Cecilia

[wanderlustfuldays]

Monserrate Palace Gardens Sintra, Portugal

[th1rdt3chnician]

who up hating pop psychology

[seawanter]

(said shakily, through tears) I'm so cool and nonchalant... i handle criticism so well... I don't need to strive to be the best because I'm already the best... I'm the genius of the century... everyone loves me...

[questioning-human]

I’m starting to think my encounter with Jesus was the psychosis…

[questioning-human]

I literally just got out the hospital for psychosis and I feel it creeping back into my brain

My psychosis was really bad. It’s better now but it’s stressful and I don’t know what’s real anymore. I feel so overwhelmed recently. As I write this I feel bugs crawling on me. I know it isn’t real but I have to slap my skin because it feels real and won’t go away unless I “kill” the bugs. I’m so paranoid . I feel like something is watching me. An entity. I don’t know what kind, but it isn’t nice. I feel like I’m rotting . Like actually rotting . What else could be the answer? The bugs? The spirits? The coincidences? There’s no other explanation. I’m fucking rotting and in hell. I have no way out and I’m stuck in the underworld again. Maybe I never left.

[questioning-human]

I am not avoidant I am ignored.

Although I don’t mind being ignored by people who do not matter, sometimes it hurts. When I got admitted to the mental hospital I started to cry really loud because the pain in my mind was too unbearable, I couldn’t take it. This group of girls (including my roomate) started laughing at me.

Usually I react with anger, but I couldn’t help but repeat these thoughts that humanity is so cruel , that we as a species deserve to go extinct, that none of this matters , and we should all die. I still believe this. It doesn’t bother me all that much, but when I’m in a situation that makes my brain go on fire, it’s like i need the extinction to happen now.

I am ignored all the time, maybe it’s in my mind, I’m not sure. I’m ignored mentally. Not physically. If that makes any sort of sense. I’m never asked by people other than (some) my family , if I’m okay. It really isn’t other people’s responsibilities how I am, it still would be nice . But at the same time I get uncomfortable once talked to.

If it’s someone I’m 100% comfortable with and know, I don’t mine. Most people it’s a no and I’ll just keep it short and simple. Even my childhood best friend I’ve been uncomfortable talking to. It’s just not okay for me. I don’t feel good when I talk to people. I never get any positive emotions after talking to most people. I just feel like it’s unproductive and I just cannot deal with it.

I feel like no one wants to go to know me, but at the same time I don’t want anyone to know me. Oh , the hypocrisy, I know.

The more I think about it the more I realize things. I realize that I like the idea of people knowing me, wanting to get to know me, or perusing me. But I don’t really want that. I like having a couple of people to talk to. But I don’t like everyday chatting , or calling, or hanging out. I just don’t. I would rather hang out with my mom or brother. I don’t need to talk to people all the time. My mom (who I suspect is a schizoid) tells me when she needs to stop talking and be alone, and I do the same. It’s just how we are. And I get along with her the most out of everyone . I relate to her a lot. That’s what I wish everyone understood. I’m not mad, I just need time to myself. And although I’m in my room isolated for most of the time, I don’t think it is bad for me. I think the opposite actually.

[mournfulroses]

Julia de Burgos, from a poem titled "That You Love Me," featured in Song of the Simple Truth: Poems

[questioning-human]

No one can handle it

[f0rstnymph]

If only there was a way to perform psychological experiments without ruining the subject's life.

I want to know shi yaaa but at what cost.

[questioning-human]

People on here and on TikTok saying how much they hate others spreading misinformation about cluster b personality disorders but doing the same with cluster a disorders and hypersexuality aka compulsive sexual behavior disorder… hmmm…

[pupperish]

this is how all of pop psych tiktok that tries to convince ppl with bpd that they're better than all the other cluster B disorders sounds to me

[questioning-human]

I didn’t have to beg my mind to let me have peace and not dissociate today!

[questioning-human]

Medium well done steak and a deer carcass:)

[knighthearts]

happy pride month for it/its users, polyamorous people, xenogenders, non-transitioning trans people, and other "weird" identities. btw

[unyieldingsilence]

‎

[avpdculture]

AVPD culture is nuking every blog and social media you’ve ever had every few months after you start interacting with people in ways, people can percieve you at any moment, and it all becomes too much.

Doing the same with your personal history and friendships too, until you have nothing, you dont know what you are anymore, only that you hate yourself and the person you were in the past and the person you are in the present. Mmmm. Is that normal guys are we feeling it or is it just me.

~

[echoesofsaturn]

"slut era" i say as i rot and decay in my bedroom and watch the years pass me by as i miss out on core experiences other people my age are having while i think about the past

[questioning-human]

Restless dreams about my ex coming back is angering me so bad. It’s like my dreams are taunting me. I don’t want her back, and I don’t like thinking about her. I don’t want to talk to her , or be affiliated with her. I don’t want her in my sinking heart anymore. I’m so uncomfortable every single night. I wake up laughing , crying, sweating , all depending on the dream , and it’s always about her. There’s so much that happened with her and it’s like I cannot escape it. Why? Why do my dreams taunt me?Why does this stupid woman haunt my soul?

[alexandraisyes]

Reblog/interact if your blog is a safe space for all people struggling with their Cluster A, B, and C personality disorder regardless of whether they are high or low-functioning in their disorder.