Do I dazzle you?

just re-igniting my obsession in 20gayteen. ✨ shout out to my middle school bestie in 2006 who made me read this one out of all her weird vamp YA novels. **I Follow From @astorycalledmyname **

[dogcunt]

depression has got me acting cringy as fuck dude

[breakingisabella]

[witchyangela]

Cats (2019) was good actually, prove me wrong

[logarto]

im gonna scream this is a park near my house

[logarto]

reading this w the exact same intonation as “found a snail… effervecent”

[cockmcstuffins]

jacob black was like if i had a girlfriend i wouldn’t just leave her alone in the woods by herself like rip to edward but i’m different and then he left bella in the woods twice

[cctinsleybaxter]

hey did bella and edward ever sit down and talk about what it felt like for him to die of spanish influenza or was that like a trigger for him and off limits

[rose-lily-hale]

edward: *sees flu shot poster at the hospital* *immediately breaks down sobbing*

[phil-dwyer-stan-account]

Edward Cullen actually fought every anti-vaxxer in the entire state of Washington we just didn’t get to read about it because it wasn’t relevant to Bella’s story

[teaboot]

Didn’t think it would take 14 years for me to finally wade into the Twilight fandom but it appears there’s gold in them there hills

[smplyblck]

Edward in New Moon after dragging Bella into the woods to tell her him & his fam are leaving

[illbeintheattic]

i half think that when bella told everyone she wanted to be a vampire that emmett suggested to the fam they do it like an actual ritual where they wear cloaks and everything

[jessicanjpa]

“And I just happen to have seven cloaks here…”

Everyone: Emmett no.

[edwardsvirginity]

I'm just thinking about the fact that touch screens are calibrated to recognize body heat, which is why random objects can touch the screen without it activating and why screens are finicky if you're trying to use them outside in winter. And I'm thinking about the fact that the cullens almost definitely can't use touch screens, and have to exclusively buy and use smart technology that comes with a stylus. What fucking morons. Can u imagine a whole family of teenagers carrying around glorified palm pilots to school and pulling out a stylus from behind their ears any time they want to text someone?!? I can't believe they genuinely think they pass for human jskeiduwbw 😂😂😂

[volturialice]

stronghold of light

/kɑːɹˈlaɪl/ 

full name: Carlisle Cullen

born: London, England, circa 1640 C.E.

au counterparts: Carine, Carlton, Claudius, Carrick

origins and meaning: from the Brythonic element ker, “fort, stronghold” and the (probably) Celtic name Lugus, “light, brightness.” Carlisle is a city in Cumbria, England, originally called Luguvalium by the Romans. “Ker Luguvalium” somehow* evolved into “Carlisle,” which then evolved into a geographic surname, which has since been appropriated for use as a first name. What a journey.

Keep reading

[bisexualemmettcullen]

carlisle really just went "oh yeah it's family time" during an influenza outbreak and bit edward

[1953swan]

we can try all we want but the fact is that none of us will ever be as powerful as twilight blingees

[edwardsvirginity]

Ok but… in 2018 you KNOW forks high would have a meme page and all the cliques would have running jokes in their group chats… 28139 of the memes would be about the Cullens and how fucking weird they are… someone would be like “I saw Rosalie hale take a bite of an apple today” and another person would be like #soundsfakebutok, people would constantly be making jokes about Cullen family incest, there would be a running gag of What Diet Are The Cullens On This Week, people coming up with increasingly wild theories about what they do on their “camping trips”, sneaking picture of them making bizarre expressions and captioning them with shit like “tfw ur a genius supermodel but u got (5) raindrops on ur shirt&ruined ur aesthetic so now u want to die”, creating Cullen bingo cards with stuff like “growling during class” “magically knowing the right answer even when they weren’t paying attention” “not blinking for 5 minutes straight” “looking like they want to murder everyone for no reason at all” etc etc etc

Just imagine the Cullens being half cryptid, half meme at forks high

[murdershegoat]

‘i know what you are’

‘say it. out loud. say it.’

‘dank’

[the-golden-onion]

for the first third of this post I definitely thought this was about the irl high school where the filmed and not the canon high school… either way this is 100% correct

[cullenfucked]

i made the bingo card

[the-golden-onion]

i’m gonna say it:

bella and edward’s dance at the prom was more romantic than their entire wedding

[bronzecurls-emeraldeyes]

It’s the Catherine Hardwick effect babey

[edwardfucks]

the Cullens would have to stop going to high school bc gen z is too powerful and would sniff out their obviously bizarre immortal energy in seconds like bloodhounds and expose them as literal vampires within days

[edwardfucks]

like I'm barely gen z but these teenagers are on a totally different level of unhinged funny I've seen their tik toks. the Cullens literally don't stand a chance they're just gonna have to settle one day for a small school where everyone acknowledges that those are the vampire kids. and they all agree to just not tell anyone like the crowd in the Hannah Montana movie.

[edwardfucks]

Edward Cullen getting bullied by gen Z'ers in the hallways being called "sucker" because he rambled on for 30 minutes in history class about world war one until someone snapped said "ok we get it Nosferatu you were there and fucked Ferdinand himself"

[edwardfucks]

"Hey Cullen, the blood drive is that way!" "Yeah you gonna go get a snack?"

Edward, folding himself into a locker:

[angelicgif]

breaking dawn book!bella is SO FUCKING FUNNY she just wants to Fuck !!!!! like she gets married so they can fuck! she literally begs edward (who cries for a week after they have sex for the first time its literally Canon) will let them have sex again!!! shes legit abt to die bc shes CARRYING A HUMAN VAMPIRE HYBRID and is still thinkin abt boning !!!!!!!!!!! then the second shes a vampire and she sees edward shes like ‘so….. we fuckin now right?’ and everyones like ‘bella ????????????????????? go drink some blood u dumb bitch?’ like Yes technically she has like really good self control for a newborn but thats just bc her special vampire power is being really fuckin horny for edward ://///// 

[watcherscrown]

That’s just the Mormon courtship experience

[its-the-fluorescentsss]

What level of overdramatic are you?

Edward urgently screaming “YOU NEED TO SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE IN THE SUNLIGHT” and then just standing there awkwardly sparkling

Edward running all the way to Alaska for briefly smelling Bella’s scent

Emmett forcing Jasper to drive the Jeep so he can stand up in the back with the wind in his hair

Rosalie getting all decked out in a wedding dress and all to murder her ex finance

Alice dropping the flower vase while whispering “it’s the Volturi”

Aro bringing the entire 300 vampire Volturi clan with wives and all halfway around the world to punish 8 vampires

Jasper crushing a grand piano, three vases, and a table because he smelled a drop of Bella’s blood

[heidivolturi]

i’m all of them - there’s seven, one for every day of the week

[bellasredchevy]

“doesn’t he own a shirt” probably ed but he’s too busy being fetishized as a native person and as a child both in character and in reality by thousands of predatory middle-aged women including the predatory middle-aged woman who wrote him to be wearing a shirt and for some reason weitz, slade, and condon felt comfortable/that it was appropriate to cater to that demographic and also it’s been established that he is borderline impoverished (an issue that many native/first nations/disabled households deal with anyways) and doesn’t have a lot of shirts because he keeps tearing them when he shifts and doesn’t have a ton of means to replace them and also you can read his mind so you know all this information and even if you couldn’t you’ve been around for a hundred odd years you could probably come to an educated guess as to why he doesn’t own many shirts use your brain cells bud get it together why don’t you use $12 of your daddy’s Forty Six Billion Dollars to buy him a four-pack of hanes t-shirts from target if it bothers you so much