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Jul 16

Tenna and Null scar worshipppp

Like Reader could be feeling insecure abt their old scars, maybe they used to SH and quit, and then Tenna spends however long admiring and reassuring his star that they are beautiful

I think since Null is a freak he'd probably lick the scars to be an ass but idk I might just be ovulating

Could I perchance add a preference for thigh scars? I almost never see them portrayed and it'd feel nice to be represented in a Tenna fanfic lol

All of You, I Adore

wc: ~2.2k (Tenna), ~2.7k (Null). Tenna/Reader, DN!Tenna/Reader (separate), second person POV, lightner!Reader. self-harm scars, insecurity, heavy comfort/light fluff, light banter/teasing (Null).

a/n: I got you o7 I also hope you don't mind me injecting my headcanon of Null having a history with SH too – I think it makes for smth sort of bittersweet to bond with him over.

!!! TW For Mention of Self-Harm !!!

Tenna

It's another late night in with your beloved showman. One of his favorite pastimes as the two of you wind down before going to bed is to situate himself between your legs so you can watch an old show or movie on his screen; sometimes you get distracted by the way he cutely kicks his feet in the air, but given your attention is still on him in a way, he never stops doing so.

It's a toss-up on if he decides to be touchy with you during these moments together. He always likes that physical confirmation that you're here with him, and you usually enable his clingy behavior, but sometimes he'll keep his hands busy by making sure he stays propped up so you can focus on the show. That doesn't stop his cord from gently wrapping around your ankle, however.

Tonight, it's clear that Tenna doesn't plan on keeping his hands to himself at all. Despite how his head – and therefore the show on his screen – are slightly tilted due to his position as he leans into your propped knee, neither of you comment on it so he can wrap an arm around your thigh, the other hand slipped under your other leg to intertwine his bare fingers with your own. It's sweet, warm, and comforting, especially as he runs his thumb over your skin or gives your hand a small squeeze.

Tenna slowly slides his hand over the front of your thigh without much thought behind his gesture, clearly just indulging himself in the feeling of you as the show plays. But, even with a pair of sweats in the way of his touch on your skin, you involuntarily squirm a little when his fingers run over the slightly numbed parts of your leg, thanks to the bumps of scar tissue. It's not a bad feeling, but it's definitely...unfamiliar.

He pauses at the slight movement, the program on his screen following suit and displaying a pause symbol at the bottom corner as it freezes mid-scene. Raising his head from where it's leaned against your leg, he questions, "Everything alright, sweetheart? Not getting too stiff or bored, are you?"

You hum an affirmative through pursed lips, alongside a somewhat tense nod. Unfortunately, that doesn't seem to work, given how the paused show gives way to static, before Tenna's face manifests from his screen. He looks uncertain himself, lips parted as though he has another question and his upper frame raised.

Before he can try asking again, you let out a small breath, your shoulders sagging. "You were...touching my scars, so it just felt kinda...weird, I guess. I don't know."

Thankfully, you'd already spoken to him in greater lengths than you expected about your scars, and what exactly caused them, to his dismay. While Tenna was clearly conflicted upon learning this, he handled it much better than you could've ever anticipated, especially when you clarified that it'd been a long time since you last hurt yourself. After that initial talk, it...honestly hadn't been brought up in conversation since then, and frankly you were okay with that – as long as he was aware so he wouldn't freak out when he saw them, then that's all that mattered to you.

It's also just an uncomfortable experience altogether, addressing your scars. As far as you care to think about them, they're just proof of your issues, that they're physical evidence of what's wrong with you mentally. Even worse is that they're all done by your hand, so you have to live with the consequences for the rest of your life – at least they're relatively easy to hide, as long as it's not too warm. Still, you've become instinctively wary of letting anyone see them, and right now...isn't any better. Even if it's Tenna.

Upon processing your words, Tenna suddenly retracts his touch from where it'd been lingering on your thigh, almost like he'd been burned, and you're hit with another, different pang of guilt as he begins to fret, "Oh! I— I'm sorry, I didn't mean to—"

"I know." You stop him. "I'm just...not used to them being touched."

Or being acknowledged at all, for that matter.

It takes a moment, but he thankfully settles down after your clarification. "...Touched, huh..." He muses aloud.

With his hand planted closer to the side of your leg now, Tenna visibly starts to think for a moment, one of his fingers tapping against your thigh in a sporadic pace. You can only hope he'll just drop it for now since you're supposed to be going to sleep soon, but knowing him... You decide to just hope that whatever he's planning doesn't involve getting up from bed, at least.

After what feels like only a short pause, Tenna's hand carefully slides back to where it originally was, his other hand gently squeezing yours in an attempt to comfort while he watches the way you stare at the hand on your thigh. His touch feels deliberate now, like he's actively searching for the raised scars embedded in your skin, through the sweats covering them. You don't stop him, but he pauses again when you avert your eyes back to his screen.

"...What are you doing?" You ask, meekly.

"Getting you used to the feeling, of course." Even as he tries to keep his usually boisterous volume under control at this time of night, Tenna speaks with a pep in his tone – perhaps to try and lighten the mood. He clearly forces a smile soon after. "If I'd known I was neglecting you like this, I would've done this from the start."

He runs a finger along one of your more severe scars, but he freezes completely when you gasp – it's a quiet yet sharp intake of air through your parted lips that startles even you, and it's enough to stop him entirely with a jolt of his shoulders. Whether he seems to sober up on his clinginess or not because of this, you're not sure, just that he hesitantly retracts his hand again as he inquires, "...Unless... You don't want me to...?"

Another pang of guilt, this time twisting your stomach uncomfortably and causing your heart to beat against your eardrums. "I-It's not that, it's just... I thought you, uh, were scared of them, or didn't...like them..."

It'd only be natural, given how unsightly anyone else that's seen them thinks they are, including yourself.

Silence follows. Tenna's screen is completely blank now, save for his nose. Your breath stops halfway in your throat, and just as you're about to swallow it down and say something, anything to change the subject, both the hand at your thigh and the one holding yours pull away so he can sit himself up on his knees. Your blood runs cold with panic, only to freeze entirely when those same hands carefully grab at the waistband of your sweats. They don't tug them down at all yet, but the intention is still clear.

Tenna's mouth reforms in the shape of a somewhat nervous smile, accompanied with a pixelated sweat drop near the top of his screen. "Mind if I take these off?"

Dumbfounded, you simply blink at him. Then, words find you again in a stutter, "I mean— I— I don't mind, but— Are you sure?"

"Are you sure? Ah— Maybe I should mention that I, uh, don't have any funny ideas in mind right now though. Promise." He adds with a bit of a chuckle. Then, he quietly clears his throat and adds, his tone more serious, "I'd like to see them. Your scars, that is."

Once again, you're left practically speechless. Technically, he's seen them before, but with his current focus on them...

You swallow, feeling your heart hammering in your chest, and just barely nod. "Okay."

With your consent now, Tenna gently tugs your sweats down, assisted by you lifting your hips to make the process easier. You settle back down once the waistband is at your knees, and Tenna visibly thinks for a moment again before pulling them completely off of you, carefully lifting your ankles to do so and setting them where they originally rested. You feel a slight chill run across your now bare skin, your creeping embarrassment accentuated by the fact that he's still situated between your legs. You're not completely exposed to him, thankfully, but being left in just a top and your underwear has you averting your gaze to the far corner of the bed regardless while he drops your sweats just next to the two of you.

Luckily, Tenna's mechanical fingers are warm as he repositions your leg, laying it down flat against the mattress so he can get a better view of the scars running down your thigh from where he sits. A minor cold sweat develops in your palms, along with an uncomfortable twist in your stomach; they're faint, but it's enough to make you slightly jolt the second his fingers so much as come close to your scars.

He's not even touching them yet. You try not to shrivel up from the embarrassment and shame consuming you whole at this point.

"Easy, sweetheart." He coos softly. "You... You know I think you're beautiful, right? Just the cutest little lightner I've ever seen, heh."

He doesn't seem to notice or mind how you're not watching, which gives you a temporary reprieve for now. It's...hard to look at your scars sometimes, so having them on full display like this, with the light of Tenna's screen cascading over them like a spotlight...

You swallow again, twitching once more and letting out a small breath when his touch carefully yet purposely runs over a scar; immediately you recognize that it's one of the bigger, more severe ones, but you try not to squirm away from him. You know he means well.

Your reprieve doesn't last for long, as you hear him ask a moment later, "...Look at me? Please?"

Hesitantly, you turn your gaze back to the showman, whose screen is now angled back up to you. He smiles, albeit somewhat somberly while he gingerly traces across some of the lighter scars. "...Whatever you're thinking about right now, or whatever you think of these, it— It doesn't change what I feel about you, okay? You're still so, so sweet and beautiful to me, starlight."

"...They're my fault, though." The words slip out of you, quietly.

His smile falters slightly, but he persists. "The cause behind them still doesn't change a thing. I... I can only imagine what led you to do this, but I'm— I'm gonna do everything I can to make sure you love yourself as much as I love you. That way you'll accept these, and never want to hurt yourself again."

It's a long shot, but you're not about to shoot down his hopes, so you simply nod without a word, thickly swallowing down the lump in your throat. That seems to placate him, enough for his smile to brighten some before he angles his head back down to your thigh. Given his gentle touch on it this whole time, you've admittedly relaxed a bit into the feeling, but having his gaze on the scars again causes you to involuntarily tense up. Tenna quietly hushes you, splaying his fingers over a cluster of scars.

For a short while, it's oddly quiet between the two of you. The longer he graces over your scars, the more you practically melt into his touch, despite the circumstances. He doesn't seem put off by them at all, almost mindlessly feeling them like he'd initially done to your leg prior to all of this. Even the cold sweat and churning in your stomach slowly dissipates over time, leaving you somewhat comforted but very tired; you'd probably have fallen asleep by now if you weren't quietly startled to coherency every now and then upon remembering the situation you're in, followed by Tenna's gentle hushing again to calm you down.

"...Feeling comfortable yet?" He eventually asks. When you hum an affirmative, he lets out a small, amused huff. "I'm glad. You deserve to feel like this, sweetheart – all the time. I'll always love you, scars and all."

Tenna's hand pauses, and just as you're about to ask if something's wrong, he shifts himself to lay down on his stomach like he'd done so earlier, sliding his hand closer to your hip to keep himself propped over your leg. You aren't able to get a word out before he leans in to press his screen against your scars, startling a quiet gasp out of you. "Tenna—"

He giggles into your skin, the warmth and fuzzy static just barely tingling past the scar tissue. He cuts himself off to press a firm kiss to them, and lifts his head back up to you, a soft dust of pink across his screen. "Yes, darling?"

Overcome with adoration for your showman, you struggle to come up with something to say in response to his bold gesture. So, to compensate – or perhaps to return the favor – you reach to take the side of his frame in your hand, and lean down to kiss him properly. Tenna's more than willing to meet you halfway, sliding his hand back over your scars in the meantime.

For once, you welcome the feeling.

Null

It's not often Null wears something that allows the casings of his arms to be on display, given the jagged scratches and marks he'd inflicted on himself over the years. You're grateful that he's been getting better about it lately, confiding in you (albeit begrudgingly) when his anger flares up so he doesn't end up taking it out on himself, as well as letting his arms show more often when it's just the two of you.

At first, you could tell that he'd try to subtly gauge your response to them, but you usually treated his marks as if they were just another part of him, even casually touching them at times to wordlessly tell him that you don't mind them. He'd twitch at the contact, of course, but he'd eventually relax, despite his embarrassment.

You know he's aware of your scars too; you're almost certain it's why he settled into showing you his more often, and so soon after revealing them. However, it's usually more difficult for yours to be on display, thanks to the natural chill throughout the dark world, and you're honestly more than fine with that. Even if the two of you can share the wary feeling about showing the aftermath of your self-harm to others, you know that yours probably look more...unsightly, against your skin, as opposed to Null's scratches on his arm casings. Yours were deeper, leaving unsettling bumps of scar tissue that numbs your thigh to a degree – you can only imagine how strange they must look to others, especially darkners.

So, you don't mind that they're hidden away almost all the time. It's easier this way.

Though...it's almost impossible to suppress the shudder that runs down your spine when Null drags his hand down your leg. You're both lounging in his office following the downtime from his show, and as per usual, he's long stopped paying attention to his paperwork to indulge you in conversation, especially as you're seated sideways in his lap with your legs dangling over the side of his chair. He's also dressed down for once, his suitcoat draped over the back of his chair and his sleeves rolled up to show the scratches littered across his casings.

You pay no mind to it, so neither does he.

With you seated across his lap like this, Null keeps one arm around your backside to keep you stable, while the other begins to run absentmindedly up and down your legs. You've been lucky thus far to not have his gloved fingers run over a particular section of your bottoms that currently cover your scars, but that luck seems to unfortunately run out when his touch graces over what feels like a cluster of them, given how uncomfortably numb it felt compared to his touch just moments ago. You tense up, only for a second, but it's enough to make Null pause, his once fond expression completely blanking. The sudden tension in the air quickly kills the lighthearted chatter between the two of you.

"What was that?" He asks too calmly.

You're quick to shake your head. "It's nothing."

"No it wasn't. You froze up on me when I touched you here." His thumb moves just slightly, only reinforcing his point when you accidentally twitch a little. He frowns at this. "Did you get hurt onstage again?"

"Well when you ask me like that, it makes me want to say yes regardless of if I did or not." You try to joke, even laughing a little despite the now chilly atmosphere.

Null immediately gripes, his upper frame furrowing further down to his usual scowl, "Knock it off. You know you're supposed to report to me when the show's too much for you, so either quit hiding it or I'll check you myself."

Knowing better than to keep pushing him, you let out a sigh. "Really, Tenna, it's nothing. I didn't get hurt again like you suspect."

"Then why did you tense up? Twice now, no less."

You purse your lips for a moment, darting your eyes down to your lap where Null's hand still rests. It's easier to ignore the strange feeling on your leg when his hand isn't moving, at least. "...Well... You were touching where my scars are, and it just felt...weird, I guess."

"...Weird how?"

As you think about what to say, you can't help the brief amusement that hits you, enough to make you quietly huff. "I'm gonna sound like a hypocrite if I tell you."

There's a noticeable pause between the two of you – Null hasn't said anything and you're still working on how to word your answer. He seems to interpret your silence differently, however, given how he uses the arm around your backside to tug you impossibly closer to himself, while the other hand slowly – almost cautiously – begins to move along your leg like before. As you look back up to him, you notice how his scowl has relaxed, thankfully, though his expression is almost blank again. He looks serious enough that whatever excuse you were planning to give him dies on your tongue.

"Tell me anyway."

Your eyes flit across his screen, somewhat taken aback by his insistence on the matter. Though, you suppose by now, you should've expected he'd be painfully stubborn. Averting your eyes back down to your lap, you carefully admit, "...I'm not used to showing them, or you touching them. It's not like I really get a chance to, anyway, and I've been okay with that. So... It just feels weird addressing them, still. Especially because all the scar tissue makes touching them feel..."

Your words trail off, unsure of how to explain the sensation to him, or lack thereof. It's hard to ignore the uncomfortable twisting that develops in your stomach, and you almost feel as though you're shrinking under the light of Null's screen. He's scarily quiet, and you're not sure how much of a good thing it is that he hasn't said anything in response yet.

After what feels like far too long in this suffocating silence, you're startled out of your spiraling thoughts when Null's hands suddenly move and lift you off of his lap, scooting his desk chair back enough to set you on your feet between himself and the desk. Your words trip over themselves – though you aren't even sure what you're trying to say in the first place – but you're quickly stunned into silence when his hands deftly grab to try and undo your outfit to rid of your bottoms.

You swiftly grab at his hands as you're suddenly able to exclaim, "Wait, Tenna, what are you—?!"

"Show me your scars." He says far too simply for your liking, his hands pausing underneath yours. He angles his screen to face you properly, prominently showing how his frown returns. "I'm not letting this get any more one-sided than it's apparently already gotten. Either show me yours, or I stop showing mine."

Your breath catches in your throat. Even if Null had been willing to show his own scars more often around you, the thought of him going back to hiding them after everything just makes the twisting in your stomach worsen. It's cruel, what he's threatening to do, but it's easy for you to recognize that he's doing so with good intentions. Sort of.

Still...

"...I'm gonna get cold if I do."

"Don't act as if I won't be right here."

...

Luckily, Null seems willing to give you the time to mentally prepare yourself. After slowly taking in a deep breath, you loosen your hold on his hands. "...Okay. Go ahead."

With that, he makes quick work of your outfit, tugging down your bottoms and leaving you with only your underwear to keep you somewhat decent from the waist down. You're not sure what's embarrassing you more: having him see you like this, or the fact that he's seeing you like this in his office, where you're at risk of someone trying to come in. Though, knowing Null, you at least trust that he'll make sure that doesn't happen. The anxiety of that possibility still lingers regardless.

After draping your bottoms over one of the arms of his chair, Null then takes hold of you once more. "Sit up here," He mutters more to himself than you as he lifts you up, sitting you down on his desk with your legs dangling over the edge. You remain quiet in the meantime, pursing your lips while he scoots his chair closer to you and effectively trapping you where you sit.

Just as you start feeling a chill down your spine, faint goosebumps rising on your exposed skin, Null begins to run his gloved hands from your knees down to your hips. The feeling elicits a small shudder out of you, but at least he's attempting to keep you warm like he said he would – just having him close is already helping due to how warm he runs. He lifts his head to lock his screen with your gaze after a moment. "Good?"

You only nod.

"Don't get quiet on me now, doll. You know I'm not doing this to try and make you feel like shit."

"...I know."

There's a small pause, before Null tilts his head back down to focus on your scars. Your hands involuntarily clutch at the edge of the desk, and it's easy to notice how he noticed, given how he lifts the arm against your other leg to rest itself on you, with his hand still keeping hold of your waist. You give him a confused look as he bites the finger of the glove on his other hand to slip it off, and he casually mentions whilst pocketing the glove, "I'm giving your hands something to do so you don't try and break my desk with your grip. You're welcome to try and count my scars if you need a distraction that badly."

...You can't help breaking into a quiet fit of snickers, the discomfort in your chest giving way to something warmer and far less heavy. Even if it sounds as though he's taking a light dig at you, it's also clear that he's attempting to make this less uncomfortable for you.

While you do take him up on his offer after calming down, you only settle for tracing a finger over some of his scratch marks, like you'd done countless times by now. In the meantime, Null uses his now exposed hand to run his thumb over the edge of some of your more faint scars. He seems more interested in just looking at them instead of touching them for now, and while the experience is still unfamiliar enough to make you squirm a little, you try not to pull away or cover them, to hide them away from him again.

You know it wouldn't end well if you did.

From here, it's hard to tell what Null's thinking; he's been quiet for some time, tracing over your scars every now and then, as well as nudging and digging his fingers into your scarred flesh enough to watch the way they warp and stretch against your skin. It's weirdly numb at times, and you nervously laugh at the sensation. "What are you doing?" You ask him, genuinely.

He doesn't answer right away, eventually muttering, "...They're fascinating, in a way."

"Yea?"

Another pause, before he starts to speak at a more normal volume, "It's far from the first time I've seen scars on humans, but it's always struck me just how much your bodies can naturally heal themselves. The best I could do for my...injuries was to sand down the jagged parts sticking out so they wouldn't tear my clothes."

You hum a little, thoughtfully, as your eyes follow your finger while it trails down one of his worse marks, traveling nearly all the way down his forearm in a disheveled line. "...Mine took a while to heal. I hated the scabbing phases when I'd relapse."

"I can imagine."

For a while, neither of you speak again. You're able to slowly ease into the feeling while Null runs his mechanical fingers over your scars, again and again as he watches them. At the same time, you gently feel across the casing of his arm, taking in the somewhat rough textures of his marks and where he's had to try and clean them up.

Eventually, Null slides his hand away from your scars, resting his arm at your side now. You're tempted to question him, however your thoughts come to a screeching halt when his facial features dematerialize as he leans his head down, resting his upper frame against your thigh. All the pressure against your scars makes you squirm, prompting him to adjust his position a little until he figures you're comfortable. His bent antennae nudge into your side in an attempt to prevent poking into your stomach.

The gloved hand that'd been at your waist this whole time suddenly reaches to snatch your hand, right as you're in the middle of tracing another scar. Your breath catches, and your eyes dart between Null's head and hand. Even as his grip relaxes so he can wrap his fingers over your palm, you're still unsure if he's suddenly upset about something or not.

"...You know how I feel about you, _____." He says assuredly, his voice quiet and rough against your skin. "This is simply another part of you, just as my marks are a part of me. If...you can accept what I've done to myself, then stop thinking that I can't do the same for you. Got it?"

Once again, you're left too stunned to say anything. It's rare for Null to say anything affectionate – without getting embarrassed or cringing, that is – so finally, finally getting some kind of verbal confirmation that he accepts this part of you is...

"I said, got it?"

You blink, and huff out a quiet fit of laughter upon realizing he's expecting an answer. "Ah— Right, got it. And, thank you."

"...Don't mention it."

For a second, you wonder if he plans to lay on your lap like this for a while; you can't say you mind, as the warmth of his screen against your thigh helps ward off any chills significantly more than his previous position. Unfortunately, he moves just moments later, but only to press more of his screen into your—

You jump with a yelp at the sudden feeling of teeth softly poking into your skin – clearly not enough to leave marks, yet even through the scar tissue, you can recognize the sensation. Your free hand quickly pushes at Null's head, your face growing warm at the sound of his chuckling as you gripe, "Tenna! We were having a moment!"

"Yea, well, moment's done. I need to get back to work soon." He mentions as he lifts his head. With his screen visible to you again, you're able to notice the light smirk in his rematerialized mouth, as well as a dusting of colored bars across the display. He then adds, "And for the record, I'm banning you from wearing pants at our home. I'm gonna make you work on showing these more often."

You shoot him a glare. "No you're not."

"Try me."

Letting out a sharp sigh, you groan, "Tenna..."

That gets a snicker out of him. "If I have to do this exposure therapy crap, then so do you, doll."

"...You owe me, then. It's your job to keep me warm, because this dark world gets so cold."

"Already planning on it."

It's tough to keep your irritated facade going any longer, melting into soft giggles when Null leans in to kiss you. You feel his bare hand reestablish its touch against your scars, but with his lips on yours and his other hand slipping its fingers between yours, you're more focused on the warmth across your entire body thanks to him than that strange feeling on your thigh.

You know – and trust – that he'll get you used to it now.