Charlotte. 19. San Francisco/New York.
paradise fears.
preston sadleir. adam chanler-berat.
hamilton. jasper in deadland.
to not have some battle scars is to never have lived.
also i just started crying cause i watched the 15 second clip that pf posted earlier and back to life sounds so good as a ful band but also freaking lucas z and i’m just still upset about missing that show.
Just be prepared for Lin to actually start cracking down on bootleg posting.
Also like why would people tweet these things to him? We know the way he feels about bootlegs. And we as a fandom have been so so good about not posting any (at least not videos).
Please respect this show and Lin’s wishes. He’s doing everything he can to make this show accessible to us. I know it’s frustrating, I get the desire to watch and listen to and record boots. But please…please just have respect for Lin.
i do one of these every year and i felt it was necessary i continue the tradition. actually apparently i’ve been doing these since 2010 like what the heck.
i thought i’ve only been talking about hamiljon since august but it turns out i found out that jon is theham understudy on july 17th and I ACHIEVED THE DREAM LIKE TWO WEEKS AGO AND I’M STILL NOT OVER IT ??!!!!?!!!!!!
i do one of these every year and i felt it was necessary i continue the tradition. actually apparently i’ve been doing these since 2010 like what the heck.
i’m trying to figure out what the hell 2015 was for me. i saw 46 shows plus 9 concerts for a grand total of 55 performance things and that’s more than one a week and that’s crazy. i saw hamilton an unprecedented 12 times in just 9 nine months between off broadway and broadway. i saw my favorite band twice. i saw my favorite person on seven separate occasions. this year was ridiculous and i’m so grateful for everything. but it was also a lonely year.
January. I was itching to get back to school for most of january cause i thought the boy and i were gonna be able to work things out and we were gonna get back together but tbh i think i was miserable cause i just wanted to be back with the boy but once i got back to school, we didn’t really work things out and i felt like i had messed things up and january was actually pretty bad.
February. I don’t even know what happened in february. I saw favorite person preston twice in big love within five days. i felt kind of free of the boy up until i actually talked to him then felt a super heavy heart and mind cause we had “officially” cut off all communication between the two of us. i tried to remedy that by seeing my favorite person and it only kind of worked.
March. I saw some good theatre in march. i started the month with big love. i went home for spring break and saw newsies. i got back and saw paradise fears. i closed the month with hamilton, my first of what i didn’t realize was going to be many. i think i distracted myself from the fact that i no longer had someone to really open up to by seeing shows. i was still hurting, but at least i had my shows to see.
April. I saw hamilton three more times. i don’t know how, but it happened. i had the best birthday i’ve probably ever had, just cause i was with my parents all day AND i got to see hamilton by some miracle literally on my birthday. i got super stressed cause school was ending. i started talking to the boy again for some reason cause i found out we would be living in the same building and i figured we should be on speaking terms since it was inevitable we would run into each other. i made a bad decision and decided to spend a night with him even though we hadn’t done that in like three months and we weren’t trying to get back together. i was a mess. but lin and pippa started recognizing me and i had achieved that goal.
May. By some other miracle, my friend won hamilton lotto and i saw the matinee their closing day from the front freaking row. i stressed hard about a couple of my classes but i managed to do okay in all of my classes. i went to seattle with my mom and had the best grilled cheese i have EVER tasted and i saw jasper in deadland three nights in a row because i am ridiculous. i was disappointed cause i wanted to talk to the boy about what had happened and about how i shouldn’t have stayed the night, but i ended up acting really passive-aggressively toward him and didn’t get a chance to speak to him or even see him before i left for home.
June. I spent all summer helping at my golf program at golf camp and that took my mind off of everything. i saw mormon for my 14th time cause i retweeted the lotto entry for shits and giggles. i deactivated my facebook somewhere in the middle of the month and i haven’t looked back.
July. I discovered just how much of a slut for hamilton i am. i changed my url to what i thought would be my only ham url. i found out jon rua is the hamilton understudy and died because SON. i bought my halsey ticket for october and i was so stoked. i finished up at golf camp and i missed my favorite camp kids. i was in a decent headspace for most of the month, or at least i think i was.
August. I headed back to school. while still home i had a split second where i considered not going back to school because so many things reminded me of the boy and that’s so stupid. i got back to new york and i felt like it was home rather than feeling like i was there on vacation. i saw hamilton twice. my sweet princess pippa soo invited me and my parents backstage. i achieved the dream that i was hoping would MAYBE come true some day and somehow it happened very quickly.
September. I won hamilton lotto on my fourth try. i ran into jms who i hadn’t seen in over three years and who used to be one of my absolute favorite people. i saw dwsa three times and somehow won lotto on opening night and somehow made it to my dorm and back to the theatre in record time so i could change to a dress for opening and saw a wild matt doyle on the subway platform. i saw my favorite person preston in a wvd concert and he was great and the entire concert was great and i ran into him the day before just casually in lincoln center and i was just so confused by that. i achieved the dream and found not one but two saved playbills at flea. i ran into the boy and actually spoke to him cause he saw me and he forgot that we were living in the same building but i didn’t even run into him in our building so what the heck.
October. i was almost ready to give up on hamilton lotto after 20something more tries and almost two months without winning but then i won on the 28th. i accidentally met a guy from my floor cause i thought his hat was cool and said so to him in the elevator before realizing he had hit the button to my floor. i got to see flor after being obsessed with heart for literally a year and i got to see halsey and i “casually” ran into a wild sam miller who was definitely drunk and it was hilarious. pf rose from the dead and released a new single and announced the new album and just so many things all at once.
November. I started journaling regularly again and it felt really good. i won hamilton lotto twice and finally got to take marika to see rannells before he left. i got to go backstage again this time with my favorite daveed diggs and i always forget how small his voice is. i got to see my favorite spoken word poet sarah kay twice in less than a week after being obsessed with her ted talk for like four years because lin, bless him, had her for ham4ham, which i was at the very front for, and i went to her live audiobook recording performance thing and she knew who i was when i told her my name and i died on the inside. i spoke to brandon hudson about joining the cast and had like a ten minute conversation with him and he was the sweetest little thing. i bawled at allegiance. i met a kid that was finally bringing me out of the slump i had kind of been in because of the boy only to find out at the end of the month that he has a girlfriend.
December. i saw book of mormon for my 15th time and heard probably the best i believe i have ever heard. i got to see my favorite mckinley pierce cassedy make his broadway debut in kinky boots and he was the sweetest person and the sd and i can’t wait to see him again. i won dwsa lotto one more time before i left for break. i somehow achieved the final dream that i’ve been dreaming of literally since july and saw jon rua’s first stab at hamilton AND i achieved another hamilton dream of seeing brandon hudson’s broadway debut. i ran into cody jamison strand who i have not seen in two years. i ran into freaking corey hummerston TWICE. i somehow acquired the hamilton lights of broadway trading card from a very very nice person working in one of the broadway merch stores. i saw my paradise fears children and made friends at their bus show after they FINALLY released a new album after not releasing anything really new in two and a half years. i met two more guys on my floor after the cockroach situation and that was hilarious.
this was the year of theatre. but i also realized this year that people talk a lot of game and say a lot of things they don’t actually mean and people really aren’t who they say they are. i realized that i only have a really really tiny handful of friends that i can probably count on two hands that i can say probably give at least a little bit of a shit about me. i realized that it’s just easier to be a loner in new york than it is to have to worry about hanging out with people cause if i change my mind about going somewhere, i don’t have to consider how it’ll affect someone else. and maybe that’s why i’m a loner in new york and that’s why i prefer wandering around the city by myself. i can walk as quickly as i want and i don’t have to worry about leaving someone in the dust. i can wander into as many shops as i want to and look around. i can spend as a long as i want just sitting in lincoln center cause i just want to be outside and not in my stuffy dorm room. i think this is also part of the beauty of having an unlimited monthly metrocard. but when i get back to school, i want to make more of an effort to make friends. we’ll see. thanks for everything 2015.
it is 1:30am and I’m rising from the dead and I haven’t written my hamiljon post but I’m trying to mark it all down in my notebook and I’ll get back to y'all in like a week.
in other news, I’m home and I’ve been home since really late Tuesday night and while being home is great both because family and because my mental state is much better, I can’t help but feel lonely and helpless and I hate it.
sometimes i get confused about n/ewsies (mostly the t/oursies) commenting on brandon’s photos and stuff until i remember that the first time i met i him i told him he looked like a n/ewsie and he told me he auditioned for A While for n/ewsies before he booked ham.
Conrad Ricamora and Preston Sadleir attend the Broadway opening night performance of “Fiddler on the Roof” at the Broadway Theatre on December 20, 2015 in New York City.
Well this was nuts. I am still on a high from performing this incredible show. Dreams do come true y'all. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise! Love to my @hamiltonmusical family for helping me make this debut an incredible one. #hamilton #hamiltonbroadway #broadwaydebut #broadway #richardrogers #samuelseabury #swing x
i keep thinking about yesterday and how ridic it was and my favorite thing is that all three of the new swings were on together for the first time (and for brandon’s first) and i’m just so full of love and pride for him which is so ridic but idec ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
jbbartram-illu
gummygunk
baratheonpilled
blakekathryn
jacobvanloon
