euphoria @despondent-k - Tumblr Blog

I hate everything that makes me, me.

Despondentk

Why do I have to be someone who has to work my ass off just to get what I want? Why I am I not someone who gets what they want by doing nothing? Why was I not born to a family with Generational Wealth? Why do I have to be born in a third world country? Why do I have to be me?

despondentk

My heart aches, literally, as if there's a heavy thing on my chest and the pressure from it is slowly crushing my heart. I've lost count of how many times I've had to take a deep breath to try and make myself feel better. I don't feel better. I don't feel okay.

It has been years since I last posted here, I've been clean to cutting myself since 2020 ( I tried to do it last month after yrs, thankfully the blade wasn't sharp enough.) and I see that as an achievement, even though I still find ways to hurt myself a little, by scratches or by bruising myself. I told myself that It's still an achievement right? I can still consider it as an achievement.

Idk where is this post going, just like where I am right now. Where am I going? Where will I be tomorrow? I'm so exhausted after I took 16hrs of sleep.

Despondent

Hmmmm

Despondent