living on cassettes and caffeine

full house of wincest / 18+ nsfw

[deanwincesterinmascara]

deancoded 30-something she/they

samdean, johndean, samifer. proshipper supreme

bottom dean pref but i can always be convinced

assume everything is nsfw. a lot of rape posting but in a sexy way

tagging is just so i can find stuff later

dms/anon asks open. freaks welcome, unkindness is not

shit i've written tagged my writing

follow backs/likes from @captainfaygeleh

-ro

[beccdraws-deactivated20230917]

The Last Days of Summer

spn fanart

For all those feeling the summer heat right now.

Print available

[deanwincesterinmascara]

caught another fucker in a glue trap and also my cats foot

[deanwincesterinmascara]

in other news my cat it a fucking moron who prefers to watch a roach eat her food than eat it herself/kill the roach

[deanwincesterinmascara]

Update: she is mad at me for getting rid of both

[deanwincesterinmascara]

in other news my cat it a fucking moron who prefers to watch a roach eat her food than eat it herself/kill the roach

[deanwincesterinmascara]

testing out new meds is exhausting because like I think I skipped mania and jumped right to depression which is no fun at all. that shouldn’t be allowed you can at least enjoy mania 40% of the time

[lesbegays]

You are not your own

[bvrialatsea]

yeah we know

[itckhmart]

Summer of '99

[twilightspegasus]

i keep thinking about dean and mary having so many parallels but the one that really, really breaks my heart is how they are both people who never got to simply be themselves.

mary is a hunter’s daughter, john’s wife, sam and dean’s mother. dean is john’s soldier and partner, sam’s protector, the older brother. they are both constantly defined by their relationships to other people. by what they offer to other people.

mary is not allowed to simply be mary.

dean is not allowed to simply be dean.

dean inherits not only mary’s appearance and characteristics but her tragedy , the tragedy of being loved for what you represent to others instead of being allowed to exist as your own person.

and the most heartbreaking thing about their dynamic is that when they confront each other, they hit each other’s deepest wounds. they both unknowingly hold each other’s biggest insecurities and the expectations placed on them.

dean begs mary to “finally” be his mother but mary’s response “i’m not just a mother and you’re not a child” is devastating because yes she’s right about herself and it shows mary’s own wound. she refuses to become trapped by expectations again. she rightfully refuses to be reduced only to “sam and dean’s mother” and yet, tragically, in protecting herself from that role, she ends up denying dean the one thing he has spent his whole life craving, permission to be her child, be a child. because to dean, being “a child” means so much more than literally being young. it doesn’t mean he wants to start again and be a kid just to have mary’s motherly affection, to him it means not having to carry every other role that was forced onto him. It means existing outside of expectations. it means being allowed to simply be dean, not john’s soldier, not sam’s protector, not the person who has to hold everything together. when dean says “i never was a child” he’s talking about identity. he’s saying he never got the chance to be his own person before he became something for everyone else. he never got to exist without responsibility attached to him.

for mary, it’s a rejection of being reduced only to motherhood. she spent her whole life being defined by other people and she desperately wants to be seen as just “‘mary” but for dean who is essentially asking her to acknowledge the child who was never given the chance to exist, its invalidation. and how awful it is that it’s coming from someone who’s just like him.

they are both begging the other person to see them beyond what everyone needed them to be but they’re so hurt that they can’t recognize that they’re asking for the same thing

And while mary seems to finally find her own voice and reclaim an identity beyond everyone else’s expectations, dean never really gets that chance, instead, he dies thanking sam for standing up to their dad.

that line absolutely destroys me because it shows that the wound never actually closed. after everything dean lived through, his childhood is still the thing haunting him. his final moments reveal that the little boy who wished he could stand up to their father and have an identity outside of the roles forced on him.

he never finds the same resolution mary does. He never truly learns who dean winchester is outside of all those “role”. the roles simply end because his life ends.

[inter-state80]

@deanwincesterinmascara jensen whimper clip for you~

[martyrdean]

sam watching dean sleep.

[wincestwhispers]

the general hunting community’s opinions on the Winchesters pre series:

Yeah John’s a terrible partner and giant pain in the ass but he’s done a lot of research. No one really knows what Sam’s deal is they just think there’s something off with the kid. And they all love Dean’s hole. plus he’s great as monster bait

[beautifulbrothers]

SUPERNATURAL - 6.03

[wincestwhispers]

Supernatural anytime they introduced a new family member: How can we make them weird about Dean

[normalblogfornomalboy]

be careful around your daughter figure dude she’s after your butt virginity like I know you raised her from but a sprout but your special flower is in serious danger

[deanjohn-revival]

No Light

“You know I’d never hurt you, Dean.”

He could tell his father wasn’t talking about the normal kind of hurt, a slap or two when Dean fucked up. His hands shook at his sides, freezing. Dad would never hurt him. Of course he wouldn’t.

Pairing: John/Dean

Warnings: Rape/non-con, underage sex

[deanjohn-revival]

Chapter 6 is up!