a lonely milk tea

tw sh & sui

[no-wayoutt-deactivated20220302]

dont talk to me while my earphones are in, mf im at a concert

[tyeldotcomvents2]

I want to die.

Nothing new though

[depressed-boba]

life update: still alive, still wishing i wasn't

[depressed-boba]

maybe if i wasnt depressed, i wouldve conquered the world so the universe tried to stop me by making me lose my teenage years to depression.

[depressed-boba]

wow what a rough couple months

[pinkspiraling]

why did the sadness hit as soon as my eyes opened

[konoko]

[xashtray]

everything changes, everyone changes. just get used to it.

[xashtray]

call me independent. i hate, judge, sabotage, gaslight, abuse and harm myself. i dont need anyone else to do it, i can do it myself.

[i-will-die-today]

everything is my fault. it's my fucking fault. i want to say sorry. i want to beg everyone to forgive me, to never leave me, to still be here. but i know for sure i will keep doing this again. i will keep doing this until they get tired of me being sorry and repeating the same mistake over and over, until they get tired of me and dealing with me, until they finally leave me. and if the time finally comes, I'll hate them for being that way but i know for sure everything's been my fault.

[93847923]

[konoko]

[recoveringordying-deactivated20]

“It will get better soon🥰❤️🥺”

BRO……

[xashtray]

I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I wish this could stop. I wish I could reach out. I wish I could take your hands. I wish I could talk and listen. I wish I could function. I hate this and I hate myself for doing this. I really hate myself for being like this. I want this to stop, I do, I really do. But I'm so sorry, I have believed that I am better off alone. I have learnt my whole life that my loneliness is my only friend. That being alone means nobody hurts me and I hurt nobody. It's not that I thought you would hurt me, it's just I have been scared of everyone and everything for a long time. I'm scared of being left alone and abandoned and I believe that it's better if I walk away first. And that makes me being the one leaving, so it will hurt less for me. I'm sorry for not reaching out. I'm sorry for pushing you away. I'm sorry. I really am.

[xashtray]

i want to beg people to never leave me, beg them to stay here with me no matter how fucked up i am. i want to show them my jealousy, my obsession, i want to scream and just go crazy when they don't give me enough attention. i want them to know that i need them so much. i need them to be here with me, for me. to love me, want me, to obsessed with me, to care about me, need me too. everything that makes me feel seen, wanted, loved, cared about, so i can feel good about myself. i want them to validate myself. it doesn't matter if they might only hurt me, if they just wanna use me, they just see me as a crazy stupid bitch. i don't care. i will do anything, i will be down on my knees, i will cry and beg, i will do any fucking thing just to make them stay, just to make them love me, just to make them see me.

[xashtray]

i want that "i just binge watched a 3 seasons show in a day but everything will be fine" kind of sad, not this "nothing matters anymore, i should just bleed to death" kind of sad.

[xashtray]

i dont know if i should be happy or sad knowing that everything is fine and going completely okay without me right now