Late Diagnosed Neurospicy AuDHD Human
Pronouns: She/Her
Age Range: 20s or if you wanna know I am a 2000s baby
My side blogs are @k-fangirledits & @dangerouslyintofictionalloves
if you know those blogs and have spoken to me through them this is my
main blog that those are connected to
gripping the shoulders of every youtuber ever. look up that unfamiliar word before you pronounce it. especially if it's not a word from your native language but honestly double check the ones that are native to you if you've only seen them in writing. you will thank yourself later.
i think its fun when people use the trope of vampires thinking that werewolves smell like shit but its especially funny to me when they say a werewolf smells like 'wet dog' . like specifically WET dog? not dry dog? something about werewolves makes them smell damper than any normal dog even if theyre dry as a bone? fascinating implications. wet werewolf vs creepy vampire. much to consider.
Besides the obvious like having financial security, being able to support your community and take care of friends and family, the whole "money doesn't bring happiness" bullshit is still bullshit because even if we only look at it from "buying frivolous trinkets" point of view, there's so many fun things I'd get myself commissioned just for shits and giggles.
For one, I'd get my dental layout scanned and then use the 3d model of my teeth to commission a giant pair of pincers where the cutters are replaced with a life-sized metal recreation of my teeth. I would use these to press bite marks on all sorts of things that a human being physically could not bite into, and emotionally would not want to.
For no other reason than to fuck with people. Just so they can see a very obviously human bite mark on something and wonder how the fuck did someone bite a goddamn brick wall, and why would anybody do that.
I miss writing so much😞😞😞everytime i read other stories i felt so excited and wanted to do it again but then my mind just become empty when i tried to write a scene.
Recently i watched enhypen trailer for the new comeback and i was like i wanted to write about it but erghhh it's really hard
Like heeseung was in his peak year and won an award. He said he’s was nervous without his members. And we all know that heeseung loves his members too much to leave.
He looked sad in some recent videos because of belift and we all know that. Not to mention he was also talking about how they’re gonna tour in Europe this year and he’s excited for what’s to come nobody who wants to leave a group would talk about touring and being excited. He was forced out.
Heeseung wouldn’t just randomly leave the group to go solo. He knew that he could do a solo in the group, the company was just jealous and against it because they didn’t want enhypen to get more successful. So what does belift do? Literally force heeseung out of the group and make him feel like he was greedy for wanting a solo in enhypen. I feel so so bad for enhypen they’ve been through to much and now this? Belift is just breaking them down bit by bit and it’s honestly pissing me off.
They are the sweetest people ever getting treated badly by some jealous losers.
Please come together and fight against them engene. He really needs us and his friends right now.
Note: I'm just writing a few drabbles for now, hoping to get my engagement up a bit. This is really rushed, so it’s not good, but oh well.
-
“Babe, when are you coming to bed?”
It’s twelve am, and you have been waiting hours past your bedtime so you can finally go to sleep with your boyfriend for the first time in literal months.
It’s been a while since he started working from home, and you thought that would free up some space for you both to spend time together.
You thought you guys could go back to normal like how you used to be but now it seemed like he worked even more after being able to work from home on top of his promotion.
You received no answer, and you sighed. This had been going on for months, him ignoring you and solely focusing on work. You disappointedly slipped under the covers so you could patiently wait for him to be finished.
Staring at the clock, you counted down every minute until a full thirty minutes passed.
You decided to give it another go thinking half hour may have been enough time for him to conclude his work. “Honey, it’s so late,” your voice is groggy, eyes half opened, and you’re still worried about your boyfriend’s well-being. How could you not be when he barely ate and barely slept anymore? The last time you two spent quality time together was so long ago you couldn’t even remember. “Please come to bed. I know you’re tired.”
He snaps at your words, only increasing the annoyance that he currently feels. “Can you just stop talking, damn?!” He agitatedly shouts out of nowhere, turning his head in your direction with an angry expression plastered on his tired features.
Startled by the sudden loudness of his tone you jumped a little bit not used to him speaking to you that way. “S-sorry I was just worried” you tucked back under the covers your heart aching in your chest cause of what he said to you.
He was always on edge lately, but you never received that type of treatment from him. Ever even in your five years of dating, he has always been respectful to you.
“You’re sorry?” he scoffs. “You should be sorry I’m the one working hard every day to provide for you and all the frivolous bullshit you buy, and this is the thanks I get. Do me a favor and stop fucking bothering me while I’m working,” he rubs his temples, turning his attention back to his computer.
It most certainly wasn’t the first time he’d said such harsh words to you after your constant nagging for him to eat and sleep more, but this was the first time you felt pure anger from him, and it worried you cause he was never this bad before and you feared that as time went on like this it would just get worse.
“O-okay.” You looked at his stressed back, noticing how tense his shoulders were, and you felt bad knowing he was taking on all of the work to provide for you both. Apparently, all you were doing was bothering him, but you weren’t doing it intentionally. “I guess it’s a crime to care about my boyfriend.” Your voice broke a little, and you turned your back to him, calling it quits for the night. He could come to bed whenever he wanted.
“You know what?” He shuts the computer and sighs. “I think.” he pauses for a moment, the silence getting the best of your nerves cause you were scared about what he was going to say. “We should just break up.”
His words dangle in the air for minutes, and within those minutes, you feel tears pricking your eyes and your heart breaking into little tiny bits. “Hee-“ you sat up now, looking at him with your bloodshot eyes.
“I know you’re going to run down every reason why we shouldn’t, but I’m done. I’m tired of this, and I’m tired of talking. I can’t do it anymore, and nothing you say can ever change my mind.”
You’re left absolutely speechless too stunned to even say anything not to say he would want to hear it or listen now anyway.
You’ve spent so many long years of your life with him that you couldn’t see yourself being with anyone else besides him you thought that he was your happy ever after and to hear him say he wants to break up felt like a dream a very bad dream never in your life did you ever think he’d say the words but he did and it came out so easily like he’s been wanting to say it but only now decided to.
And the thought made you upset because if he’s been feeling this way for this long why did he even bother to string you along knowing he didn’t see a future with you anymore after your guys relationship went downhill?
In the midst of your thoughts his voice brings you back to the present. “I’ll call your mom in the morning so you can get all your stuff and be out by tomorrow.” You don’t respond, and the only thing you hear for the next few hours is typing on a keyboard.
You would go to the sofa, but you’re literally glued to the bed, paralyzed by grief.
The tears wouldn’t stop flowing, and they definitely didn’t stop once he came to bed. If anything, they got worse when you felt his warmth so close to you but yet so far away.
He tried slipping his hand around your waist, but you slapped it away. “Don’t touch me,” you say through your heartbroken cries.
He immediately retracted his hand, a little surprised at first by how quickly you rejected his touch.
He didn’t care really he just thought it might comfort you a little so you could sleep since you’ve been up crying for literally hours but it didn’t matter one way or the other to him as he turned on his side and shut his lamp off.
Heeseung slept soundly while you lay awake, crying every last tear you had left in you.
-
When morning struck, heeseungs alarm woke him up. His eyes shot open, and he quickly grabbed his phone, turning the awful sound off.
He turned towards your side of the bed and patted the soft material in search of your warmth, but he found none.
His eyes opened, and he was met with a few luggage bags that looked to be packed already. He sat up confused for a moment until memories of last night flooded his mind.
He heard a rustle coming from the closet, and you appeared a second later, already fully dressed this early in the morning. Usually, you would still be asleep when he started work.
But obviously, today was different.
His eyes shifted throughout the room. Most of your stuff was already gone.
As you walked to each end of the room collecting your stuff, his eyes followed you, watching your every movement.
The moment he saw you grabbing all your ornaments, he felt an ache in his chest.
You didn’t have much in the bedroom, but those little ornaments had you written all over them, and it was one of the few things that made it obvious to him that he wasn’t living alone, and seeing them all getting wiped out made him feel sick to his stomach. “Y/n?” He mumbled out while nervously picking at his nails.
You didn’t answer. Of course, you didn’t. He said he was done talking, and so were you. Last night, you came to terms with this. It took hours, but you just accepted it.
You had to.
Were you going to miss him?
Yes.
Was it going to hurt?
Yes.
But you didn’t want to be in his life if he didn’t want you to be in his.
You continued to pick up the little porcelain cat decorations, and that’s when he decided to slip out from under the covers and walk over to you, standing behind you and taking the figurine from your hand, setting it back down where it had been sitting for the last couple of years. “I’m sorry,” he whispered in your ear while back hugging you, the warmth of his bare chest sending electricity throughout your body. “About last night, sweetheart, I was just tired and said a lot of things I didn’t mean, and I know that it sounds like a shitty excuse, but I really didn’t mean it, baby. I’ve just been so stressed lately, and I hate myself for taking it out on you. I’m so sorry I made you cry.” he closed his eyes, inhaling your scent, the one he’d been missing for months.
You hated yourself for the way you melted into his arms after all the things he said to you last night, but it’s just been so long since you felt his touch on you that you couldn’t help it.
You leaned into him, his body pressing flush against yours. It felt so good being in his strong arms again.
But as fast as you melted, you hardened up even quicker, slipping out of his grasp.
You started packing up your things again, keeping a good distance from him because right now you know you could easily forgive him, but you didn’t want to because there’s no way he could say what he said to you last night and change up so quickly in the morning you weren’t falling for it.
When you walked by him, he quickly extended his hand, grabbing you by your elbow, pulling you into his chest, and hugging you closely. “Little one, please forgive me.” he rested his chin atop your head, stroking your back softly. “I need you. Love, without you, I don’t have anything, you know that. Remember, I’ve told you so many times everything I do is all for you. I know I made a mistake, but I’m sorry. Please forgive me, please?” His voice shook slightly, and you could feel just how fast his heart was beating against your chest and the words were on the tip of your tongue, but for the way you feel right now, you think breaking up would just be for the best.
You two were living different lives, and the compatibility wasn’t aligned anymore. As much as you hated living a life without him, the thought of living a life where he was working and you were being neglected was something you hated even more.
Your breath got caught in your throat the moment his lips pressed against your neck. “Please,” he begged in between each soft kiss he left on your neck. “Say something, please,” he sniffles softly and rests his palms over your stomach.
You peeled his hand off your body, turning around to tell him that you were done straight to his face, but it was so hard cause he looked absolutely distraught. “Heeseung, I’m leaving, and that’s final.”
The sob he let out almost made you break down in tears yourself. He tried to cover it by cupping his mouth, but it was too late. It was one of the most heartbreaking things you’ve ever heard from him, and you had to leave now before you ended up forgiving him.
You quickly grabbed your things, wheeling them to the front door with him close behind you. “I can’t let you go, y/n. I-I love you.” his arms were secured around you again, and you stood there, trying to remain as emotionless as possible until he finally let go of you. “So that’s just it? What am I supposed to do without you, baby?” He asked warm tears running down his cheeks he looked so sad and vulnerable.
“You said you were tired of talking, and at this point, so am I. Goodbye, heeseung. I hope work treats you better than I ever could.” You unlocked the front door and opened it.
“Y/n-“
“Enough!” You shouted at him, losing your patience finally and letting all your months of pent-up anger get the best of you.
He stood there completely stunned by you raising your voice at him, and it left him speechless.
Even though his mouth was parted like he wanted to say something, the words just never made their way out.
The last thing you saw before slamming the door was his sad, tearful expression, but this was what he asked for, and he got it.
-
Thanks for reading likes comments and reblogs are always appreciated sorry for any typos or errors I hope you all have a good day/night♥️
♡ syn: you run into your past lover at your new college who you got dumped by four years ago, only this time he actually wants to make it work, but are you going to let him even try?
♡ genre: college au, written, fluff, angst, kissing
♡ taglist: open send an ask/comment to be added to the tl for this series
♡ wc: 0.6k
last next masterlist
─── ♡
it was the way his eyes lit up when he laughed, to the way he smiled at just about anyone that had you captivated since day one.
you watched from afar as he greeted others at the campus coffee shop, smiling to yourself at the sight. as he made his way through the crowd, his eyes fell upon you, and his lips curled upwards into a soft smile.
“i haven’t seen you on campus a lot, are you new?” he asked.
“yeah, i just transferred recently. what’s your name?”
“lee heeseung. yours?” he remarked. you blinked your eyes repeatedly, tilting your head taking in the information. is he really the same lee heeseung?
“______”
his eyes furrowed, and his eyes squinting hearing the name. you watched as his eyes trailed to the floor, immediately softening as they hit the floor. he pursed his lip in what you could only assume was guilt.
he looked back up at you finally speaking after a long while, his eyes softening.
“______, i’m so sorry,” he bit his lip wincing at what you might say next.
it’s the same one.
years of hurt hit you like a truck. every single i’ll love you forever, uttered by him came rushing back in your mind, to the many broken promises he made. “you’re always my #1” he’d once said. your eyes hit the ground subconsciously, soon closing as if to block out any possible sight of him.
─── ♡
discarded and broken was how he left you. there wasn’t a single day in the last four years you hadn’t thought about him. even the smallest things reminding you if the power he held over you unknowingly.
broken promises made you wonder every single day if you were even a second thought to him. had he ever thought about you once since you had broken up? these questions eating you up at night.
it took days to get out of your room after you had broken up, the only comfort at night being to look through your past messages to feel something, at a point it just felt numb.
there was a point where he was in your mind more times than not, reminding you every moment you would’ve been happy. could’ve been happy. should’ve been happy. every. fucking. day.
─── ♡
blinking slowly, tears began to form under your eyes. you nodded in response to his apology as if to give some sort of response, the lump in your throat not allowing for any words to come out.
there were too many things you wanted to ask, yet none could make it out of your mouth.
what happened to us?
was it my fault?
did i ever cross your mind?
you brought your hand to your eye in an attempt to wipe away the tear that started to roll down your eye.
“i should probably get going to class” you stated while moving towards the coffee door. making a scene in the middle of a coffee shop wasn’t quite your forte.
“oh, okay. i’ll see you around i guess?”
a bitter taste formed in your mouth. how was it that he’s supposed to be okay after all this time and feel nothing? no grain of remorse was in his voice at this point. a burning anger towards him formed and for once you felt something other than sadness came to mind when you thought of him.
you scrunched your nose as an initial reaction before wiping the tears that remained in your eyes. you took a firm look up at the man who you spent crying overnight after night, his face expressionless.
you looked him up head to toe and sighed.
“sure, whatever”
you swiftly opened the door and left hoping one day you could give him a piece of your mind after all this time.
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