Marvel owns my entire ass

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[smarter]

[cwunch]

[doctordairyqueen-deactivated201]

why the hell are we still on this stupid website

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

not straight enough for facebook & too ugly for instagram

[mstrmagnolia]

The pocket to your rocket

[acoolsuggestion]

boy: *is literally 1 year younger than me* boy: *hits on me* me: thanks…… but…. no thanks…. i’m old enough to be your mother……..

[reibread]

[c3rvida3]

Bad News: Our boss locked the keys inside the building.

Good News: We didn’t have to wait around for a locksmith.

Bad News: My boss finds it very concerning that I know how to pick locks, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory™. I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls.

Good News: A cute girl saw me do it.

Bad News: It was Maggie, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw a fawn that was just too damn small, and knows I can ride a unicycle, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows.

[sailorbryant]

There are million dollar blockbuster movies that were less entertaining than the rollercoaster this post just took me on. 

[freedomspitfire]

Death of a Bachelor - Panic! at the Disco

[shitboy96]

flirting like

[dontgoforsecondbest]

[differentsuggestion]

I would do anything for you. yes that includes not shaming your kink.

[cardinalisinfernum-deactivated2]

cutthroat kitchen aka alton brown’s bdsm culinary extravaganza 

[adobeflashplayer]

[snartmo-deactivated20180309]

What even the fuck

[suitehearts]

@lolllian

[gideonseymours]

miscommunication as a plot device makes me angry

if you just talked to each other but no

[triangle-toast-deactivated20160]

Rest in Peaches

[ragehappy-haus-deactivated20210]

OH N O

[theorangedeath]

allosexuals: If I were asexual I’d get so much more done!

me: *re-watching avatar the last airbender for 27 hours*

[no1straightally]

as an allosexual I literally spend all of my time cumming so it’s impossible for me to get anything done

[y2mcha-remade-deactivated202006]

what does this say im too busy sucking dick

[morefunthanb4]

[babybird]

…….when will anything go as hard as ‘everytime we touch’ by cascada……such a bop…..changed a nation…..beatles who???