They told me that it was going to be hard and I listened. I fear I believed in it more than they were expecting,
Because its all hard. Getting up in the morning at times many would give thanks, but my prayers started off some what like; dear God forgive me, I am sorry I cannot do as you want nor can I please this world. Fear would always consume me. If i was not thinking about the past then I was simply worrying about the future. Past mistakes that I made or even events beyond my control seem to take place in the cinema of my memory, and future worries the grand finally. Because of this, I was not actually living in the present. I was not enjoying the different moments that were planted in my life. But i was keen on recalling the negatives. Simple put, I was allowing fear to win. Instead of studying, I’d worry about passing and procrastinated. I would worry if people would like me or think that I’m boring perhaps even ill equipped when it came to simple conversation. Fear for us is vital for survival, it causes us to be cautious and protects us when there is danger. It allows us to plan ahead for a sense of security. But just like anything in life too much or too little of something can cause harm. My fear, I allowed it to hold me back. I didn’t try dancing, the fear of looking stupid kept me from that one. Something pertaining to my weight and how i’d end up looking. Writing, the fear of being too simplistic. As if an easy read isn’t enjoyable at times. The Therapist i’ve dreamed of becoming, lets just say a bachelors in psychology later i’ve yet to attempt it and is moving in another direction. My point to all this is not to allow your fear to keep you back from trying. You’ll realize one day that while you’re fearing experiences, things stay stagnant. With no movement there in no progress and since you’re not progressing it makes no difference if you had tried and fail. It is better to have tried something, learn a few lessons along the way and have some bumps and bruises. Your character ends up more polished and you’ll have a new perspective on things. Let fear be your pusher rather than your chain. TDW