嫌い

Shigaraki Tomura fictive 。

[decayed-and-decomposing]

Tenko Tomura 。

I'm a Shigaraki Tomura fictive from My Hero Academia, not a roleplay blog or your F/O 。I act in my own way and I have my own " headcanons " about myself which may be different from how you view me in-source 。Respect that or leave 。

I'm a symptom holder 。I hold most of the system's SzPD symptoms, but we're not diagnosed, and it's unlikely that we will be 。I'm also the system's co-host, which we recently discovered 。

I possibly have my own subsystem, though the members are mainly fragments, and it's hard to tell when some of them are conscious or fronting 。Ajisai and Tenko are the most developed fragments, and Kirai is the least developed 。

" Even if I wind up hollow 。。。"

[decayed-and-decomposing]

It's amusing watching small, pathetic people puff themselves up with lies that make them look important, and conveniently villainise everyone else. Your ego is killing people, yet you'll cry like a bitch because you've deluded yourself into thinking that the corpses insulted you.

It's always the worthless flesh lumps that proclaim they're the best.

[shoelace4-48]

i have decided i no longer exist delete me from ur consciousness

[enemylloyd]

I genuinely think "human connection is a NEED you cant live without" is a complete lie and propaganda. I dont care if im disordered and that makes me the weird one or whatever but theres no way that's true.

[hazedxg0]

I think one thing people don't understand when it comes to SzPD (and avolition more broadly) is that just because someone is doing something doesn't mean they actually want to do that thing.

I've tried to explain to therapists and such that at any given time, I don't want to do anything. I don't have any long term goals, and I don't have the drive to do any of the things normal people tend to centre their lives around (i.e. having a successful career, travelling, starting a family). If I had it my way I would never do anything at all. I wouldn't even exist.

And yet every single time the response I get is "But you're working this job! You're studying this thing! You're doing this hobby!" as if that's some kind of undeniable proof that I actually do have desires and goals. But the real reason is I simply don't have a choice. You can't just not work in the world we live in.

If I were to just not get a job, I would have to deal with not having food or utilities or home, which would force me into more things I don't want to do. And so if I have to have a job, I'll pick whatever I'm best at and is the least mind-numbing. That's not because I'm actually super passionate about that thing, I'm just picking the option that I don't want to do the least.

I don't really feel that strongly about hobbies and such, but unfortunately I am a human being who can't survive off of literally zero stimulation 24/7. I just pick the things that sustain my attention the most, it doesn't mean that I'm passionate about them. Again, I'm just going with whatever I don't want to do the least. And even then I spend most of my free time not engaging with said "hobbies".

By that point they normally just default to "Well, you haven't killed yourself yet, so that must mean something!" but it really, really doesn't. Killing myself is way more effort and discomfort for something that isn't even guaranteed to work.

The only way you could literally do nothing is if you just sat in a room and starved to death, which would be incredibly painful and incredibly boring. It's much easier to just passively go along with the flow, which involves doing things and participating in society. That doesn't mean I actually want to do it. It just means it's the option that takes the least effort.

[idwl]

your dish has arrived...

MIDNIGHT SZPD

[pt: midnight szpd /end pt]

inspired by midnight aspd; someone who either suspects, has traits of, or otherwise cannot be 100% sure they have SzPD, but still find it important enough to mention as they relate to experiences and need to note how they interact with others.

examples may include people who:

aren't able to properly self-diagnose (ex. memory issues, focus issues, not enough resources) and choose to say they're suspected instead

are in the process of getting diagnosed or on a waiting list

are an alter who has szpd traits while the rest of the system doesn't have these traits

are unsure whether their symptoms are pervasive/affect their day-to-day enough to be a personality disorder

are questioning whether they have szpd or another schizospec disorder

tl;dr : a person with suspected szpd, szpd traits, etc.

alt to penumbra szpd! symbol by @peculiareyez-flags, original flag by @schizoidflagcreator.

we do not consent to our creations being added to any wikipedia sites or reposted to other social media sites. anyone may use our terms and flags.

; tagging . . @radiomogai; @noxwithoutstars; @daybreakthing; @flutteringwings-coining; @rwuffles; @scr-ppup; @smilepilled; @the-astropaws; @somniabyte; @icwdtea; @spectrral; @discrophy; @emailmeurheart; @aro-wheatley; @local-biter

[pd-culture]

szpd + suspecting dissociative disorder culture is what am i supposed to like? what media do i like? did i ever enjoy any of this or was it just things other people in my body enjoyed? am i just depersonalizating? is it the anhedonia?

.

[crownedhades]

(note: when i say i am dissociating, i am talking about schizoid dissociation, and not forms of dissociation tied to other disorders.)

dissociation is such an odd thing.

honestly, its more rare that im not dissociating. im always dissociating. im always detached and reverting inward. im always disconnected from the external world around me. nothing ever feels real, nothing ever pulls me to life.

and some days, such as today, everything starts to feel much more heavy. like mud is being piled on top of me, soaking me with its grime and wet dirt. like a weighted blanket thats trying to suffocate and kill you.

where my memory becomes more fuzzy. where its hard to concentrate and focus. where i dont even know who im talking to. where i dont even know who i am, because even my name slips past me.

its almost just,,, extreme derealization. constant derealization. i know schizoid symptoms cross over into dpdr a lot, but... this is intense. so fucking intense.

one of these days, i really need to be evaluated for dpdr. i really do. just not today, just not anytime soon. life is not so forgiving to allow me such things.

i wonder if theres medication for it.

i am not a pill advocate, but i think im a lost cause in this subject.

[cluster-a-culture]

Suspected szpd culture is being uncomfortable with any identity outside of my head and something else but I forgot

[olfpoststoomuch]

i'm curious about any of you who have a szpd diagnosis and an autism diagnosis because they're supposed to be differential diagnoses and "shouldn't" both be diagnosed simultaneously but also in practice that isn't always the case ofc so like. idk. i want to know how you got to these diagnoses and whether you actually still "claim" both and how you think these two conditions "interact". if anyone wants to say

[narcissisticspamtondisorder]

I think there‘s something to be said about how 99% of people fundementally do not understand personality disorders despite fully believing they‘re an expert

And this both leading to them hurting people with pds and also spreading wild misinfo

But idrk how to word it fully

[szpd-culture-ls]

suspected szpd culture is bawling your eyes out in the privacy of your own home, meanwhile internally you’re not actually sad at all and are just kinda waiting for it to be over so you can get back to what you were doing

‎

[questioning-human]

I hate social interactions and somehow I’m always in them. How do I always find myself in these situations.

[zombiotic]

i really have never understood the saying “isolating yourself makes it worse.” ive never felt more free actually

[decayed-and-decomposing]

did you know that youre in a cult now apparently for uh…. disliking people i guess??

People are surprised that someone with SzPD dislikes people?

In all seriousness, I don't know what this ask is about, nor do I care. I'm content to stay in my own sphere, firmly away from all the mooks that infest this site. Also, I'm pretty sure that many people who are "in cults" aren't in them for the love of the game. Call me woke, but I think that essentially using "cult victim" as an insult is in poor-taste.

[girlzoid]

i wish i could find statistics about schizoid pd. i wanna know how many of us drop out of school, how many have friends despite not wanting to, what percentage deal with the schizoid dilemma

[kosmogrl]

not a caller not a texter but a secret third thing

[kosmogrl]

don’t contact me. ever