à la vie, à la mort.

my name is Jack and i am Not Nice this is a writing/gaming blog with a sprinkle of discourse also all of your favourite characters are trans/nb and a-spec now sorry i don't make the rules ⎈ ⎈ | ⎈ | ⎈ var fhs = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id = "5443726"; var ref = (''+document.referrer+'');var pn = window.location;var w_h = window.screen.width + " x " + window.screen.height; fhs.src = "//s1.freehostedscripts.net/ocounter.php?site="+fhs_id+"&e1=&e2=&r="+ref+"&wh="+w_h+"&a=1&pn="+pn+""; document.head.appendChild(fhs);document.write(""); | var fhsh = document.createElement('script');var fhs_id_h = "3229255"; fhsh.src = "//s1.freehostedscripts.net/ocount.php?site="+fhs_id_h+"&name=&a=1"; document.head.appendChild(fhsh);document.write("");

[demisexualwidowmaker]

You okay? You know your loved right? ❤️❤️❤️ Sending you lots of love!

oh my gosh. this is so old but thank you, nonners! send you love back and i hope you know i appreciate the sentiment; at the time i was in a horrible place and i had to leave this blog well alone because people are genuinely stalking me that are abusive. so, i’m not on this blog anymore, i’m on a new one. if you would like the link, please message me for it because i’d rather not give it out publicly ~

[demisexualwidowmaker]

i think i’ll just stop existing. peace.

[demisexualwidowmaker]

you lied about caring about me and i’d still fucking wait for you.

[demisexualwidowmaker]

blocking me on all those platforms? real fucking mature. i wasn’t going to fucking do that but, hey, fuck me i guess? wasn’t like you were already avoiding me. wasn’t like you already told me you didn’t want to talk and i wasn’t going to talk to you. proved me the fuck right, though. thanks for showing me that you really do fucking hate me.

[demisexualwidowmaker]

lol fuck everything i’ll just go and die

[demisexualwidowmaker]

me: maybe if I open up just a lil I can actually get the support I need

someone: obviously wants me to shut the fuck up

me, digging my own grave: oop sorry I'm sorry my b sorry abt that so sorr

[demisexualwidowmaker]

i literally just want to toss all of the bullshit out of the way and be yours again. i don’t know why you won’t take me. i’m trying so fucking hard to be worth your time. i’m trying so hard to be worth your attention and affection. they both are-- why not me? i don’t understand why i’m not good enough. i don’t understand why i’m no longer important. i don’t understand why you literally just won’t talk to me. i’m trying, so fucking hard. i really am. and you won’t even acknowledge me.

is it because i’m mentally ill? is it because i’m impulsive? is it because i get angry? is it because i worry and construct stupid, illogical scenarios? because i can’t help that. any of that. that’s me and i can’t change that. i just can’t. i’m stuck like this because of a lifelong mental disorder that will always plague me, no matter how hard i try to be alright and okay. it’ll still be there. it’ll always be there.

it’s not supposed to matter. it’s not supposed to a make or break but it was. it IS. that’s exactly why you tossed me out in the first place.

i guess i’m just too screwed up for you.

i’m just trying. because you keep giving me false hope that we’ll work out and get back to us. and every single time you’ve decided that we couldn’t talk about it. but every single fucking time you’ve given me the hope i’ve stayed because i would stay to work it out if it took forever despite the fact that it’s literally physically hurting every single time.

you keep telling other people you care about me, but you won’t say it to me. the most important person to be reminding, if you mean it.

i’m just beginning to believe that you hate me.

it hurts.

[love-personal]

[demisexualwidowmaker]

just in case you forgot, we were supposed to get married.

[come-wake-me-upp]

It sucks being so messed up that you constantly need to be told that you’re wanted and why you’re wanted, but being too afraid to say you need to hear it constantly because you don’t want to be annoying or a pain or selfish.

[timbllr]

via weheartit

[forever90s]

[demisexualwidowmaker]

send me a fruit

peach: do you have any piercings or tattoos?

raspberry: favorite flower?

lemon: do you have any pets? what are their names?

mango: what is your trademark?

passion fruit: how would you describe your style?

pineapple: sexual orientation?

strawberry: favorite desserts?

cherry: can you play any musical instruments or can you sing?

grape: if you could take a vacation anywhere in the world, where would you go?

banana: favorite horror movies?

blackberry: is your life an action film, a comedy, a romantic comedy, or drama?

pomegranate: when do you feel the most confident?

cantaloupe: what are your parents' names?

guava: dark & dramatic makeup or natural makeup?

tangelo: if you could be any mythical creature, which would you be?

plum: favorite clothing brands?

coconut: favorite perfume?

lychee: satin or lace?

blueberry: what do you want to dress up as for halloween?

apple: what do you use more, tumblr or twitter?

kiwi: what's something that fascinates you?

watermelon: do you have a job? if so, what is your job title?

papaya: what song describes your aesthetic?

cranberry: favorite time of the day; morning, afternoon, dusk, or night?

nectarine: would you consider yourself an emotional person?

orange: do you have long eyelashes?

apricot: what do you do when you're sad?

star fruit: favorite sea creature?

dragonfruit: do you drink alcohol?

[mattmurdocky]

ask me anything and I’ll answer it as honestly as possible.

[poeticsuggestion]

I dream so often of you.

[retractedsuggestion]

Hold my hand and hold me close, let me know I’m real

[bpdlavender]

someone: speaks louder than normal with a slightly aggressive tone me: here come the tears