Decaying System

Hey I’m an adult bodied traumagenic osdd/did system looking for a place to let my alters express themselves freely

[decaying-system]

Hey we’re decaying system!  We go by Hex collectively and they/it are probably the most ubiquitous of the pronouns but homestly any work. 

This is hopefully a place where I can meet other systems and be open about who we are

Usually here:

Willow- she/it, femme and extroverted, likes video games

Ezra- he/they, likes science and other nerdy shit

Others:

I’ll list them if they interact on here, i dont feel comfortable just straight up listing everyone

[decaying-system]

Oof okay this is a long shot of a post but I’m sure there are others who are/were affected by this (though if they know that idk) and I’d love to like find a space to talk about it

tw sexual assault, incest, and cocsa

I recently found out that essentially I was assaulted because my brother was on 4chan and on top of the rampant misogyny and not thinking women were like human beings with complex inner worlds and experiences, there was apparently a narrative pushed there that young girls (especially ones a young male would have easy access to like siblings) could be used as…. Practice. So that when you did finally get a girlfriend (phrasing bc this was incel spaces) you would be more experienced.

obviously I’m disgusted by this discovery. (Though mildly relieved a 16 year old wasn’t physically attracted to 10 year old me. This is somehow much worse and slightly better). But knowing that 4chan was pushing this narrative and 4chan was backed by ppl like Elon Musk and Jeffrey Epstein, keeping up with the news especially around Epstein and the manosphere generally just got significantly more triggering.

I guess I’m just wondering if this narrative was that rampant in 4chan and incel spaces, then there must be other people hurt by this. And if there are, in the wake of that if any spaces dedicated specifically to victims of that narrative formed.

I’m struggling to process that there are spaces that actively encouraged this behavior to presumably young (mostly white) boys around the world and how seemingly easy it was for my brother to convince himself that I wouldn’t be affected by being used as a sexual learning tool, even being him a teenager at the time. I both feel like I want to know how that pipeline even justifies itself and not wanting to know anything ever again about 4chan. And I guess I’d just like to know if I’m not alone in being able to trace my childhood assault directly to 4chan and the misogynistic and pedophilic narrative it created

[caintooth]

seeing people my age talk about how scared they are of memory loss, which they only associate with old age, is so surreal to see as a 24 year old who has actively experienced memory loss for a long time now

there are causes for memory loss besides dementia and alzheimer’s, i hope y’all know that. dissociative disorders, trauma, brain injuries, thyroid problems, even just stress and lack of sleep can fuck up your ability to store, process, and access memory. and that’s just a few of the many causes i can think of off the top of my head right now.

please stop treating disabled people like some scary “other” that you might become only in the distant, decades-away future. we are your age, too. you may become one of us sooner than you know. stop acting like memory loss marks the end of a life, when so many of us have so much living left to do!

[hazedxg0]

It really does say a lot about how romanticized and theatricized alters are online when people go into denial or feel isolated for displaying the most textbook DID/OSDD symptoms.

Not knowing who's fronting, not knowing how many alters you have, not knowing when you switch, not knowing alters' names or why they formed, alters not having names, having no internal world or a very vague one, having no internal communication, struggling with external communication, experiencing alters as different overlapping states of self instead of separate people, hell even just experiencing amnesia.

These are all extremely common symptoms of DID/OSDD, especially when you're untreated or early in treatment. And yet they're all common reasons for why people feel like they don't belong in this community, because the reality of this disorder somehow doesn't conform to the online expectation.

How bad is the state of CDD awareness, even among those who proclaim to have it, that the most common manifestations of DID/OSDD are so underdiscussed that the majority of people with these conditions cannot find understanding even in a community meant for their disorder? When anything that doesn't play into the "alters are separate people and friends in your head" narrative is ignored and erased?

[sirenium]

full offense, some of y'all heard 'dismantle toxic masculinity' and took it as 'dismantle masculinity' and it shows.

[milf-adjacent]

"Back during the pandemic" "when covid was still a thing"

Covid is killing over 1000 Americans each week. Covid is the 3rd leading cause of death in the US. Covid is still spreading and mutating. Only 16% of Americans have gotten their boosters in a "vaccine only" strategy to fight the disease (that doesn't work because vaccinated people can and do catch and spread covid). Covid is still a very real threat to you and those you love. Stop talking about it in the past tense. Stop living a lie. It's not 2019. You'll never live in a "post covid" world. Our wishes for "normal" have destroyed any chance of a true end to the pandemic unless we act. Mask up and stop the spread if you really want to past-tense covid.

[frag-mented-pieces]

It’s normal in DID to not have communication with parts at first (or even for a really long time). It’s normal to not have any fictives. It’s normal to not have assigned roles. It is normal to not have an inner world. It is normal to use I/me instead of we/us and it is okay to do so. It is normal to not have overt switches or obvious parts fronting. It is normal to have blackouts. It is normal to not switch for days, weeks, or even months on end. It is normal to be more switchy after a traumatic or triggering situation and then not switch at all for long periods of time. It is normal to not have a ‘system name’. It is normal to not know much about your system at all as the host. It is normal to not remember the trauma that triggered the disorder.

These are all extremely typical experiences of DID. You are not wrong. You are not weird. The vast majority of cases are covert without flashy symptoms until periods of more overt presentation arise, usually under stress, new trauma, or triggering situations (such as having a baby, getting married, death of an abuser, etc). The average person will be in the mental health system for a decade before being diagnosed and most cases are in adults. There is nothing wrong with not experiencing the type of overt DID that is popular to portray both on social media and in media as a whole. It can take years to map out your entire system and years to establish communication with parts. It’s okay to take time to figure things out. Have grace and patience for yourself. It’s going to be okay. 

[vikingfunerals]

the commodification of friendship is the most annoying thing to come out of the internet in ages. like actually i love to break this to you but you're supposed to help your friends move even if it's hard work. or stay up with them when they're sad even if you're gonna lose sleep. you're supposed to listen to their fears and sorrows even if it means your own mind takes on a little bit of that weight. that's how you know that you care. they will drive you to the airport and then you will make them soup when they're sick. you're supposed to make small sacrifices for them and they are supposed to do that for you. and there's actually gonna be rough patches for both of you where the balance will be uneven and you will still be friends and it will not be unhealthy and they will not be abusive. life is not meant to be an endless prioritization of our own comfort if it was we would literally never get anywhere ever. jesus.

[rivertigo]

dykes are so right about dyke being its own gender. that’s me with being a fag. we are brothers and sisters in arms

[jessepinwheel]

I love it when people use "shrimp" to mean "beyond the human range". like "shrimp colors" but applied to other things. "shrimp emotions" "shrimp sounds" "shrimp morality", as if shrimp are living some kind of transcendent existence that humans can never comprehend

[aspiring-apparition]

(I bring a sort of “Everyone has inherent worth regardless of their productivity” Vibe to every conversation that ableists don’t really seem to like)

EDIT: This has reached 47k notes! And is still getting 99+ notes daily! I’m so happy that it’s still reaching people, if you’re reading this you have so much inherent worth and you deserve happiness!

[lostcitysystem]

My heart goes out to other systems who have to spend the holidays with their abusers.

You will be free from them some day.

You are not to blame for their actions.

You are doing your best.

You are loved.

[nub1cusp]

Intra-system communication is!! So much more than back and forth conversations using typical language!! And I see so many people struggling because they think they can't have good communication because their headmates can't have defined conversations the same way you would with someone outside your body but no!!!

Intra-system communication can be writing/journaling together or to leave as a note, it can be roleplaying, it can be sharing abstract thoughts and concepts that can't be put into words, it can be listening to music with meaningful lyrics together, it can be so so many personal and hard to explain things. The most successful communication we've ever reached has been through experiencing and creating things together that give us a better understanding of each other and what we're all feeling or hoping for. There are so many other ways to communicate than traditional conversations!

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

extra love to trans people who have to go by their dead name around their families for the holidays

[sysciety]

How many frequent fronters do you have?

0

1-2

3-5

6-10

11-20

21-50

50+

Other (comments/tags/replies)

Voting ended onDec 29, 2023

(Rb for reach!)

Frequent is subject (up to whoever've answering it). You can either answer for current fronting situation or general/overall trend. If you're not sure you can either make your best guess or pick other

You can choose to include fragments in this count if you'd like - it's up to personal preference

[syscultureis]

Plural culture is wondering why you don't remember half of your childhood then worrying because. Was That Even You?

.

[companionplanting]

Hey

I know it's tempting, and I know it's hard to accept, but brute forcing your way to find your trauma isn't going to help you or your system.

Trust me, we get it. You just wanna know, you wanna understand and you don't want to have a guessing game each day but trauma holders formed for a reason. Your system formed from trauma for a reason.

What you should focus on is getting better, strengthening communication, and building a more comfortable and safer life for the whole system. Being out of the loop sucks, and I understand that nagging feeling to just know what's happened already.

But you would never try to force a friend to blurt out their trauma unprompted. You would never interrogate and cross boundaries with the people you love to make them reveal their trauma to you.

It'll happen in time. They will open up. You just have to trust them and be patient. You just have to heal from what you know now and be ready for when they do open up. They aren't your enemy in this, they do care for you, even if it may not feel that way.

-🌺