We Must Become Ungovernable @deep-green-existentialist - Tumblr Blog

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Deep green existentialist can be shortened and pronounced as "Ditch" BTW. That's how I think of this blog.

doyoulovethewayzeylily

random informal poll for people who routinely self-inject medication

how bad was your needle fear?

t-shirt that says no fear

I was nervous, but not too bad

my hands were shaking the whole time

scared shitless, took multiple days to do the first one

I would faint if I even fucking thought about a needle

I'm nosey show me the results

Voting ended onJun 3

(how bad was it when you first started?)

hoping to use this post as a point of reference for "you can totally inject your HRT even though you're fucking terrified of it". if you have any advice or anecdotes please do pipe up!

doyoulovethewayzeylily

#i do subdermal injections #first one was yesterday actually #so im using like 29ish gauge needles #microscopic little pinpricks #got shaky fucking hands especially when im handling something as teensy tiny as that ... #hands shaking the whole time like im holding a jackhammer ... #and then my hands begin to shake and wobble #with the needle under my skin #30 seconds later its done#i pull out and breathe a sigh of relief #and you wanna know something about that absolute fucking clown car pile up #felt fucking *nothing* the whole time #not going in not while the needle was dancing around inside me #worst bit was the minor ache afterwards

@wizardcyborgfromtheyear2099 these tags had me giggling, both because you're adorable and because that's exactly how it is!! I've been lucky enough to be present for around a half-dozen first injections, it's always hours of nerves followed by "that was it????"

watching the "oh my god I just did it for real. it's happening" realization dawn over their faces is actual, real magic. congratulations, I'm proud of you :)

doll-shell

My first injection was like a month ago and I was so nervous about it. The previous time I'd had a needle stuck in me was for a blood test, and even though it went well for me, I had to lay down until the spots came out of my vision because I was scared. (was the best i'd done with being scared of needles for at least a year) I had all the stuff; I was using 25 gauge needles my doctor prescribed. I had a lovely friend on a video call walking me through and.. I kinda fucked it up on my first try! After working up to it for an hour, I pricked myself a little, bled, and panicked. Two days later, I gave it another go; on my own this time because I didn't want to make my friend wait for me and I felt a little guilty (I really could have accepted her offer to do be with me again, if you're reading this... smiles at you ^_^) I spent another hour or so working up to it, I got scared, I pushed it in and did the injection. Then I panicked, ran off to the bathroom to get a band-aid, and felt really good about myself because I actually managed to do it! I also went and ate ice cream and affirmed to myself things that were not the fear: It didn't actually hurt that much, (true) it was just an unfamiliar pain, which can be scary. I bled the tiniest little bit, which is not dangerous at all. I actually got a bruise from it, but still: not dangerous.

I felt pretty silly and pathetic about being that scared. But! I did it anyways, and I also felt really good about being brave. Anyways, five or six injections later and I'm kind of looking forward to my next one (tomorrow!) because it represents choosing something hard that's good for me. And it's almost not scary anymore! I think it was really important for me to reinforce afterwards how it was cool, not dangerous like I would have expected from my fear, and to do something that makes me feel pleasure like eating sweets. (If you're like me and really scared; building better associations with something scary like this can help)

doyoulovethewayzeylily

one of the things I find most inspiring about being trans is just how determined we are to help each other. here you are a month out from starting HRT and already reaching a hand out to help others get to where you are. I am so, so proud of you :)

the spots in your vision were likely from something called reflex syncope (sometimes called vasovagal syncope, tho that's only 1 of 3 types of reflex syncope), which is the reason there's an "I would faint" option.

Episodes of vasovagal syncope are typically recurrent and usually occur when the predisposed person is exposed to a specific trigger. Before losing consciousness, the individual frequently experiences early signs or symptoms such as lightheadedness, nausea, the feeling of being extremely hot or cold (accompanied by sweating), ringing in the ears, an uncomfortable feeling in the heart, fuzzy thoughts, confusion, a slight inability to speak or form words (sometimes combined with mild stuttering), weakness and visual disturbances such as lights seeming too bright, fuzzy or tunnel vision, black cloud-like spots in vision, and a feeling of nervousness can occur as well. The symptoms may become more intense over several seconds to several minutes before the loss of consciousness (if it is lost).

it's absolutely fascinating to me that the brain has a "panic so hard your body blue screens and has to restart" process, all the more so because you can train yourself out of it.

notice how many people voted for that option and yet still managed to do it. I promise that you can too! I don't promise it'll be easy, of course, but you really just Can Do It.

deep-green-existentialist

Once I switched to subcutaneous injections instead of intramuscular, it got way easier. The current best practice advice is subcutaneous because you don't risk damaging your muscles that way. I've never hit a vein or nerve in my belly, but did many times in legs.