In this moment, he could truly tell how HOPELESS Ben Solo had become. After all the years of torment and anguish he had found what he thought was himself — what he thought he was meant to be, yet standing here he felt the familiar lack of identity. The two people who tormented his mind and heart the most over the years had now been turned to dust, he was free. Wasn’t he?
Rey knew his mother for what? A few months? A year at most? Yet she could elegantly stand before all of them as if she knew her her entire life, and he couldn’t even truly be there. Leia wouldn’t have wanted him here, not like this, not being who he is now. Had he returned with Rey he was sure he’d be accepted with open arms to see his mother off, but now it was just the three of them.
His hands were cold and his stare frozen on his mother. It took a moment before his feet moved for him, getting closer and closer before stopping a foot away, and falling to his knees. Physically exhausted his arms sink to his side and his head remains upright. Nothing he could say now would make a difference.
“I’m sorry,” He whispers, barely audible.
She was at a disadvantage here. Years of isolation, of staying away from others, had lefter with not even the slightest clue of how to react. If she disregard her own parents, the shades of people she had never truly known, and her brief acquaintance with Han Solo and Master Skywalker, well, Leia had been the only person to take care of her, to care for her, that had joined the Force. The general had been kindness incarnate, making sure that Rey had what she needed in the wide galaxy. Han had been a punch to the gut. Luke had been a quiet farewell. Leia was a hole in her, in the whole Resistance, that there was no hope of filling.
Poe was already starting to take up some of her duties, naturally stepping into the role of organizing the Resistance in case the First Order tried to use Leia’s death as a sign that they were weak. Yes, they were weaker without Leia Organa, and yet that weakness made them strong. Even in death she was a beacon of light, bringing hope to those souls that wandered in darkness. Rey couldn’t help but wonder if it was her light that had called Ben here.
“There was no pain.” Would that be a relief? Certainly, if he had been paying attention to the Force, he would know that. “She was at peace with it. I think.”