AJ

I write fanfiction about a certain 15 season show bc I’m determined to give us the gay love we were denied

[deanwsweetheart]

Headphone warning!!!

Audio for a chapter in music speaks

[deanwsweetheart]

I made my very first edit and oooo boy I’m v proud😂

Yes its a little ouchie I’m sorry I had to

[deanwsweetheart]

Misha posted on tiktok and what????

Sir are you good? Do you need help??? Does the c* have you at gunpoint again??????

[deanwsweetheart]

SIR-

in both ways

[deanwsweetheart]

MISHA AND VICKI ARENT TOGETHER ANYMORE

In the acknowledgments in misha’s poetry book

Honestly, I wish both of them love and happiness. That must have been so hard to go through with two kids

[deanwsweetheart]

Reading John’s Journal Part Four

There will be spoilers and swearing, I will probably cry, it’s going to be great

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3

1989

Dean’s 10!!!!

Reagan’s the Antichrist???????

History on 666, very interesting 

Sam’s 6

“He’s such a different kid than Dean” Oh shit yeah, Dean started learning to shot at this age 

“Where Dean wants to fight them, you get the sense that Sammy watches, learns.” This makes me think of all those Hunter!Dean and Men of Letters!Sam fics, and I get it 😂

May 13th is coded???

11th anniversary 🥺

June 10th is also coded, why????

Oh man why is July 4th so long, it’s like three pages 

John put the boys into a day camp so they could feel normal for a change, can you imagine them in a day camp, my heart 

Nvm shit hits the fan at the camp😂

Wow John didn’t immediately go kill a bunch of water tricksters??? 

“For the moment, the battle pauses. Mary, I can’t fight every minute.” SHOW SPOILER God can you imagine Mary reading that when she came back, oh boy

Oooooo water spirit lore!!!!

Okay water spirits are cool as hell, why did we not get more?!

aaannnddd back to depression 

Mary’s been dead for 6 years, “today I overheard the boys talking about her” I’m gonna cry no. I can’t even give yall quotes its so fucking sad and heartbreaking god

1990 

Okay this is a really short year

Dean asked for a gun on his 11th bday, what in the America 

Sammy’s seven and behind in school bc of John I hate that

“I need to be better about reading to him” oh I’m emotional

“I’d ask Dean to do it, but there’s only so much you can pile on a kid” oh yeah bc you can put avenging his mom and his little brother’s life in his hands, but home-schooling is where you draw the line???? Seriously what logic

12th anniversary, silk 🥺

Two weird stories about people using spirit possession to try and heal someone, interesting but really weird 

Ooooo reapers!

“Dean tries to be the big man a lot, but he’s not even twelve” babyyyy

It’s a Christmas entry but John doesn’t mention the holiday at all, and there’s a Christmas card from the boys “taped” to the side 🥺

1991

Starts off with a ritual story about making someone’s soul die by using their spit? Idk it was weird

And we’ve got succubi

He saw Mary🥺 and he had to kill them

Oh wow homie still hasn’t seen a vamp yet, oop

Got a history lesson on succubi/incubi which was v cool and also gross

John notes that Dean’s started to talk about normal kid shit when they can stay in a place for a few months, then only talk about hunting when they’re on the road. I feel like this is more so to appease John than anything else, “dont talk about what you wish you could do bc it’s not gonna happen”

Sammy played a sunbeam in a school play I cant!!!!! Thats so cute

The normalcy of their life in Albuquerque hurts but also makes me so happy, like John’s got a job and the boys are in school, Sam wants to enter the science fair and Dean’s teaching Sam to play soccer

Oh shit, Sam’s teacher was a demon

Baby Dean saved the day!!!! John was being chased and Sam was spelled and Dean grabbed the journal and started reading the exorcism. Why am I proud

The demon said that Sam was special, oh shit yall. We know what that is

I dont think Sam knows yet about all the Supernatural shit. I think he only knows the basics

John gave Dean shit bc Sam got out of the car and talked to a dude, John said that Dean should have been watching Sam. Like homie, you should have been watching him???

Omg John finally meets Bobby!!!!!! I’m so excited for this

“Bobby thinks I’m a fool for not wanting to believe that demons really exist, and he’s not shy about telling me” yeah cuz his wife you dumbass

Oh ew ew ew ew John had sex with a demon ew gross

Crossroads lore hell yeah

“Tomorrow I’m going to leave Sammy with Bobby so I can take Dean deer hunting… Dean needs to pull a trigger to sharpen him up” HES NOT A WEAPON TO BE SHARPENED JOHN HES FUCKING 12

More lore

Oh COLT HDHDHDHDH

Annnndddd more lore

Oh god, Dean messed up the shot. He dropped the gun and Sammy came out of no where and he picked up the gun and shot the deer oh this is gonna hurt

Oh fuck it hurts yup

Sam said that he thought the deer took Dean’s gun so he had to protect him (Sam’s 7 give him a break)

“I taught them that everything should be seen as a threat. And now Sammy sees a deer and thinks it’s trying to hurt his brother” oh I’m gonna cry, I’m gonna fucking cry

Oof Silas got torn to pieces and now I’m just thinking of Sam seeing that cuz baby was with him when it happened. Oh man, how long did it take for John to come back after Silas died, did Sam just have to stay there with pieces of a human being everywhere

Why do I do that to myself hebdbfbf

OH NO WAY IN HELL DID SAM KILL SILAS ARE YOU KIDDING ME

“It was Dean who killed Anderson. My oldest son is bloodied” oh fuck that’s his first kill ever isnt it? And it was a hunter???? Fuck fuck fuck

Sam’s 8!!!!

John’s learning about demons

Okay the lore for it was interesting

13th anniversary, John again notes that the gifts are weird, how 11 being steel while 12-13 are silk and lace is backwards

More about reapers and Death!!!! I think they might be my favourite spn creatures tbh but Death will always have a special place in my heart

That sounded weird

“Sometimes I think Sammy’s been reading this journal” oh god I really hope not, can you fucking imagine

Christmas entry, time to cry

HES NOT WITH THEM ON CHRISTMAS?????? UGH

Dean stole a pair of night vision goggles for John’s gift

“Sam gets resentful and has some trouble handling his temper. Dean tries to fix everything and keep us together as a team” oh fucking fuck it started that early huh?

Oh anger, hello friend

“Would the boys be better off somewhere else, with someone else, living normal lives? No. I’m their father. They belong with me” I cannot even start with this, I can’t

Well that’s a great note to end the year on

1992

Happy 13 Dean!!

Okay John got at the boys again because they almost trusted a skinwalker (he was disguised as a park ranger) and the implication of John hitting them is there and I hate it (“I thought the lesson was learned” “Lit into the two of them. Especially Dean” “I thought I was tough when I was thirteen”)

“I thought I was tough when I was thirteen, but Dean would have kicked my ass six ways to sunday” Why do I feel proud

Demon possession entry

Happy 9th Sammy!!!!!

Got some lore on kitsune and immediately got a fic idea😂

Okay so like a shit ton of creatures that can change it’s form into something else but the last fucking sentence kills me

“Hell, Bugs Bunny is always dressing up like a woman…” Homie really relating a character to shifters hehdjdjd. new headcanon that John would be one of those people that say harry potter is devil worship

OH MY GOD THE SCENE THE “when I was 9 I told dad I was afraid of the thing in my closet so he handed me a .45”

“Five nights running now Sammy has slept without nightmares” I feel like this was the CW trying to make John sound better like ‘yeah he gave a 9 year old a gun but hey at least he didnt have more nightmares!’

John gets the storage locker

I think that’s it for part four cuz it’s getting a little too long😂 I’ll see y’all again for 5

Part 5

[alurdunfinn]

Aren’t you gay?

I like how this implies I did something heterosexual. If so, I apologize.

[deanwsweetheart]

MISHA YOU HAVE TO KNOW

MISHA YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS

MISHA I STG ITS 2AM I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS

[rocinantescoffeestop]

Supernatural AU where everything’s the same except dinosaurs also have ghosts and in one episode Sam and Dean hunt down the ghost of a stegosaurus wreaking havoc on a whole town

Imagine their faces when they realise they have to sneak into a museum to burn the rowdy dino boi’s skeleton

[supernatural-rewatch-3]

Prequel called The Winchesters.... Give me Millie!!! Please!!! Please let her have a role!!! Any tole! I just want to meet her.

Did she remarry? It was implied in The Song Remains The Same that she did! Did she keep the last name Winchester? Did she help watch over Sam and Dean in the start?!? Clearly she was in Lawrence when John and Mary started dating!!! I really want her so bad!!! How much did she know about the Men of Letters? Did she shield John? Try snd protect him from the supernatural? I have so many questions and there is so much potential here!

Please Jensen and Danelle, don’t forget her!

[deanwsweetheart]

So in John’s journal, he talks about how he and Mary wanted a daughter and the idea of protective Sam and Dean with a sister is so cute but I figured something out

We all know that Sam and Dean got their names from Mary’s parents (Samuel and Deanna). So it makes sense that they’d continue that. John’s mom’s name was Millie

It would have been Sam, Dean, and Millie Winchester

Fic idea? Fic idea

[deanwsweetheart]

Reading John’s Journal Part 3

This post contains spoilers from the book, please keep that in mind. Enjoy my angry rants

Part 1 | Part 2

1987

Ooo hello full exorcism version... homie takes up 5 pages????? No thank you

Dean’s eight and in the second grade!! 

John says he’s gonna take the boys to chuck e cheese’s and the idea of that is so cute oh man

Sam’s four and John’s back at the vampire hunter in Colorado. I feel so bad for Sammy, like to spend three of four bdays in a place just so your dad can get more hunting info??? And baby boy probably won’t know that for a few more years

John pulled Dean out of school, I’ll give him this bc a demon got exorcized by a hunter and the demon knew where the Winchesters were. But also the thought of this hurts bc it’s the first of many

“Dean understands” idk why but this hurts so bad

Sammy’s starting to read!!! But he’s literally picking out the words from lore books and that’s so in character oh my god 

Vrykolakas seems new? I don’t think we saw this in the show but I could be wrong

9th anniversary, John talks more in this entry than the last ones, I think maybe it’s getting easier for him to talk about her, at least in writing

“Mary talked about [having] a girl sometimes. I would have liked having a daughter.” Okay but could you have imagined protective!Dean with a little sister, oh my heart here comes the fic ideas 

“I’m starting to figure out that you can move a kid from school to school every month, and the schools deal with it because they have to.” John you paranoid piece of shit

“A part of me wonders how the kid deals with it.” From someone who moved a lot as a kid, you don’t. You accept that you’ll never make friends because there’s no point, you accept that you’re going to be alone, and you lose yourself in a thing that’s always constant. For me, it was reading, for Dean it’s hunting. Baby is eight...

“But sons have to be soldiers. And soldiers adapt.” JOHN I AM GOING TO COMMIT MURDER yeah you totally handled all the shit from your time in the marines John. I can’t 

John told Dean about a hunt/idek that went wrong bc “I was so frustrated and ashamed that I had to talk to someone.” John, your eight year old son is not your therapist 

“[Dean] had a better sense of right and wrong than I did” YEAH NO SHIT

“Mary has been dead for four years. Dean asked me today what she looked like.” Oh god that hurt so bad. If you read my previous Journal Rants you’ll understand why this reminded me of Sam and that “a mother is something he’s never had but he’s still supposed to be sad that she died” quote. Dean has spent the last four years learning with John and training to be a hunter to avenge a mother he doesn’t really remember and I kind of thought this through the journal so far, this quote really just shoves it in your face

“He never talks about her on any other day but this one.” I feel like that’s because John will only allow it on that day, the day he allows himself to really think and feel what he’s lost

The entries stop on November 2nd, but I’m just now noticing that they end on this day for the other years too, except for the first year after Mary dies. I feel like John stopped celebrating the holidays after that first one (if you read the book, you know how sad it was) because he didn’t want to be reminded again that Mary wasn’t there to celebrate with them

1988

Dean is nine 🥺🥺 But John keeps moving him around she he might not finish third grade, hnnn I hate John

“He calls himself the New Kid all the time.” Oh man I remember doing this, fuck that hurtssss

DEAN’S BEEN IN THREE SCHOOLS IN 24 DAYS i’m going to lose my shit. Actually idk if I read that right, John says he’s been in three schools already this year, but idk if he means like the year-year or the school year. Still, either way, fuck John

A whole two pages on salt and its different meanings through different religions/cultures, this is actually really cool and v interesting to read

Okay, John says that rock salt is the only salt that’ll work bc “Iodized salt is impure” but like I’m fairly certain that the boys use fuckin table salt more than anything

Sam’s 5th bday oh boy, this was in the show

“I could blame Dean, but it’s my fault” WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU COULD BLAME DEAN

“He couldn’t pull the trigger when he needed to” yeah because he’s fucking NINE JOHN 

“If he is weak like that again, my boys will die” I- 

“What kind of father am I to put a nine-year-old boy in a situation where he might have to kill to protect his brother?” yeah what kind of father, cuz it’s not a good one

“I’m the kind of father I have to be” literally fuck off

First mention of Bobby, nothing major just his name in a bit of lore 

Tenth anniversary, all he says is that and the gift (tin)

A lot about necromancy and spirits, how to bind/summon them. I wonder if he was researching a way to contact Mary in a better way than the last attempts 

Mary’s death anniversary, John talks about how he feels like he’s living a prison sentence and can only send it when he’s avenged her 

“Dean’s teacher called to tell me that he got a subscription to the Weekly World News... How is he paying for it? I could ask him, but he’s already too sharp to give me a straight answer. And I could force him to, but there’s no point.” So much to unpack here. First, why??? Second, how was baby boy getting money. Cuz he wouldn’t ever take it from John or use the money he left for food on anything else, so what was he doing to get money? Do I really want to know? Third, “I could force him” FORCE HIM HOW JOHN, FORCE HIM HOW

OH MY GOD mentions of angels, Dec 27th. Two sigils for summoning and speaking to them 👀

I hope yall are enjoying this because I’m dying over here 😂 54 pages down, 163 more to go

Part 4

[deanwsweetheart]

My fic, Music Speaks, reached 400 hits!!! I really wasn’t expecting that, though my sister’s making fun of my shock

Find my fic here!

[deanwsweetheart]

Headcanon that Jack said he was “twenty…….two” because of Taylor Swift. Baby boy could have stuck with 20 but “I dont know about you, but I’m feeling 22” went right through his mind and out his mouth

[deanwsweetheart]

Reading John’s journal part 2

Again, this is gonna contain book spoilers so beware, and enjoy my freakouts.

Part 1

1984

“[Dean] has a talent for guns. I can see it already” HE JUST TURNED 5 YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME JOHN we’re off to a great start

6th anniversary, oh fuck I’m emotional

“Sammy took his first steps yesterday. He walked towards Dean.” I can’t handle this I cannot. Already seeing Dean as his dad

Not so many personal entries this year but a lot about history of the supernatural and it’s really interesting to read. I kinda feel like Sam rn 😂 learning the lore of vampires and black dogs and shit, very cool. Obviously a lot of it isn’t the actual spn truth of monsters (vampires don’t rise from their graves at night and return in the morning) but it feels like you’re learning with John, eventually figuring out the truth from the myth

“Should have burned Doc Benton, too, but I’m guessing the chainsaw did the trick.” Oh no it did not Johnny boy, season 3 episode 15

1985

His resolution to avenge Mary “I’ll promise it every year until it happens” this is emotional yall

Dean’s sixth birthday, he’s stopped asking about the shape-shifter and going to school. Oh man, all because John couldn’t risk it

“I’ve been teaching him… he knows that there are things that go bump in the night.” Can you imagine being told that at 6 fucking years old, that the weird noise you hear or the shape you see in the dark might actually be monsters???? John you son of a bitch

Sam’s second birthday, and John’s using it as an excuse to go to the mountains to learn about vampires from a hunter named Daniel

Okay he’s learned the truth of vampires (sunlight hurts, beheading works, dead mans blood, etc). Daniel thinks they’re extinct, ooohhh buddy boy no they are not

Seventh anniversary, again mentions of the gifts supposed to be given. It’s interesting that John and Mary followed this tradition

Dean’s in school!!!! John started him in first grade cuz baby’s almost 7

“He asked on the way in whether kids in school learned the same stuff he’d been learning.” This hurt and I can’t begin to explain why

“He came home on top of the world, and he brought me worksheets with the names of the different parts of a fish, different numbers of apples and oranges added together.” When I say that if Dean grew up normal, he would have loved school, this is what I mean

John’s left the boys for three days?????

“When I got here, [Dean] came up to me and asked if I’d had a tough hunt.” Oh god why do I wanna cry

Oh god oh god oh god “if he’s big enough to try to comfort me, he’s big enough to start learning the tools of the trade” John’s teaching Dean to shoot, he’s 6 YEARS OLD JOHN

“Maybe [Sam’s] just too young to show it but I don’t think he’s got the same kind of killer instinct.” HES FUCKING 6 YEARS OLD I’m so mad yall

Ended the year off with a ghost story of a spirit who led a man to where his body was buried so he could be properly put to rest. I feel like this is a nod to some of the more peaceful ghosts we see in the show

I might need therapy after this, I’m 29 pages in, there are 217 jesus

1986

“For his seventh birthday, I took Dean shooting again” is this normal for American men raised in the 80s??? Idk I’m a gen z Canadian

“Sammy wanted me to help him make Dean a card” why is this implying that John didnt get Dean a card so sam made him one

January 29th is an rip list???? Who are these people, Resnik sounds familiar tho

Oh god, Bill’s death (Jo’s dad)

“I don’t know if I believe in demons” buddy you better

Oh shit, John broke the devils trap made of salt. Thats how Bill died oh man. A demon went right into Bill, and Bill told John to shoot him. Bill then released the demon into the devils trap on the wall

“He saved my life, even though I took his. It was a hunter’s death”

I 1000% get jo and ellen’s anger now

Sammy got an ice cream cake for his third birthday🥺🥺🥺 sam and dean share a bed while john sleeps on the floor

“Some nights it’s enough to watch them sleep, and know that if they start to have a nightmare I’ll be right there to stop it” god damn it

Eighth anniversary, all John says is what the gift would have been (bronze for eight)

Dean starts second grade I’m emotional

“He makes me swear that I’ll take good care of Sammy before he’ll go to school” why does Dean feel the need to make John swear that????? Like a stranger or family friend, it’d be more understanding but John? What did you do to make Dean feel like he needs you to promise that. Oh maybe its bc he remembers the shape-shifter incident and- oh man we are stopping that thought, that hurts

“[Sammy’s] still too young to really understand what it means to avenge his mother” YEAH CUZ HES FUCKING THREE YEARS OLD JOHN

“I don’t think he gets it. How could he, really?” (Context: “mary is a word… a mother is something he never had but he’s still supposed to be sad that she died”). It really sounds like he’s trying to minimize this for Sam, like that he’ll never get what it’s like to lose a mom because he never really had one. And man I know that this continues into early seasons *SHOW SPOILER* but you really see that impact when Mary comes back. That Sam does know what it’s like to lose a mom

Oooo we get the exorcism ritual, very cool. Oh and the history!!!!

Mary’s 3rd year death anniversary oh boy, John starts off by saying the things she’s missed about the boys

“She doesn’t know that Dean watches his little brother like a hawk every minute, with an expression on his face that says he’s willing to die to keep Sammy safe.” Oh dear god this hurts so much but also makes my heart warm to know that Dean really didn’t change as he got older but fuck, he’s only 7 years old

“To know that [that expression is there] because I have drilled it into Dean that Sammy is his responsibility” no John, both of them are your responsibility. Dean’s responsibility is to be a fucking kid

“He’s eight years old, and I’ve told him his brother’s life is in his hands. Mary, I didn’t have any right to do that. But what else could I do?” I’d like to point out that John rounds Dean’s age up (this entry is 2 months before Dean’s 8th birthday) and I feel like that’s him trying to justify his actions, like its better to say that to an 8 year old than a 7. Also, yeah John you had no fucking right to do that. How dare you put that pressure onto Dean, like reading this makes me hate John so much but it makes all of Dean’s actions toward Sam make so much sense

This is gonna give me an aneurism. Fucking shit balls

Part 3

[deanwsweetheart]

Reading the John Winchester’s Journal part 1

I’m gonna lose my mind so here’s my thoughts. This is obviously gonna contain spoilers of the book. Enjoy!

1983

Dean was in t-ball?????????? I’m gonna cry

Mary used to keep journals to remember everything but they burned in the fire, this is v wholesome to me

They had passbooks for the boys college accounts????!!!!!!! Oh how things changed huh

“I never saw a shrink for everything I went through in the marines, and I got through that” DID YOU JOHN?! You raised the boys like soldiers instead of sons, that’s not fucking normal

Police thought John started the fire and killed Mary????? Realistically I get how that could happen but I never thought of that

John didn’t go to Mary’s funeral, the boys didn’t go to Mary’s funeral, fuck I’m emotional

Dean went almost mute after the fire, and John tried to make him feel like a normal kid again. My poor baby dean. (Side note, the lake episode in season one, with the mute kid, makes so much sense now why Dean bonded with the kid so fast)

Dean slept in Sam’s crib to keep him safe🥺🥺🥺

John gave up the garage to Mike just like that, damn

Homie immediately used the money from selling the garage to buy guns (so the back of Baby begins) this is so American to me

HOMIE PULLED OUT HIS OWN FINGERNAIL SO MISSOURI COULD HAVE A VISION

“If I never go back, it’ll be too soon. Not for Dean though. The first thing he wanted to know was when we would go home. But we don’t have a home anymore, Dean. The sooner you get used to that, the better.” The amount of sadness and then anger I had…. Oooooo boy

Oh shit hellhound???

Who tf is H????

OH MY GOD THEY JUST ROLLED JACOB INTO A LAKE TO DIE???? WTF

Oh god Dean saw his dad kill a shapeshifter, he’s literally 4 years old “my boy walked out the door and saw me shoot someone in the head” I CANT HANDLE THIS IM ONLY 6 PAGES IN

Awe Ellen and Jo 🥺🥺

“I’m not a hunter. I’m a husband and father who wants revenge for his wife” WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL PLOT OF THE MOVIE

“Your brother’s too young to understand any of this, but [Dean’s] beginning to” HES FOUR JOHN HE IS TOO YOUNG

“I can only pray you’re strong enough to look after Sam. One of us has to be.” I’m going to commit a murder are you-

OH SHIT H IS A DEMON???!!!!!!! WTF

“I’ll hunt, and the boys will hunt.” YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO MAKE THAT CHOICE FOR THEM

“My boys will not grow up to experience what I have. They will not lose what I have lost.” HOMIE I HATE TO FUCKING BREAK IT TO YOU BUT THEY LOSE MORE THAN WHAT YOU DID HDHDND IM SO FUCKING MAD

The Christmas entry, oh my god I’m tearing up

Okay they spent a lot more time at the roadhouse than the show let on

“I havent had this much bloodlust since Vietnam” (paraphrasing) this blows my mind, how can you go into a war and want to actually kill people, living breathing people???? (Me, 6 points ago: IM GONNA COMMIT MURDER)

“Dean hasn’t been the same since he saw me kill that shape-shifter” I WONDER FUCKING WHY JOHN

“How old does he have to be before I tell him the truth?” Oh my god Dean doesnt know it was a shape-shifter, he honestly and only knows his dad killed a man in front of him oh my fucking god

Okay so I’ve finished the first year, I’m 16 pages in, I’m not doing well 😂 this is gonna have to be a series I guess

Part 2

[deanwsweetheart]

Newest chapter of Music Speaks is up!

https://archiveofourown.org/works/31573472

An Archive of Our Own, a project of the Organization for Transformative Works