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@dear-depression-beyond18-blog
08/03/2018
I 110% feel like I'm not lovable, that no one could ever take me on as someones somebody, I'm just here to use emotionally and physically, why else would I be? My life has been sad and disappointing for 6ish years now and I feel like its not going to stop, I'm just a reject in this world and I guess thats okay because I'm clearly not the only one in this world that feels like this....
Entry - 27/02/2018
Well I originally said new year, new me and new attitude....but that’s changed now. Not that strong person I really thought I was, over the past few days my depression relapsed and I’m just a major mess, feeling like I’m boring and bothering everyone.......
Entry - 03/11/2017
Why can't you just understand how I feel!!!
All the time.....and it kills me
Entry - 13/09/2017
So it has been a while since I posted last I’ve just had so much happen and now I’m questioning absolutely everything and I don’t even know where I’m going to end up anymore and it’s scary I have had few people tell me I should let some of my friends go because they don’t seem to care like I do for them but for me losing people in my life that I care about is petrifying. I’ve already lost a really important person in my life and to think I could lose anymore people well I don’t know how I would cope cause they mean so much to me and I love them all they just unfortunately don’t feel the same way anymore even if they did I never really got showed it. I do so much for people and I offer my support all the time cause I never want anyone to be left alone or down but yet some people are heartless enough to not offer it back or say they are to tired to put effort into you tonight. But I still stick around......WHY?
Entry - 10/08/2017
I feel like everyone hates me, they can't stand being around me or talking to me, I miss being missed and I miss being loved cause I feel like I havent been loved in a while. I feel like I'm being tortured for something I dont know I've done, but maybe it's just me maybe I'm the real trouble.....
http://iglovequotes.net/
Entry 07/07/2017
Another day gone and I feel as useless as I did the day before. My relationship with my family is no good and it’s because of who I am, I hate myself already but to think I’m ruining every relationship I have fucking sucks. I just want my birthday to be the best it’s ever been since my dad isn’t around anymore, but feel like everyone is going ghost on me; friends and family. I just want some people to care, but I suppose they wont if I don’t change who I am, right?
You moved on like it was the easiest thing you’ve ever done, and yet here I am, almost 2 months later nearly breaking my fucking wrists on punching bags that can’t handle my anger when I imagine you with her, loving her the way you used to love me. Because two months later, the thought of you still makes me want to cry and throw up, and it’s the reason why so many people keep saying to me that I’ve lost weight. Because it’s been almost 2 months since I last slept decently and haven’t broken down in the shower every night. Because I still think about your promises and the things we did, I still think about you, and no matter how hard I try to move on and be okay with you and her, I can’t. But it’s nearly two months later and you still don’t give a shit about me. Nearly two months later and I’m still all alone, wishing you’d come back to me, to us. But I know you won’t, not when you have her.
I can relate to this
Entry - 30/06/2017
I was thinking about having a birthday party and inviting all the people I love but I cant see to many coming to be honest and I know its quality over quantity but somehow when your standing at the table with the cake and you look over and see all those people that came for you.....cause they care, cause they love you and cause they want to be there for you. Yeah maybe I just hide in my cave (my room) like I do every other day and maybe hope someone messages me saying “Hey I hope you have a fantastic day today cause you deserve it I know things haven't been easy but you are doing a great job at keeping yourself up”
Entry 22/06/2017
You know who you are. You made me fall for you and our whole friendship has been a bit weird from the start, but I didn't think much about it till 5 months ago and you just happen to be there and my heart turned a new page. But now fast forward to today and I’m here, thinking about you; waiting for a response but I’m to scared to call you or even send you a question mark in our texts to remind you I am here and I am alive, but you may as well just forget. I’ll be gone soon and all you will have is the memories of me; whether it be as stupid as lying on a porch with me at the late hours of the night, but by now the other times we shared are probably far gone from your head, because who I am? I know who you are and yes I still think about you all the time.
Entry - 20/06/2017
Someone kill me? Not like anyone cares anyway, No one talks to me and people give me the weirdest looks, I don’t get invited to go out places like I did before i feel like i have become a thing of the past and they know why and I don’t
Entry - 16/06/2017
You know what makes me mad? When people think they can just ignore you like you died 2 years ago. Cause yes i can imagine all of you are fucking busy with your lives doing god knows what, Uni? TAFE? Work? Maybe having a social life with all your friends? Well guess what I’m here all alone at home and all of you guys are out having fun! Oh no that’s okay don’t reply to my messages cause I’m to kind and I will just say “Oh no that’s okay I get it your super busy with life and uni” cause you know how I am all big hearted & kind soul. Whatever right? I’ll be here when your lonely and got no one to talk to.
Entry - 13/06/2017
Well, hey, I haven’t been on for a while and I’m sorry for that but life had been looking up.....but now it’s all come crashing down, everything upsets me, I’m way too sensitive for anyone to love, handle, touch and god maybe even be around cause my angry side could just come out at any moment guess I am “unpredictable” Only makes me want to give up even more then I did before I have more reasons; guess this is a cry for help......
