First of all, i’m very disorganized in literally everything. I have to literally force myself to do some organizing. Maybe it’s due to laziness, but I’ve really tried to be organized and the longest period that held was 5 days! Also, I’m very inconsistent when it comes to projects. For examples, one day i can be very passionate and a force of nature, my Te is high and i get shit done, but the next day, I’m like “okay, next”. This pisses me off so much. Because though i have tried a lot of things in my life so far and i have a little experience and a general knowledge of almost everything, it’s like i can’t focus on something for more than a week. And i have chatted with a lot of INFPs in other forums and they have a similar problem too. Why does this happen? Why are we messy and just bouncing from project to project? And do you have any advice on how to stay focused on something and be a little bit more structured?
It’s a lack of strong Te in your type, which makes it hard to focus / commit or stick to something for a long-term result. Since it’s at the bottom of your stack, all the higher functions run right over it – especially Ne, which is what is causing you to shift focus so often, lose interest in things, and pursue whatever captures your immediate attention. While you do not want to ‘hamper’ Ne by trying to shut it off (which can only lead to imbalance problems), here’s a few things that can help get you started in your personal life (career-wise, you really have no choice but to finish what you start, if you want to keep your job):
Learn to take on smaller projects. Let’s say you want to write a novel, but can never get past chapter three. Start by writing short stories. Learn to finish those before you move on to something else. Then try writing longer stories. Build up, project wise, by allowing yourself the liberty to commit to things for only a few days at a time. You set too many long-term goals, you’ll get frustrated and feel trapped. Don’t do it. Work up to it.
Set yourself small goals within larger ones. You want to get that art project finished? Great. You’ll do it for 20 minutes, the next 6 days in a row. Or you will do this part of it by the end of the week, then another part of it. Break it down into steps. Which order does it need done in? How long should you allow yourself to do it?
Set yourself semi-quick goals. Perceiving types do their best work under the proverbial gun, so give yourself a reasonable goal but one that also crunches you a little bit. You’ll have less time to procrastinate and get distracted if it’s do or die, finish this by midnight or fail to live up to my goal.
Keep variety in your life. Focusing intently on something is going to use your Si/Te more than you would on an ordinary day, so cut your Ne a break and give yourself down time / other things to do / think about while you work on that project.
Decide you’re going to stick to it, and then stick to it. You control your life. You choose whether to keep going or give up. It’s on you. If you want to finish this project, decide to finish it. When you feel like doing something else, or abandoning it, remind yourself that you said you’d finish it. And set yourself up a hell of a reward FOR finishing it.
You want something neat? Promise yourself you’ll buy it as a reward to self-congratulate yourself when you finish whatever it is you’re working on. Maybe it’s not a new toy or a movie you love, but it’s being able to do or watch or read something as a reward. Remind yourself, over and over, that you are getting a REWARD. Do not think of it in terms of “I cannot have this until…” but think of it in terms of “When I finish this, I get…”
(Example: “I love Wonder Woman. I’m going to buy it for myself once I learn how to read notes for my guitar!” or “… I’m going to buy it for myself when I finish this writing project!”)
See, you need to find something to work toward, beyond “finishing this.” “Finishing this” is not enough of a motivator to get you out of bed in the morning. No, it’s whatever you want that comes with finishing it that keeps you going. Work: “I go to work, I do this, I get paid.” $$ keeps you going. For me, writing novel: “I get this draft done, then comes the fun part of sculpting it into a better book!” And then, “Now I get to design an awesome cover!” And then, “Now people get to read it, and I can sell copies! And I GET TO WRITE SOMETHING NEW!!!!” *cue massive excitement*
Self-discipline almost always fails, but a system of personal rewards for finishing things is a good self-motivator. Always, ALWAYS give yourself something in the future to look forward to, regardless of type. It helps with depression. It helps with procrastination. It helps with motivation. You need to always be working toward something that is not abstract, but tangible. Something you can feel, touch, use, treasure, enjoy.
So… “I want to learn guitar.” Why? So you can play the guitar? Great! That’s not a good enough motivator. “So I can join a band”? Better. “So I can hang out and make music with my friends”? Better. Better yet, have all those motives and a nice fat reward to go along with it: “Once I learn this song set, I’m buying myself tickets to [insert concert of choice here]” or, on a smaller level, “I’m getting [insert favorite group here]’s new CD!”
Treat yourself like you’d treat anyone else if you were trying to get them to commit to something: they expect to get something good out of it. So do you. And MAKE SURE YOU GIVE YOURSELF THE REWARD. None of this, “I did it! Eh, I don’t really need that ______” nonsense. You worked for it. You earned it. You want to keep being self-motivated. So reward yourself.
(What to use as a reward: anything you like, from your favorite candy bar to more expensive items. I like to make dessert once my work week is over, and the magazine is at the press, because damn it, for working straight an entire week and not having much energy for my creative projects, I earned it.)
PS: Work/reward tactics work for most types, so any variation of the above can probably help self-motivate most of the types into action, if they lack drive.
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