I'de sell my car for some magic beans

May I interest you in our crispy cadaver sale? This week only: half off cremation for all burn victims

[whisqrs]

i had a dream where tornadoes were made illegal or something i just remember like a dozen police cars driving directly toward a tornado with their sirens on and all getting sucked into the tornado

[slitherpunk]

...i beg your pardon?

[fuck-customers]

[dogpuppy]

[once-a-polecat]

Local restaurant having trouble with whores apparently.

[vaporevon]

i’m freaking out why did they add the fucked up version of the flushed emoji. I thought i was going crazy when i scrolled past this. How did a discord emoji end up in the real emojis list i thought. I took a screenshot incase everything is gone tomorrow and this is a fever dream

😳🫪 ….??????????

[vaporevon]

they added horny flushed emoji. they added bigfoot. they added cartoon sex cloud. and the trombone. you can now illustrate a sexual encounter with a clown and a bigfoot in just emojis

[vaporevon]

no one understand me

[simplyspider]

nothing in the new fallout show will ever have the raw cinematic power of this bit

(source)

[maybe-someday-eventually]

[jncos]

vengaboys haiku

We like to party.

We like, we like to party.

We like to party.

[teabree-shark]

[m0thmancore]

[transmechanicus]

Times are hard at the cafe so they only got Something bagels

[homunculus-argument]

hey I wonder what happens if I put powdered milk into carbonated water

[homunculus-argument]

my cereal is loud and it's demanding to know why I would sin against both nature and god so thoughtlessly

[catgirlwheels]

...how does it taste?

[homunculus-argument]

bad

[writingtoolofdubiousintegrity]

the fizz comes from carbonic acid in the water splitting up into CO₂ and H₂O over time. And carbonic acid is – as an acid – sour.

By adding milk to sour water you've created a very convincing emulation of spoiled milk, so I'll believe in a heartbeat that the taste is Not Great™.

[homunculus-argument]

I have mastered the potion: Instant Spoiled Milk, therefore earning the rank of shittiest alchemist currently alive.

[mumblingsage]

Forgot the word 'distraught,' almost described someone as 'emotionally disheveled.'

[mumblingsage]

I'm in favor of this one catching on, to be clear.

[evilwizard]

getting my little goblin minions to punch and stab me in the middle of the grocery store to try and whittle me down to half health so i can assume my final boss form and reach the top shelf

[myspace]

[bannertanks]

[ghosthierophant]

[sunshinetomorrow]

my grubhub being delivered by a wizard or some sort of apostle

[pileofknives]

[derinthescarletpescatarian]