kitten=insatiable curiosity

Bringing innapropriate observations to the table since 1988.

[lucylehane]

this one goes out to everyone old enough to be watching heated rivalry like 🤩😅🤤😬

[prideandprejudice]

HOLLANOV + PRIDE AND PREJUDICE (2005)

[truegenius]

the great divide (hollanov edition)

[drabbles-and-rambles]

I saw a post about Shane and Ilya being sad that they can't thank each other in their acceptance speeches like other can with their spouses and it got me thinking:

Ilya wins his first awards and hes got nobody he really wants to thank after his team and coach cause he he hates his family but he knows his speech is too short so on impulse he goes "And I want to thank Shane Hollander for being slightly worse than me this season". Everyone knows it was going to one of those two, so everyone thinks hes an asshole to say that but whats new so it works for him. But from then on it then becomes a bit for both of them to thank each other in their speeches in a snide way as a reason they won.

Shane winning the Art Ross Trophy (Awarded to the player who leads the league in total points at the end of the regular season). and going "special thanks to Rozanov for missing at least 5 shots this season, he was a huge help"

Ilya winning the Conn Smythe Trophy (Awarded to the most valuable player for his team in the playoffs.) "Just want to give a quick shout out to Hollander for getting knocked out in the second round this season. Must hate to see me up here."

They find a way to mention the other in their speeches every time all the time.

[shanehollandered]

and every time, they sit in their seats like

[mythmagicetc]

shane hearing “i want to see you” and responding “you saw me in the showers,” as if ilya just wanted to know what he looked like, just needed to decide whether or not he approved. and ilya saying “yes, i want more.” yes i know what you look like, that’s why i’m asking. yes i know you and i want you

[allykittens]

You tell yourself you'll get a quick hit and rewatch episode 6. But to really get the payoff for 6, you need to go through the emotional journey of 5. And for the beginning of 5 to hit, you need to watch the end of 4. But in order to feel properly devastated by the club scene, you have to have watched the previous 30 minutes. And to appreciate the enormity of the kiss at the end of 5, you need to have watched 3. And you're not going to just dive right in at Scott and Kip's story, so then you're watching 2. And if you're going to watch 2 you might as well watch 1. And this is how you end up reheating the entire series on a regular basis.

[fleabagsversion]

To me, Marleau is to Ilya what Charles Boyle is to Jake Peralta. Marleau is constantly hyping up Ilya and sometimes gets jealous when Ilya says that Shane is his best friend. Everyone around him is like, “yeah Shane is out of Ilya’s league”. Meanwhile Marleau is like, “Rozy is such a legend, of course he bagged Hollander.”

[gaynehollander]

The “do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” is genuinely such a fucking cunty comment and all Shane does is throw his underwear at Ilya and then grin like he’s so proud of himself.

What I’m saying is this, sometimes Ilya will say something to Shane in front of the Centaurs that makes the whole locker room freeze up because if they said that shit to their own partners, they would be in the doghouse for months. But Shane will just shove Ilya or punch him in the shoulder and then they grin at each other like it was the funniest shit ever.

They learn the hard way that although there seems to be no boundry to what Ilya can chirp Shane with, the same does not apply to anyone else. If anyone makes a comment to Shane that is deemed not appropriately playful, you will be facing the wrath of his husband and you will wish you were dead.

[surreality51]

See, the thing is that even though Ilya loves to rage bait Shane and say cunty things like “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?”, he is never cruel or mean. He never says anything that would actually hurt Shane, he never goes for the jugular. And that’s because the chirping is meant almost as a backwards compliment to Shane. He can say “Do you want to know how it feels, holding the cup?” BECAUSE he knows (and Shane knows, and Shane knows that Ilya knows) that Shane will likely/definitely hold the cup one day himself. Shane even replies “I’ll know for myself soon enough.”

Imagine if Ilya said that to someone who wasn’t Shane, like maybe someone on an AHL team who has pretty much zero chance of ever winning a Stanley Cup. Then Ilya would be a total asshole who is trying to make the AHL player feel shitty. It’s an asshole move because the power dynamics are different: star MLH player taunting AHL player about something they want but will never get.

But no, Ilya’s saying this to Shane, BECAUSE he knows just how good Shane is and knows that Shane will definitely win at least one cup at some point. It’s almost like an in-joke: I know you’re good, you know you’re good, but I’m a chaos gremlin and a competitive little shit so I’m gonna rub it in your face a little that I got there before you did, just to get a reaction out of you. But the joke hinges on the fact that Ilya thinks Shane is amazing, they are equals, and it wouldn’t work otherwise.

Rinse, lather, repeat for all of his other digs at Shane, i.e. “this slow fucking player” only works because Shane is incredibly fast, “with a weak backhand” only works if Ilya has the best backhand in the league and Shane has the best forehand and the second-best backhand, etc. He wouldn’t say this to Shane if Shane was actually kinda slow or had been frustrated with his backhand. They’re both in on the joke, and it’s one way they can bridge the competitive divide between them. It acknowledges “hey, we’re the two best players in the world, and it’s lonely at the top, except now we have these little jokes that acknowledge our competitive sides and the fact that I really want to beat you, but also tie us together, because no one else can make these jokes except us.”

[gloryhollanovjah]

Man I know Shane ruined Ilya's sleepover plans but he really made up for it in spades. I'm sorry I couldn't spend the night; please come to my house for two weeks. You bought me ginger ale; let me buy you Cokes and Doritos and water shoes. You made me a tuna melt; let me make you more burgers than we can eat. You asked me questions I didn't know how to answer; let me make sure you know I'm going to be as honest as I can. I'm sorry I got scared and ran away when you asked for more; let me stay up all night planning the rest of our lives.

[graceebooks]

ilya the condoms just come like that. was i supposed to somehow buy less than a full box of condoms. like the condoms just come attached like that how was i supposed to have less condoms

[triassictriserratops]

The funny part is - the next time he's there Shane will only have like one or two condoms in the drawer.

He'll do this on purpose because "okay, I guess having more than the necessary amount of confirmation is weird, so I'll keep the rest in the bathroom and only leave 1 or 2 in the nightstand." And he's thinking he absolutely nailed this Sexual Interaction™

Meanwhile Ilya is going to be mentally CRASHING THE FUCK OUT that there are only two sad little condoms left in the drawer.

"there were 7 left last time. there were 7 left in the box. who else is hollander fucking? who else is hollander bringing to the Sex Condo????????"

[hollzy-baby]

Ilya doing dickmetic to try to figure out how many people Shane might have slept with since they last hooked up

[talentpiper11]

[hr-rep]

I think we moved on much too quickly from Shane giving Ilya little scritches to wake him to tell him their ???-year plan. That’s his baby.

[mortalfaerie]

trinity santos: gives a homeless guy she's known for 15 hours a place to stay and then covers his share of the rent for 10 months while he finishes school, consistently worries he'll be taken advantage of because he's a nice guy never mind the fact she's literally letting him live with her rent free, identifies and scares the shit out of a child molester where the system is otherwise failing, talks a stranger who attempted to end his life into seeking help, doggedly pursues a potential child abuse case and when she's wrong accepts it without pushback and turns her attention to treatment and being a good doctor, turns away from her charting that's stressing her out to go comfort a friend who lost a patient, invites mel out to do a stress relieving activity after what she sees is an incredibly taxing day, etc etc etc

some random tiktok commenter always: oh my god i can't stand santos she's so mean to everyone

[boitterfly]

ilya rozanov? shane hollander, i just wanted to introduce myself and burn the image of my freckles onto your retinas and shake hands twice so your hand doesn’t forget the feeling of holding mine and joke with you so you feel a bit of camaraderie with someone in this foreign place and wave goodbye penguin style so you spend the next decade trying to never let a goodbye between us be the last one :) anyway i should go they’re waiting for me!

[ilyapasta]

The difference between writing hookup hollanov and writing post-cottage hollanov is that post-cottage those bitches are chatting. Gossiping. They're chewing the fat and shooting the breeze. How was your day? Did you hear about the suspension? Do you want chicken for dinner? Do you want to watch a movie after? How was the drive? What's that new protein powder your trainer has you on? I'm going to put the Flyers game on I need you to explain what the fuck you were thinking when you made that pass to Marleau. They can't wait to tell each other shit. When they're long distance I think they wait to tell each other juicy gossipy things so that they have good stuff to talk about in person. Crucially, they do not talk about anything important.

[rainbow-femme]

Ok but Ilya not realizing until much later that he hurt Shane with things he’d done in the past

One day it randomly comes up as Ilya says something about a time he acted like a dick and Shane is just like “Eh it’s ok, looking back I understand now that you were in a ‘I’m going to hurt you before you can hurt me’ mindset and that’s why you acted like that.”

And Ilya is staring at him and Shane asks what’s wrong and Ilya goes “I hurt you?” And Shane’s just like well yeah but it was forever ago don’t worry about it. But Ilya is worrying about it because back when he’d done the various hurtful things he’d been in downward spirals where he was convinced he didn’t have the ability to hurt Shane because he didn’t matter enough to Shane to hurt him, so he didn’t think the way he acted had any negative effects. And now he’s turning pale and his eyes are getting big as he’s realizing that oh god when he did those things he hurt his favorite person and he hadn’t even realized it

He makes Shane tell him the different times it happened and Shane doesn’t really want to because clearly this is just going to upset Ilya more, but hiding it or lying is probably also going to make things worse in the long run so it’s better to get it out now. So he mentions Ilya ghosting him after they had sex, and then how Ilya acted in Sochi, and that whole night in Vegas, and “I like you… Not as a person, obviously”

And the whole time Ilya is silently nodding and looking like he wants to throw up because no no no those weren’t supposed to be things that hurt Shane, those were supposed to be things that bounced off Shane without affecting him because they were only ever meant to hurt or protect himself, Shane was never supposed to have been hurt by those and fuck how did he not see in the moment the way that he was actively hurting Shane by doing that

And now it’s even worse because Shane won’t even be mad at him about it, he keeps insisting on being understanding and not upset and trying to make Ilya feel better when in fact Ilya is the worst most awful person in the world who should be punished for eternity for making 22 year old floppy haired baby Shane SAD like some kind of MONSTER

The next Galina session Shane is also there with Ilya who has his head in his hands and Shane is just like ok so we may have accidentally stepped on a landmine the other night-

[penandinkprincess]

literally just today realised that the "there were no nice men in montreal?" actually maybe wasn't mildly an insult/chirp against ilya's reputation as not nice and actually could have been about the fact that he's on another team and literally in another country

literally never occurred to me before watching today that that was straight up just a logistical, "okay, you like him, but you couldn't find one in the same city? that commute has to suck." and i am actually very endeared by the idea that the main concern in the moment was just that long distance is hard

[allykittens]

Oh yes, I always read that as (at least majority) David being concerned that his son didn't have someone closer to home. Throughout the series (not really the book) David is keeping an eye on Shane, talking to him about things that aren't hockey, trying to curb Yuna when she's too far into Momager mode. He's also the first one to clock Shane's panic attack (to be fair to Ilya he's not looking at Shane at that point and he's trying very hard to answer Yuna's questions the right way) but he gives Shane and Ilya the space to work through it. He may not be all in on Ilya yet, but he does know that this man drove with his son to his parents' house after being unintentionally outed, is sitting calmly with them answering questions, and demonstrating and asking for respect. David is willing to give Ilya a chance, he just legitimately wants the best for his son.

[allykittens]

They say having a toddler is like having a drunk best friend. I'm going to take that one step further. It's like (affectionately) having a drunk frat boy in your house at all times. Random yelling. Singing for no reason. Calling attention to the "cool" things they're doing. Prone to falling asleep on floors. Love for turning any object into a projectile. Very affectionate but usually in a way that involves hot stinky breath on your face and "love taps" that threaten to blind you.