It is as true as ever that when you stare into the dashboard, the dashboard stares back. And Tumblr’s love of introspection is well documented, mainly, it must be said, by Tumblr itself. Welcome. This is your 2022 dashboard dive.
One genre of Tumblr post that is always a hit is the type of post that makes you think, “man, I’ve been on this website a while.” At the beginning of 2022, @andthentheywilleatthestars wanted to set the record straight regarding what being on Tumblr was like in 2014:
overanalyzing Captain America: The Winter Soldier and that one website that let you play Cards Against Humanity online. And it slapped.
For all of those who remember those good old days, @voidandradiance kicked off a 100k+ notes reblog chain with an anecdote about how they were recognized as a Tumblr user by their vocabulary alone: getting asked, “were you on tumblr in 2014?“ is surely enough to strike a simultaneous mix of pride and fear into one’s heart, as you experience the mortifying ordeal of being known. And in October, the dashboard celebrated a decade of blogging on the tenth anniversary @apjvff’s iconic post: “In 10 years this will all be a memory.” And yet, we’re still here!
Another iconic post that draws attention to the many magical powers and phenomena of the dashboard is @ponyoisms’s observation that “one hyperfixated tumblr mutual has the power of six hundred thousand ad campaigns.” On Tumblr, earnestness and irony live in sometimes not-so-peaceful coexistence, and nothing is more demonstrative of that than a screenshot to two posts by @baphonnicula that came up one after the other on their dashboard: one a heartfelt love letter to Tumblr, the other simply reading “suckingham phallus.” Beautiful, beautiful [sheds a single proud tear].
If there’s one thing you can always find on Tumblr, it’s a love of old things. This year, the outrageous success of Dracula Daily drew Tumblr’s attention again to the archaic: classic literature, archaeology, mythology, Medieval poetry, Renaissance art, and more. Basically, it’s the most concentrated collection of history nerds this side of dark academia, and we’re obsessed—so let’s take a look at some Fandoms of Yore.
Tumblr’s most ancient fave is probably Ötzi the Iceman, who lived nearly five thousand years ago in the Swiss Alps. @dyatlovpassingprivilege brought Ötzi’s era to life with some highly evocative ‘Ötzi posting:’ “more venison and wheat? good morning followers” is definitely the sort of thing Ötzi would have said.
Tumblr’s next oldest obsession after Ötzi is Ea-Nasir, the Sumerian copper merchant from the 1700s BCE, whom Tumblr absolutely loves to hate. So much so that @oylmpians warned their followers to check their Halloween candy in case they find some of Ea-Nasir’s inferior quality copper inside their KitKats.
It would be an understatement to say that Tumblr loves its classic lit. @cishetgreg came in hot with the following scenario:
(trying to get notes on tumblr in 2022) Franz Kafka isn’t even a writer to me he’s like um a girl mutual who brushes my hair.
And, true to form, got nearly 30,000 notes out of it. Because, of course, Tumblr loves the inventive, depressive, highly relatable Kafka: This year, like every year on July 1, the dashboard celebrated that day when he was simply “too tired.”
Not just authors but classic books and characters are beloved on Tumblr, too. With regards to Tumblr’s favorite pastime, @brownsugarteathoughts pointed out that shipping characters from classic literature just hits different.
You can find many excellent posts in the #frankenstein tag, such as these custom booty shorts for you and your creature from none other than @victorfrankensteinsuggestions. In the #dracula tag meanwhile (the 2nd most popular book tag in 2022, second only to Percy Jackson), you will encounter the genius of Dracula Daily readers like @citizen-zero, who pointed out that:
the funniest possible modern textual adaptation of Dracula would be Jonathan as a part time recipe blogger and you have to scroll through 10 paragraphs of the most harrowing thing you’ve ever read in your life just to get the recipe for paprika hendl.
And, of course, Tumblr has been home to the Shakespeare fandom for as long as anyone can remember: @benvoolioo even wrote Horatio’s assignment extension request.
As @lemonysnicket so aptly put it, “die girlies auf tumblr are thriving and having a ball going about as if media stopped happening post 2010.”
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