person actually

[sage-nebula]

[natalieironside]

Have you tried just channeling your instincts to appease into BDSM instead of letting them inform your political philosophy?

If you really just have a deeply ingrained need to be in a hierarchical space and give respect to ppl u call ur superiors, like. Hi. We can do that for you. I know some people.

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

if you really want to lick boots we can make that happen but with better boots

[naamahdarling]

We have flavored boot polish.

[thebibliosphere]

And snacks for after.

[natalieironside]

And snacks for after!

[inbabylontheywept]

apparently the average roma tomato contains 11 calories. im flabbergasted by this. it would be so easy to starve to death just eating tomatoes. i bought 30 tomatoes this week for my dehydrator, and my wife was giving me weird looks because that was 2 entire grocery bags of tomatoes. but that is 330 calories of tomato. i would need approximately 12 full grocery bags of tomatoes a day just to meet my basic caloric needs. thats like, 1 bag of tomatoes every hour and fifteen minutes. thats a tomato every five minutes. can you imagine how much your day would suck if there was a timer that went off every five minutes and then you had to eat a tomato or, eventually, you would die?

i used to see those old timey photos of photos of circus fat men and laugh a little because its like. really? this was the fattest guy anyone could find? this guy was so comically fat that he could go to a circus, and people would pay to gawk at him? this guy? i could walk into any bar in my town and lose an arm wrestling match to a guy fatter than this. 110 years ago guy was professionally fat, now he's losing to amateur hobbyists.

but then i think, you know, yes. i could outfat this man with the benefit of modern technology. i could eat two twinkies and smirk at this bastards two fucking grocery bags of tomatoes. i could do that.

but it is actually a hell of an accomplishment to do this with 1910s food. imagine the hell of being the 5 minute tomato man. like, your part time job is just chewing. 20% of your life is going to be chewing. its a grind. its awful. and then you look over, and theres this beautiful bastard, and the timer hasnt even gone off and hes eating another tomato. you're looking at him, and you're gonna say hey, i think you heard someone elses alarm, you dont have to do that, but then he gets another tomato. look at that defiant posture. look at his arms crossed. 12 bags of tomatoes? make it 20. im not scared of you, this posture says. im not scared of being alive. is it work? is it work to exist? of course its work to exist. so much chewing. but whats the alternative, let the fuckers grind you down? let the tomatoes win? he eats another one. you're grinning. you eat your tomato. you cant keep up with him but it feels a little better. this isnt a losing battle. youre alive. youve seen fat bastards before but they were rich. they got fat the easy way, with good food, with good drink, with honey and butter and jam. this guy has tomatoes. he eats another. he cant beat em but he can join em. he can do this. youre cheering. your friends are cheering. he does this for another six months and then he says hes got a new job. hes joining the circus. he is now, finally, professionally fat.

its like watching your friend in a small town get accepted to harvard. youre so proud of him. you wish you could join him, but at least one of you is gonna make it. and you know, youre proud that it is him. you give him a hug. your timer goes off. you eat a tomato. you wipe the tears from your eyes. you wave at him as he goes. your heart is heavy. your timer goes off. you eat. you eat. you eat.

[beau-and-arrow-99]

Op i love this post but i also am contractually obligated to ask: What the fuck?

[inbabylontheywept]

so sometimes i write with my brain and sometimes i write with my fingers and this time i started off writing with my brain. but then my brain got tired and my fingers kept going and i just kept watching the words pop up on my screen, and i just kept getting more and more confused by the Work of my Hands until eventually the only thing i could do was click post and hope someone smarter than me would know what just happened.

and now we’re here. confused. together.

tomato for your troubles?

[miseria-fortes-viros]

so on a scale of one to ten how bad is the acid reflux

[inbabylontheywept]

canticle of threnodies 5:7

[tennesseewillams]

women love when there’s a woman

[natalieironside]

i beat up that mean lady and stole her clothes and when i get to Sunstone Towers or wtf ever I'm gonna be wearin em and I'll be like "Look at me. I am Minnesota now."

[natalieironside]

Her name: Cornelia Socrates (pronounced "sew crates" like in Bill and Ted)

Known aliases: Bud, Buddy, and "Soak" (presumably this is short for Socrates)

Occupation: Barrister (former), fisherman (inactive), derelict

Likes: Chocolate milk, fishing, layin drunk

Dislikes: All this adventure bullshit

Goal and motivation: To fuckin make it to tomorrow, man

[natalieironside]

Socrates looked at the river. If you just get in your boat you can stretch out and sleep and barring snags wake up sometime back in Menzobarranzan like you’d never been away.

I guess we’ll manage, she said.

[parabins]

tumblr isn’t considered a social media because everyone on here is just talking to themselves

[parabins]

yeah i agree

[bleu-guacamole]

What does the backend of this website look like that it enabels time travel

[dragonfreckles]

context for anyone who doesn’t have timestamps turned on