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I made my very first edit and oooo boy Iām v proudš
Yes its a little ouchie Iām sorry I had to
Misha posted on tiktok and what????
Sir are you good? Do you need help??? Does the c* have you at gunpoint again??????
SIR-
in both ways
MISHA AND VICKI ARENT TOGETHER ANYMORE
In the acknowledgments in mishaās poetry book
Honestly, I wish both of them love and happiness. That must have been so hard to go through with two kids
Reading Johnās Journal Part Four
There will be spoilers and swearing, I will probably cry, itās going to be great
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
1989
Deanās 10!!!!
Reaganās the Antichrist???????
History on 666, very interestingĀ
Samās 6
āHeās such a different kid than Deanā Oh shit yeah, Dean started learning to shot at this ageĀ
āWhere Dean wants to fight them, you get the sense that Sammy watches, learns.ā This makes me think of all those Hunter!Dean and Men of Letters!Sam fics, and I get it š
May 13th is coded???
11th anniversary š„ŗ
June 10th is also coded, why????
Oh man why is July 4th so long, itās like three pagesĀ
John put the boys into a day camp so they could feel normal for a change, can you imagine them in a day camp, my heartĀ
Nvm shit hits the fan at the campš
Wow John didnāt immediately go kill a bunch of water tricksters???Ā
āFor the moment, the battle pauses. Mary, I canāt fight every minute.ā SHOW SPOILER God can you imagine Mary reading that when she came back, oh boy
Oooooo water spirit lore!!!!
Okay water spirits are cool as hell, why did we not get more?!
aaannnddd back to depressionĀ
Maryās been dead for 6 years,Ā ātoday I overheard the boys talking about herā Iām gonna cry no. I canāt even give yall quotes its so fucking sad and heartbreaking god
1990Ā
Okay this is a really short year
Dean asked for a gun on his 11th bday, what in the AmericaĀ
Sammyās seven and behind in school bc of John I hate that
āI need to be better about reading to himā oh Iām emotional
āIād ask Dean to do it, but thereās only so much you can pile on a kidā oh yeah bc you can put avenging his mom and his little brotherās life in his hands, but home-schooling is where you draw the line???? Seriously what logic
12th anniversary, silk š„ŗ
Two weird stories about people using spirit possession to try and heal someone, interesting but really weirdĀ
Ooooo reapers!
āDean tries to be the big man a lot, but heās not even twelveā babyyyy
Itās a Christmas entry but John doesnāt mention the holiday at all, and thereās a Christmas card from the boysĀ ātapedā to the side š„ŗ
1991
Starts off with a ritual story about making someoneās soul die by using their spit? Idk it was weird
And weāve got succubi
He saw Maryš„ŗ and he had to kill them
Oh wow homie still hasnāt seen a vamp yet, oop
Got a history lesson on succubi/incubi which was v cool and also gross
John notes that Deanās started to talk about normal kid shit when they can stay in a place for a few months, then only talk about hunting when theyāre on the road. I feel like this is more so to appease John than anything else, ādont talk about what you wish you could do bc itās not gonna happenā
Sammy played a sunbeam in a school play I cant!!!!! Thats so cute
The normalcy of their life in Albuquerque hurts but also makes me so happy, like Johnās got a job and the boys are in school, Sam wants to enter the science fair and Deanās teaching Sam to play soccer
Oh shit, Samās teacher was a demon
Baby Dean saved the day!!!! John was being chased and Sam was spelled and Dean grabbed the journal and started reading the exorcism. Why am I proud
The demon said that Sam was special, oh shit yall. We know what that is
I dont think Sam knows yet about all the Supernatural shit. I think he only knows the basics
John gave Dean shit bc Sam got out of the car and talked to a dude, John said that Dean should have been watching Sam. Like homie, you should have been watching him???
Omg John finally meets Bobby!!!!!! Iām so excited for this
āBobby thinks Iām a fool for not wanting to believe that demons really exist, and heās not shy about telling meā yeah cuz his wife you dumbass
Oh ew ew ew ew John had sex with a demon ew gross
Crossroads lore hell yeah
āTomorrow Iām going to leave Sammy with Bobby so I can take Dean deer hunting⦠Dean needs to pull a trigger to sharpen him upā HES NOT A WEAPON TO BE SHARPENED JOHN HES FUCKING 12
More lore
Oh COLT HDHDHDHDH
Annnndddd more lore
Oh god, Dean messed up the shot. He dropped the gun and Sammy came out of no where and he picked up the gun and shot the deer oh this is gonna hurt
Oh fuck it hurts yup
Sam said that he thought the deer took Deanās gun so he had to protect him (Samās 7 give him a break)
āI taught them that everything should be seen as a threat. And now Sammy sees a deer and thinks itās trying to hurt his brotherā oh Iām gonna cry, Iām gonna fucking cry
Oof Silas got torn to pieces and now Iām just thinking of Sam seeing that cuz baby was with him when it happened. Oh man, how long did it take for John to come back after Silas died, did Sam just have to stay there with pieces of a human being everywhere
Why do I do that to myself hebdbfbf
OH NO WAY IN HELL DID SAM KILL SILAS ARE YOU KIDDING ME
āIt was Dean who killed Anderson. My oldest son is bloodiedā oh fuck thatās his first kill ever isnt it? And it was a hunter???? Fuck fuck fuck
Samās 8!!!!
Johnās learning about demons
Okay the lore for it was interesting
13th anniversary, John again notes that the gifts are weird, how 11 being steel while 12-13 are silk and lace is backwards
More about reapers and Death!!!! I think they might be my favourite spn creatures tbh but Death will always have a special place in my heart
That sounded weird
āSometimes I think Sammyās been reading this journalā oh god I really hope not, can you fucking imagine
Christmas entry, time to cry
HES NOT WITH THEM ON CHRISTMAS?????? UGH
Dean stole a pair of night vision goggles for Johnās gift
āSam gets resentful and has some trouble handling his temper. Dean tries to fix everything and keep us together as a teamā oh fucking fuck it started that early huh?
Oh anger, hello friend
āWould the boys be better off somewhere else, with someone else, living normal lives? No. Iām their father. They belong with meā I cannot even start with this, I canāt
Well thatās a great note to end the year on
1992
Happy 13 Dean!!
Okay John got at the boys again because they almost trusted a skinwalker (he was disguised as a park ranger) and the implication of John hitting them is there and I hate it (āI thought the lesson was learnedā āLit into the two of them. Especially Deanā āI thought I was tough when I was thirteenā)
āI thought I was tough when I was thirteen, but Dean would have kicked my ass six ways to sundayā Why do I feel proud
Demon possession entry
Happy 9th Sammy!!!!!
Got some lore on kitsune and immediately got a fic ideaš
Okay so like a shit ton of creatures that can change itās form into something else but the last fucking sentence kills me
āHell, Bugs Bunny is always dressing up like a womanā¦ā Homie really relating a character to shifters hehdjdjd. new headcanon that John would be one of those people that say harry potter is devil worship
OH MY GOD THE SCENE THE āwhen I was 9 I told dad I was afraid of the thing in my closet so he handed me a .45ā
āFive nights running now Sammy has slept without nightmaresā I feel like this was the CW trying to make John sound better like āyeah he gave a 9 year old a gun but hey at least he didnt have more nightmares!ā
John gets the storage locker
I think thatās it for part four cuz itās getting a little too longš Iāll see yāall again for 5
Part 5
Arenāt you gay?
I like how this implies I did something heterosexual. If so, I apologize.
MISHA YOU HAVE TO KNOW
MISHA YOU KNOW EXACTLY WHAT THAT MEANS
MISHA I STG ITS 2AM I CANNOT DEAL WITH THIS
Supernatural AU where everythingās the same except dinosaurs also have ghosts and in one episode Sam and Dean hunt down the ghost of a stegosaurus wreaking havoc on a whole town
Imagine their faces when they realise they have to sneak into a museum to burn the rowdy dino boiās skeleton
Prequel called The Winchesters.... Give me Millie!!! Please!!! Please let her have a role!!! Any tole! I just want to meet her.
Did she remarry? It was implied in The Song Remains The Same that she did! Did she keep the last name Winchester? Did she help watch over Sam and Dean in the start?!? Clearly she was in Lawrence when John and Mary started dating!!! I really want her so bad!!! How much did she know about the Men of Letters? Did she shield John? Try snd protect him from the supernatural? I have so many questions and there is so much potential here!
Please Jensen and Danelle, donāt forget her!
So in Johnās journal, he talks about how he and Mary wanted a daughter and the idea of protective Sam and Dean with a sister is so cute but I figured something out
We all know that Sam and Dean got their names from Maryās parents (Samuel and Deanna). So it makes sense that theyād continue that. Johnās momās name was Millie
It would have been Sam, Dean, and Millie Winchester
Fic idea? Fic idea
Reading Johnās Journal Part 3
This post contains spoilers from the book, please keep that in mind. Enjoy my angry rants
Part 1 | Part 2
1987
Ooo hello full exorcism version... homie takes up 5 pages????? No thank you
Deanās eight and in the second grade!!Ā
John says heās gonna take the boys to chuck e cheeseās and the idea of that is so cute oh man
Samās four and Johnās back at the vampire hunter in Colorado. I feel so bad for Sammy, like to spend three of four bdays in a place just so your dad can get more hunting info??? And baby boy probably wonāt know that for a few more years
John pulled Dean out of school, Iāll give him this bc a demon got exorcized by a hunter and the demon knew where the Winchesters were. But also the thought of this hurts bc itās the first of many
āDean understandsā idk why but this hurts so bad
Sammyās starting to read!!! But heās literally picking out the words from lore books and thatās so in character oh my godĀ
Vrykolakas seems new? I donāt think we saw this in the show but I could be wrong
9th anniversary, John talks more in this entry than the last ones, I think maybe itās getting easier for him to talk about her, at least in writing
āMary talked about [having] a girl sometimes. I would have liked having a daughter.ā Okay but could you have imagined protective!Dean with a little sister, oh my heart here comes the fic ideasĀ
āIām starting to figure out that you can move a kid from school to school every month, and the schools deal with it because they have to.ā John you paranoid piece of shit
āA part of me wonders how the kid deals with it.ā From someone who moved a lot as a kid, you donāt. You accept that youāll never make friends because thereās no point, you accept that youāre going to be alone, and you lose yourself in a thing thatās always constant. For me, it was reading, for Dean itās hunting. Baby is eight...
āBut sons have to be soldiers. And soldiers adapt.ā JOHN I AM GOING TO COMMIT MURDER yeah you totally handled all the shit from your time in the marines John. I canātĀ
John told Dean about a hunt/idek that went wrong bcĀ āI was so frustrated and ashamed that I had to talk to someone.ā John, your eight year old son is not your therapistĀ
ā[Dean] had a better sense of right and wrong than I didā YEAH NO SHIT
āMary has been dead for four years. Dean asked me today what she looked like.ā Oh god that hurt so bad. If you read my previous Journal Rants youāll understand why this reminded me of Sam and thatĀ āa mother is something heās never had but heās still supposed to be sad that she diedā quote. Dean has spent the last four years learning with John and training to be a hunter to avenge a mother he doesnāt really remember and I kind of thought this through the journal so far, this quote really just shoves it in your face
āHe never talks about her on any other day but this one.ā I feel like thatās because John will only allow it on that day, the day he allows himself to really think and feel what heās lost
The entries stop on November 2nd, but Iām just now noticing that they end on this day for the other years too, except for the first year after Mary dies. I feel like John stopped celebrating the holidays after that first one (if you read the book, you know how sad it was) because he didnāt want to be reminded again that Mary wasnāt there to celebrate with them
1988
Dean is nine š„ŗš„ŗ But John keeps moving him around she he might not finish third grade, hnnn I hate John
āHe calls himself the New Kid all the time.ā Oh man I remember doing this, fuck that hurtssss
DEANāS BEEN IN THREE SCHOOLS IN 24 DAYS iām going to lose my shit. Actually idk if I read that right, John says heās been in three schools already this year, but idk if he means like the year-year or the school year. Still, either way, fuck John
A whole two pages on salt and its different meanings through different religions/cultures, this is actually really cool and v interesting to read
Okay, John says that rock salt is the only salt thatāll work bcĀ āIodized salt is impureā but like Iām fairly certain that the boys use fuckin table salt more than anything
Samās 5th bday oh boy, this was in the show
āI could blame Dean, but itās my faultā WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU COULDĀ BLAME DEAN
āHe couldnāt pull the trigger when he needed toā yeah because heās fucking NINE JOHNĀ
āIf he is weak like that again, my boys will dieā I-Ā
āWhat kind of father am I to put a nine-year-old boy in a situation where he might have to kill to protect his brother?ā yeah what kind of father, cuz itās not a good one
āIām the kind of father I have to beā literally fuck off
First mention of Bobby, nothing major just his name in a bit of loreĀ
Tenth anniversary, all he says is that and the gift (tin)
A lot about necromancy and spirits, how to bind/summon them. I wonder if he was researching a way to contact Mary in a better way than the last attemptsĀ
Maryās death anniversary, John talks about how he feels like heās living a prison sentence and can only send it when heās avenged herĀ
āDeanās teacher called to tell me that he got a subscription to the Weekly World News... How is he paying for it? I could ask him, but heās already too sharp to give me a straight answer. And I could force him to, but thereās no point.ā So much to unpack here. First, why??? Second, how was baby boy getting money. Cuz he wouldnāt ever take it from John or use the money he left for food on anything else, so what was he doing to get money? Do I really want to know? Third,Ā āI could force himā FORCE HIM HOW JOHN, FORCE HIM HOW
OH MY GOD mentions of angels, Dec 27th. Two sigils for summoning and speaking to them š
I hope yall are enjoying this because Iām dying over here š 54 pages down, 163 more to go
Part 4
My fic, Music Speaks, reached 400 hits!!! I really wasnāt expecting that, though my sisterās making fun of my shock
Find my fic here!
Headcanon that Jack said he was ātwentyā¦ā¦.twoā because of Taylor Swift. Baby boy could have stuck with 20 but āI dont know about you, but Iām feeling 22ā went right through his mind and out his mouth
Reading Johnās journal part 2
Again, this is gonna contain book spoilers so beware, and enjoy my freakouts.
Part 1
1984
ā[Dean] has a talent for guns. I can see it alreadyā HE JUST TURNED 5 YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME JOHN weāre off to a great start
6th anniversary, oh fuck Iām emotional
āSammy took his first steps yesterday. He walked towards Dean.ā I canāt handle this I cannot. Already seeing Dean as his dad
Not so many personal entries this year but a lot about history of the supernatural and itās really interesting to read. I kinda feel like Sam rn š learning the lore of vampires and black dogs and shit, very cool. Obviously a lot of it isnāt the actual spn truth of monsters (vampires donāt rise from their graves at night and return in the morning) but it feels like youāre learning with John, eventually figuring out the truth from the myth
āShould have burned Doc Benton, too, but Iām guessing the chainsaw did the trick.ā Oh no it did not Johnny boy, season 3 episode 15
1985
His resolution to avenge Mary āIāll promise it every year until it happensā this is emotional yall
Deanās sixth birthday, heās stopped asking about the shape-shifter and going to school. Oh man, all because John couldnāt risk itļæ¼
āIāve been teaching him⦠he knows that there are things that go bump in the night.ā Can you imagine being told that at 6 fucking years old, that the weird noise you hear or the shape you see in the dark might actually be monsters???? John you son of a bitch
Samās second birthday, and Johnās using it as an excuse to go to the mountains to learn about vampires from a hunter named Daniel
Okay heās learned the truth of vampires (sunlight hurts, beheading works, dead mans blood, etc). Daniel thinks theyāre extinct, ooohhh buddy boy no they are not
Seventh anniversary, again mentions of the gifts supposed to be given. Itās interesting that John and Mary followed this tradition
Deanās in school!!!! John started him in first grade cuz babyās almost 7
āHe asked on the way in whether kids in school learned the same stuff heād been learningļæ¼.ā This hurt and I canāt begin to explain why
āHe came home on top of the world, and he brought me worksheets with the names of the different parts of a fish, different numbers of apples and oranges added togetherļæ¼.ā When I say that if Dean grew up normal, he would have loved school, this is what I mean
Johnās left the boys for three days?????
āWhen I got here, [Dean] came up to me and asked if Iād had a tough hunt.ā Oh god why do I wanna cry
Oh god oh god oh god āif heās big enough to try to comfort me, heās big enough to start learning the tools of the tradeļæ¼ā Johnās teaching Dean to shoot, heās 6 YEARS OLD JOHN
āMaybe [Samās] just too young to show it but I donāt think heās got the same kind of killer instinctļæ¼.ā HES FUCKING 6 YEARS OLD Iām so mad yall
Ended the year off with a ghost story of a spirit who led a man to where his body was buried so he could be properly put to rest. I feel like this is a nod to some of the more peaceful ghosts we see in the show
I might need therapy after this, Iām 29 pages in, there are 217 jesus
1986
āFor his seventh birthday, I took Dean shooting againā is this normal for American men raised in the 80s??? Idk Iām a gen z Canadian
āSammy wanted me to help him make Dean a cardā why is this implying that John didnt get Dean a card so sam made him one
January 29th is an rip list???? Who are these people, Resnik sounds familiar tho
Oh god, Billās death (Joās dad)
āI donāt know if I believe in demonsā buddy you better
Oh shit, John broke the devils trap made of salt. Thats how Bill died oh man. A demon went right into Bill, and Bill told John to shoot him. Bill then released the demon into the devils trap on the wall
āHe saved my life, even though I took his. It was a hunterās deathā
I 1000% get jo and ellenās anger now
Sammy got an ice cream cake for his third birthdayš„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ sam and dean share a bed while john sleeps on the floor
āSome nights itās enough to watch them sleep, and know that if they start to have a nightmare Iāll be right there to stop itā god damn it
Eighth anniversary, all John says is what the gift would have been (bronze for eight)
Dean starts second grade Iām emotional
āHe makes me swear that Iāll take good care of Sammy before heāll go to schoolā why does Dean feel the need to make John swear that????? Like a stranger or family friend, itād be more understanding but John? What did you do to make Dean feel like he needs you to promise that. Oh maybe its bc he remembers the shape-shifter incident and- oh man we are stopping that thought, that hurts
ā[Sammyās] still too young to really understand what it means to avenge his motherā YEAH CUZ HES FUCKING THREE YEARS OLD JOHN
āI donāt think he gets it. How could he, really?ā (Context: āmary is a word⦠a mother is something he never had but heās still supposed to be sad that she diedā). It really sounds like heās trying to minimize this for Sam, like that heāll never get what itās like to lose a mom because he never really had one. And man I know that this continues into early seasons *SHOW SPOILER* but you really see that impact when Mary comes back. That Sam does know what itās like to lose a mom
Oooo we get the exorcism ritual, very cool. Oh and the history!!!!
Maryās 3rd year death anniversary oh boy, John starts off by saying the things sheās missed about the boys
āShe doesnāt know that Dean watches his little brother like a hawk every minute, with an expression on his face that says heās willing to die to keep Sammy safe.ā Oh dear god this hurts so much but also makes my heart warm to know that Dean really didnāt change as he got older but fuck, heās only 7 years old
āTo know that [that expression is there] because I have drilled it into Dean that Sammy is his responsibilityā no John, both of them are your responsibility. Deanās responsibility is to be a fucking kid
āHeās eight years old, and Iāve told him his brotherās life is in his hands. Mary, I didnāt have any right to do that. But what else could I do?ā Iād like to point out that John rounds Deanās age up (this entry is 2 months before Deanās 8th birthday) and I feel like thatās him trying to justify his actions, like its better to say that to an 8 year old than a 7. Also, yeah John you had no fucking right to do that. How dare you put that pressure onto Dean, like reading this makes me hate John so much but it makes all of Deanās actions toward Sam make so much sense
This is gonna give me an aneurism. Fucking shit balls
Part 3
Reading the John Winchesterās Journal part 1
Iām gonna lose my mind so hereās my thoughts. This is obviously gonna contain spoilers of the book. Enjoy!
1983
Dean was in t-ball?????????? Iām gonna cry
Mary used to keep journals to remember everything but they burned in the fire, this is v wholesome to me
They had passbooks for the boys college accounts????!!!!!!! Oh how things changed huh
āI never saw a shrink for everything I went through in the marines, and I got through thatā DID YOU JOHN?! You raised the boys like soldiers instead of sons, thatās not fucking normal
Police thought John started the fire and killed Mary????? Realistically I get how that could happen but I never thought of that
John didnāt go to Maryās funeral, the boys didnāt go to Maryās funeral, fuck Iām emotional
Dean went almost mute after the fire, and John tried to make him feel like a normal kid again. My poor baby dean. (Side note, the lake episode in season one, with the mute kid, makes so much sense now why Dean bonded with the kid so fast)
Dean slept in Samās crib to keep him safeš„ŗš„ŗš„ŗ
John gave up the garage to Mike just like that, damn
Homie immediately used the money from selling the garage to buy guns (so the back of Baby begins) this is so American to me
HOMIE PULLED OUT HIS OWN FINGERNAIL SO MISSOURI COULD HAVE A VISION
āIf I never go back, itāll be too soon. Not for Dean though. The first thing he wanted to know was when we would go home. But we donāt have a home anymore, Dean. The sooner you get used to that, the better.ā The amount of sadness and then anger I hadā¦. Oooooo boy
Oh shit hellhound???
Who tf is H????
OH MY GOD THEY JUST ROLLED JACOB INTO A LAKE TO DIE???? WTF
Oh god Dean saw his dad kill a shapeshifter, heās literally 4 years old āmy boy walked out the door and saw me shoot someone in the headā I CANT HANDLE THIS IM ONLY 6 PAGES IN
Awe Ellen and Jo š„ŗš„ŗ
āIām not a hunter. Iām a husband and father who wants revenge for his wifeā WHAT HAPPENED TO THE ORIGINAL PLOT OF THE MOVIE
āYour brotherās too young to understand any of this, but [Deanās] beginning toā HES FOUR JOHN HE IS TOO YOUNG
āI can only pray youāre strong enough to look after Sam. One of us has to be.ā Iām going to commit a murder are you-
OH SHIT H IS A DEMON???!!!!!!! WTF
āIāll hunt, and the boys will hunt.ā YOU HAD NO RIGHT TO MAKE THAT CHOICE FOR THEM
āMy boys will not grow up to experience what I have. They will not lose what I have lost.ā HOMIE I HATE TO FUCKING BREAK IT TO YOU BUT THEY LOSE MORE THAN WHAT YOU DID HDHDND IM SO FUCKING MAD
The Christmas entry, oh my god Iām tearing up
Okay they spent a lot more time at the roadhouse than the show let on
āI havent had this much bloodlust since Vietnamā (paraphrasing) this blows my mind, how can you go into a war and want to actually kill people, living breathing people???? (Me, 6 points ago: IM GONNA COMMIT MURDER)
āDean hasnāt been the same since he saw me kill that shape-shifterā I WONDER FUCKING WHY JOHN
āHow old does he have to be before I tell him the truth?ā Oh my god Dean doesnt know it was a shape-shifter, he honestly and only knows his dad killed a man in front of him oh my fucking god
Okay so Iāve finished the first year, Iām 16 pages in, Iām not doing well š this is gonna have to be a series I guess
Part 2
Newest chapter of Music Speaks is up!
https://archiveofourown.org/works/31573472
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