Padme Deserved Better

I am trash for so many fandoms, and my trash universe grows by the day.

[haly-reads]

september 29, '22: to be or not to be. this soliloquy is one of my most favourite from the play and in literature in general//

[forcearama]

Adapting your “Star Wars is for kids and is ridiculous and we just get to try and enjoy it” has completely changed how I view SW and has made it so much more enjoyable of an experience! Thank you for spreading love of SW in all it’s absolutely insane glory.

This is extremely nice, and I am so happy that I’ve helped ANYONE get the most from their Star Wars Experience. 

I know firsthand that sometimes you just want to grab the canon by the shoulders and be like WHY. DON’T YOU MAKE. MORE SENSE., or WHY. DID THEY CHOOSE. THIS VERY STUPID PLOTLINE., but the answer for Star Wars Enjoyment was right there all along: learn to let go of everything you fear to lose, and accept that some change can’t be stopped. Sometimes it’s good, sometimes it’s less good, sometimes it’s batshit crazy. Once you let go of your “reasonable questions” and “but why didn’t they just”s, you’re left with a series that is frequently incoherent, insane, has zombies, one time had a plotline where a missing ingredient for a fruitcake was a driving part of the story, has Anakin Skywalker in it fucking up and crying about it for like 2/3 of the duration, and is somehow, inexplicably, still churning out its magical bullshit after FORTY-TWO GODDAMN YEARS. And after all that, I still love it best. 

Sure, you can try to hate Star Wars, or whomever’s at the helm of Star Wars at any given time. But it’s eternal, like the Force. Star Wars will bury us all in a pile of merchandise and Secret Palpatines. You can leave, or you can give in. Do, or do not. But it’s gonna be over here on its bullshit no matter what, so you might as well just let it wash its flood of nonsense over you, and try to catch a glimpse of Obi-Wan’s hair. 😄

[darthster]

It’s true, all of it.

[forcearama]

I feel like The Rise of Skywalker might be fun to recap on Snark Wars eventually, not because I feel an overabundance of love for it (I don’t feel an overabundance of ire for it, either) but because something new happens like every 45 seconds so I could probably stretch it out to like, 19 entries instead of the usual 6 per saga movie that I typically do and every single thing that happens is almost  worthy of its own ENTRY.

“So, Rey and the guys are chilling at Space Bonaroo, and going on one of the approximately 57 side-quest/treasure-hunts/monster-chases/investigations they will undertake within the next 20 minutes. Rey gets a homemade necklace from some local kid who is invested in knowing her last name, JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS GALAXY FOR SOME RANDOM-ASS REASON, and then Kylo Mandatory-Force-Skypes her to throw his latest in a seemingly endless string of hissy fits/tauntings about how Only He Knows Who She Is, or whatever. Dude, I get that you come from a lineage that contains the Most Awkward Men Who Have Ever Lived, but get some new material, because this shit is getting OLD.”

…

“…then, Threeps is like “but I CAN’T read these ridiculous Sith Wingdings to you, it’s immoral! Illegal! Blasphemous! Against my programming!” Is this movie telling me that Anakin instructed Threepio that he wasn’t allowed to read Sithish out loud? LOL, WHY? Is this the galactic default for droid programming, in a galaxy where pretty much everyone keeps acting like they have no idea WTF a Sith OR a Jedi even is, including on planets whose history has been directly affected by one, the other, or both? HOW? Or did Anakin add this if-then statement to Threepio’s programming after he became a Jedi? Was he afraid the Darksiderness of any Sith content would offend Obi-Wan’s delicate Jedi constitution? Are there just a ton of Sith dirty limericks on bathroom walls throughout the galaxy and Anakin is a giant prude and can’t bear to hear them?? WHAT IS THE DEAL WITH THIS.”

…

“Welp, we’re getting Undead Sheev, I guess. The fuck is he doing here? No idea, and apparently we as an audience and a fandom have not earned the right to know (which, if you know anything about the Star Wars fandom, is probably justified. I wouldn’t tell us jack shit, either, since all we do is bitch about it.) The entirety of the setup for Sheev’s surprise, but largely welcome, return is relegated to the opening crawl, where we learn that he was like, posting creepy hype material about himself on Space YouTube and Twitter to create a buzz, apparently? I’d ask why he would do this, except that I know he’s a showboat and I guess if I unexpectedly found myself alive 30 years after Space Jesus had fried me with lightning AND I was thrown into a reactor on a space station THAT LATER BLEW UP, I mean, I’d want to brag about it, too.”

[glimmeroo]

Bok bok bitch!

Awkwafina was great in every scene.

It’s also hilarious that director Jon M Chu put in as many shirtless scenes of muscly men as he could. I think one of the characters was just a freshly showered torso for a full minute before his face showed up.

[darthster]

Also, considering that Asian men in America are often not considered “sexy” in Hollywood (although I heartily disagree!) while women are often fetishized, I thought it was a really interesting choice to add as many beefcake parts as possible. Reducing stereotypes through ab shots, I’m all for it!

[darthster]

Reminder for those who take Star Wars seriously

The second Star Wars movie wasn’t Empire Strikes Back. It was the Holiday Special. This movie featured some really whacked out Wookiees, music video interludes, a cooking show excerpt (whip! Stir!), Bea Arthur as a tavern wench on Tatooine, a Boba Fett cartoon, and the cast basically being drunk/stoned/both the entire time.

So when anyone gets all mad that a character didn’t seem to have a “purpose” or was “juvenile” or the lines were clunky or whatever... that shit was telegraphed decades in advance. Just sit back and enjoy the ride. It’s a soap opera space fantasy with wizard-monk-warriors and very clear heroes and villains. Just like it for what it is or let it go.

[darthster]

I’m on Tumblr because it’s the only part of Star Wars fandom I can stomach.

That a bunch of fanboy assholes managed to run Kelly Marie Tran off social media has only solidified my opinion that I need a Fangirl Paradise where we can block that stuff out.

I want more Padme and Leia and Rey and Rose, and if that pisses anyone off then they don’t get a pass into my Beach house on Naboo.

[keybladesoras]

#He says # As he posts pics of himself working out # growing the Kenobi beard # and looking like he bounced off the #Revenge of the Sith set in 2005.

[darthster]

So his mouth is saying one thing while his body is telling us something else?

Sounds about right.

[spacemakeouts]

Kylo: *dramatically takes of cape and lets it flutter to the ground as he rises to meet Luke* 

Obi-Wan’s Force Ghost: I mean he’s a fucking disaster but his Form is impeccable 

Anakin’s Force Ghost: *nodding in approval* 

[darthster]

Nothing like a good cape drop.

[reynaberrieorgana]

I hope this shot incited a good amount of smut fic.

[sara25rose]

There is a whole lot of grinding going on for a Star Wars movie…..

[darthster]

Yeah, remember prequel-haters, Padme was TOTALLY NOT into him AT ALL!!

[gaelgarcia]

I’M DEAD, DIEGO AND JABBA STILL A THING

[darthster]

I will never not love this.

Cassian x Jabba for OTP forever.

[ackmenascantina]

The Last Jedi

Tempering the bullshit with the batshit.

[forcearama]

😄

[darthster]

I swear The Last Jedi is if The Phantom Menace and Empire Strikes Back had a secret affair and this is their love child.

[haylionthemoose]

Can we talk about the fact that Anakin Skywalker was just a boy, pulled away from his mother, told he was the Chosen One, then told he had to be humble and submissive? that he was raised to both stifle his feelings, yet trust them at the same time? Can we talk about how he spent years literally dreaming about this girl, and then he was sent on a mission alone with her for days–weeks by a master who knew about his major crush? Can we talk about how everyone kept telling him how skilled he was, yet frequently told him he wasn’t ready to be a full Jedi? “Don’t grow up too fast, Anakin” but also telling him he needed to be more mature. Constantly being talked down to. Being tormented by nightmares for years. Getting chastised for being a normal teenage boy with hormones and feelings. Padme simultaneously encouraging his affections and telling him he couldn’t act on them. Losing his mother after having nightmares for months (maybe longer), then years later having similar dreams about Padme, the love of his life, and their child?

Is it really any wonder that Anakin ended up so twisted up inside? That he became so desperate for power and aligned himself with the only person who seemed to believe in him and have the power to save his family? 

[darthster]

I didn’t come here for the heartbreak today, but there it is.

[darthster]

Star Wars is a franchise that gets treatment other genre movies don’t because it’s built up to impossible heights and then criticized for not reaching them every single time.

[forcearama]

concept: revenge of the sith but obi-wan sings a cheesy song to turn anakin back to the light

LOL, my immediate mental picture was Obes coming down that walkway out of Padme’s ship with a bouquet and an oversized box of candy and a string quartet behind him as he sings “Endless Love” like OK FINE IF YOU DIDN’T BELIEVE I LOVED YOU BEFORE HERE’S THIS CHEESY BULLSHIT YOU DRAMATIC IDIOT, and eventually Anakin starts singing the other part of the duet and he shakes off the Darkness and Obi-Wan just carries him away bridal-style.

There’s a 50% chance it might have been enough for Anakin.

[darthster]

This is the Star Wars/ Moulin Rouge crossover I’ve been waiting for!

[forcearama]

do you think leia ever went to planets and moons surrounding alderaan's remains to just look up at the sky to see what once was?... and pretends even just for a second her family is just there waiting for her to come home.

What did I ever do to you, anon??

[darthster]

This was uncalled for.

[padawanlost]

[darthster]

I find myself making this face a lot at work. And I see Vader in my head doing it with me.

[gffa]

forcearama replied to your photoset: THE GAME VERSION OF THEIR FIGHT IS THE MOST…

THAT LAST SHOT I’M WEEPING

IT’S 100% PURE ANAKIN SKYWALKER. “I WILL STRIKE YOU DOWN!” Vader says, totally serious, as he sinks to his knees right in front of Obi-Wan, whom he hasn’t seen in 20 years and definitely did not miss at all and definitely isn’t still attracted to. Well, someone is going down all right, Obi-Wan thinks, but has the grace not to say.

[forcearama]

I laughed WAY TOO HARD AT THIS.

Ohhhkay, Vader, whatever you say. I mean, I guess Obi-Wan better brace himself. For something, clearly. 

[gffa]

“Your death is at hand, my former Master!” Vader says, stomping closer. “Well, if you mean the ‘little death’, then, yes, I suppose you’re right,” Obi-Wan says with a smirk. I AM GLAD WE CAN BE CLASSY TOGETHER.

[forcearama]

🥂 Amen, my friend. Someone’s gotta class this place up. 

[darthster]

I think this calls for that one gifset.