It’s December and we have officially entered holiday shopping season. For people working in retail and food service, it is the season from Hell so please keep some things in mind while you’re doing your shopping. Here are 31 tips for the 31 days of December.
1. If an employee says hello to you as you enter, acknowledge their existence. That being said, do not cut me off mid greeting.
2. The people working in the store are not in charge of prices, deciding what items to stock, deciding how many of each item to stock, or whether or not a coupon will apply.
3. If an employee tells you that a coupon/sale/or other discount does not work/apply they are not doing it because they hate you or are trying to cheat you, it just doesn’t work. If you complain about it because you didn’t read the terms, then yes, we will hate you.
4. If you put your money on the counter instead of in the cashier’s out stretched hand, you are the worst kind of person.
5. “It didn’t scan, it must be free” “There’s no price tag on this so it must be free, right?” You are not funny. You are a pain in the ass. I would really like to stab you in the throat.
6. If you are looking for an item but do not know the name of the item, who makes the item, anything of merit about the item, do not ask someone to help you find the item.
7. Nine times out of ten, there is no magical back room where a double of every item in the store is kept. There ARE magical computers that tell us how many items are in stock. If you are told the item is out of stock, it is out of stock. Do not ask someone to check the back.
8. If the store closes in 15 minutes, don’t go inside. “I’ll be quick!” No you won’t.
9. If you are upset about something, don’t start screaming or yelling about it. It is most likely not the employee’s fault.
10. No one, literally no one, wants to hear your life story as they are ringing you up at the cash register.
11. If you have to tell someone your order, make sure you know your entire order before you approach them.
12. If you approach a register or employee whilst you are on your phone, just go. Get out of the store. I will destroy your phone myself as I will not compete for your attention whilst trying to help you.
13. If an employee is being super nice to you, no, they are not flirting.
14. Religious pamphlets are not tips. Religious pamphlets are not tips.
15. If you can not afford to tip, go get fast food.
16. Do not wait until your order has been bagged up to tell me you brought canvas bags of your own.
17. If you stop someone wearing a name tag/uniform and they say they are on a break, do not try and wheedle them into helping you anyways.
18. Do not wait until I tell you your total before you search through the jungle of bags and coat pockets to find your wallet.
19. Saying “I’m never shopping here again” is not a threat, it is a promise we hope you keep.
20. If I ask “is there anything else in this order?” and you tell me “no” and I give you your total and then you tell me your friend has to order and then I give you the new total and you ask me if I can split the check, I will split your skull instead.
21. If someone made a mistake and you want us to fix it or you want to be compensated, don’t beat around the bush about it, just say so.
22. If you are asked to buy a club card or get a free club card, don’t get upset; I will literally get in trouble if I don’t ask you.
23. If you bring food into the store, take it with you when you leave.
24. Do not let your offspring/child charges loose in the store.
25. If you do not have a receipt don’t try to return something.
26. If you do not have a receipt and the store allows returns for store credit, do not try to return your stuff during the holiday season. Wait until February. It’s not like you’re going to run out of time with no receipt.
27. No, we can’t make an exception for you.
28. If there is no public restroom, there is no public restroom.
29. If the sign says we open at eleven but we are inside and the door is unlocked, we still open at eleven.
30. It’s the holidays. There are sales and great deals. You want to buy gifts for people. So does everyone else. There will be lines. Try to remember that when you make it out of the line you get to go home. I still had to help everyone in front of you and will have to help everyone behind you.
31. We are human. We make mistakes, though we try really hard not to. We deal with hundreds of customers every day. We want to have a happy holiday too but can only take so much.
So remember to treat those in retail and food service with respect and dignity and don’t put your damn money on the fucking counter. My hand is literally right there!
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