Ain't nobody functional in this family bro
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her

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Claire Keane
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祝日 / Permanent Vacation

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@demonicleprechaun666
Ain't nobody functional in this family bro
Every time I see this image
I can’t help but think of this
okay but hudson saying that it didn't show up in the frame of the shot but that when ilya brought up marrying svetlana during the couch scene he made the choice to have shane pull his legs up some because he couldn't imagine ever wanting to touch feet with someone he's mad at makes me laugh imagining it being an ongoing tell when ilya's getting himself in trouble
they're unwinding for the day together just casually playing footsie while doing their own thing on either end of the couch and then ilya just says something in passing without thinking about it, feels shane go very still, and looks up to see shane make eye contact and slooooowly start pulling his feet away
and ilya just starts sweating
Never ever disparage Hudson Williams's acting to me. I *saw* Shane's soul leave his body when Ilya was half a second away from explaining "fuckbuddies" to his parents. Shane was on another plane of existence, watching the conversation play out from above. Hudson said fewer than five words across that entire exchange and I felt it in my BONES.
okay but i'm laughing about the sister thought of "ilya finds shane folding his clothes neatly before sex both endearing and a turn-on" being "years into their arrangement but before the cottage, ilya finds himself getting the ick when a one night stand just throws their clothes to the side carelessly and is then horrified at himself because what the FUCK was that"
The very first time Ilya visited the hookup apartment he smoked a cigarette on the balcony and used an empty soda can as an ashtray, dropping the stub in it once he'd finished. After he left, Shane spent over 10 minutes shaking the can upside down trying to get the stub out, very nearly crying out of frustration when it just kept rattling around in there, because he couldn't recycle the can with a cigarette stub in it. He ended up having to rinse out the can and the smell of the cigarette ash mixing with the water was absolutely vile, not to mention that when the stub finally rushed out of the can it was wet and mushy and so gross that Shane had to put on gloves to pick it up and throw it in the trash, which he then took out immediately to try and save the whole apartment from reeking of stale cigarettes.
Which is why, the second time Ilya visited the hookup apartment, Shane had bought an ashtray.
Heated Rivalry AU where the relationship reveal happens because David Hollander's phone gets hacked and approximately 5,000 pictures and videos of Shane and Ilya being cute (both together and individually) get dumped onto the internet.
No accusations can be made about them throwing games for each other, because there are several videos of them being super competitive about absolutely nothing. For example, one of the dumped files is a video of the two playing Monopoly (filmed discretely from a hallway). They look about ready to murder each other. And then, off-screen, Yuna's voice - in a Mom Voice TM, of course - calls, "Boys, you better not be doing what I think you are!"
Ilya says, "Nyet, Mama," at the same time Shane says "No, Mom!" And in perfect sync they hide evidence of the game, not a single movement between them wasted.
There's also a video of them trash talking each other for being slow as they race to put away the most clean dishes from the dishwasher.
It's a whole genre. Play-fighting as they bring out a measuring tape to literally measure who shoveled the most snow from the driveway, bringing up hockey stats as they argue over who deserves to hold the tv remote, etc.
And, of course, Ilya isn't upset at David for the whole incident. Ilya is crying, though, because it's clear from looking through the photos how much David absolutely loves Ilya. It's so apparent through the captured moments how much David adores his second son.
(Said with the same cadence as “Will you come to my cottage this summer”)
And what if Shane Hollander had told Ilya Rozanov during that phone call to say everything he was feeling in Russian even though he wouldn't understand it, except several minutes later he hears Ilya confessing he loves him and Shane understands that because he knew he was in love with Ilya and had looked up how to say "I love you" in Russian hoping that one day he'd be brave enough to say the words. Shane hadn't meant to lie, he just hadn't expected that part of Ilya's feelings would include the only three words of Russian he knows
he was down SO BAD IMMEDIATELY
hollanov x TEETH
“In The Locker”, Shane Hollander, Ilya Rozanov, & Scott Hunter [Hudson Williams, Connor Storrie, François Arnaud], Heated Rivalry [Promo Image]
Jan, 2026
Soo.. I was so excited to post this that I posted an image that wasn't ready to post, and now I can't do a switch-out without deleting the whole thing.
(For those playing spot the difference, half of the "8" on the right-hand side was in a hidden layer when I was drawing the overline, and I forgot to bring it back to the front before I exported it and uploaded it to tumblr. I made a mistake. I'm only human. Please, have two for the price of one).
i think theyre cutee okay
heated rivalry - twitter edition (1/?)
bonus:
a lot of fic leaning into the whole ilya is a horny motherfucker who wants to fuck all the time and shane is like prissy about it like No we can’t because X Y and Z and not nearly enough fic depicting the opposite
“shane wouldn’t let ilya hit it during-”
shane would let ilya hit if the roof blew off their house and they started tumbling through a tornado over the rainbow
shane would let ilya hit if someone seriously sat him down and said there is a 5% chance you will die the next time a dick is inside you he is taking those odds
shane would let ilya hit if his whole extended family dead and alive were asleep in the house he would simply tell ilya to muffle him into the pillow
shane would let ilya hit on stage behind a curtain being held up by one single thread
ilya could break both his legs and arms and he’d be like well shame we can’t fuck and shane would put on his big Yuna Hollander Patented lets-solve-this-problem eyes and go We WILL make it work.