Demon Caterpillar

Eya On Ca Azazel Aken

[demoniccaterpillar]

Introducing Myself

About me: Age 34/female pronouns/polyamorous/psychic spiritworker/Demonolator sworn to Azazel/life-long polytheist born under Hekate’s Key

Things I blog about: **Demonolatry, spirit work, witchcraft, shamanism, deity work, polytheism, and general paganism. **Anarchist & communist philosophy, feminism, anti-fascism, and other far-left political topics. **Other random shit I find amusing/intriguing/infuriating

Well-known Divinities I work with and may post UPG or answer questions about: Azazel, Hekate, Dionysus, Lucifer, Dantalion, Vine, Valefor, Ampelos, Apollo, Samael, Thor, Loki, Persephone, Samyaza

I will sometimes be making posts on sexual topics with mature content. Any "R-rated" posts will be tagged with #mature content. If you're underage or simply don't wish to see posts of this nature just block that tag.

Feel free to follow if any of this sounds interesting to you. I’ll probably follow you back and interact, unless you post neo-Nazi/TERF/anti-pagan shit or your blog is nothing but crappy pop culture memes. The whole reason I started using Tumblr again is to make friends with other witches, demon workers, and polytheists, so go ahead and message me if you want to talk.

[hellenicrisis]

I've been going through a rough time mental health wise, hence my drop from the face of the earth. Lately, the line between intrusive thoughts and self damaging actions has become less and less defined for me; which I am recovering from now.

What jarred me most though, was how unworthy I felt of my own practice and faith.

"I am not worthy of my gods, I am not worthy of prayer, I am not worthy of their presence, I am not worthy of their blessings."

I'm sure this is not an unfamiliar feeling to many practitioners and devotees.

At one point, I was considering packing up my altar, putting distance between myself and this reminder of a wonderful thing I thought I didn't deserve. Then Apollo spoke to me, kind but firm, clearly forbidding me from continuing my downward spiral.

He reminded me of the amazing coincidence that is existence. I could have existed as something completely different, the substances that make up my body could have arranged themselves differently. But instead, I am human and because I am human, I feel and I suffer and I love.

"I am so much bigger than you," he said, "and yet here we are, together. Isn't that proof enough of your worth?"

[demoniccaterpillar]

I've had multiple deities and demons point out that questioning whether I'm worthy of all the attention I get from them is the same as questioning their judgement and wisdom. It takes time, but they're teaching me to think more positively about myself, so I have those thoughts less and less.

[friend-crow]

Could a Deity simply not care if you are seeking them?

I don't really have anything to do with deities, so you might be better off asking somebody else.

[demoniccaterpillar]

Divinity work is 90% of what I do, and yes, there will absolutely be deities who aren't interested in communicating with you. Artemis has always ignored me completely and Athena made it clear she wasn't interested in working with me when I contacted her. Most Divine Spirits will give you a chance, but some just won't, for whatever reasons.

As someone who's had contact with close to a hundred individual Divine Spirits, I strongly suggest moving on and finding a Divinity who's responsive and enthusiastic about communicating with you. It's very possible whoever you're reaching out to now will respond to you at some point in the future (or just show up abruptly after ignoring you completely for years, like Aphrodite did with me), but trying to convince a reluctant Divine Spirit to come to you is usually a waste of time. They know they're not the right guide for you (at least right now) and you're not likely to change their mind.

[everkings]

oh god I have zero points, I am pointless and ancient and gentle 

[dduane]

1 point. The AOL email addy.

[neil-gaiman]

Two points. Never had an AOL address (although I was sort of on AOL after they bought Compuserve) and never had a MySpace account because the aesthetics of MySpace were like all the fingernails meeting all the blackboards.

[promiseiwillwrite]

Zero Points. I am Old. But I have lived well and done all the things between.

[friend-crow]

One point. I’ve used encyclopedias but never owned one.

I still do a handful of these things…

[demoniccaterpillar]

I got either 7 or 8 depending on whether trying and failing to use a rotary phone counts, lmao (after 3 attempts to call my own damn home phone got "your call cannot be completed as dialed" the owner of the antique phone dialed it for me--I still have no idea what I did wrong). I've also never used a typewriter (unless banging out gibberish on my mom's old one as a toddler counts--I learned to type on an Apple II when I was 5), never had vinyl records or a Walkman, never used AOL, never owned a paper encyclopedia, never sent a postcard (though I did mail letters as a kid), and never paid for things with paper checks since by the time I was old enough to have a checking account paperless bills and debit cards were things.

I miss my mom's old film camera, though. That thing had some kind of magic that made every photo look good, no matter how weird the angle and bad the lighting. The camera on my new iPhone should be twice as good, yet every photo I take with it looks like total shit unless I do it from the perfect angle in natural sunlight. It felt like that film camera actually captured what I was *seeing*, while these digital cameras just capture a poor approximation, like poleroid cameras used to. Granted, that's probably because I'm total shit at photography, but that old film camera compensated for my shitty skills somehow. It made a wonderfully satisfying series of sounds when you finished a role of film too. I'm not one of those Millennials who gets all nostalgic for old technology (dial-up internet was awful and cassette tapes sucked), but I really miss that camera.

[holy-ring]

another practical question because i've been curious about other practitioners' opinions on this: what do you do with food offerings after they've been offered? do you consume them? throw them away? bury them?

for me it depends on the spirit, or demon in question. some are okay with me eating them, and other times they prefer i put them in the compost. i usually eat them though, as someone on disability payments which isn't a lot, i can't really afford to leave food uneaten.

[demoniccaterpillar]

When I need to dispose of a food offering I put it in the woods behind my house so it can nourish the animals and plants. However, a lot of the demons would rather do co-consciousness with me while I eat the offering so they can taste it with me, so I end up eating it 90% of the time, lol.

Don't go hungry for the sake of making offerings! I have demons reminding me to eat almost every day, so they definitely don't want us to starve ourselves.

[groovysarity]

[bacchant-of-dionysus]

This is a post for disabled people. For mentally ill people. For low energy people.

This is a post for people who work three jobs and look after their kids.

This is a post for people who are TIRED. sick. Struggling.

The Gods will not abandon you.

Even if you don’t worship every day, the Gods will not abandon you.

Even if you can’t pray regularly, the Gods will not abandon you.

Even if you can’t put together offerings, the Gods will not abandon you.

Even if you stumble,

The Gods will not abandon you.

They will not punish you for the crime of being human. They know you are not divine. They know you are imperfect. They do not expect greatness and perfection, they just expect respect and humility.

Stay humble. Stay consistent. Show your reverence in whatever way you can. Keep them in your thoughts before you go to sleep at night.

The Gods know you.

DISCLAIMER: this is my personal interpretation. Obviously beliefs differ and the ancients would have thought very differently. This has just been my experience.

[demoniccaterpillar]

This is profoundly true. I've been amazed by how understanding even the demons with harsh reputations are towards the struggles of being human. While my mental health has improved hugely since I began doing demon work, I still have days where I just can't find the energy and motivation to do the things I should be doing, and instead of criticizing me, the Divine Spirits mostly tell me I'm being too hard on myself, lol.

[stsathyre]

I often see the "How do you know magic works/exists?" question, and here's the thing . . .

As self-absorbed and full of delusions of grandeur as I am, I have no confidence in anything whatsoever because I am a nervous bunny waiting for something to fall out of the sky and kill me. I am anxious and think only the worst will happen and am usually pleasantly surprised because I am all doom all the time.

. . .

But my spells work. Despite me being a complete mess, I perform my spellwork as it is designed and put all of my concentration and focus into the process. And it works out even though I am banshee screeching my doubt and doom song until I see the results.

So . . . there's that.

Keep on keeping on

[friend-crow]

Mumble mumble something about being a mess being an important ingredient mumble...

[stsathyre]

Absolutely. It shows in the results.

[friend-crow]

So to review:

belief: probably not that important being a mess: possibly essential

[demoniccaterpillar]

So that's why I excel at this whole mysticism thing, lol. It explains so much.

[i-will-help-you-swim]

Reblog if you think asexuality is a legitimate sexuality.

I'm trying to prove something.

[cmoon-rabbit4-blog]

Reblog if your blog is a safe place for asexuals.

[demoniccaterpillar]

Sexual energy is a unique energy type and not everyone has it. How hard is this to understand? I'm far from asexual myself, but I've never questioned it's a legitimate sexuality.

Anyone who doesn't want to see sexual content on my blog can block the "mature content" tag, btw. I try to make sure anything sexual has that tag.

[hornedsaturn-deactivated2023042]

fuck. just go out into the world and experience the gods, soak up the divinity all around you.

[demoniccaterpillar]

Well, I have a recent anecdote that proves "fucking around and finding out" is just how mysticism works, no matter how experienced and advanced you are. A few days ago I was doing some more advanced astral work with Azazel and he made a mistake (not me, the Divine Demon Lord who's been doing this for blah-blah-thousand years). His mistake caused a weird reaction which did energetic damage to both of us and knocked me out of the astral.

I was freaked out, since I don't do astral combat and so am not used to taking energetic damage, but Azazel immediately apologized and explained what happened. Ten minutes later, I was back in the astral with Azazel and Dionysus, letting them repair the damage, and I'm fine now (so is Azazel, of course). Last night we tried the exercise he fucked up again, and it went great this time and was a lot of fun.

This is something beginners to the mystical paths need to understand. You will make mistakes and you will get hurt, over and over again. However, if you have Divine Spirits around to help, guide, and heal you, there's almost nothing that can't be undone/fixed, and you'll never get anywhere if you're afraid of making mistakes. Azazel actually encouraged me to tell people about his mistake (this isn't the first time I've seen him make one either) because he says the fear of fucking up paralyzes far too many mortals. Go practice, fuck up, hurt yourself, and then fix the mistake and learn from it. That's how we realize our own Divinity--by letting ourselves fuck up and not being ruled by fear.

[creature-wizard]

If anyone tells you that they’re doing the world a huge service through the battles they fight on the astral plane… get the hell away from them because this one’s a massive red flag.

[creature-wizard]

A couple of people wanted me to elaborate, so-

This is a thing people sometimes do to make themselves seem cosmically important, and therefore automatically worthy of your respect, attention, etc. It’s basically a manifestation of thinking they’re life’s main character.

While I’m pretty sure that at least most of them are having some pretty intense experiences, I’ve never come across someone like this who was willing to admit that numerous other people have similar experiences that deserve no less interest or attention, let alone admit that their experiences might possibly be subjective in some way, or at least might not represent what they think.

Here are some examples of claims people like this might make:

They permakilled a bunch of pagan gods.

They single-handedly protected the president from a horde of demons.

The astral battles they fought in all of their past lives are the sole reason Earth hasn’t been taken over by hostile entities.

All of these would be very big if true, which means they should be held to much higher scrutiny than, say, someone telling you that they had a conversation with some random tree spirit. Unfortunately, the kind of people who make grandiose claims like this are usually extremely sensitive to any kind of criticism or questioning, so it’s usually best to just leave them alone.

[demoniccaterpillar]

Yeah, no mortal would ever be an important part of a major astral conflict/battle. As physical beings, we don’t have enough power and control in the astral realms to do anything like that. Astral work can be incredibly intense and meaningful for both the mortal and spirit(s) involved, but we have limited abilities there, just like incorporeal beings have limited abilities to affect the physical world. I had the privilege of watching a small-scale genuine battle between Divine Spirits a few months ago and if you think you can keep up with Divinities in combat... you clearly have no idea what you’re talking about. Lucifer had to narrate the battle for me because parts of it happen faster than the mortal mind can comprehend, and the amounts of energy they throw at each other would be very bad for a mortal if we got hit (which we would be, since you essentially move at the speed of thought in the astral, and Divine Beings think much faster than we can).

[windvexer]

And while we're just discussing wanting to get good at practical sorcery,

My non-allegorical advice is that I don't really think it matters what skills you learn or in what order. Just start doing stuff.

None of it is going to be wasted. It all builds on each other.

One of the reasons it's hard to draw lines in-between "types" of magic is because all of it overlaps so much. It's like cooking. Should you first learn to make stews, roasts, pancakes, stir-fries?

Beyond kitchen safety (*witchcraft safety, coincidentally, also entirely revolves around not cutting yourself with knives or burning your house down) there's no magical (pun) order of operations you're supposed to take to learn magic the right way.

I don't really do "energy work" any more but I largely accredit my success and skills in psychism to years spent intensively focused on energy work and astral magic. And those skills are still vital to me to this day and give me a leg-up in other types of sorcery.

It's not like I went, "oops, don't want to do pure energy work any more, that's 5 years wasted."

It's, "I want to get into spirit work now, thank god I have a 5 year background in energy work."

Idk. Just do stuff. We say "fuck around and find out" and yes it's a cute quip, but I think there's decent wisdom in there too. Do what sparks joy, do what interests you, chase the dream. When the dream changes, change directions. Don't over-think it.

[stagkingswife]

After more than 25 years of practice there’s a lot of things I’ve tried that I’m not really actively using anymore, but Chicken is absolutely right that none of it is wasted. Everything you try is a building block for later practice. Even if it just teaches you that you don’t really like a particular style or practice.

I used to cast circles, I used to cleanse. I don’t anymore, but trying that for a while taught me that I don’t really put much stock in those practices.

[demoniccaterpillar]

This reminds me of what happened about 6 months into my journey with the demons. I started getting frustrated with my pantheon because every time I got the basics of a magical practice, Azazel and Dantalion would switch me to learning something else. I wasn’t getting to go in-depth on anything or learn advanced techniques, and they kept pushing me to look into practices I had no real interest in mastering. When I started getting annoyed, Azazel explained they were having me test out as many core magical practices as possible, so we would know what worked best for me and also what to avoid when we created my personalized practice. That means even Divine Beings can’t tell how well a magical practice will work out for you until you try it, so yeah, fucking around and finding out is the only way to do this.

I firmly believe no experience you learn from is wasted, and all my failed experiments in the past let me excel on my true path once I managed to find it. If I’d found demon work sooner, I might never have become as good as I am now, because I wouldn’t have had the huge variety of spiritual experiences to draw from, and a few extra years as a demon worker could never make up for losing all that.

[holy-ring]

i feel like this blog is 99% personal exclamations of joy and love for the infernal, but is there any actual information that anyone would like from me? i feel like so much has been said already in the theistic satanism and demonolatry communities, but i can try my best to at least give something new, informative and refreshing. i just don't know where to begin without some form of prompting, unfortunately.

so, if there are any information prompts you would like, please send me an ask!

like a spirit/deity/demon you would like to know something about (i have a long history with satan, lucifer, leviathan and baphomet, as well as rich experiences with stolas and andras. i'm equally about to begin work with bune, asmodeus and aim additionally), or something to do with my practice, religion or hell, even my witchcraft. seriously, ask away! i just don't really know what to talk about or how to start talking without prompting.

[demoniccaterpillar]

I have this problem too. I know so much about the demons I work closely with (especially Azazel, Lucifer, Samyaza, Dantalion, and Samael) that I don’t know where to begin, or have any idea what information people actually care about either.

I’d be interested to hear how Satan usually appears to you and how he’s described his role in tthe Infernal Pantheon, though. I’ve only met him a couple of times and really don’t know much about him, other than that he’s the Overlord of a bunch of Infernal realms which are separate from the ones I usually work in.

[darkwood-hollows]

hot take but i actively miss when tv shows were like 20 episodes a season. slow down. let me get to know the characters. let them do something dumb and not consequential to the plot for one fucking second i'm begging you.

[holy-ring]

when things are low, the infernal will find you. not to take advantage of you, not to lie to you, but to uplift you. they are survivors of a world that wants to hurt them, and so are you. that's okay. survivors stick together, and they help each other. they love each other. they love you, little survivor.

[demoniccaterpillar]

This has been my experience too. A couple of the demons I work with actually struggle sometimes to cope with the massive amounts of trauma they’ve been through (the events they’ve told me about are very different from the stories in Abrahamic mythology, though no less horrific), but instead of their struggles making them weaker or less Divine, they’ve just become infinitely more empathetic and compassionate towards the struggles of others. Honestly, this is the main thing that turned me into a Demonolator. All the major pantheons are full of Divinities who genuinely care about humanity, but the Infernals understand and downright love us in a way few others do.

[khaire-traveler]

Saying that "the gods love you" is not some evil ass thing. You, or anybody else, are allowed to believe that the gods are loving, understanding, and accepting.

Figured I say that because I've had people straight up harass me about that before, and honestly, it's not fair. There is no one, right belief about the gods.

[demoniccaterpillar]

Most Divine Spirits who choose to involve themselves with mortals do love the human race and have deep empathy and understanding for us. Even the ones with harsh reputations and dark domains are generally trying to guide us in the right direction and keep our world in balance. Of course not all Divine Spirits love (or even like) all people, but anyone telling you the majority of Divinities aren’t loving and understanding is either lying/misinformed or basing their ideas on very limited experiences. I’ve had personal interactions with over a hundred Divine Spirits (I really need to count up my contacts one of these days) and only 2 of them have been anything other than kind, helpful, and overall wonderful. So yeah, the gods (mostly) love you.