Raw Function Juice #2
An attempt to explain the cognitive functions and the actions they may produce without conflating character.
Fe vs Fi
Fe
Fe is a judging function that is conscious and external. For an fj to make a judgement they have to conclude something is best for everyone. Fjs can make decisions for themselves, but in that, they are concluding it is better for everyone that they remain authentic and avoid bitterness. This complex thought process can make fjs slow decision makers.
Fjs are sometimes mistaken as passive aggressive because of how long it can take them to voice dissent. However, fjs truly take this long to realise they are actually upset about something. They are not good at distinguishing fleeting emotions for deep feelings. As in decision making, they can be slow to express themselves. Then, because they are used to understanding feelings from the outside in, they can be even slower to express themselves correctly, because when they try they realise what they're saying isn't coming out right. Fjs may ordinarily seem private and even mysterious because of their lack of sharing, but if they choose to share their feelings with you they will probably just seem confused and annoyingly repetitive. You can support an fj through this by offering them your perspective on their feelings. It may not be right, but hearing it will help them get closer to voice their truth. If you have nothing to say, an fj will always deeply appreciate your full attention as you listen (don't tune them out or go on your phone when they're desperately trying to connect with you, they hear it as a massive insult).
Fe respects honesty, so fjs can easily defer to those who are clear, even if they're not always 'nice'. Fjs don't care about 'niceness' in others, they care about kindness and connection. An fj would rather you told them straight to their face than harbour resentment towards them. In such a case, an fj will probably be unable to continue any relationship with the dishonest person. If you do need to share a long-building feeling with an fj, make sure you clarify it took you a long time to realise how much it bothered you. An fj can obviously understand this, but saying you always hate it when they do x is going to fill them with either guilt or fury, depending on how many times they asked if it bothered you.
Fe users are very good at expressing their opinions, and love to respectfully disagree with you. Fjs want true understanding and community, and want everyone to have their say and be heard. They are idealistic in their desire to disagree without offending or creating conflict. In an fj's mind, it is only a fight if feelings flare, and this isn't necessary when discussing ideas.
When Fjs feel threatened, they may retaliate with Ti. They may enter into cold, logic mode, and burn you with facts. Or they may withdraw to give themselves time to calm down. They may come out hours later to talk about what happened and ensure a disagreement doesn't happen again. If fjs are overwhelmed by negativity they may be gripped by Ti and enter into a 'logical' depression where nothing truly matters. Fjs can be supported by clear signs of care, or even just an invitation to an activity. Fjs are slow with their own feelings, and may not recognise they need help, let alone know how to ask for it or what to ask for. Well developed fjs improve at this, but will always appreciate your support.
Fjs do not enjoy talking about feelings for the sake of it. Fe is an external, problem solving function. It wants to handle your feelings, sort them out, and fix them, so to speak. Fjs particularly hate talking about their own feelings. When they need to, they find it deeply distressing. This can make it seem like their feelings are much worse than they are, because of the added anguish of having to talk about them. If you are having a problem, an fj will definitely talk about your feelings with you, but they would much rather help you practically, and help you create a plan to fix the problem. They want to get to the root of the feeling so they can fix it. They may not be good at saying 'just the right thing', but they can certainly help cheer you up!
Fjs struggle to be in a shallow friendship because they automatically open people up. Fjs have to actively choose not to do this sometimes if they sense it's not welcome or the context isn't appropriate. Healthy Fe has a good sense of emotional boundaries, and can separate your feelings from its own. It can be an effective communicator and support people when they need it most. They may be intimidating due to their openness and honesty, but Fjs want you to be happy, safe, and fulfilled. They don't mind helping you a little on the way!
Fi
Fi is a judging function that is conscious and internal. For an fp to make a judgement, they have to conclude it is their truth. This does not mean they can't make decisions for the sake of other people, only that such a decision would be made out of the personal conviction that it was the right thing to do. Fps can be very quick decision makers for this reason.
Fps can be seen as overemotional and oversensitive because of their emotional honesty. They may share feelings that aren't long lived, or calm down once they've expressed their feelings. This can terrify those who assume an fp must have felt their feeling for ages before voicing it. Mature fps master the art of self expression, and can manage to do so without panicking those around them.
An fp will be able to defer to someone if they feel the person has conviction and moral integrity. Otherwise they may deliberately try to undermine the amoral person.
Fi values acceptance and understanding. It is honest and open in relationships. Fps struggle to have shallow relationships, since they want to be able to talk about their own feelings and opinions freely, and have you share their passions and convictions. Fps love sharing commonalities, but also hold space for others' authentic selves. They may not enjoy debating, especially if it's on a topic they feel very strongly about, and may take it as a personal attack. People often fear fps, because their low te can make them formidable. Using their low te, they can become very cold and forceful, and seemingly lose their sensitivity. This makes fps good advocates.
Fps want to exist as they are, and when they feel threatened they may express exactly how they feel in the moment. In trying to express their feelings, they may say things they don't usually think. Mature fps know how to avoid this issue, or take a moment to calm down. Fps may even be so overwhelmed that they shut down and leave without warning. Then they may return completely fine again, having privately expressed their feelings. If they are severely overwhelmed by negativity, they may overuse te and focus on something 'logical' like work or school. Asking an fp to express their feelings and open up may be helpful, but even if it isn't, they will appreciate you wanting to listen to them.
Fps like to talk about feelings rather than handle them. They feel with you, and are good at saying just the right thing. They may struggle to know what actions to take to support you. Healthy Fi is able to distinguish its feelings from other's and isn't pragmatically focused like Fe. Fps are adept at listening and validating you as a person.
