A Dumpster Fire

Howdy pardner If you know me, no you don't

[thoughtportal]

the things that are reported matters. the language used matters. what is left out of the story matters.

[gamebird]

This is very important. Systemic problems trump individual action all the time.

[armengoldira]

[enba-and-luka]

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

god the Bratz boy characters (Boyz) were so funny. there's so much gender going on here. these five utterly swagless men were as good as it got in the early 2000s.

[threebigolsausages-deactivated2]

Dude living downstairs has been loudly rapping for like 10 minutes, then suddenly did a high pitched scream, and now its silent down there

[postnuclearophelia]

he got raptured

[queen-elizabeth-the-3st]

[tonysopranobignaturals-deactiva]

IVE BEEN THINKING ABOUT THIS

[xalatath]

I'm high looking at street cat wiki. Thus is too much for me

[huffylemon]

[triviallytrue]

aren't gorillas gentle giants or something. i stay out of his way, he doesn't maul me, we have a nice time picking out clothes together in opposite sides of the mall

[friendshapedhole]

Male gorillas are super aggressive and territorial. Also they interpret nearly every human mannerism as a sign of aggression or a challenge. Smiling and eye contact are both things that zookeepers have to be taught to suppress when they’re in the vicinity of gorillas.

[triviallytrue]

Well unless the mall is his native territory I think I'm fine, I wasn't planning on smiling at him

[max1461]

This is all irrelevant because the obvious answer is five black mambas. I mean, that’s not actually very many snakes, and malls are fucking huge. And unlike a gorilla you can definitely outrun a snake if it does show up. Find an open space in the mall where you can see any snake coming and just hangout out there. Fucking easy.

[triviallytrue]

Misguided! I would much rather have a mallmate I can easily see and hear coming. I'm confident I can stay out of the gorilla's way, but if I step on a snake or one otherwise gets the jump on me, it's all over.

It's not just about the physical danger either, it's about my mental health. One gorilla, unless he's actively mad at me, I just keep a healthy distance between us and make sure I never get trapped. With the snakes, it requires a lot more constant vigilance

[ghostpalmtechnique]

They should substitute "chimpanzee" for "gorilla" in this hypothetical.

[triviallytrue]

if it was a chimp i'm taking the fucking snakes

[notwiselybuttoowell]

Black mambas have a reputation build on being very venomous and very fast. I'm not sure why you would think you could outrun one (or five) in an enclosed space like a mall.

[chaumas-deactivated20240115]

Malls usually have pretty slick floors, and escalators. I’d choose the gorilla simply because I think that would make an more interesting story (and a better-selling autobiography, I Survived the Mall Gorilla) but I think I’d stand a pretty good chance at avoiding the mamba. They’re fast and aggressive and will chase you but unless we started immediately beside each other I think my sneakers would have the terrain advantage over scutes.

[nightingalesoul]

this is too good to leave hidden in the replies

[bermuda-n-drangle]

fucking enamored with the implication that this gorilla is fully intelligent but is trying to manufacture plausible deniability like the movie barnyard

[voidcreations]

Look at my birthday cake...

[captain-price-returns]

[teaspoon-of-stars]

Theres the lil thang

[eroscestlavie]

everyone envies me for my Mateo Point

[captain-price-returns]

You’re years too late to be recognizing the threat of US government mass surveillance, bud.

[duchessvongooseberg]

[fethawit]

The Venn diagram is not a circle, but it's really, really close.

[vivienvalentino]

THE FLY  1986, dir. David Cronenberg

[underwaterslopgirl-deactivated2]

White dads when you talk to them about mental illness

[peteneems]

[crazycrazy-insane-blog]