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@delhaggard
That Was Probably
"one of the most interesting things Iāve ever listened to here at Hogwarts. And one of the most helpful, too."
"It was pretty great, wasn't it? I wish I could keep that as my only memory of the Careers Week."
Just remember -
What made you think thatā¦. it would help Luka?
I donāt think you will be a waitress somewhereā¦I see big things for youā¦ you just need to find your passion.Ā
We had problems, I guess, and it may have gotten worse... It's just not very healthy, is it? I think the problems were my fault really, so it was for him.Ā
You're probably the only person who thinks that, I mean I'm practically surviving school by the skin of my teeth, so I doubt anyone would really be interested in me for any job. In my bubble of happiness, I can do anything I fucking want, but realistically is another story.
I'll Be There // Rebekah & Delilah
"Maybe, but that doesnāt mean I donāt mean it." Bekah smiled as Delilah hugged her and she hugged her back. "I know you would, but it still means a lot to me to have you help me with all of this." She noticed Delilah move on from the subject of Luka, but she didnāt want to pry, so she just nodded at what Delilah said next. "Do you think if I do everything youāve said, that itāll be better next time it happens? Or at least that it wonāt hurt?" She bit her lip. "I donāt want to make Casey feel embarrassed."Ā
"Well, you're welcome," Delilah said with a small smile, keeping her arm around Rebekah. "It won't hurt, definitely not. Don't worry about Casey, he shouldn't want to hurt you anyway, so he'll want to do this as well. Communication's important though, so you could always just tell him beforehand the things you want to do to make it better for you, you know?"
Coming To Grips // Luka & Delilah
He shook his head at her apology, thinking that the problem definitely wasnāt with her. It was himself, not being able to process what was going on. He was torn in two different directions and he didnāt know which way he wanted to be going. She started to speak more, and it came out in a tumble of words that Luka didnāt quite catch right away. It took a moment of processing before he was able to put it all together. The boy stood up, because he was tired of feeling inferior being on a lower level. He met her eyes, and then his words came out more forceful than they ever had with her before. āStop,ā he said, swallowing hard and trying to get used to the way he sounded. āI care about you, Delilah. I think that I always will, itās just a part of being with you and all of that. I donāt think thatās anything bad, because you deserve to have people care about you.ā The boy looked up, and then shook his head. āBut telling me what I deserve is kind of fucked up. I didnāt know that I was supposed to conform to your idea of how everything turns out the way that it should. If you didnāt think it was right, just say that. Donāt make up some bullshit about what I deserve. Because thatās mine to decide.āĀ
When Luka stood up, she couldn't help but take a small step back out of panic that his face was filled with far too much frustration. She tried to keep looking at him, but it was a difficult task when she had never had to deal with him being so angered with her. "So you're allowed to say what I deserve, but I can't say the same about you?" She questioned, trying to match Luka's tone of harshness, but only succeeding in sounding choked up and upset. She ran a hand through her hair, before breathing deeply. This conversation was becoming the whole reason she didn't want to talk to Luka, because if he didn't hate her before he would start to hate her now. "Look, Luka," She said, softly this time, "I'm not going to say to you that I think us wasn't right, because that's the most right a relationship is ever going to be for me, filled with issues and things, but it doesn't have to be like that for you. I just think it is for me, because I can't get over my things, like my Dad and just men and... I just thought it would be best to end it before the problems with me start overpowering everything else in our relationship. I wanted good memories," She trailed off, not sure if she had said too much or too little, but just hoping that Luka understood somewhat.
I'll Be There // Rebekah & Delilah
Rebekah let out a silent sigh of relief when Delilah reassured her. She nodded. āOkay. And for the record, youāre not even remotely messed up mentally.ā She felt thankful to have Delilah there to get all of this advice from without any judgment, so she smiled and leaned forward to hug her best friend. āYouāll be the first person I come to, thank you so much for all of this Del.ā She pulled away from the hug and frowned at Delilahās comment, knowing she was still upset about Luka. So this time, Bekah was the one to rest a comforting hand on her arm. She was once again caught off guard and blushed deeply as Delilah finally told her what her Christmas present was for. āOhā¦ Okay.ā She still wasnāt sure how she was even going to do all of this and it made her embarrassed just thinking about it.Ā
"You have to say that though, because you're my best friend." She said with a light laugh, playing softly with Bekah's hair. Her whole body relaxed as she leaned on her to pull her into a tight hug. "Oh, come on, Bek, I would this for you any day - it's nothing." She didn't like to see Bekah frown just because of a stupid mess she had gotten herself into, so she didn't bring up Luka again. Bekah had already had to see her cry about it several times, she didn't need anymore. "It'll be fun when you actually start doing it and when Casey does everything properly with you... It'll all be good."
Coming To Grips // Luka & Delilah
She hesitated, and Lukaās heart nearly stopped. It was all too muchā¦ how could she not know that this was too much? Dragging him around, leading him around, all of itā¦ He couldnāt deal with it. The way she looked at him made him feel like she wanted him, but the things she was saying and the things she had done didnāt match up. Delilah moved closer, and Luka froze, trying not to instinctively pull away. He glanced up at her, and then he noticed that she was smiling. He didnāt return that sentiment. Luka just stared, and then cleared his throat. āIā¦ I donāt know what you want me to say, Delilah,ā he said, because it was all confusing to him.āIām not okay. But whatās done is done and thatās all there is, yeah?ā
Delilah had too many different thoughts about Luka bobbing through her mind that everything came out a jumbled mess. He wasn't okay and she had done that to him. She wasn't okay, but she caused that - there was a big difference between the two. She stopped smiling and nodded, pursing her lips as she tried to formulate everything in to one streamlined, sensible train of thought. "Sorry, that I'm not making sense," She said, ignoring the fact that he was displaying zero interest in what she had to say and it just seemed like he wanted to be left alone by her and her messed up sentences; she needed to get this out. "I didn't want you to have to negotiate on your feelings, because I couldn't cope with it." She licked her lips, forcing herself to get the rest of it out. "You deserve someone who isn't terrified of the way you make them feel or scared that you'll stop feeling the way you do about them; you need someone on the page as you." Not me.
How could she?
*Briony leaned against Delilah, resting her head gently on her shoulder, glad for the gesture.* But you were drinking to celebrate, not to disrespect her. Butā¦ I do understand why she was disappointed, it did get messy.Ā
Delilah leaned into the returning comfort Briony was giving her, before her breath caught slightly. "I wasn't drinking, this happened just after..." She stopped, coughing lightly to clear her throat. "Most people probably think they were doing it to celebrate, but when someone says 'don't drink' and you drink without thinking about them, it's a form of disrespect, or at least it's seen like that, right? I mean... I understand why she would be upset with us."
Coming To Grips // Luka & Delilah
Luka couldnāt take his eyes off of her, and he wished that it felt the same exciting way that it had felt beforeābut it really just felt painful. Like a pressure against his chest that kept him from being able to breathe properly. He didnāt know how she feltāhe could only make assumptionsābut he hoped that it wasnāt like he did. Because that didnāt make sense to him, and it was something that he definitely didnāt want for her. After all, it had been his screw up that really caused it in the first placeā¦ So he was the one who deserved to feel torn up by it.
He nodded when she said that it had been wise to stay away. Luka had figured as much: if she needed space, him coming up to her would jeopardize that. Then she kept on, and Luka could tell in each small movement that she was having a hard time with this conversation. Did she want him to leave? Is that why she suggested it? So that the awkwardness would run off like he had told Nadya he wished it would? But just like he had said, it didnāt. He couldnāt get rid of the feeling of wanting to reach out and calm her shaking hand. It just made everything suffocating when he thought of it. Luka stopped his brain, deciding that he should just do what felt rightāwhatever that was. āWhat is there to talk about, in regards to us?ā he asked, because if she was suggesting they get back together, he was probably going to have a heart attack from conflicting emotions. āNot saying we canāt talk. Just that I didnāt know there was something to talk about.ā
Luka's question back to her made her stop - what was there to talk about? What was she even willing to say? If she said too much, then she could be back to confusing herself, let alone confusing him. However something about the way he was looking at her, like she was a stranger, a different person to him now, made her feel like she had to be honest; even if it meant sharing her own confused feelings on the matter of breaking up with him. She owed him that. "I think... I should really explain it more, because I," She trailed off, walking nearer to him, so that she was practically in touching distance of him now. "I don't even know if you want to hear it," She said, looking up at the ceiling to process what she was really trying to do now. She looked back down at him, her mouth forming a small, delicate smile. "I just want to know you're okay and that this was the right thing in the long run."
Just remember -
-laughs lightly- Damn, Delilah, you got me all caught up into this big swarm of bad sex and babies. But honestly, that would be the scariest thing involving alcohol. At least your lecture had somewhat of something to think about. Slughorn just spoke as if he were reading something verbatim and then just rushed out. Itās all very odd. At least we can look to you to bring a joke and a bit of humor into it all.
Yeah, that would definitely make me stop drinking, or at least drink only when I'm surrounded by only girls. That gets me out of any baby dilemma. That is really odd, guess he's not a massive fan of punishment. Me bringing humour... Yeah, I need to learn that it's not always the best thing to do, I guess. It's just easy.
Just remember -
Alexis shrugged, still not quite seeing the problem. āI mean, I guess. I just donāt get it, maybe? It was a plant. Now its gone. There are more in the green house.ā She shrugged again before smirking. āI mean, it could have been a lot worse, right?ā
Delilah gave a small smile, shaking her head. She realized that Alexis wouldn't see why this was so awful for some people, so she played it off. "Just ignore me - I'm just playing Devil's Advocate, or whatever it's called." She nodded at it being worse. "Yeah, Page could've given us lashes... Although there's still worse things than that."
Just remember -
Rory shrugged. āI suppose. I donāt know. I mean, Iām thankful that it wasnāt worse, to be honestā¦ that they didnāt contact our families or something. My da would have thrown a fit, and it would have been a lot worse than killing a plant.ā
"Definitely, there's always a silver lining. I'm thankful that they didn't tell anyone's parents. My Dad getting involved with anything here is a horrible thought. Right, so plant killings over any angry parents."
Coming To Grips // Luka & Delilah
He watched her as she spoke, his eyes focusing on all the little things that they used toāher lips, and the way they formed the words she spoke; her eyes, and how they seemed to train on him as if he was her sole focus; her body, and how she held it as she spoke to him. Now, it was much different than before. She didnāt have the same sense of openness that had been there before. But Luka had to wonder if she had ever really been open with her, at least in the way he wanted her to be. He didnāt respond to her talking about almost going outside, because he understood a sudden change in behaviorā¦ And he was the one blocking her way, after all.
When she said the next words, though, Luka furrowed his brows. He made sure to check for every tell that she was lying to himābut he didnāt seem to find any. It hardly seemed fair for her to say that to him. How could she miss him when she had pushed him away in the first place? But he knew the feeling; rationally, he shouldnāt have missed her, either. Not after she had walked away so easily. He did miss her, though, and it took over his thoughts sometimes. Luka finally realized he was lost in his thoughts, and responded. āI thought you needed some space,ā he said, and though the words were harsh on theory, he didnāt say them in a harsh tone. Heād really been trying to give her space, because she had asked for it. āSo I tried to stay away.ā
Delilah wanted to kick herself repeatedly for saying she missed him. She couldn't just keep that feeling to herself; she just had to give him an inkling that he was the thing that occupied her thoughts all the nights that she couldn't sleep. Breaking up with him was the only good thing she had probably done, the only thing where she was thinking of someone else more than herself and now she was just going back to being selfish by saying how she felt. And she could see it in Luka's face that she was confusing him.
He didn't say it back. Honestly she knew she didn't deserve to hear him say nice things to her anymore, but still it hurt her ego. His words said by any other person would have been cruel sounding, because all she heard in her head was the words she used to end things with him, but as this was Luka, they sounded lovely. "That was stupid, sorry..." She paused, nodding slightly at what he did say. "That's probably a good thing," She said lightly in regards to him staying away. "I thought you were angry, I mean, it would make sense for you to be. Although you might be... Are you?" She furrowed her eyebrows, tucking loose strands of her hair behind her ear, showing her insecurities in every single movement she was making. "I can leave if you are, or if you want. We don't have to talk about it.... About us."
Just remember -
I donāt knowā¦ you tell me.Ā
Double traumatized or if you are like me incredibly bored since I already know what I want.Ā
No... I did it for Luka, not for me.
Well, yeah you already know and you're actually great at it. And here I am with no clue. I'm probably going to end up as a waitress somewhere. This truly traumatic
Coming To Grips // Luka & Delilah
They waited in what felt like the longest stalemate of his life. He should have said something, but nothing he thought to say would have went over well. He didnāt have a lot of anger directed at her, because it was impossible to me upset at Delilahā¦ But there were still things to be said that he knew he couldnāt say. Things that would make her feel bad, and make him feel worse. Finally she spoke, and he shrugged. āI decided I didnāt want to go outside,ā he said, even though that was a stupid excuse. āSo I sat down instead.ā How stupid could he make himself look, he wondered. Then his next words just added to it. āWhat are you doing?ā
At his reply to her question, she realized this was how their conversation was going to go unless she said something of value, instead of this bizarre small talk they had going on, but where should she even start? She had to turn her head away with a bite of her lip, because looking at him got her feeling consumed with guilt, but also making her want him all over again like the first time they properly spoke. At his question, she moved one step closer in his direction. "I was going to go outside, but..." She trailed off, shaking her head as her thoughts were being dominated by a sole one and all it could do was escape through her mouth. "I actually don't think I could go another day without speaking to you; I miss you."
Coming To Grips // Luka & Delilah
When he heard his name, it almost seemed like a whisper. Like his mind playing tricks with him. It had done it before. The phantom touch of his hand, or the whisper in his ear that wasnāt really there. But just like always, he still looked, still waiting for it to no longer be a trick. And this time, it wasnāt. As it hit him, he wasnāt sure if he was glad for the reality of it, or if it made him feel even worse.Ā
The boy didnāt move. He should have, and he screamed at himself to, but he didnāt. Part of him was telling his body that he didnāt owe it to her to stand up, and another part of him just couldnāt get his muscles to move. Like they had decided that being on the ground was what best fit how he felt at the moment. So he stopped trying to argue with himself, and just focused on what he was going to say. Something time stopping, maybe something that made her feel upset about things, orā¦ something that made her wish it was back again. Anything. But all that came out was a soft, āDelilah.ā
It felt like her body was in a paralyzed state as she waited for his reaction. He wasn't showing one though, and so they remained in this state of limbo until he said her name. Despite it sounding holding all the pain she had expected to hear from him, it still made her heart beat wildly. She exhaled, wondering now who was supposed to speak first. She knew what she wanted to say; it was 'Are you okay?', but it was a stupid question as clearly he wasn't; besides she had lost her privilege to show her concern. She moved one hand awkwardly to rub at her arm, as she tried to think of everything she wanted to say and what, of that, was actually appropriate for this situation. Still unmoving from her safe spot, she went, "Why are on the floor?" Another stupid question, but the only one she could dare ask.
I'll Be There // Rebekah & Delilah
Rebekahās eyebrows furrowed. She still felt clueless to mostly everything Delilah was saying. She blushed and nodded when they continued talking about touching, still not completely sold on the idea of doing it, especially when so many of the girls were always around. Bekah felt sick with worry and her eyes widened slightly at Delilahās explanation of potions. āI-I didnāt knowā¦ What if something happens?ā She felt a little more relieved as Delilah talked about the different potions and handed one to her to take. She didnāt hesitate and drank it, not wanting to risk any of the things Delilah mentioned. āThanks, Del. Do you think Iāll be okay this time? Iāll make sure to take them next time it happensā¦ And to remember everything you said.ā She paused for a moment as something else came to her mind. āUm, does your Christmas present to me have anything to do with any of this?āĀ
"Nothing will happen; I've had to take it afterwards as well before and look at me - a little messed up mentally, but nothing else. As long as you take the right thing then you'll be fine, okay?" She smiled reassuringly at her best friend, happy that she could at least be there for someone close to her during this time. Since she had been wildly sexually active she had always been excited to teach these kind of things to her sister, but she doubted she would want to her it as much from her now. "Yeah, absolutely fine. If you ever need any, then you just come and ask me... I don't need them," She said, slightly frowning. before looking away to smile a bit more as Rebekah asked her next question. "You know what, that would be a great thing to use during your own private time. You get me?" She asked, knitting her eyebrows teasingly.
Coming To Grips // Luka & Delilah
Luka had been pacing the floor of the castle, running his hands through his hair and trying to figure out how to feel. Angry, obviously. At how much he had lost, at how much he felt upset about it, and of how much it didnāt make sense to him. Confused, at everything from Delilah to Capscien to his future. Sad, about the fact he couldnāt run down to Hufflepuff and find comfort in the most comforting person he had known. And on top of all of that, guilty. For all the way he had been acting latelyānot himself at all.Ā
He thought about heading outside, but once he reached the castle doors, he couldnāt push past them. Like some ridiculous metaphor for being unable to move on with his life. He just kept his hand on the door while his mind raced. It was getting harder and harderā¦ He was seeing her more now, and he was getting deeper into his language lessons. Even that career testā¦ Everything was piling on top of him and Luka felt like he was going to crumble.Ā
The time of year didnāt help, either. His birthday was a week ago, which meant the anniversary of Georgeās death was Ā just around the corner. It was all eating at him in the Ā worst possible way, and he was letting it. The boyās hand fell from the door and he slid down to the floor there, running a hand through his hair and trying to breathe..
Delilah almost went back to her bed - her hideaway - after her last class for the day, but then she thought better of it. She couldn't just hide away all the time from everything, but she also couldn't talk to people. She either pretended she was perfectly fine and nothing at all was constantly playing on her mind, or she couldn't pretend with them because they knew what was wrong, but talking about something so private to her wasn't an option. So with these thoughts on her mind, she decided the best option was to head outside. She gave a nod at this, convincing herself that some fresh air would do her some good.
What could make her stop dead in her tracks on the way outside though? Luka. He could also make her look the other way in classes, make her stop smiling abruptly and make her leave a class immediately as soon as she saw him. Basically all the signs of someone with a guilty conscience. There he was sitting on the floor right in front of the door, like some big metaphor about how she needed to deal with the mistake she made before she could ever reclaim some normality in her mind. And so that's what made her edge closer. That and also the fact that he didn't look as closed off as he normally looked when she was around in classes. "Fuck," She mumbled quietly to herself, before finally getting within speaking distance of him. Her eyes shut for the briefest of moments as she got her head around what she was doing. "Luka..."
